How do you instill values such as integrity in your children?

2016-07-25T14:23:17-04:00

This morning I had an unexpected day off. My son did a sneak into the kitchen to grab a soda. In our house we buy a set amount of soda for the children and for us so he was trying to sneak one of our (the parents) sodas. When I said good morning, he was surprised and asked if he could have one. I told him no and reminded him of the rules. Since it was already in his hands I asked if he intended to sneak one. His answer was, "I thought you were at work."
While I admire that honest answer I cannot help but wonder what else he is doing because he thinks he won't get caught. In an age of "We'll build a wall and have Mexico pay for it" "I did not have textual relations with that server" *yes I know that isn't an actual quote, how do we keep our kids on a path of integrity when there are so many examples of the opposite leading to success?
**I hit both sides to minimize political answers and keep it on topic.

Response by SrA Edward Vong made Jul 25 at 2016 2:31 PM

2016-07-25T14:31:55-04:00

Start out small, then it evolves into something bigger.

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 3:03 PM

2016-07-25T15:03:47-04:00

The ONLY way to do it is to talk about it at home (not formal talks, just BSing), and walking the walk.

I don't want to cast aspersions about your parenting, BUT, a kid that does that has to get the idea from somewhere. I am betting that either you or your spouse "sneak" things from time to time. No matter HOW small, a kid is nothing but a mirror, and will do whatever they see - no matter WHAT is said. If it isn't you or your spouse, I'd blame a grandparent(s), or caregiver (babysitter/daycare/whatever) for setting that example.

It works the same way as military subordinates - no matter what you say, they'll copy what they see you do. If you are smart enough to watch THEM, you'll catch your own failings and hopefully learn from the experience.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 4:03 PM

2016-07-25T16:03:48-04:00

My message to my kids (mostly my middle son that has challenges with this) is:
Own what you do and the consequences for it.
Lie and blame others and it will go much worse for you.

I love the critters, but when they lie to my face, I see red.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 4:23 PM

2016-07-25T16:23:52-04:00

Be careful how much credit you give kids! The truth is, their world will ALWAYS revolve around them. At least, until they get older and out in to the real world... and, they will always test your limits (because it's safe to do it). Remember the MOST important thing you can give your son is YOUR example! The fact that the truth came out of his mouth is VERY honorable!! You gave him that so don't dismiss it so easily (you know the saying, don't throw the baby out with the bath water). You've done well and my guess is, you will continue. As my 3 boys graduate college and I hear them thank people and say, "yes, sir" when someone asks them a question, my pride soars but then when my oldest says, "There couldn't possibly be a God, mom, or this world wouldn't be like this"... I cry. But, we have communication and respect, and for that I'm grateful. Thank you for sharing.

Response by LTC Stephen C. made Jul 25 at 2016 5:09 PM

2016-07-25T17:09:11-04:00

Current wisdom, SSG Trevor S., is that children start lying at the age of two or three.

Response by MSgt John McGowan made Jul 25 at 2016 7:51 PM

2016-07-25T19:51:04-04:00

SSG. I have a 9 year old greatgrandson that is completely beyond me with his behavior. He isn't a good kid by no means. And my granddaughter isn't taking the necessary steps to correct him. He isn't allowed to do certain things in my house but I don't see him enough to teach him any thing. I wonder sometimes how 9 year old can have such bad behavior. The older is 12 and doesn't have that problem.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Jul 25 at 2016 9:17 PM

2016-07-25T21:17:54-04:00

SSG Trevor S. Your son did well. At least he knew the right answer! The question returns to you: how did you reinforce his statement?

That leads me to when my youngest son was 2 or 3, I threw something out of the car! He was on me in a heartbeat for having done a no-no!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 9:49 PM

2016-07-25T21:49:24-04:00

By example. As a child I saw my father run (limp quickly) after a guy to give him a dollar that had fallen out of his pocket. He caught up and gave him the dollar. When I caught up with him he said taking that dollar would have been the same as stealing it. Stealing is a sin and it's wrong. I don't remember much of my father as he died shortly thereafter but I've always remember that.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 5:18 AM

2016-07-26T05:18:01-04:00

As someone else on here mentioned "By Example." If a child sees you doing something they will usually emulate your action (or inaction). Additionally, they must know there are consequences to certain actions (or inaction). I tell my kids all the time "You are responsible for you. No one cam make you act stupid. Make the right choice when no one is watching so when you have to make it in front of others it is second nature."

Response by Col Joseph Lenertz made Jul 26 at 2016 7:53 AM

2016-07-26T07:53:57-04:00

I always made the punishment for lying worse than the punishment for the act itself.

Response by PO3 Sherry Thornburg made Jul 27 at 2016 5:46 PM

2016-07-27T17:46:53-04:00

It is mostly a matter of showing them good examples. And, not providing overwhelming temptations, like leaving a five year old and a box of donuts alone for 10 minutes. Know your kid and know how far some rules are going to fly. I found that some limits on food and drink have to be backed up by limiting access more than expecting self-control.