How do you manage a heated discussion with your grown child without saying 'yes'when s/he says you treat me like a child. Do I look stupid?

2025-12-09T20:27:24-05:00

As parents, we have been there, done that. We are trying to detour our children from unnecessary problems or toxic relationships before they irreversibly ruin their lives.

Response by PO3 Phyllis Maynard made Dec 9 at 2025 8:33 PM

2025-12-09T20:33:15-05:00

Response by Maj John Bell made Dec 9 at 2025 9:09 PM

2025-12-09T21:09:40-05:00

Without any specifics, it is difficult to offer any meaningful advice.

First, if it has gotten to the point of heat, disengage. Quite often when either side has become heated, someone will say something they don't really mean and will regret.

Second, in a verbal disagreement, people are usually formulating their next response instead of listening to the other person. Listen, really listen. Pausing to listen and then really think about your response before verbalizing it.

Third, the heat usually comes when someone is told they are "wrong." If those words come from you, your grown child starts digging in. Don't tell someone they are wrong. If you have concerns or see flaws, ask questions. "Have you thought about...? Do you have a plan to deal with the possibility of...? If your child tells you that you are wrong, ask them to explain what their concerns are. Then tell them you will think about those concerns

Third, go to YouTube. Search "Stoic philosophy" watch the videos. Learn the difference between responding and reacting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWLm44zcTMg&list=PLn-a5qvj79quwRrIr5gv1ooY4-di8Y6JW&index=13

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLwrgrtyMYc&list=PLn-a5qvj79quwRrIr5gv1ooY4-di8Y6JW&index=17

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyKZRbhDcsg&list=PLn-a5qvj79quwRrIr5gv1ooY4-di8Y6JW&index=12

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made Dec 9 at 2025 9:18 PM

2025-12-09T21:18:08-05:00

I've jokingly told them that they are my child in some similar situations. Followed by something to the extent of a parent's job is to protect their children no matter how old they are.

Response by A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney made Dec 9 at 2025 9:46 PM

2025-12-09T21:46:50-05:00

My Daughters Have A Dad & A Father, Depending Upon What They Want To Discuss; By The Age Or Somewhere Around 18, I Speak With Them As I Would With Any Other Adult Female. I'm Not Their Daddy, Nor Are They My Little Girls. -- And The Subject Range From Anything They May Wish To Discuss -- -YUP "Anything"-- Some Of Which Would Be Embarrassing To List Here, BUT Since They Want Answers Or My Opinions, I Feel It Part Of My Job Of Being Their Father.. Any Subject, Any Time, And As Long As Necessary. Linda And I Hold The Record Of 6 hours & 35 Minutes On One Continual Discussions. -- To Us, A "Short Chat" Will Last 30 - 60 minutes - And An "I Just called To Say Hi" ~ "And We're Off And Running"

Response by CPL Douglas Chrysler made Dec 9 at 2025 10:00 PM

2025-12-09T22:00:36-05:00

Wish I had the answer.

Response by PO3 John Jeter made Dec 10 at 2025 8:25 AM

2025-12-10T08:25:21-05:00

To use a somewhat paraphrased quote; "Where you are, I once was. Where I am, I'm trying to ensure you will someday be....." (Then you use a squirt gun on them.....)