How do you recover from a particularly bad first impression?

SGT John Hemenway — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 20:22:43 -0500

How do you recover from a particularly bad first impression?

So I recently joined an ROTC battalion. When asked about my prior experience, I answered truthfully, "I served 4 years active, and 6 in the reserves." With my deployment patch, the cadets were impressed. They had high expectations, and I was ready to show them just how awesome NCOs are at everything.

Then things went awry. Within the next two weeks, I got a flat that grounded my truck, my grandma passed, I sprained my ankle, and got a minor surgery that I'd waited about a year to get. The doctor let me know that I wouldn't be participating in PT until the sutures came out.

I couldn't believe my luck... And even though I was providing solid documentation, and giving updates ASAP, the leadership gave me looks like "Oh, ok... You're a malingerer."

I finally had a heart-to-heart with the commander, and she and I have an understanding that I have shown up and done whatever I could, whenever I could - I never quit. I've just had temporary limitations. I even went against my docs orders and did calisthenics because I was so fed up with having to standby alone as everyone thought, "Why is he too special to join in?"

Unfortunately the leadership doesnt really bring that understanding down to the cadets, and they seem pretty underwhelmed with "the most experienced cadet." The perception is that I'm not reliable, and that I will always ask for some special treatment, on account of whatever excuse I'm currently using.

The frustrating part is that I know I'm a good soldier, and I know I can be a great officer. I know I'll get my stitches out on the 14th, and that my ankle is feeling better. I'll be the first on the track, and can show them the high-performer I've been for years. I've never had a problem like this in all my time served.

I feel like that perception is going to take a lot of time and overcompensating to show the cadets who I really am. How can I show them I'm not a malingering POS, but that am a good cadet who was going through an extraordinarily bad time?

Response by SGT Matthew S. made Feb 12 at 2019 9:21 PM

SGT Matthew S. — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 21:21:25 -0500

Rough as it sounds, time is about your best bet. Keep performing to your full potential (without making your injury worse) as you have been, and hopefully they'll come around in time.

That's a heck of a run-in with Murphy's Law.

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Feb 12 at 2019 9:52 PM

Capt Daniel Goodman — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 21:52:33 -0500

I entirely follow your description, believe me, my initial impression when I got where I was made yours look trivial by comparison, not to minimize yours. I did virtually everything wrong a newbie could possibly do, in fact, I quite literally invented new ways, seemingly going well out of my way to do it, that managed to offend active duty and civil servants alike, to am extent that I assure you quite literally beggared description. First, given your description, you quite clearly seem to have more than adequate documentation to show it's all real. That being said, and having spent 3 yrs in an Army ROTC unit as a cadet before going USAF OTS instead, you need to no fault yourself for life having intruded, which, unfortunately, life often has a way of doing, all too frequently. Svc life, I found, often spirals seemingly out of control, quite frequently, all too often taking on a lie of its own...now, given you've clearly, as you said, got proof, I most definitely wouldn't not do what the clinicians involved want, if only for the simple reason it:s their call, irrespective of whatever apparently dirty looks you're either getting, or merely thimking you're getting. Then, too, not doing what they wamt, even if staff and/or cadets alike might think you're being perhaps wimpish, could possibly only further delay healing of the surgical site, I trained to be an allied health doctor, though I'm total perm disabled now, we shut my license sevl yrs ago, as I became ill while in residency, however, I helped with numerous lower extremity cases, as part of my training, it was reqd even though I was only allied health, so believe me, I'm quite well acquainted with what healing times and processes are for such cases, most definitely. If your ROTC unit is mearmam active duty imstallation, I'd also see of you could explain the whole thing to chaplain staff there, amd ask them to intercede of you meed more help. Being clearly conscientious, I honestly think you !at be having a meedless guilt trip to so!e extent, aside from which, you actually got to deploy, which, though I volunteered to go, I never got to do, as I just became too ill, so I obv envy you having actually gotten to go. When I got where I was assigned, I was in a contractor group near my installation, where I was quite literally bored ou of my skull all day, so, even though that was a typical, normal initial assign!ent where I was, I maively, and stupidly, started looking for something else about three or four months into it. I actually found something doing serious science, not paperwork, yet still wasn't satisfied, managing to totally bollix that one up for about a year and half, till I finally got my head halfway screwed on right, and realized why I was there, which wasn't for my personal ambitions, but to help my unit, which was doing really importamt work, I just lost sight of my object, basically making myself look, on multiple occasions, like a total buffoon, so trust me, as I'd said, what seemimg problems you're having now are largely, given you can prove everything, I think mainly needlessly in your own mind, truly. If you illustrate, e.g., a willingness to spend time with cadets having any troubles in the program, I honestly think the problem you're relating, while no doubt real to you, I get that, will genuinely subside over time. I also just noticed, I gathered from your description at the end that you're actually in the program, I'd thought initially ou were staff in it, however, I saw you're apparently a cadet going through the program. Having had so !much exposure, before doing so, I further envy you, I was totally nomprior before ROTC or USAF OTS, the priors I trained with had FAR less aggravation adjusting...elaborate, if you can, what your major is, tour GPA is you'd be able, your coursework, your ambitions, gals, and objectives, I have an interest in such career/educ stuff...sorry for the initial confusion, when you'd said you'd joined the ROTC unit, I'd thought you'd meant as an instructor...did you get your assocs before going for your Bach? What MOS types or branch were you looking to do when you'd be done? Sometimes, I'm able to suggest things that others might not have considered, so, as I said, I'd be most interested in hearing more, no rush, whenever convenient, hope that was of at least all of some use and/or benefit, in any event.

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Feb 12 at 2019 10:00 PM

Capt Daniel Goodman — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 22:00:59 -0500

And the ROTC unit I was in, which no longer exists, also trained a good deal at West Point, so I got a quote good look at cadet life there...my next youmger brother was USMMA Kings Point, I commissioned him when he finished and went USNR Merchant Marine Reserve (MMR), our Dad was Navy enlisted, an uncle was a SSgt radio operator for Gen Eisenhower, a 1st cousin of our Mom was Army armor in Get!any during the Cold War, and my Mom's Dad was US!C for awhile, he got sent home from Parris Island early in boot camp for not adjusting, he never spoke of it later on, for obvious reasons, it clearly must've bothered hi!...believe me, I was in industry five years after getting out related to what I did on active, so trust !e, I've seen a good deal, !ayne not everything, however, more than enough to assure you that, given your description, you're being excessively hard on yourself...with your background, I'd guess you'd be quite high on cadet staff by the end of the program, God knows you've got more than enough experience, far, way more than I ever had, I assure you....

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Feb 12 at 2019 10:06 PM

Capt Daniel Goodman — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 22:06:01 -0500

And I was assuming that the surgery was due to the ankle, I realized that !might not had been the case...my APMS and PMS were all over !e to get my run times down within limit, I actually passed, then I had a sprimed ankle that I had to stop running for, so at least in that regard, given they let me go from the program, and I had to appeal their recommends that I not be allowed to go to USAF OTS to be accepted, and totally blew their minds when I actually got it done in that regard, I assure you, I've also seen more than my share of that side of ROTC existence, honest....

Response by LCDR Joshua Gillespie made Feb 13 at 2019 10:23 AM

LCDR Joshua Gillespie — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 10:23:52 -0500

So, here's my take. One has to consider who's opinion matters most...their peers today, their peers tomorrow, or themselves. For me, it was always the latter two. One great thing about life is that our circles of influence change... a lot. I don't correspond with many people I knew at twenty, and really not that many more that I knew at thirty. With each new group, you get a "new chance to make a first impression"... and hopefully, a better one. Those who really "matter" probably understand that already.

Still, we ourselves have to live with ourselves for always. I know my idiot moves at twenty-three, even if most others have "forgotten" them. However, I can look at my moves at thirty-three, and think, "not half bad"...and can look at myself today and think, "you've come a long way Baby!"

Response by LTC Eugene Chu made Feb 14 at 2019 10:29 AM

LTC Eugene Chu — Thu, 14 Feb 2019 10:29:53 -0500

I've been in your boots before. Freshman / MS1 year, I earned a measly 2.0 GPA before changing major. At ROTC camp, I missed push-ups despite having strong sit-up and run score on first PT test along with getting an UNSAT on a lane.

I earned my commission by being persistent and accomplishing other achievements (i.e. airborne school, ROTC volunteer work, etc.). You are down, but not out.

Response by SGT John Graham made Mar 4 at 2020 5:37 PM

SGT John Graham — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 17:37:24 -0500

Don't sweat it. As a prior service cadet, you bring a lot to the table. I have more respect for OCS commissioned officers than ROTC. Many of the ROTC I knew were far down the ladder in life and military experiences. The young officers that gained my respect had to earn it. I feel you would have earned respect fast. Don't sweat the little stuff like the perceptions of glorified basic trainees many of the Cadre. Many ROTC became very good officers once they realized how much they needed to learn.

Response by SFC Charles Dennis made Mar 4 at 2020 7:21 PM

SFC Charles Dennis — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 19:21:42 -0500

You would be better off on convincing your self and not others about your capabilities. Also, you are there to learn how to be an officer and not show them what kind of NCO you were. Show them the kind of officer you will be.
I was once given some good advice by a PLDC instructor that may be helpful to you, "If the sergeant is helping the Soldiers with their task, who will be looking out for their safety? "
As far as doing pt when the doctor has told you not to, remember (if he or she is an officer) you are disobeying a commissioned officer. Also, how will you feel if you injur yourself worse and can't participate in any training.
Finally, remember even our greatest military leaders had short falls and were remembered for how they were and not what they did wrong.
Good luck with everything and let us know how it all works out.