How do you process and talk about suicide with your troops?

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 26 Aug 2021 23:37:27 -0400

A friend of mine, a Cav Scout who served in Iraq, lost his personal battle.

I find myself asking a lot of questions. Why didn't I ask more about his time in? Why didn't I ask about his units, why didn't I ask about Iraq, why didn't I follow up on his home life or his job? We just didn't talk about it.

How do you discuss these issues with your own guys? I don't mean the plethora of PowerPoints and hotlines or the generic "reach out".

Response by SFC William Farrell made Aug 26 at 2021 11:56 PM

SFC William Farrell — Thu, 26 Aug 2021 23:56:15 -0400

Sad when anyone takes their own lives in one final, selfish act. While they may feel they are ending their own pain, it is those that are left behind who suffer the most. I have been affected by suicide all too often. Help others when you can.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2021 6:45 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 06:45:56 -0400

I've been in your shoes... I find that humor helps break the ice and get the other emotions working. I know saying 'reach out ' seems like a cop out... but it is truly the best approach. I will send out a quick text, or a stupid meme, or just some random shit to my battles that I know are hurting just to get then engaged. Sometimes it turns into an hours long or days long thread of conversations that I hope help them... I know for me, it helps keep me grounded. However, at the end of the day, they need to want the help and they need to be open and honest about it. I am sorry for your loss, brother

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Aug 27 at 2021 10:36 AM

SSgt Christophe Murphy — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 10:36:17 -0400

I had the misfortune of having suicides and attempted suicides happening at every Duty Station I had. The best thing you can do is let people speak freely while dealing with the aftermath. In preparation and education you need to encourage folks to be open and learn who they work with. You can't tell someone is acting "off" if you don't know them or how they act normally. Once you know the signs it's easy to point out but the hard part is getting to know people so you see the signs. It's not always as easy as armchair quarterbacks will say it is. It's easy for people to be angry towards those committing or attempting suicide but the best you can do is learn to be empathetic to the situation. Anger doesn't help address or prevent the issue.

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Aug 27 at 2021 11:21 AM

SSG Edward Tilton — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 11:21:31 -0400

It is an individual decision. You can hardly be for individual rights and against his right to the ultimate one

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 27 at 2021 1:02 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 13:02:28 -0400

In my mind, don’t commit suicide can be refined to find the switch to turn off reasons to die with reasons to live. Many people want to die because they suffer tremendously. Sometimes it takes an infinite amount of courage to continue living because it is means sentencing oneself for more hurt. Turn that switch. It is the right COA.

Response by PFC Phillip Jones made Aug 27 at 2021 1:41 PM

PFC Phillip Jones — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 13:41:42 -0400

Just spend time as people. Talk about your own problems as they talk about theirs, and warm up to it. If you'd ever had such thoughts, or felt like you couldn't overcome something, it helps to explain your own period of vulnerability so they don't feel alone in the shame that accompanies such things in the American martial mindset. Just put in the effort to show they mean a lot to you. "

I worked at Battle In Distress for a while, and most of the guys who are considering thinks nobody will truly miss them or that nobody loves them. Show them you love them like the brothers they are, and explain the heartbreak you would have to endure. Take the classic ACE card advice if it gets bad enough - Ask, Care, Escort. They're WAY better off going into inpatient care voluntarily rather than being ordered to by a judge. Way, way, wayyy fewer life repercussions.

Response by PFC David Foster made Aug 27 at 2021 8:17 PM

PFC David Foster — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 20:17:52 -0400

I think the best thing anyone can do is to set a good example. One really important thing to remember is that it is not possible to help someone who doesn't want to help him/herself, so what you need to ask yourself is; how can I get this person to want to help himself? Once this is realized, keep going at them from different angles. Make them see that the majority of reasons they are in the mess is because of the choices they made, and it is very possible for them to start making different kinds of choices that will lead to different kinds of results.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Aug 29 at 2021 11:10 PM

SGM Bill Frazer — Sun, 29 Aug 2021 23:10:36 -0400

You check on them, and talk openly about it. I'm an attempt survivor- keep the hole in my wall as a reminder. Ask them-"who will find your body, Why do you want to pass your Hell onto your Family and friends for the rest of their life?" Yes it is dark, but every day is a new day and a new chance. Fix what you can and give God the rest. Have them learn meditation for peace, pray hard for and with them.