How do you feel about a civilian paying for your meal?

CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:04:38 -0400

I took my wife out to a nice restaurant after a day out in the filed. I was still in uniform unintentionally. A very generous man came up to my table when my wife was awy from the table and offered to cover our bill. I was stunned for a second and don't not know how to react, but I politely declined and thanked him for the generous offer.
I left feeling as if I should of let him pay for our meal, as that was a sign of an honorable thing to do for a solider. Long story short, I have mixed feelings about this. What do you all suggest.

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Oct 21 at 2015 8:06 AM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:06:11 -0400

It's nice to be appreciated. What you could do is take the money you would've spent on the mail and donate it to a worthwhile charity

Response by PO1 John Miller made Oct 21 at 2015 8:14 AM

PO1 John Miller — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:14:16 -0400

I probably would have asked him to donate the money to a veteran-based charity.

Response by CW4 Guy Butler made Oct 21 at 2015 8:17 AM

CW4 Guy Butler — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:17:19 -0400

I've found out after I'm done eating that someone's already paid the bill.

Response by MAJ Bill Maynard made Oct 21 at 2015 8:17 AM

MAJ Bill Maynard — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:17:57 -0400

I would suggest you always let them pay. It is their way to honor your service right there on the spot. Often times they are veterans themselves or loved ones of a veteran or just great Americans. I think it is important to let someone honor your service. There are many of our fellow citizens who do not appreciate what it means to serve in our armed forces.

Response by SFC William Swartz Jr made Oct 21 at 2015 8:21 AM

SFC William Swartz Jr — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:21:40 -0400

Had it happen to me a couple of times but each time the customer did it anonymously so I never knew until it came time for my check to come. Not sure how I would have handled it had they actually come up to me to offer to cover my meal, but I would have thanked them but probably politely refused.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 8:30 AM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:30:26 -0400

Would you have a question as to whether to allow someone to buy you a meal if you were a civilian?

Response by SGT David T. made Oct 21 at 2015 8:34 AM

SGT David T. — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:34:49 -0400

I would decline but thank the person. Personally, I hate it when people thank me and make a fuss. I always just viewed my service as I had a job to do and I did it simple as that. That is a lot of why I don't advertise being a veteran. The other part is being a Soldier isn't who I am today. Sure it influenced who I became but I was a very different person back then and in many ways not for the better. I drank too much, cussed too much and was overly abrasive. I like who I am today, just plain and simple David the civilian.

Response by SrA Jonathan Carbonaro made Oct 21 at 2015 8:42 AM

SrA Jonathan Carbonaro — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 08:42:47 -0400

The same thing happened to me, and I declined 3x until he wore me down and I said ok. I don't like it. Family, Friends, sure we buy eachother meals all the time. But a random person I don't like it. I do a job, I'm paid for that job, thank you for the offer but.
In this case what I did was take what I would of spend on the meal and give it to the waitress (she did a pretty good job).
I've had it happened one other time, it was at a chick fil A, Ret. MSgt Air Force paid for like 10 of our meals. We declined she insisted so we said ok.

Response by SSG Dwight Amey MSA, MSL, BS, AS made Oct 21 at 2015 9:08 AM

SSG Dwight Amey MSA, MSL, BS, AS — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 09:08:42 -0400

2LT Cristrian Salazar,
You and your family deserve to be taken care of by civilians. You are their protector and your family sacrifices for them every single day. I had the same experience at Red Lobster after my third tour in Iraq in Killeen. My bill was over 100 dollars. I considered not allowing him to pay, but the conviction and genuine respect he had for me and my family was welcoming.

Response by SFC William "Bill" Moore made Oct 21 at 2015 9:26 AM

SFC William "Bill" Moore — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 09:26:17 -0400

My last few years was spent as a Recruiter, I had this happen on more occasions than I can count, it got to the point that I stopped going in to restaurants and convenience stores. They didn't owe me a thing, unless they were going to join ;-)

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Oct 21 at 2015 9:38 AM

CMSgt James Nolan — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 09:38:13 -0400

The class way to do it, is to walk up to a table and thank for service.
The generous person has met the waitress and meal has already been paid for, or, it is then paid for, after thanking for service, but no mention of it having been paid for to the SM.
Or, to simply do it and walk away, leaving the SM a surprise.

Mentioning it, makes it awkward.

But it is such a kind thing to do. Especially for a young enlisted troop, where it really makes a difference.

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Oct 21 at 2015 9:46 AM

SGT Patrick Reno — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 09:46:42 -0400

Wife and I were out to dinner with our daughters family. We were about done when a young couple were seated next to us. He was in his Marine dress uniform and she was dressed just as nice. While I was paying our bill I asked for his and paid it. Never even said anything to him. Just did it out of respect for his service.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 10:05 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:05:35 -0400

I usually just give a very good tip and pass on the charity. It was a lot easier to take charity when I was lower enlisted.

Response by COL Jon Thompson made Oct 21 at 2015 10:11 AM

COL Jon Thompson — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:11:15 -0400

I believe your reaction is normal and I experienced the same thing many times in the last decade. However, I would let them pay and then make sure you thank them for what they did. It is their way of honoring your service. He could have been a Veteran himself and understands what you are doing or he could be someone who just appreciates what you are doing.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 10:12 AM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:12:58 -0400

If I know in advance? I will decline. If already "done", then I will tip the waiter or whoever served me a very awesome tips.

Response by LT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 10:14 AM

LT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:14:05 -0400

I think something important to think about here is that they are not necessarily honoring your specific service. By merit of wearing a uniform you act as a symbol of the all current and past sacrifices of service members and they are likely expressing their gratitude to the uniform in general. When I salute the colors I'm not saluting that particular piece of fabric in front of me, I'm saluting the ideals that a represents. I say if buying you meal lets them do that in one way or another then by all means let it happen. Otherwise its as though the symbol they regard so highly just shot them down.

Response by PO2 William Smith made Oct 21 at 2015 10:15 AM

PO2 William Smith — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:15:09 -0400

As a vet myself I often pay for any serving military person I see. I thank them for serving and get their check without mentioning that I also served.

Response by Maj Kevin "Mac" McLaughlin made Oct 21 at 2015 10:20 AM

Maj Kevin "Mac" McLaughlin — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:20:49 -0400

I usually attempt to decline, but they will obviously continue to insist and ultimately pay (usually they come and tell me they already paid, or they wait staff will tell me someone who left already covered the check). Still, I also try to turn the gratitude back on the individual by telling them "No, thank you... Without the level of support and respect we get from a majority of Americans, our jobs would become so much more difficult. It is the civilian who takes the time to support, defend, and thank our servicemen and women who inspires me to carry on with my duties, and continue protecting them from harm."

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 10:32 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:32:07 -0400

Hi, Lieutenant Salazar.

That's happened to me and my teammates more than I ever expected, both in instances in which they offered to pay for the meal and did so anonymously. When I can, I have tried to refuse, explaining that it is not necessary. Then I relent if they persist. I've had people offer to pay for meals after I already have and am walking out of the restaurant. It's the civilians' way of honoring our service and sacrifice. To deny them the opportunity to show their appreciation seems as awkward to me as allowing them to do it.

I appreciate your mixed feelings. Try to refuse, be kind and thankful, stay humble, shake their hand, then pay it forward.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Oct 21 at 2015 10:53 AM

SFC Mark Merino — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:53:46 -0400

I had the same thing happen to me and it is a very powerful positive memory. When I paid it forward it was like a band aid for one of the holes I had in my soul. If it ever happens again I would accept it. In my case, the person paid but already left. There are some great people still in this world who appreciate what we do for them. The gesture was so beautiful that I felt compelled to pay it forward. We need more random acts of kindness in the world.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 10:54 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:54:32 -0400

I think that you should have let him pay for your meal. I have purchased meals for people less fortunate than me, and the feeling that you get doing something good for someone else is Awesome! Let them pay respect and for your meal! Hooah!

Response by SGT Jose Perdelia-Torres made Oct 21 at 2015 10:56 AM

SGT Jose Perdelia-Torres — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 10:56:55 -0400

I say accept. It would be disrespectful not to accept. Hopefully they did it anonymously but I would thank them if they were still there in the restaurant.

On a side note, military personnel tip your waiters. Couldn't land a job because I wasn't educated and I wasn't that well networked. So i settled on minimum wage career paths. I was barely making anything, and working as a waiter at Champps in Pentagon Row. I didn't get a single dollar from the CPT and his wife that I served. I know how much Cpts make, relatively in all branches. I thought it was rude as hell, as I was actually very pleasant. Not even a dollar? Seriously, tip your waiters.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 11:31 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 11:31:57 -0400

I've never had one ask, rather when I ask for the bill I'm informed that its already been paid. In that case, if the individual is still there I thank them, if not, I ask if there is a police officer or another soldier eating and then pay it forward.

Response by CPL Christian Bengel made Oct 21 at 2015 11:40 AM

CPL Christian Bengel — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 11:40:14 -0400

There's nothing wrong with it, although it is somewhat awkward feeling I can guess since it never happened to me. I see that sort of stuff all the time though, so if they offer it, don't see why you shouldn't accept their form of gratitude.

Response by MSgt Matthew Meindl made Oct 21 at 2015 11:41 AM

MSgt Matthew Meindl — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 11:41:19 -0400

If not intentional and the person feels strongly about it, let them. Does make me feel weird when people do it though. Had a gentleman pay for my families meal because he appreciated how behaved my children were.

Response by Maj Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 11:43 AM

Maj Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 11:43:47 -0400

If I catch them before they pay I won't let them, but I say thanks for offering. If they pay and don't tell me I just thank them and press on. I pay as well when I see people fresh off of a deployment or about to head out the door!

Response by SP5 Richard Maze made Oct 21 at 2015 11:45 AM

SP5 Richard Maze — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 11:45:05 -0400

I'd probably decline, and suggest he donate the money to help wounded warriors or homeless veterans. But, I'd be sure to thank him for his generosity.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 12:05 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 12:05:34 -0400

I don't feel like they should but I don't want to be ungrateful or rude because it makes them happy to do so. It is also why I try to avoid being in my uniform in public if I can go change first.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 12:08 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 12:08:26 -0400

I have had this happen a few times, but when it has happened the money that I would have spent on my meal always goes to the first person i see on the street. I am a firm believer of paying things forward.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Oct 21 at 2015 12:52 PM

Capt Seid Waddell — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 12:52:09 -0400

It does my heart good to see that so many of you have had that experience. I have paid the waitress a number of times to honor those that volunteer today knowing that multiple combat tours are a guarantee. I think that today's soldiers are a cut above because they go willingly where so many others do not.

Sometimes the greatest gift a soldier can give a civilian stranger is to accept their deeply felt thanks for what you do. It should do both of you good.

It is certainly better than what we experienced four decades ago when we came back from the war - another thing for all of us to be thankful for.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 21 at 2015 12:53 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 12:53:28 -0400

Accept the meal with grace, he wanted to show his gratitude to the military.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 1:15 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 13:15:27 -0400

I usually decline as well.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 1:32 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 13:32:24 -0400

I've paid for current military members twice. I didn't ask them I just paid for their lunch. I've had a few beers paid for by someone I didn't know. My cap was a dead giveaway. Funny this question comes today. I met a buddy of mine at a restaurant yesterday. A top Sargent with the police force came in with his wife. I always thank them for their service. He gave me and my friend a wrist band that has "Back The Blue", and he paid for our meals. I didn't know how to react I was so surprised. We told him it wasn't necessary and again thanked him for his service. He thanked us for our service and said "buying your lunches is the least I could do" for your service. Now, the next time I eat there and a police officer is eating, I'm going to pay for his lunch and surprise him.

Response by SPC David S. made Oct 21 at 2015 1:47 PM

SPC David S. — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 13:47:44 -0400

For many civilians I think that they aren't really sure or know how to support the military so a free meal seems like a good opportunity to say thanks. Accept the generosity and just pay it forward if it makes you unconformable.

Response by CPT Griff Tatum made Oct 21 at 2015 1:54 PM

CPT Griff Tatum — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 13:54:11 -0400

Sometimes people do it for the good karma they think they will get. It kind of sounds bad I guess, but it's almost like a thing they feel they need to do. I say let them.

Response by COL Sam Russell made Oct 21 at 2015 3:09 PM

COL Sam Russell — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 15:09:15 -0400

This was the bill I received at a restaurant in BWI while waiting for the charter flight to Kuwait. Done anonymously with no fanfare. Just a grateful citizen showing his/her appreciation.

Response by Sgt Spencer Sikder made Oct 21 at 2015 3:26 PM

Sgt Spencer Sikder — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 15:26:03 -0400

Usually we don't know who pays for our meal. We are very appreciative. A couple of times we placed a "Cheer" in the newspaper thanking the unknown benefactor. One evening while in a drive through at a chicken place, I noticed a deputy sheriff ordering behind us. When I paid for ours, my wife and I paid for his. Just paying it forward.

Response by Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 3:29 PM

Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 15:29:43 -0400

Wow, he put some thought in how to ask you. He is rewarded in his heart by this kind act. So, in addition, the man gets something in return. It's his way of thanking you for serving this great country.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 3:53 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 15:53:32 -0400

I've had it happen several times. I initially decline but if they insist (they always do), I accept and graciously thank them for supporting what service members do.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 4:00 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 16:00:14 -0400

I have experienced this as well. Some never identify themselves until the waitress or waiter tells us after they have left. I don't make it a habit of eating out in my uniform, but during lunch my wife and I have gone out while I was still on duty. Make sure you are taking care of the waiter or waitress after the kindness of others have done something for you.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Oct 21 at 2015 4:19 PM

Capt Richard I P. — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 16:19:29 -0400

Civilians pay for all your meals.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 4:23 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 16:23:40 -0400

I do not mind letting a civilian pay for me if they choose to, though would never ask them to or expect it. This is has happened to me on a few occasions, though usually they have already paid and left before I am even aware of it. I definitely prefer when they come talk to me before they leave so I can least thank them for doing so.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 21 at 2015 4:28 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 16:28:25 -0400

I was in Indianapolis eating lunch with the family when a gentlemen who was with his family said he was paying for our lunch. I declined but he was persistent. That one random act of kindness was just overwhelming. There are civilians who care about us.

On another day I saw a 30ish Marine eating alone at the I-Hop and told my waitress to add his bill to mine and I left. Apparently somehow, he found out what I did and caught up to me in the parking lot. He thanked me and our eyes were watering. That $7 really changed his perception of the country. It was worth it, and I will do it again. So there, random acts of kindness will blow you away.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made Oct 21 at 2015 5:32 PM

LCpl Mark Lefler — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 17:32:43 -0400

Someone wants to pay for my meal I'm there for it.

Response by MAJ Raúl Rovira made Oct 21 at 2015 6:15 PM

MAJ Raúl Rovira — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 18:15:01 -0400

It is a way to say thank you. I can't turn down the good gesture of someone who appreciates our profession. It is his/her way to acknowledge the work and sacrifices we do.

Often in Alaska, someone will pay the meal or the drink, and no one knows who did it.

Part of me can't wait to be a Veteran (01 FEB 2016) and do the same for a soldier.

Response by SSG Leroy Farmer made Oct 21 at 2015 6:34 PM

SSG Leroy Farmer — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 18:34:49 -0400

Don't deny good people's desire to say "thank you" for your service. Many times they have sons or daughters serving I. The armed forces and this is their way of giving back.

Response by MSG Lance Kelly made Oct 21 at 2015 6:41 PM

MSG Lance Kelly — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 18:41:50 -0400

It is their way of saying, "Thank you". I accept it with gratitude. Some ask if they can buy my lunch, others insist, and some do it without my knowledge by paying it before my check comes. I may tell them it is not necessary but it is something they feel right about doing so I allow them. I had a guy the other day want to buy our lunch but we had already paid for it so he offered to buy us dessert. It makes me feel welcome in their community that they show so much appreciation for my service.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 10:04 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 22:04:09 -0400

My instinct it to refuse, but I've made up my mind to accept it. I recall a time I was in civies with a few buddies in an airport, waiting in line to buy coffee. A gal came up and offered to pay for a our orders (high and tight haircuts and assault packs are a little too easy to spot) It honestly hurt my pride to accept, but I realize that she WANTED to do it out a sense of patriotism and genuine thanks. I'm not going to take that opportunity from someone.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 21 at 2015 10:04 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 22:04:26 -0400

This happened to me once. Was returning home from drill and stopped at a Dunkin Donuts and needed a coffee to keep myself up for the 2 hour drive from New York to Connecticut. Behind me a man came up as I was about to pay and told the cashier that he had the bill. I told him thank you very much but he didn't have to but he insisted and he seemed very happy to do so. It made my day and I couldn't stop thinking about how nice that gentleman was. I feel if they offer to pay for your meal, etc, then you should let them. It is their way of saying thank you for the service we provide, it is the least they could do.

Response by Maj Kim Patterson made Oct 21 at 2015 10:09 PM

Maj Kim Patterson — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 22:09:57 -0400

This never happens to me, but if it did, I would remember the advice a priest once gave me. We feel good when we are able to help someone else. We do it because we want to, with no expectation of repayment of any kind. But we do get paid... we get that warm fuzzy feeling that we made the world a better place if only for a moment. The priest, who worked alongside Mother Theresa and at the Vatican, reminded me that sometimes we must allow others to do for us so they can have that feeling, too. And we can pass it on...

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2015 12:33 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 00:33:55 -0400

If you were a PFC, sure, let the man pay. You're a fucking lieutenant; you automatically make more money after taxes than some 75% of Americans. You were right to pay your own bill.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2015 7:17 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 19:17:04 -0400

I feel the same way. I let them do it, and silently note to myself that I will pass this good deed along to those lower enlisted that would appreciate it most.

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Oct 23 at 2015 3:34 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 15:34:37 -0400

It happened to me when I came home on leave in 05 from Afghanistan at the airport as I waited for a connecting flight, my meal was payed for, I said that I was honored and thank you. Never deny a person the opportunity to thank you in the way that they choose, provided it's legal and moral.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 23 at 2015 4:14 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 16:14:50 -0400

I never like people giving me thanks for what I do. Nothing glorious its a job. Yes very few people will ever do what we do but glorify something that in essence is warmongering. Believe it or not out check in war time is paid with the blood of other that we will never know. We are told these are bad guys take them out. That's what we do. There is no grey area. The job of a military is to protect and the way we do that is to kill others. People die mothers father sister and brother that will never see there family again. We are in the business of murder.

Just a view of watching outside of a box not looking from one side or another.

Response by CW2 Carl Swanson made Oct 23 at 2015 5:28 PM

CW2 Carl Swanson — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 17:28:28 -0400

I enjoy buying a drink or a meal for a service member when they are alone or with a group of their peers. I consider it part of the fraternity. I don't generally say something when the service member is with their family because I didn't like to have people interrupt my personal time.

On people thanking me for my service, I don't like it. I am not rude, but it makes me very uncomfortable when someone says thank you. Vets know how to act towards each other, but civilians seem to think that it is something that we are expecting. That's just my take on it.

Response by MSgt Manuel Diaz made Oct 23 at 2015 8:06 PM

MSgt Manuel Diaz — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 20:06:45 -0400

I believe they feel a loss somewhere a friend family or a loved one they miss and know their hardships and you are physically there for them to support in a little way. Be honoured that they care.

Response by SFC Michael Arabian made Oct 23 at 2015 8:32 PM

SFC Michael Arabian — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 20:32:05 -0400

I had something like this happen in 2006 when I was returning to Iraq. I was with my wife in a coffee shop at the airport and someone paid our bill for us.

Response by Antonia Burrow made Oct 23 at 2015 8:41 PM

Antonia Burrow — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 20:41:20 -0400

I feel okay with that.

Response by PO2 Wesley Wilson made Oct 24 at 2015 1:05 AM

PO2 Wesley Wilson — Sat, 24 Oct 2015 01:05:03 -0400

I have paid for many meals. I look at it like this, Any member of the military is there because there is a real need for them to serve. They stand between my family and a very real threat. I am a vet, I now sleep safe at night because you guys that are still serving have made a commitment. Paying for a meal or a few few drinks is my saying thank you for what you do, you are not taken for granted .

Response by PO2 Wesley Wilson made Oct 24 at 2015 1:19 AM

PO2 Wesley Wilson — Sat, 24 Oct 2015 01:19:53 -0400

I have often pain for a meal or a few drinks. The way I see it service members are the reason my family and myself can sleep safe at night. I am not able to show my gratitude to each person so I feel that paying for a meal is a way that I can honor the service in a personal way. I never tell the person I am doing it.

Response by SrA Matthew Knight made Oct 26 at 2015 2:06 AM

SrA Matthew Knight — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 02:06:07 -0400

I would say you handled the situation perfectly LT. I don't prefer having people pay for my food because I don't feel I need to have someone pay for my food. It's always appreciated don't get me wrong but what you did by politely declining and thanking for the offer was perfectly acceptable.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 26 at 2015 9:37 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 09:37:16 -0400

Be humble, do not let them... but if they push it... let them go ahead and be respectful in the end. I had this happen a few times. Actually in most cases, they paid for it beforehand and there was no way to actually say no against it.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 26 at 2015 9:59 AM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 09:59:18 -0400

I would never ask for it, nor would I ever turn it down. It's one of the few ways they feel they can thank us, and I'm not going to rob them of that honor. I don't mean to phrase that in a way to demean those who would rather pay for themselves, it just seems to me proper to accept such a courtesy.

Response by SSG Richard Reilly made Oct 26 at 2015 11:47 AM

SSG Richard Reilly — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 11:47:42 -0400

I was at a cheese cake factory with a general I work with and his driver. We were eating and when it got time to pay they said the bill was taken care of already. It's weird and it appreciated but was usually unwanted for me. Especially if I am a E6 with a O7 and a E5 whom all can easily afford the meal. I was selfish when I served. I believed in serving and enjoyed the honor it gave me. I don't do it for anyone but my own selfish ways so accepting a meal for something I was honored and proud to do would make it feel cheaper. I wouldn't want to make my feelings toward my service weak....just being selfish.

Response by SGT Bryon Sergent made Oct 26 at 2015 3:54 PM

SGT Bryon Sergent — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 15:54:05 -0400

I have been sitting waiting for my bill and ask the Waiter or Waitress, then says OH By the way it has been taken care of. I have never asked about it. But in return I have seen an old world war II vet and his wife counting out the cash to see how much they have. I asked the waitress to bring me there check. I have then paid for there meal. She asked me what to tell them. Just told her to tell them a fellow soldier bought it for them and to show his respect for what he had given in his service. She started crying and walked off.

Response by CW5 Christopher Serio made Oct 26 at 2015 4:42 PM

CW5 Christopher Serio — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:42:11 -0400

2LT Salazar,
I have been around a long time and in the beginning of 9-11 and Desert Storm, I like yourself was hesitant. I felt I was taking advantage of my military standing while other Soldiers who I felt deserving were serving in theater. As time went on it dawned on me that these wonderful civilians are simply showing their respect for our military and if I accept I do so with the understanding that even though I reap the benefits, it's for those deployed in harms way. BTW, these were anonymous where the waitress informed me after the lunch, that my check was paid. If this still makes you uncomfortable then politely thank them and instead ask if they would consider donating to a military charity or VA hospital.

Response by Quinn Croce made Oct 26 at 2015 6:34 PM

Quinn Croce — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 18:34:48 -0400

Should pay half price

Response by SrA Edward Vong made Oct 27 at 2015 9:06 AM

SrA Edward Vong — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 09:06:48 -0400

I generally feel uncomfortable with anyone paying for my meal, but I'll gladly pay for someone else's.

Response by SGT Nicholas Lake made Oct 27 at 2015 2:43 PM

SGT Nicholas Lake — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 14:43:56 -0400

I have picked up a few. I always intentionally let the wait staff know to say it was anonymous.

Response by CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2015 5:05 PM

CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 17:05:19 -0400

Since there was a time in recent history that service members were being spit on, I would say to express gratitude and smile. :)

Response by PO2 Peter Klein made Oct 27 at 2015 10:46 PM

PO2 Peter Klein — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 22:46:35 -0400

It is generous BUT it seems a bit over-the-top.

Response by SSG Michael Hathaway made Oct 28 at 2015 7:00 AM

SSG Michael Hathaway — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 07:00:41 -0400

Although I like the grateful attitude some civilians have, I don't believe that makes me entitled to special treatment from a civilian. That being said, I also see that some people may be offended if I refuse, which has happened. Typically, if one offers to pay something for me, I will politely refuse once, maybe twice, and if that person is persitent still then I will acquiesce and let them pay. To me its showing appreciation of their gratitude and honoring of our services.

I will say though, if it happens to you, then pay it forward. When I first enlisted, I was having a tough time, an older lady offered to buy my meal one night, I refused politely but she wouldn't have it as I found out as I tried to pay that she took care of it when she left. Fast forward a few years, I noticed a small family, the husband being a soldier I worked with at the time, having some financial difficulties, so my wife and I decided to give them gift card on their front step. The guy was grateful because he was all smiles the next day at work and commented about how there are still good people out there watching out for others. I don't know if he ever knew it was me, but I told him to pay it forward if he evers gets the chance.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2015 10:57 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 10:57:44 -0400

One afternoon I took my 11 yr old son out to eat at Chili's. When it came time for the check the waitress instead handed me a napkin that thanked me for my service and that my bill had been paid for by a Proud American Family. I did not get a chance to find out who in the resteraunt paid for our bill. A part of me felt good but I do wish I was atleast able to thank the family and shake their hands. Just to clarify I was NOT in uniform just a nice fresh haircut.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Oct 28 at 2015 11:17 AM

Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 11:17:33 -0400

Not everyone is willing or able for one reason or another to serve in the military. However, that doesn't diminish their patriotism at all. to them, by buying you a meal is their way of saying thank you...small gesture on your part but extremely huge on theirs. Even though they pay your salary, they don't have any direct ties to the people that protect them. This gives them that tie and allows them to make it personal.
The way I have approached it in the past is to let them know I gratefully appreciated it but it was not necessary and that their sincere thanks and willingness to perform such a task was thanks enough for me and that it validated and reinforced in me that what we do is worth our time and effort. However, if they insisted, I said thank you and let them pay. That way you are humbling yourself in front of the very people that pay your salary and you have sworn to protect. Good PR for the military because you showed that you were grateful and for them because they felt they had supported you and made a contribution to the effort, even if in a small way.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2015 11:35 AM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 11:35:26 -0400

You don't unintentionally go to dinner in uniform...

Response by SSG Robert Spina made Oct 28 at 2015 1:43 PM

SSG Robert Spina — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 13:43:04 -0400

I WOULD SAY ITS A PERSONAL CHOICE YOU CAN MAKE A ARGUMENT EITHER WAY BUT NICE TO KNOW THAT THIER ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WILLING TO SHOW THIER APPERCEPTION FOR THE MILITARY

Response by PO1 Glenn Boucher made Oct 28 at 2015 2:18 PM

PO1 Glenn Boucher — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 14:18:59 -0400

I voted mixed feelings mostly because the only time a civilian pays for my meal on Veterans Day that many restaurants offer a limited menu at no charge to veterans. Last year California Pizza Kitchen didn't charge my wife for her meal and the drinks were free also, when I asked about it the manager said any spouse who sticks by a military member throughout their service deserves that perk of a free meal on Veterans Day also.
I could see being a bit uncomfortable if the person comes up to you and says your meals in me. I would prefer an anonymous free meal, just thinking it will be les awkward.

Response by MAJ Matthew Arnold made Oct 28 at 2015 3:23 PM

MAJ Matthew Arnold — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 15:23:39 -0400

Generally it would be OK, and it is rude to decline more than once out of "proper protocol". But, you never know, it may be an old veteran offering to pay. Several times I have wanted to pay for young soldier, but didn't because I didn't want to embarrass them. I just think we should be grateful for the gifts that come our way.

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2015 9:33 PM

SrA Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 21:33:13 -0400

Like you I have mixed feelings, I really do not like to let civilians pay however like many stated for them it is them saying thank you for what we do and helps them feel a little better because they did something for someone who is protecting our Country. So I guess at the end of the day allowing them to show you that gesture of thanks will help them feel better as well.

Response by COL Charles Williams made Oct 28 at 2015 10:27 PM

COL Charles Williams — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 22:27:00 -0400

I feel/felt embarrassed, humble, and thankful. I appreciate that folks care. This has happened to me numerous times, and most times it was anonymous... I do this now, often.

Response by SPC Elizabeth Jones made Oct 28 at 2015 11:52 PM

SPC Elizabeth Jones — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 23:52:57 -0400

Awkward

Response by SP5 Joel McDargh made Oct 29 at 2015 12:29 AM

SP5 Joel McDargh — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 00:29:48 -0400

Coming back from Vietnam many of us were denied the homecoming we so desperately wanted. As a a result I find it an honor and part of my duty to pay for a soldiers meal when possible. I never want to see our troops today treated the way we were. My way of saying thank you and God bless.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 29 at 2015 2:06 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 02:06:57 -0400

Pretty awful, but I always let them. I understand what they want to communicate and I appreciate the recognition. I do wish that civilians knew the rank structure a bit better: I'd rather our junior enlisted benefit from their generosity.

I feel like the divide between the military and civilians is growing, but this sort of sentiment is always heartening, despite my pessimism.

Response by 1SG Michael Blount made Oct 29 at 2015 11:22 AM

1SG Michael Blount — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 11:22:30 -0400

Let them pay and thank them for their generosity. Personally, I feel I pull my own weight in this world - hence the mixed feelings.

Response by 2d Lt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 29 at 2015 11:54 AM

2d Lt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 11:54:50 -0400

Several years ago, when I was a young Marine NCO, I had the privilege of going to Fleet Week. My liberty crew and I ended up at the fabled Hudson Hotel. Long story short, a lot of (expensive) meals and drinks were covered for us. A lot of attractive women flirted with us. It was a great time. For a long time, I didn't mind. As I get older, I'm more apprehensive about it. As a servicemember, I don't want to be put on a pedestal. I just want to do my job. Serving in the military is a privilege, it truly is. But it's hard to turn down a kind gesture from an elderly couple who truly loves and respects the military. Discretion is the better part of valor -- use this benefit of service wisely. That's my thought on the matter.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 29 at 2015 2:46 PM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 14:46:26 -0400

I have had this happen to me many time. I am honored. And I too pay it forward and pay for veterans meals. I serve proudly. And have much respect and feel I am indebted to those who have served before me. My neighborhood Community Center staff goes as far as to stand at the Entrance of the community and serve breakfast every few months.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 29 at 2015 5:02 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:02:48 -0400

I would definitely say to accept it. There really isn't much civilians feel like they can do these days to support us, but one of their favorite things to do (the ones that do support us) is by paying for things. I'm a little bit old fashioned, so it's really hard for me to let somebody pay for anything for me, but I've had to learn to just let them do as they wish. If they pay for something for you, it's a sign of their appreciation for what we do. Make sure you return the gratitude by thanking them and shaking their hand. In my experience, this is one of the greatest ways to show your appreciation for their support.

Response by MSgt Darum Danford made Oct 29 at 2015 5:37 PM

MSgt Darum Danford — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:37:17 -0400

I was once on my way somewhere and had a short stop. I saw about eight military members and knew they were deploying so I bought them a round because I knew it was one of the last drinks they would have for some time. The Army Staff Seargent came over and acted very arrogant (it might have been the booze) until I pulled out my very own active duty ID card that read E-7. If your going to accept at least be gracious about it, you never know who's buying for you.

Response by SSG Marvin Jones made Oct 29 at 2015 7:54 PM

SSG Marvin Jones — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 19:54:50 -0400

i have had it happen to me a couple of times. rally didn't want them to do it but they insisted so i let them. since then and being retired myself now i have even done it a couple of times

Response by Cpl Charles Bayo made Oct 29 at 2015 9:32 PM

Cpl Charles Bayo — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 21:32:54 -0400

I love it but I hate it in the same sense, Because I love food But I'm not the guy that's out there looking for an atta boy

Response by SPC Donald Wright made Oct 29 at 2015 11:56 PM

SPC Donald Wright — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 23:56:28 -0400

When I was stationed in Germany in 1983, an elderly German lady bought my beer at my first beer fest. The kids across the table translated for her as she told me her story. During WW2 Christians were persecuted. She and her friends would meet in basements and cellars and pray that The Americans would arrive before the Russians! I found myself representing Americas greatest generation and feeling completely unworthy. But proud to be an American soldier.

Response by LTC Trent Klug made Oct 30 at 2015 10:10 AM

LTC Trent Klug — Fri, 30 Oct 2015 10:10:33 -0400

When I am in uniform and with friends out to eat, I ask the waitress to inform anyone who wants to pay for my our our meal to please save their money, as we are officers and senior ncos (yes, we do eat lunch together) and pay for the soldiers who have stripes on their uniforms. It normally goes over very well, especially among the veterans who are wanting to pay for the meal.

Response by PO1 Cyndi (. made Oct 30 at 2015 12:26 PM

PO1 Cyndi (. — Fri, 30 Oct 2015 12:26:47 -0400

I think if it's done without publicizing it to you or anyone else (other than the wait staff who has the bill), then let them pay...otherwise, I agree with some of the others, that it makes it awkward.

Response by SPC Elaine Brown made Oct 30 at 2015 9:09 PM

SPC Elaine Brown — Fri, 30 Oct 2015 21:09:19 -0400

I never had this occur even when I was in uniform. However, if anyone offered me a meal, I think that I would have mixed feelings. Although, I must admit that when I see military (in uniform or not, because we all know that we can recognize them) I have on many an occasion paid for their meals. I appreciate that fact that there are good people that have put others ahead of themselves.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 31 at 2015 10:31 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 31 Oct 2015 10:31:46 -0400

I think of it like people going on "Cup of Joe" and buying us coffee while on deployment. When I returned, I bought @$30 for those deployed with a message that I've been there and appreciate what you do, please pay it forward when you return.

You never know. A gesture like that can turn someone's day (or life) around when they realize that they are actually appreciated.

Response by Gail Bynum made Oct 31 at 2015 3:40 PM

Gail Bynum — Sat, 31 Oct 2015 15:40:40 -0400

It was a gesture of respect. Yes, it is fine to allow someone to show appreciation to our military and their families.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 31 at 2015 7:34 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 31 Oct 2015 19:34:39 -0400

It happened to a group of us that had just arrived to A School, straight from boot camp. I wanted to thank the person, but he or she was long gone when we asked for the checks.

Response by Theda Zavala Monreal made Nov 17 at 2015 11:51 AM

Theda Zavala Monreal — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 11:51:34 -0500

From a civilian stand point its one thing we can do to show our support to you and what you have done for us. Let us pay, at times we feel like a "thank you" isn't enough and paying for your meal is one way for us to say that without it being redundant for you and at the same time showing you, rather than telling (actions speak louder than words) how much we appreciate what you AND your wife/family have sacrificed so that we could even be eating that meal.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2015 3:50 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 15:50:47 -0500

I remember coming back from Afghanistan for R&R and I was in the Atlanta airport - I had a couple approach me and thank me for my service and offer to buy me lunch. I politely declined, thanked them for the kind gesture and pointed off to the near distance, where a few Privates were standing and stated they might be in more need than I was.

It was an awkward moment and it is every time when a civilian offers to pay - like someone mentioned, the best approach is to pay without telling the service member and then just graciously say "thanks for your service" and leave it at that. That's happened a few times and it's been very humbling. But given the option, I will not let you pay for my meal - being an O-3E, I don't feel right (or obligated) allowing a civilian to pay for my meal, especially if there's junior enlisted nearby.

Response by SSG Keven Lahde made Nov 25 at 2015 4:37 PM

SSG Keven Lahde — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 16:37:02 -0500

CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member Sir I would just let them. Its a small token from them is how I feel about it.

Response by Chris Cherrington made Nov 27 at 2015 9:39 AM

Chris Cherrington — Fri, 27 Nov 2015 09:39:09 -0500

While working in the food service industry, I've been an accomplice to several generous offers to pay for a service member or veteran's meal. It is always a rewarding experience, even for the staff that gets to inform the member being thanked.
When my oldest son came home for the first time after enlisting, we stopped at his favorite steak house. The manager stopped by our table and started a conversation about boot camp, it was obvious he had also served. He thanked my son, then he thanked my wife and I for letting him serve. When it came time to pay, the manager had comped our entire bill. I pay it forward whenever I can.

Response by Lisa Arkfeld made Nov 30 at 2015 5:45 AM

Lisa Arkfeld — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 05:45:20 -0500

Pay it forward and next time ya see an excellent example for Honor when you can contribute recognize them in some way. This seems part of the job, getting and giving feedback from a grateful Nation!

Response by SPC David Hannaman made Dec 1 at 2015 4:56 PM

SPC David Hannaman — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 16:56:22 -0500

I've lived as a civilian for 20 + years, I don't live close to a military base, but if I see a guy in uniform at a restaurant, I'll most likely discreetly pull the waitress aside and pay for his meal with instructions to not tell where it came from.

It's just a matter of paying it forward. Someone did that to me when I was hungry and didn't have much money as a PV2. Hopefully I helped someone along that needed it.

Now when I find myself on the other end of the scenario, I find it incredibly hard to graciously accept the gift, so I know what you're saying. It's something to work on... graciously accepting gifts.

Response by PO2 Mark Voris made Dec 3 at 2015 2:06 PM

PO2 Mark Voris — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 14:06:56 -0500

Let them pay. As a former sailor, I try to buy when traveling, especially in an airport as that is probably the most common place to come into contact with active duty military. It is always harder to receive than give but that receiving graciously is in the heart. As a current civilian, it is about the only way we can say thank you to a brother in arms. I know it would be difficult to accept but the answer is to do so graciously and pay it forward. in that way, brothers can take care of brothers.

Over the past several years I have often lifted all of you up in prayer for safety to return. I know some will not come back who have paid the ultimate price. How sad it would be to refuse an honor such as a free meal from a grateful citizen. You honor them by accepting.

Non Sibi Sed Patriae!

Response by CW5 Jack Gaudet made Jun 6 at 2016 9:35 AM

CW5 Jack Gaudet — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 09:35:35 -0400

The best you can do is be humble and gracious in your response if you find out who it is. You do not know the reason the person(s) are wanting to extend this gesture. Are they a fellow vet, is there someone they are remembering, were they not able to or could not serve for personal or other reasons? They are thanking you for your service in a manner that they may able to at that moment. Pay it forward!.

Response by LTC Charlie O'Leary made Jul 4 at 2017 6:20 PM

LTC Charlie O'Leary — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 18:20:18 -0400

It's the way a lot of civilians can say "Thank you". You can pay it forward by doing the same thing for another older vet or someone else.

Response by Sheron Adam made Aug 7 at 2017 5:26 PM

Sheron Adam — Mon, 07 Aug 2017 17:26:25 -0400

It's a way for some people to show there respect and dignity to those keeping us save!

Response by Jeremiah Iwinski made Aug 13 at 2017 6:37 PM

Jeremiah Iwinski — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 18:37:27 -0400

It's a meal you get free.

Response by Nikki Smith made Aug 15 at 2017 10:27 PM

Nikki Smith — Tue, 15 Aug 2017 22:27:26 -0400

I as a civilian have payed for an entire Govt car full at McDonalds and such before. When my brother graduated basic at Ft. Banning, I payed for one of his D. I's meals. Servicemen and our country mean alot to me, and being someone who couldn't serve because of outstanding reasons and from a military family....I just really feel it helps. I know it might make you feel that way, but trust me it doesn't look bad on you at all. I feel that when in uniform all service members should be payed for. Y'all don't make what you deserve as it is. Hooah, Soldier!

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 19 at 2017 1:06 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 13:06:50 -0400

When I graduated Basic and had a layover in DFW on the way to AIT, a group of seven of us ate at T.G.I. Friday's, all in ASU's. We went to ask for the bill, and the waiter told us someone had covered it already. Being brand new soldiers, we were all very shocked. I've never felt more appreciative of something in my life.

Response by PFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 19 at 2017 1:26 PM

PFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 13:26:11 -0400

I have done this for soldiers, LEOs, EMTs, FIREFIGHTERS, etc. I do it without asking them. Just ask their server for their ticket as well when paying yours. Then you can have their server relay a message to them for you once you are gone.

I bought a cop that was hungry that got in line right behind me at a grocery store eating a candy bar that I paid for it. I wasn't fast enough to get away before cashier said I had paid for it. Outside he tried to give me my money back. I told him no thank you, and to stay safe out there. It made him smile.

Do good deeds from the goodness of your heart not for the recognition you might or might not get. If you ask the person if you can pick up their check for them of course they are going to feel strange about it. Don't make them uncomfortable just do it without their knowledge and leave them a note. Saying thank you for your time and sacrifice on a daily basis. Your dinner was bought and paid for by the __________ family. One that is done give it to the server and just walk away as if you would any other time.

Response by MSG Mel Trout made Aug 19 at 2017 1:29 PM

MSG Mel Trout — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 13:29:31 -0400

I have paid several times for a person in uniform. Depends on the timing. Once as I was leaving a SM was picking up food to go. I just used my card and thanked the SM for his service. Another time I saw a family and told my server to add their check to mine. She came back with report after telling Manager collection was made and no need for my money.

Response by SGT David Petree made Aug 19 at 2017 2:01 PM

SGT David Petree — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 14:01:15 -0400

When I go out my tab gets picked up by some one across the room . most of the time I never know who.. they just flag down my waitress & pay the tab . It just floors me when that happens . The last time I think it was a group of Bickers.

Response by MSgt Terry Mahan made Aug 19 at 2017 2:36 PM

MSgt Terry Mahan — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 14:36:53 -0400

Be gracious and let them pay if they offer. They may have a personal reason and you may offend unintentionally. If you must return favor to someone else.

Response by SCPO William Akin made Aug 19 at 2017 2:44 PM

SCPO William Akin — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 14:44:55 -0400

"Back in the day" (60s-70s) I'd likely had a heart attack..

Response by SCPO William Akin made Aug 19 at 2017 2:50 PM

SCPO William Akin — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 14:50:40 -0400

Get it while the getting is good..
In the 60s-70s a civilian buyin anyone in any uniform would have been cause for a heart attack..

Response by SSG Ben Gilstrap made Aug 19 at 2017 3:53 PM

SSG Ben Gilstrap — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 15:53:34 -0400

I've been blessed in this life with more than most others and blessed far more than my brothers that still wear the uniform. Every chance I get to pay for a meal for a Brother or Sister in uniform or not, I do it. I don't even ask them. I simply tll the waitress to give me their bill and not to tell them. It is not a sacrafice for me to do for others a little it is often a sacrafice for a soldier to take his family out to dinner.

Response by SP5 Norman McGill made Aug 19 at 2017 4:06 PM

SP5 Norman McGill — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 16:06:43 -0400

If the guy just pays for the meal and says nothing then take it. Coming to your table and asking you if he could pay isn't polite at all. You did the right thing Lt. as your upbringing and training left you no other choice in polite society and gentlemanly conduct.

Response by LCpl Dan McTiernan made Aug 19 at 2017 4:56 PM

LCpl Dan McTiernan — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 16:56:11 -0400

Actually, I do it and do not let the those at the table know who supported them. Perhaps due to how we were not appreciated for our service in the late 60's and early 70's. I appreciate your service and know how little those who serve are compensated. I am well able to afford the gesture and sincerely appreciate service members service to our country

Response by 1SG Bill Farmerie made Aug 19 at 2017 5:32 PM

1SG Bill Farmerie — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 17:32:22 -0400

I would graciously turn down the offer. If they had already paid for it, unbeknownst to me, that is a different story.

Response by SPC Todd Rhoades made Aug 19 at 2017 6:48 PM

SPC Todd Rhoades — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 18:48:32 -0400

Generosity is infectious!

Here's the deal, just accept it for what it is, appreciation for who you are.

I am and have been a single dad raising three kids. Hold a full time + overtime job, accept no government assistance. On occasion while out for dinner, I have had neighbors pick up my tab. At first it was a tad embarrassing until I realized it had only to do with people appreciating my situation and how I had risen to the challenge.

The way I handle it now is to accept their gift, as it is not charity per say, just a token of appreciation. I then pay it forward. My waitress and the waitress they had receive a larger than normal tip. In this way the generosity of one individual now improves the lives of four. After all, isn't that why we served, for the greater good.

Just an old line dog's thoughts on the subject

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Aug 19 at 2017 6:55 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 18:55:37 -0400

And don't forget to say thank you

Response by PO3 David Davis made Aug 19 at 2017 8:17 PM

PO3 David Davis — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 20:17:21 -0400

Except the gift and say Thank You.

Response by SSgt Bob Mobbs made Aug 19 at 2017 10:00 PM

SSgt Bob Mobbs — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 22:00:15 -0400

I have picked up the tab for active duty service members a few times over the years. I have done it because back in 72 I was the recipient of a meal paid for by a civilian. It turns out that he was a veteran and he explained that it reminded him of his active duty days when he and his friends would go out. Back in those days (Vietnam was still going on) it was a "dogs and soldiers keep off the grass" mentality. That meal meant more to me than any I can remember before or since, it was worth it all just to know that my service was appreciated by at least one person. So, I have passed his generosity along. However, I have to admit that in all but one instance I did it anonymously.

Response by PO2 Jeannette Prichard made Aug 19 at 2017 10:03 PM

PO2 Jeannette Prichard — Sat, 19 Aug 2017 22:03:22 -0400

I've been retired for 12 years now and never served in a combat area. It makes me uncomfortable at times when I am thanked for my service while appreciated at the same time. I live in a very veteran friendly area, so it happens every time my id is shown. Usually I just smile and say thanks but I'm never sure what the expected response should be. I think if I were active I would have accepted and said thanks since I was a single parent, but I'm not sure I wouldn't have been too embarrassed to accept.

Response by SCPO Larry Poffenbarger made Aug 20 at 2017 8:03 PM

SCPO Larry Poffenbarger — Sun, 20 Aug 2017 20:03:50 -0400

I had a chance for a quick 10 days leave before deployment. Of course, between paydays. A Marine Gunnery Sgt. insisted on buying me a meal. (I was an E-3 sailor) I tried to get his name and duty station to repay him but he just told me to try to do the same sometime. I had advanced to E-6 and while eating in a fairly nice restaurant I noticed a young Marine just out of boot. Easy to tell by the haircut and new slick uniform. I could see he was trying to impress the young lady with him. I quietly spoke to the waiter and took care of his check. Pay back. Over the many years since, I retired as an E-8 after 28 years, I've done that quite a few times. Always a junior enlisted and I always remember the Gunny from back in 1958.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 20 at 2017 9:19 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 20 Aug 2017 21:19:23 -0400

I've had this so many times in the last 11 years. Not so much while I was on active, but definitely a lot since I've been in the guard.

1. A few of us were having lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings during a drill weekend a few months ago and when the waitress brought the check, she said it had been paid for.

2. Again at a Speedway, I was getting the obligatory Monster and 2 breakfast tornadoes when the man behind me offered to buy my monster. I told him thank you but I was okay. He told me he insisted and gave the cashier his card. He shook my hand with a big grin so I smiled back and said, "Thank you sir."

3. Just this summer, another cadet and myself had to POV to AT so we left early before the chalks and stopped at a LaRosa's pizza place. When we were done, we walked to the front to pay, and the cashier said that someone had already taken care of it.

If it happens at a restaurant, just don't let it affect your tip. I usually tip more when it happens to me. I still feel weird when it happens, but I'm grateful that they all love and respect the military.

Response by CPT Chris Loomis made Aug 21 at 2017 10:52 AM

CPT Chris Loomis — Mon, 21 Aug 2017 10:52:02 -0400

A few years back I was with my wife and son in Alexandria, VA. We stopped in at a very nice steakhouse for chow. I was recently commissioned as a 2LT. At the table next to us a couple struck up conversation with my young son. The lady of the couple said, "Thank You for your service, Sir" out of the blue and with no prior mention of my being in the military (must've been the haircut). I replied, "and Thank You for your support Ma'am." They left a few minutes later.

As they left I noticed two male SM's walk in and female guest get seated a few tables away. I deduced, based solely on age, that the SM's were enlisted ranks.

When my bill arrived the waitress stated that it had already been paid by the couple that had been next to us. I was taken aback. That was the first time anyone had ever paid for my meal let alone my families exspensive meal. I was floored..... and grateful.

I asked that the waitress charge me for half of our tab and credit the other half of the couple's payment to the tab of the two males and the female.

When my wife, son, and I stood to leave as I help my wife with her coat both of the male SM's approached me, shook hands and said, "Thank You." I explained what had happened with the bill of fare and told them about the couple that paid. I asked what their branch of service was stating that I was an ARMY LT. We all got a slight chuckle when they replied that they were both USMC CPTs.

Response by PVT Mark Brown made Aug 21 at 2017 12:39 PM

PVT Mark Brown — Mon, 21 Aug 2017 12:39:14 -0400

I have done this a couple times, paid for someone's meal that is. Like one time I was eating alone in a Chinese restaurant. There were 4 guys in uniform having dinner. I told my waitress to tell me how much their bill was. Without them knowing who did it, I paid it just before I left. I hope she didn't tell them who paid for them.

Response by SGT Allen Esposito made Aug 21 at 2017 4:52 PM

SGT Allen Esposito — Mon, 21 Aug 2017 16:52:08 -0400

I have respectfully declined before. People just want to be nice & show their support. I am all for that. I just told him & I love what I do & no need to thank me & thank them in turn for being supportive. Also, because I was an E-5 & I have more than enough money to pay for my meal. I also felt the person may not have been financially stable enough for it. You may never really know someone's situation, so I just declined as a rule of thumb, but acknowledge their gratitude. :)

Response by PO2 Jeffery Reiser made Aug 21 at 2017 6:11 PM

PO2 Jeffery Reiser — Mon, 21 Aug 2017 18:11:20 -0400

I too have "payed it forward" for service members in uniform... Being a veteran myself, it was my way of showing my appreciation for the sacrifices made by a new generation of service men and women in a time of turmoil, unrest and hostility towards our service members. As a member working in public safety I am always gracious when people choose to show their gratitude towards members of law enforcement, fire and EMS by paying for drinks or meals. Of course there is the ethical side of the argument however, It is not often that people show gratitude, mostly they show their hind end parts but there are still good people out there in society. So my suggestion is to simply smile and say thank you while exercising a smudge of humility.

Response by Hope Wilkins made Aug 22 at 2017 7:49 AM

Hope Wilkins — Tue, 22 Aug 2017 07:49:25 -0400

As a civilian I say if we offer to pay let us. Sometimes saying thank you is not enough and some of us are not military but have loved ones who are and just hope that wherever they are someone is buying them dinner to say thank you and show appreciation.

Response by MSG Reid Stone made Aug 22 at 2017 10:14 AM

MSG Reid Stone — Tue, 22 Aug 2017 10:14:30 -0400

If they have already paid your bill, thank them and carry on. If you have the chance to say no thank you anf they are fine then again politely carry on. Happened to me twice and both times they were gone by the time we left.

Response by PO1 Rick Serviss made Jan 9 at 2018 5:35 PM

PO1 Rick Serviss — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 17:35:34 -0500

I would have done as you did. If they insisted, I would let them. If I was the civilian, I'd call the waitress over and pay the check without your knowledge.

Response by Sgt William Margeson made Jan 9 at 2018 5:38 PM

Sgt William Margeson — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 17:38:02 -0500

I belong to a Christian Motorcycle Group, ( Christian Motorcycle Association ) that does a good bit of evangelizing in the mortorcycle world. My wife and I once had a person offer to pay for our meal, and another that paid without us knowing. We felt uncomfortable about accepting. So the the Lt and wife, accept it as their appreciation for what you are doing.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Jan 10 at 2018 9:27 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 21:27:29 -0500

Hate it with a passion. It feeds too much in the inflated sense of veteran entitlement that is oh so common nowadays.

Service member? Check, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.
Deployments? Check, seven, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.
Actual Combat? Check, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.
Lost friends in war? Check, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.
Lost Soldiers in war? Check, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.
Lost Soldiers in Garrison? Check, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.
14-16 hour days? Check, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.
Missed holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc...? Check, doesn't make me entitled to free stuff.

We all know precisely what we signed up for. To later expect preferential treatment for getting exactly what we signed for is ridiculous to me..

Response by SPC James Seigars made Jan 11 at 2018 12:56 AM

SPC James Seigars — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 00:56:49 -0500

I have had several people pay for my family’s meals in my younger years and when I got older, the kids moved away and my wife passed I started helping other families with young ones (military & civilian) to get by, especially on thanksgiving/Christmas. As long as you pay it forward & don’t abuse it, I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 1 at 2019 12:48 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Aug 2019 00:48:15 -0400

I don't know, I'm definitely more in the "thank you for the gesture sir/ma'am, but you don't have to do that for me." Be polite, be appreciative, but nobody owes me anything. Now, if the person insists that they pay, fine, I'm not going to fight someone over it.

Response by SN Donald Hoffman made Aug 1 at 2019 1:05 AM

SN Donald Hoffman — Thu, 01 Aug 2019 01:05:32 -0400

A number of people want to pay based on a strong belief in what the military has done. Others, just to make themselves feel better. In any case, just say thank you with a hand shake. It is a rarity to have it happen at all.

Response by SSG Danny Anderson made Aug 2 at 2019 11:43 AM

SSG Danny Anderson — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 11:43:10 -0400

First of all I want to thank everyone who have done this act of kindness not only for me but for everyone else that have put on a uniform. I don't have a problem with it and this act of kindness has happened to me several times in my career. It just always reminds me of what I do every day in uniform for this country.
I always take it as a blessing. I just only wish that my dad had got this type of kindness when he served in the Army during Vietnam