How do you tell a subordinate that you don't want to mentor them?

2015-01-19T09:09:38-05:00

EDIT!!!!

Due to the misunderstanding of my question or being taken out of context it is with regret that I edit my origianl "Details" section. I hope this helps.

This question is about mentorship only, not leadership, not counseling.

To begin, I am a TPU soldier, Full-Time employee as well as Part-time every other weekend. I have Special Needs children and Coach my one of my sons sports. My time is limited unlike those of you who are Active Duty and are with your soldiers around the clock.

I'm finding now that more and more "Joe's" look to me for guidance as my age and rank go up. I have a lot to offer, but still have much to learn.

I know that seeking out a mentor is of upmost importance in ones military career. It is difficult to find someone that you feel would be a good mentor as well as finding someone worth your time to mentor.

"Mentoring is a process for the informal transmission of knowledge, social capital, and the psychosocial support perceived by the recipient as relevant to work, career, or professional development; mentoring entails informal communication, usually face-to-face and during a sustained period of time, between a person who is perceived to have greater relevant knowledge, wisdom, or experience (the mentor) and a person who is perceived to have less (the protégé)".

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Jan 19 at 2015 12:01 PM

2015-01-19T12:01:18-05:00

SSG Private RallyPoint Member Mentoring happens in many ways. If the troop who is constantly in trouble is in your opinion trying to get close to you to lessen the instance if issues, you can square that away. Let them know, point blank, how to stay off the radar and get their career on track. That is mentoring, in a very basic way, and you benefit the troop and your unit.

Being a mentor does not mean that you have to devote every waking moment to that person. It means that they will come to you for guidance on issues (which you likely already provide) and you point out the good and bad that they are doing (which you likely already do).

You very likely have some troops that you very much want to mentor because they are already heading down the path of success, and you want to help push them along. That is your job as an NCO.

Then there are those who are circling the drain and truly need the mentorship. If you can find that time to hand out that advice to those troops, you reward the troop, yourself and your unit. The troops worth salvaging will heed that advice and improve, possibly even succeed. Those who do not heed the advice will find their way out of the service, which is a shame, as they came to the service for a reason. The thing that I always remember is that service in our military is not a right, it is a privilege. To serve, I must adhere to our standards, play by our rules and take each day as a challenge.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 12:30 PM

2015-01-19T12:30:50-05:00

I think too often Mentoring is tied to retention. In the big picture of things, not everyone is cut for becoming a lifer, but they will not let go of the military because they do not know what else to do at that point. No matter your approach, if you someone is a "lost cause" maybe guide them in their options outside the military. I have had troops that just could not conform to the standards, but I did not give up on them. I sat them down, and had the "what do you want out of life" conversation without sugar coating anything. For some that meant leaving the military and having a successful civilian life, which in turn removed a member/situation that degraded the shop/unit/ and overall morale of the members in contact with said member.

Response by LCDR Jamie Galus made Jan 19 at 2015 12:50 PM

2015-01-19T12:50:55-05:00

I have never told a Sailor that I couldn't mentor them. It is a very humbling experience for a Sailor to approach me and ask me to be their mentor. There have been times when I had to tell them that I may not be the best mentor due to a difference in career paths and such. In this case I always involved the Command Master Chief for Sailors and the XO for Officers to find someone better suited to be their mentor.

For what it is worth, I will tell you that once I have made the commitment to mentor a Sailor I always sat them down and established expectations of our relationship. Expectations in reference to how many times a week we would talk, what their goals were, the process to obtain their goals, etc. Additionally, for me, mentorship doesn't stop when one person transfers and I make that clear to them as well. I still mentor a few Sailors from two and three commands ago.

Mentorship is a two way street. It is so disappointing asking a troubled Sailor, regardless of their rank E and O, when was the last time they talked to their mentor and they couldn't remember.

Response by SFC Jeff Gurchinoff made Jan 19 at 2015 12:54 PM

2015-01-19T12:54:36-05:00

In order to treat everyone equally you must treat them all different. Some people respond to one form of influence while others require different methods of direction. All this proves is we are (despite the Army telling you we are the same) ... different and individuals.

Mentorship happens in much the same way. You mentor people without even speaking to them, they watch you and form opinions about your actions and will emulate or repel your influence.

This happens whether you want it to or not as you move up in rank the soldiers around you watch to see how you handle situations. That maturity or lack of it influences and provides "Mentorship" to them.

Never forget selfless service is placing the needs of subordinates above your own 1st and foremost. Some leaders are cut out for it, some are not but soldiers know and quickly identify one type of leader from another.

The soldiers that come to you for assistance have been either positively influenced by you or they are trying to get over on you. Identify which quickly and mentor / provide guidance accordingly.

As it was mentioned above other soldiers will watch how you provide guidance as well. Brushing off soldiers when they come to you can be seen as pushing the weak out of the pack. You can unknowingly create the catalyst that destroys "team"

Response by CW5 Jim Steddum made Jan 19 at 2015 1:00 PM

2015-01-19T13:00:40-05:00

I don't know your circumstance, but some sought mentorship, they probably are deserving of it (and may actually need it).

Response by TSgt Joshua Copeland made Jan 19 at 2015 1:02 PM

2015-01-19T13:02:58-05:00

Leaders never turn down the opportunity to mentor. Managers do that.

The question is simple. Which are you? A Leader or a Manager?

Some folks need mentorship to excel further, some need it to turn a good troop in to a great one, others need the push to pull them out or put them out.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 1:03 PM

2015-01-19T13:03:46-05:00

I don't think I'd be able to tell them no. I put myself in the situation you mentioned above and I felt obligated to help. I think back to the leaders I had and how much they helped me and I wouldn't be the person I am if they gave up on me.

Response by MSG Scott McBride made Jan 19 at 2015 1:28 PM

2015-01-19T13:28:16-05:00

Well SGT Goodknight I can certainly understand how you feel and I think you mean well, however it is your job. Try to think about what a 1SG feels like when he/she has several Soldiers who need mentoring? Your quandary is simplified My young troop and an essential part of your career progression. As a DS, you have more training experience than most at your level, so use it to get our Soldiers where they need to be...replacing you someday. Leadership is not popular and an art so you will have these feelings at times and make mistakes. The troubled Soldier may have individual personal issues to be sure but he may also have had crappy leaders who were just like him and it resonates. Be the change you want to see in YOUR Army. Take some time, personal time if you have too to get this guy into a glide path to success. Start with counseling; discuss both personal and professional realistic goals that he can attain, prepare for Soldier boards and help him understand his worth, like it or not he is our future. There is no reg or leader that will prohibit you from taking extra time to get someone's mind right. Trust me brother, I have been where you are many times. You will not fix everyone, but you must do your due diligence. NCO handbook FM 7-22.7 is a great reference. Yes, it will be frustrating, it will take many hours, it will take your personal time but it is also the most rewarding. The Soldier will thank you and his Soldiers will have a leader they deserve, but if you don't take responsibility now then you have just set a new standard that will carry on into the ranks and our Army. Army Strong!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 2:01 PM

2015-01-19T14:01:12-05:00

Thank you sir. It's actually the kind of feedback I'm craving. There is some good, tough love responses that were exactly what I was looking for.

Response by SPC James Mcneil made Jan 19 at 2015 2:03 PM

2015-01-19T14:03:03-05:00

As a Toastmaster as well as an experienced public speaker, I had lesser experienced Toastmasters asking me to mentor them often. One in particular was a very bad experience, and I determined after him to never mentor anyone in Toastmasters again. I probably will, but for now I just say no.

Response by SGT Richard H. made Jan 19 at 2015 3:03 PM

2015-01-19T15:03:22-05:00

I would suggest that those whom you don't feel are worth your time, are the ones who need it most.

Response by SGT(P) Gloria Francis made Jan 19 at 2015 3:13 PM

2015-01-19T15:13:59-05:00

The day you stop wanting to mentor is the day you've decided this is not the career for you. As leaders, we don't get to choose who we mentor. They choose us. When you're in that position...think back on who've mentored you. Had they told you no, how would you have felt? Better yet, would you have become such a great mentor? This life is not about us. We're given talents & gifts to help enhance others. We all get tired but that's when we push...for others.

Response by LTC Yinon Weiss made Jan 19 at 2015 3:24 PM

2015-01-19T15:24:50-05:00

SSG Private RallyPoint Member - What I recommend is that if somebody asks you to be their mentor, and you know that doing so would come at a high cost (i.e. degrading your ability to help others), then I suggest having a standard and fair request for each person who is asking, to determine who is serious about improving. For example, if somebody asks you to be their mentor, you can say "Ok, I'll be your mentor, and to get things started, I need you to first do..."

You can ask for something which makes sense given the context. For example, you can say "I want you to write for me an essay which highlights what you think are your strengths, your weaknesses, where you have made mistakes in the past, and how you think you want to improve on them in the future."

Off the bat, most people who are not truly going to respect your time will not even write anything, and it's their loss. Of those who actually take the time to write their thoughts in a meaningful way, then you know you have found somebody who you can really have an impact on and who really wants your help. Those who were never serious about it, will probably not come back to you... and you can't say you didn't give them a fair shot.

You can also ask for other things, like "If you want my help, show me that you are serious by coming in to work on time 30 days in a row." Or something like that. Whatever makes sense for your environment.

Response by MSG Floyd Williams made Jan 19 at 2015 6:58 PM

2015-01-19T18:58:40-05:00

It is part of an obligation as a leader to mentor subordinates, it can be overwhelming at times but there's resources to help you along the way. It isn't good at all to turn down someone without giving a good try, it can be damaging to the subordinate Soldier, Airman, Sailor, or Marine. This rejection can cause a subordinate to be disgruntle and lose confidence in his/her superiors, then there will be a added problem to the existing problems.

Response by SMSgt Ottis West made Jan 19 at 2015 7:20 PM

2015-01-19T19:20:29-05:00

Wow someone want advice from you what an incredible responsibility. I remember that crossroads and to be honest there were a few that I did not really like. However, to whom much is given much is expected. With every promotion came increased responsibility and accountability. I took it as my responsibility to mentor those under my leadership the rock stars and the rock duds. You never know you may be just the right mentor with the right approach that helps that Joe's light bulb come on and turn the corner to becoming a productive member of our military community. Always consider it an incredible privilege that someone chose you to be their mentor!

Response by SPC(P) Jay Heenan made Jan 19 at 2015 8:54 PM

2015-01-19T20:54:54-05:00

Do you, as a NCO, get to 'decide' who gets the privilege and who doesn't when it comes to mentoring younger Soldiers? We don't get to decide who is worthy of our time and attention.

"I am aware of my role as a noncommissioned officer. I will fulfill my responsibilities inherent in that role. All Soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership; I will provide that leadership. I know my Soldiers and I will always place their needs above my own. I will communicate consistently with my Soldiers and never leave them uninformed..."

This is just my two cents...

Response by SGT Jonathan Williams made Jan 19 at 2015 8:56 PM

2015-01-19T20:56:36-05:00

Honestly. You don't. If you are a Sergeant, this is a part of your job. There are ways to limit the assistance; however you should not be failing this. I hope you will reconsider.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 12:14 AM

2015-01-20T00:14:31-05:00

"There are those out there whom I don't feel it worth my time to give much assistance to."

"You have a soldier/sailor that has many problems and is constantly in trouble. He comes to you and asks you to mentor them, or he tries to get close to you but you want nothing to do with him/her."

I do not understand this mentality, SSG Private RallyPoint Member. Do you mind clarifying? Are you talking about problem soldiers wanting an "out" for consistent and purposeful issues? Or soldiers with problems searching for guidance?

I'm not sure here, and not wanting to jump the gun. With typing, there's quite a bit lost in translation, I guess.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 7:16 AM

2015-01-20T07:16:31-05:00

I want to thank each and every one of you for responding to my post. Each response, either harsh, tough love or empathize with has been real eye opening. I'm trying to respond to each of your comments as I can.

To clarify, I'm a reservist, which means I have a full time job, a father of special needs children and a husband....not an excuse but a fact. I never stated I was going to turn anyone down, nor have I. This is merely a topic of discussion that I can use information from to help with myself and future NCO's. I train DS's to become DS's and I spend alot of my civilian time doing this.

Every response that one received has been a real eye opening experience into each branch of the service, both enlisted and officer, and how you truely feel about leadership and your duty. I'm hoping I can glean a fraction of what each of you have accomplished.

Response by MSgt Michael Durkee made Jan 20 at 2015 7:27 AM

2015-01-20T07:27:54-05:00

As many have already said, sometimes the people you may not "feel" like mentoring are the ones that need it the most. There have been many times over my 24 year career that I've had to do things I didn't "feel" like doing - funny enough, they have turned out to be some of the best moments of my life and career.
There have been a few that have left me shaking my head, but years later when you meet up with them again or they send an email thanking you for caring and contributing to their self realized goals...there is no better feeling.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 7:32 AM

2015-01-20T07:32:13-05:00

SSG Private RallyPoint Member,

I enjoyed reading your question, but I am a little disheartened by the responses that most of the leaders have posted. First of all, by using the term "mentor" rather than "lead", you're indicating that the Soldiers in question are either, 1) not in your NCO Support Channel, or 2) are in your support channel but are requesting in-depth mentorship that goes beyond what you'd normally provide as their first line supervisor.

Your time is finite. Therefore, no matter how much you want to help 100% of the Soldiers who request/need your mentorship, you must decide whether to spend less time with your harder-working mentees or politely refuse to mentor the Soldiers who are less willing to sacrifice their immediate gratification for the greater good.

Personally, I'm fed up with Soldiers being shoved to the side so that leaders can take care of the problem children. (**EDIT: My concern is in regard to all junior enlisted Soldiers in general, something I experienced in my previous unit but not my current one.) Why should we even bother working so hard, showing up early and staying late, always being on time even if it means getting less sleep, getting our uniform together the night before, and foregoing instant gratification in order to stay out of trouble, if all it means is that I get less of our supervisor's attention?

I get it. "The squeaky wheel gets the oil." Well, how about this... how about if the silent wheels just ETS so leaders can take all the time they want mentoring the squeaky wheels. Good luck with that.

Response by 1SG Mike Case made Jan 20 at 2015 7:49 AM

2015-01-20T07:49:53-05:00

We don't get to pick and choose who we mentor. Now some Soldiers just want a little bit of advice or some guidance but to truly mentor someone , I believe is a whole different story. If a Soldier, who is deemed as a troublemaker and "not worth your time", but has come to you for advice, guidance , or mentorship deserves it. I would stipulate to this Soldier that certain requirements had to be met. He would have to stop getting in trouble, quit causing problems, so forth and so forth. It appears he has realized he is screwing up and chose you to help repair him and his image, as a Soldier. The mark you leave on the Army will not be something you did, but one day that Soldier, who you help turn around, will be talking to his Soldier and say something like "I remember when SGT Goodknight squared me away or how SGT Goodknight did something a certain way and that is how we are going to do it". Soldiers are seeking you out because they see something in you that they want to emulate....accept that a s a good thing and take the time to help the ones who do come to you. The hard work and extra time will be rewarded with the Soldiers that you help make into great NCOs, Warrant Officers, or Officers.

Response by SFC Nikhil Kumra made Jan 20 at 2015 8:05 AM

2015-01-20T08:05:25-05:00

I agree with you. There are some people that are worth mentoring and some who truly aren't. Time is a much more precious commodity than even money, and therefore needs to be invested wisely. Not everyone is worthy of your time quite honestly. The receiver of knowledge needs to be willing to accept it and actively apply it to their life.

With that, I would give these individuals projects. Readings, some sort of additional work that you could tie a lesson to. As you grow your trust in them that they're serious, the. Start to mentor them. People deserve a chance, but they need to prove that they're willing and worthy.

Response by CW3 Clayton C. made Jan 20 at 2015 8:12 AM

2015-01-20T08:12:08-05:00

I'm on global. Look me up and pass them to me if you feel, after reading my response, that you still do not wish to mentor this soldier. It's easy to mentor a soldier that's doing well. The real leadership challenges lie in the troubled soldiers who just want help. I'm not going to scold you for your question. I see that you seriously dislike this soldier and if that is going to interfere with your mentorship, it's good that you recognize that and act. You should probably self assess right about now and find out why you're unwilling to help someone who is clearly in need. You stated earlier that Soldiers come to you for guidance, there's probably a reason for that. You're most likely a leader that they trust to keep their best interest in mind.

Consider it and don't be afraid to take on a challenge that you know will likely fail. Someone's got to do something and the gauntlet has fallen first at your feet. I've taken on leadership challenges in the past that I absolutely knew were going to fail, but we try our best anyway. We do this because we are those leaders that are consistently looked to for guidance. I won't tell you to take on this challenge, but I will tell you that it could help you grow as well. Don't be afraid of failure, all of the greats failed a million times before they succeeded.

Response by SSG Tim Everett made Jan 20 at 2015 9:08 AM

2015-01-20T09:08:27-05:00

You don't. It doesn't matter what you want to do and what you don't want to do. You don't want responsibility?

Go punch your 1SG and get demoted.

As a Sergeant, I didn't want to do SDNCO or CQ on Saturday because it was 24-hr duty and my recovery period was Sunday, another day off of mine. I did it anyway. As a Sergeant, I didn't want to be in charge of the range detail that was supposed to set up a GP Medium -- that's a big tent and my junior enlisted MI weenies were idiots. I did it anyway. As a Sergeant, I didn't want to be in charge of the shit-burning detail. I did it anyway. As a Sergeant, I didn't want to lead troops in combat, because what if one of them died? I did it anyway.

All these things, I did them anyway. Why?

Because that was my job.

Response by 1SG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 9:10 AM

2015-01-20T09:10:22-05:00

On the contrary, as an NCO, it is our responsibility to keep our soldiers squared away and coach them using our experience. I don't necessarily feel that it is an option To Mentor or Not To Mentor, but just part of the job. Even though you may have someone who is "ate up", look at that as a challenge to see what you're made of. The best thing is that you did your part and the worst thing is ignoring the individual. Not meant as a blast on you or your character, just my two cents.

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 10:39 AM

2015-01-20T10:39:34-05:00

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to ask for help. If someone truly wants to improve, recognizes the need, and admires you enough to ask for help, how can you say no?

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 11:19 AM

2015-01-20T11:19:18-05:00

If I, as a junior enlisted, messed it up and realize that I need help getting my things together, it would turn down my willing to improve that the leader that I chose to be my mentor doesn't want to help me because of the impression of the mistakes that I made. Same mistakes that I'm looking to fix and the reason why I'm looking for mentor.
But honestly, if I see that the leader is not in the best interest of helping me, for the reason it may be, I would look for somebody else and wouldn't wait for him/her to tell me no.

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 11:59 AM

2015-01-20T11:59:02-05:00

I think if it's the choice to not be the mentor is made, maybe finding someone better suited for the role would be a helpful thing to do. And say "I am not sure I am prepared to be a mentor or I have someone who is a better choice for a mentor." I think at that point setting them up for success is the best option vs leaving them high and dry. ☺️

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 12:18 PM

2015-01-20T12:18:08-05:00

SGT Justin Goodknight,

Please don't take offense to this, I am not trying to insult you, but if you see subordinates that "aren't worth your time" maybe your time isn't worth anything. The ones with the problems are the ones that need the mentorship the most. Any good NCO should jump at the chance to mentor them. One of the biggest problems with army leadership is that some are quick to pass someone or something off to make it someone else's problem.

"I am a Noncommisioned officer, an leader of Soldiers" not a leader of only good Soldiers but all Soldiers. If they are seeking you to be a mentor, step up to the plate and do it. If you can't do it, give your stripes to some one who can.

Response by 1LT A. Uribe made Jan 20 at 2015 12:43 PM

2015-01-20T12:43:18-05:00

As a former NCO, I believed in the NCO creed in that all Soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership. If a subordinate approaches you to be mentored that itself is an honor, however, not all Soldiers are worth the time. There are those that talk the talk, but walk the walk on a lot of things. My suggestion is, put them on an epic test to evaluate them. If they meet or exceed it then by all means that soldier is worthy.

Response by SFC Richard M. made Jan 20 at 2015 1:44 PM

2015-01-20T13:44:37-05:00

I haven't read all of the responses, so I hope I'm not repeating too much of what has been said, but here's my thoughts:

If the Soldier reports directly to you, you don't have a choice. Step up and take on the challenge.

If the Soldier is in your unit and reports directly to another NCO, then that other NCO needs to step up and become that Soldier's mentor.

But, if the Soldier comes looking for advice or guidance from time to time and you're the one he or she comes to, then again, you don't have a choice. That's what we as leaders do. We sacrifice ourselves for the betterment of the Soldiers around us.

Response by PFC Karen Jordy made Jan 20 at 2015 7:44 PM

2015-01-20T19:44:26-05:00

While in the military I never had the rank or the skills to mentor anyone, in any way. However, through 38 years AFTER the military, I have learned many things and lived many ways; therefore, I have had numerous young people to help them in their life's pathways.

No matter what, if you have something worthy to share, PLEASE do so, even if you think the person is not worthy of your time. Actually, EVERYONE is worthy, even if YOU don't think so. A few kind words from a person of your rank and position may save that person's life later on!

Response by SPC Erica Simonsen made Jan 20 at 2015 8:59 PM

2015-01-20T20:59:02-05:00

If you truly believe that this person has many problems and is constantly in trouble, would you not want to mentor them to help guide them into being a better person, one who makes wiser decisions? If not, maybe recommend someone who could be that person instead.

Also, you are wearing a Drill hat. I would think you of all people would understand the importance of molding those who need guidance the most.

Response by CPT Ahmed Faried made Jan 20 at 2015 10:14 PM

2015-01-20T22:14:29-05:00

Consider it an honor and a testament to your leadership abilities that junior Soldiers look to you for mentorship. Now is there a specific reason you don't want to mentor them? Time constraints? Inability to give them your full attention? Unless it is a valid reason I think you should "suck it up" and pass on your knowledge. The joe you mentor today could very well be the a CSM down the line.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Jan 20 at 2015 10:50 PM

2015-01-20T22:50:31-05:00

I don't want to mentor you.

It might be good to add the why or who might be a better mentor for them but those are all extras.

Response by GySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 11:04 PM

2015-01-20T23:04:21-05:00

It's easy you tell him you don't care about him and his problems. Go into detail that you don't diserve the rank that you wear. You then EAS and go on to places that don't require you to help and lead others.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 20 at 2015 11:49 PM

2015-01-20T23:49:32-05:00

I think the fact that these soldiers are seeking you out speaks to the quality of their character and their motivation/desire to succeed. They recognize that you possess qualities worth emulating and that they have much to learn from your example. I don't think someone coming to you for mentorship is necessarily asking to take up excessive amounts of your time, but looking to have someone to call upon and bounce ideas off of.

For reference, I am also a Reservist with a young family, working full-time as a teacher, and know the struggle of being pulled in a number of directions with minimal time for myself.

Response by Sgt Packy Flickinger made Jan 21 at 2015 1:59 AM

2015-01-21T01:59:52-05:00

"Get out of here kid. You bother me."

Response by SPC Charles Brown made Jan 21 at 2015 3:54 AM

2015-01-21T03:54:21-05:00

I am sorry, but every soldier is worth mentoring, they took the time and effort to seek you out for help and guidance, and you turning them away is no way to treat a subordinate. My advice to you is to remember where you came from, and whether you made the same mistakes or not pay them the attention they deserve as a Soldier, Airman, Sailor, Marine or Coastie. Problem children can very often turn out to be some of the best and most devoted service members if or when given the chance by the very people who don't think they are "worth my time". If they are willing to expend the time and effort as well as being willing to make the necessary changes then give them the help they are asking for.

What troubles me most is that you are wearing the Round Brown and feel this way. This is just my opinion, and if I offend you with this comment...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 21 at 2015 5:15 AM

2015-01-21T05:15:48-05:00

There's a lot of good advice on this Q thread. I'm just here to make ya laugh and lighten it up a bit. You're not the first, and certainly not the last to tell Joe Raggedyman: Go/NoGo - I have forty more just like you, unlike Burger King? Special orders do upset us!

Response by SSG Dave Rogers made Jan 21 at 2015 6:25 AM

2015-01-21T06:25:03-05:00

If you don't want to mentor people than you shouldn't be a leader. As a person in a position of leadership it is your responsibility to ensure that all of those below you are prepared and educated in their position as required. If we start to pick and choose who is to be mentored than we are doing an injustice to our roles as leaders. We are only as strong as our weakest link or do they not teach that any more in the military.

It is not for you to decide who is worthy of leadership, but to ensure that soldiers are placed in assignments that fit their skills to ensure that the unit is performing above standards. While the soldier may not want to be there, with proper training they can still perform their duty and not make mistakes that could cost them or others their lives.

Great leaders are not those that run away from challenges but embrace them. When I first entered the Army I did not want to be there, I was doing it for money for college, I planned to do 4 years and get out. My leaders did not care about my reasons for being there, they made me train and learn just as hard as everyone else. Because of their leadership I came to not only be good at my job, but enjoy being in the Army, I went from not wanting to be in the army to a strong leader and good soldier.

I learned not to treat my soldiers as individuals that I may or may not like, but as part of a team that most work together and based on their strengths to make our section and unit a success. If you can't do that then I would say it is time to turn in your strips.

Response by MSG D Cebo made Jan 21 at 2015 9:37 AM

2015-01-21T09:37:52-05:00

STOPPP!!!! you always have to find the time to mentor any Soldier good or bad that Soldier may be, you may influence that INDIVIDUALLL AS LONGER IS POSITIVE MENTORSHIPPPP
is your DUTY!!! to your BRANCH AND THE COUNTRY END OF Questions NEXT!!!

Response by MAJ James Hastings made Jan 21 at 2015 9:50 AM

2015-01-21T09:50:26-05:00

I actually had this dilemma a couple years back working as a civilian in the Intel Community. Subordinate was sharp and looking for advancement; I on the other hand was a bit worn out and looking toward retirement. At the time I was working for the biggest narcissistic ego driven Executive I ever met!

Solution: I pitched the mentoring idea to the boss and he ate it up! His ego wouldn't let him say no!

BLUF: Subordinate got a mentor who could actually help her; Executive got his ego stroked; I got the satisfaction of responsibly solving a nagging situation and ultimately retired with a smile on my face!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 21 at 2015 10:17 AM

2015-01-21T10:17:56-05:00

ETS would be a good option for an NCO who does not want to lead, mentor, or train subordinate Soldiers.

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Jan 21 at 2015 10:35 AM

2015-01-21T10:35:14-05:00

I dont think anything more needs to be said after SMSgt Minister Gerald A Thomas posted, well thought out, direct and to the point and right on track...as usual!!!

Response by SFC Stephen Hester made Jan 21 at 2015 11:45 AM

2015-01-21T11:45:57-05:00

"All Soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership. I will provide that leadership." - NCO Creed

As NCOs we do not get to decide who we will lead and who we won't.

Leading, guiding, mentoring...these are things that professional NCOs do. I agree that there are troops who are resistant to mentoring and after a time that may become apparent but if a Soldier ASKS for your mentorship it is likely because he or she wants to improve. You owe it to that Soldier to give them the best mentoring you can until they no longer need it or no longer deserve it.

Good luck with your mentorship, Sergeant. I hope you can make a difference.

Response by SGT Marvin "Dave" Bigham made Jan 21 at 2015 12:53 PM

2015-01-21T12:53:27-05:00

With all the humility you can summon, tell them you're not worthy... because you likely are not. If you can't do it, tell them you cannot. If you think they "aren't worth your time", consider if you are worth their time.
Either LEAD them or find them a BETTER mentor. Man, uphold your commitment to the country and service you made upon accepting the uniform.
How's that for tact, Sarge?

Response by PO1 Glenn Boucher made Jan 21 at 2015 1:52 PM

2015-01-21T13:52:44-05:00

I think no matter what we are mentors and sounding boards to other service members. We can't pick and choose whom we mentor or when we want to mentor them.

Some people will just want to come for advice and you should be willing to give them the time, even if not at that moment to talk about it. The more you are willing to even listen and be willing to offer advice, even off the cuff and not formal you will help build them into leaders.

Response by Sgt Jennifer Mohler made Jan 21 at 2015 7:48 PM

2015-01-21T19:48:48-05:00

You don't. If I ever got the luxuries of getting to pick a mentor being told no would have told me that person wasn't a leader in the first place. We got assigned mentors and you had no choice in the matter.

Response by Sgt Cortney Kangas made Jan 21 at 2015 8:15 PM

2015-01-21T20:15:29-05:00

In response to the way your original question is phrased I would say never count anyone out. There are a lot of young enlisted people out there that get labeled as troublemakers early on in their careers and they fall into this idea of thinking "well, SSgt (or whoever) already thinks I'm a bird so there's no point in trying because I'll never get promoted, etc." But those kids came in with the same mentality as us once. They wanted to better themselves, or get out of a bad environment, or just honestly wanted to serve their country. Very few are actually bad eggs.
Mentoring starts with setting the example yourself everyday for the behavior that you want out of them or they will envy the rank but never really respect you. You have to teach them that they need to model the responsibilities of the next higher rank before they can expect to achieve it and that rank is not about privilege. You also have to be someone that they can trust and will come to with difficulties before they actually do something to get themselves into trouble. Being a buddy never works with these guys. They respect someone who is professional, just, and acts with integrity in every situation. I always had my guys backs as long as they understood that I expected them to be respectful, act with integrity, and take pride in their appearance and work. If they violated any of those conditions then any butt-chewing or disciplinary action they got was deserved. If they upheld those things then I was willing to take a butt-chewing myself for them. If your troops believe in you, you'll find they won't take advantage of that.
My guys used to jokingly call me Kangas Khan because I was exacting about standards and the level of work that I expected from them but they also took great pride in the high quality of work that they produced and it made them want to be better. I never made myself out to be a mentor in any of that. I simply led the way that I wanted my leaders to be and thankfully I had some amazing leaders myself along the way that helped me develop that though they were also never "officially" mentors to me.
So with all of that said, I think that you can phrase your response in such a way that you say that you are not in a mentorship program but that if they work hard to show that they are upholding the responsibilities and values of the service and the rank then you are happy to help them learn how to better themselves but you are only going to be as serious about it as they show themselves to be. If they don't act respectfully towards their own peers, seniors or subordinates, if they don't act professionally, or if they don't show that they have pride in what they are about then it shows that they don't have a true interest in what you have to teach them.
That was long-winded but hope it helps. And I may have only been a Sgt when I was in but leadership starts from day one. I made plenty of mistakes but like I was always told and what I told my troops, what matters is what you learn from the experience.

Response by TSgt David Holman made Jan 21 at 2015 10:57 PM

2015-01-21T22:57:55-05:00

If you truly feel that they "aren't worth your time", then maybe you should look at it from a different perspective. I have never completely given up on an airman/soldier/sailor, but sometimes it isn't about making them a better troop, its about preparing them for what is next. It is a cliche, but our job as leaders is to prepare our subordinates and help them grow. We have to either help them out (foster growth in the profession of arms) or help them out (prepare them for life after the military).

I haven't always been the best airman myself, and I know I have been a burr in my superiors sides from time to time, all it took was for one SNCO to finally take me under his wing, mentor me, and give me the opportunities to succeed.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Jan 21 at 2015 11:02 PM

2015-01-21T23:02:43-05:00

Never turn down an opportunity to mentor, brother.

Response by 1LT William Clardy made Jan 21 at 2015 11:48 PM

2015-01-21T23:48:31-05:00

The answer is simple: You never tell your direct subordinates that you don't want to mentor them. It is your duty to mentor them.

When it comes to indirect subordinates, the issue is a little more complex. There, as a leader, you should redirect the subordinate to seek mentorship from his squad or team leader. If said leader is lacking the skills to properly mentor his (or her) troops, then it becomes your responsibility to ensure that the immediate leadership is properly mentored and trained (this would be your responsibility as a platoon or section sergeant, but as a first sergeant it would mean leaning on the relevant platoon leadership to make sure they're doing their jobs right). And again, you should *NEVER* tell even the most junior subordinate that you don't want to mentor him or her -- instead, you should explain that you would be usurping the junior leadership, undermining their confidence and robbing them of the opportunity to excel at their jobs, possibly with the caveat that you will provide guidance to the junior leader on an as-needed basis.

Response by PFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 12:03 AM

2015-01-22T00:03:55-05:00

This guy...Don't be like this guy, people. Don't be that guy.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 12:23 AM

2015-01-22T00:23:00-05:00

I think mentorship is not supposed to feel like a ball and chain. It's my daily duty depending on my/your experience and those with whomever you can influence to grow to meet their goals and meet the unit/ teams goals. I understand you can't mentor everyone but, that's where you could involve and build other leaders to step up.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 12:35 AM

2015-01-22T00:35:07-05:00

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 1:11 AM

2015-01-22T01:11:09-05:00

SSG Private RallyPoint Member, the first rule of the mentorship club is you don't talk about mentorship. That's just straight up awkward. The idea that everyone has to have a mentor is ridiculous. Actively seeking one out is like trying really hard to find the one person who is your soul mate. When you meet someone senior to you who you aspire to be like and that person sees in you the ability to learn and grow...and perhaps sees a mirror to a younger self...then you have a seed from which mentorship can be sewn. Over time. It starts with counseling and grows into a professional and philosophical dialogue between the two where they both grow and become better for the partnership. This doesn't happen by assigning people or taking as many people "under your wing" as you can in order to get mass on your side to hopefully find one that is going to be THE ONE. This is different than counseling. Everyone deserves that and everyone deserves to have the attention paid to them in accordance with the responsibilities of being in the chain of command. We throw the word "mentor" around like its a dirty pair of underwear now days. We need to stop and pay it the weight it is due. It is rare. It is meaningful. It isn't for everyone, because a mentor will tell you exactly what you need to hear...and honestly...most people aren't ready for that.

Response by 1SG Eric Rice made Jan 22 at 2015 2:28 AM

2015-01-22T02:28:20-05:00

First and foremost when a soldier asks that you be their mentor means that they hold you in high regards and believe that you can provide them the guidance to be successful. That being said sometimes mentoring someone doesn't require you to be actively engaged with them all the time. There are many times when it only requires you to continue to do the right thing and lead by example. Other times it requires you to listen and give advice if you feel it is necessary. I'm not sure that turning a soldier away is setting the right precedence.

Response by PO1 Alan Broussard made Jan 22 at 2015 4:42 AM

2015-01-22T04:42:44-05:00

ask them to bring a copy of their profile sheet ,it would only take a few seconds to highlight
areas to study, then they could look up references on their own. it also would only take a few seconds to let them know the number of the readiness group ,in case they needed a subject matter expert to come down for training. usually when I mess up people that want to mentor me start a line. like the time I was told to get the forklift running before I go to chow. we had no fuel on site, I used some from a can that happened to be sitting across the street, about 1500 the LT walked our way pants wet to the knees wanting to know why the boat died and he had to wade to get ashore. we got the tool box drained what fuel was left in the fork lift and had the boat running before 1510. we all got mentored till 1515, it doesn't take too long

Response by Sgt Adam Jennings made Jan 22 at 2015 6:03 AM

2015-01-22T06:03:05-05:00

I had one Marine that I was his mentor and it was a situation very much like this. He was constantly in trouble, I had no less than 20 written counseling's (I can't even remember how many verbal counseling's) on this Marine as well as 2 submitted 6105 counselings (which got swept under the rug by a backbone-less command. So, I finally said no to him, that I would no longer be his mentor. I had 5 other Marines that wanted to excel that needed my attentions as well. Counselings do absolutely no good if the Marine doesn't heed them and your command doesn't support them. Sometimes you just have to be blunt about it.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 7:21 AM

2015-01-22T07:21:07-05:00

Each of us "mentors" by example, like it or not. Trouble is, many of know how to push but not how to pull.
If you have to say "follow me" look behind and see who is following. Otherwise set a compass course that arrives at the destination and you will find many who cannot read a compass on your trail. You can teach them or leave them in your dust.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 8:17 AM

2015-01-22T08:17:18-05:00

Umm I'm confused. If you don't want to mentor Soldiers then why are you an NCO. I don't care if a Soldier is in my section, squad, company, Bn whatever if a Soldier needs guidance then it is my duty to help them out. There aren't two ways around that fact, that's my duty, period. If I feel like I don't have the answers that help that Soldier it's my duty to direct him/her in the right direction. I feel like this is whats wrong with the military nowadays too many NCOs pin on their stripes and feel like they no longer have to work but in reality the work has just begun. The accomplishment of my mission and the welfare of my Soldiers. When you become an NCO all soldiers of a lesser grade are your soldiers. And as NCOs we shouldn't hold grudges against Soldiers who we feel are a bad Soldier.

Response by SGT Edward Thomas made Jan 22 at 2015 10:41 AM

2015-01-22T10:41:57-05:00

If that is how you feel as a SGT in the US Army, my advice to you is to ETS. I think it is despicable that a NCO feels a soldier isn't worth their time to mentor. I would not be able to look mysf in the mirror after publicly saying that. SGT please talk to your next up the chain NCO leader and ask him/her to mentor you to help change your attitude.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 11:18 AM

2015-01-22T11:18:50-05:00

Mentorship is the primary duty of a leader. We have the knowledge and experience to point these young kids on the correct path. If one begins to decide who is worthy of time then the leader becomes unworthy of the followership. The juniors that make mistakes and are constantly in trouble are often the best technicians. It is a tradition of mine to request personnel that are having difficulty. It increases my chances to lead and my experience in dealing with their problems. If the issue is personal then recommend a leader that would be willing to help the junior. No man left behind is a combat slogan but are we not doing that if we begin to decide who is worthy of our time? Are we not sacrificing our subordinates who are coming to us for help and telling them there is nothing here for you? We should focus on those who are struggling and lead them to success.

Response by CPO Jon Campbell made Jan 22 at 2015 2:58 PM

2015-01-22T14:58:50-05:00

I would never tell a person that I didn't have time for them or couldn't handle taking them on as a mentor. I might suggest an alternative person once I got to know what they needed. It is very risky to give a young person the brush off. Some people seek mentor ship one time and if rebuffed they spiral down. You can't be too busy for people.

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 22 at 2015 8:42 PM

2015-01-22T20:42:08-05:00

This almost reminds me of the mantra "the bottom 20% of people often take up 80% of your time" and the rest of the folks that deserve time/attention/mentoring/feedback get beat out of that time...

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Jan 22 at 2015 8:52 PM

2015-01-22T20:52:51-05:00

I have helped and mentored Soldiers I despised because they were disloyal backstabbers who deserved to be pushed down the stairs during the hours of darkness. I did my job but it was came to a price for them for I mentored on areas they wanted me to mentor them on, and I mentored to them on how not to be a douche bag.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 23 at 2015 1:38 AM

2015-01-23T01:38:37-05:00

A lot of awesome input on this topic. In any situation I have been I always gave advice or helped out a soldier, peers and seniors regardless of the situation. I like to share my knowledge with everyone around me and will not hold anything. I absolutely hate Leaders that are not approachable and will do anything to do the bear minimum. I will share an example of a soldier I had in my company that always got in trouble for disrespect and anger issues. This certain soldier was a Pt stud and great at his job and always executed any order he has given by me. I pulled him to the side and asked him why he got counseled by other NCO's. He told me that due to his childhood experiences (personal) he tends to raise his voice and wants to voice his opinion which of course led to NCO's thinking he was disrespectful and giving them attitude. I told him good that he knows his problem and advised him to let his NCO's that he needed a break for a few and he would be back whenever he didn't agree with something. This fixed this issue he is now an NCO and we talk on the phone once in a while.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 23 at 2015 6:10 AM

2015-01-23T06:10:30-05:00

YOU GET OUT OF THE MILITARY. your job as a leader is to mentor all. you dont get to pick and choose. you train and mentor ALL of those underneath you. WHO ARE YOU to decide who is worthy of your guidance and leadership? i definitely hope you have some clarification on this question. cause it really PISSES me off when a leader turns their back on any troop just because you dont like them. maybe theyre a nerd and you feel too cool to put some time into them. maybe they struggle on the PT test and you feel theyre too weak to take hiking with you. i definitely want some clarification on this one! i have known those guys that were left in the dirt and have doubled the efforts to get their sergeant to like them that they would jump on a grenade just to show them. i dont need a Soldier to die for me to show me hes worthy of counsel. he already showed me when he signed up! check your compass! i think its leading you down the wrong road!

Response by MSgt Stephan Hall made Jan 23 at 2015 7:33 AM

2015-01-23T07:33:34-05:00

I don't want to create a military divide here, as a Senior SNCO I am expected to lead and set the example 24/7. Picking out junior troops to personally help move up the chain and assist in their development throughout their career is very dangerous. A person can't hide their favoritism, that's not an example of leadership to emulate.

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made Jan 23 at 2015 3:35 PM

2015-01-23T15:35:42-05:00

I feel that Mentorship 'happens'....sometimes, just like 'shit happens'.... Mentorship is a 2 way door that allows for people to learn from other people and can go both up and down as well as lateral. This board provides Mentorship to a wide variety of people. Often times, mentorship is just the act of observing how someone does something and trying to imitate it enough to become part of who/what you are. Other times it requires a much greater investment of time. If you determine that someone is using you as a mentor, it should be taken as a compliment as long as you are doing things right!! If you feel that there is someone that could provide BETTER mentorship for someone, suggest that they also observe/discuss with that person.

Response by SGT Francis Wright made Jan 23 at 2015 4:21 PM

2015-01-23T16:21:43-05:00

It is all part of the job. Being a Non-Commissioned Officer and all. Don't want to be a mentor then it's time to pull the pin; and get out...

Response by SFC Dan Sorrow, M.S. made Jan 23 at 2015 8:09 PM

2015-01-23T20:09:14-05:00

From reading the posts below, I'm not sure some know the difference between mentoring and NCO leadership. Mentoring takes on a level of guidance that would be difficult to impossible to provide every soldier under your leadership, especially if you're doing it correctly. Mentoring is more than giving a little more attention to a soldier in your current unit and then doing the same in another unit, etc. Mentoring could last for the duration of a career or longer. So, in response to the original post, I believe it's alright to inform the soldier that his current actions do not warrant mentoring as much as they warrant corrective actions required of any soldier in his position. I would advise the soldier of the consequences of his actions and let him know I will continue to evaluate his performance for a set period of time and then readdress the issue of mentoring (if that's possible based upon your availability and the above criteria).

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Jan 23 at 2015 9:15 PM

2015-01-23T21:15:09-05:00

This is an interesting question.

First, I need to clarify something. We have the normal chain of command, or organizational structure. It is assumed that all personnel under your direct command or leadership are going to be mentored by you, just as you are going to be mentored by your seniors. Think 2 up 2 down.

So when I was in a BN, my direct supervisor and his were by default my "mentors" and those under my charge, and theirs were my "mentees."

So let's take those folks out of the equation. I have an obligation to take care of not only their training, their well being, but their morale as well.

It's the folks that are lateral that are going to be an issue.

Since I was in the S2, I'll use that as an example. There were young Marines in the S3 or Comm that I "mentored." I proved insights that they didn't get from their direct supervisors. I was in turn Mentored by a member of my Snipers (several actually), as well as Logistics and Motor T. Heck, even the Adj took me under his wing at times.

Mentoring is sometimes 15 minutes of explaining why making sure the map & the GPS are set to the same Datum. Or knowing why 4 men make the best team setup. Or what the heck the Adj actually does and why he always looks slightly frazzled.

I don't really know much about this new concept of requesting a mentor. We always just kind of shared knowledge. Found out what others knew, and kind of cross polinated.

But back to SGT Justin Goodknight's question. How do you tactfully turn someone down?

If someone asks for help. I'd find out what there goal is. Find out what they wanted, and then marry them up with someone else who can get them there. The military is full of knowledge. We can't do it all. But we can sure as hell point them in the right direction.

So rather than "blow them off" you teach them how to fish, as the old proverb goes.

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2015 4:15 AM

2015-01-24T04:15:42-05:00

It's the problem children who need the most help isn't it? Especially if they're coming to senior leadership for help, knowing they need help, and are looking to you specifically for guidance? That's a chance to really lead right there. Especially as you move up in rank and billet you're the senior mentor figure for the entire unit around you, but a Lance can mentor and lead his team, or in the right billet his shop. I suppose it comes down to how you want to look at mentoring. There's the type of mentoring my SNCOs did with me, which was making me a better leader and enabling me to pick up more on my pack (and of course kicking me back into line when I had things cross eyed) and then there's the type of mentoring I got to watch and participate a little in, especially when I was monitoring the PCP guys, which was helping Marines who'd lost the path in some way, get back to doing the job right. A troubled Joe, sailor or Marine, has the potential to not be troubled, and if they're coming for help, they want to not be troubled. I'd say Sgt Goodknight has the best kind of problem if his example as a leader and NCO is such that his problem Joes are coming to him and wanting to know how they can be like him.

Doesn't mean you have to get close with them professionally or personally though, you set the distance on your engagement, and not all mentorship requires the kind of tight personal guidance that bringing up a talented subordinate does. Just a matter of striking the right balance between personal and professional.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2015 12:33 PM

2015-01-24T12:33:52-05:00

SGT Goodnight, I do understand that some Soldiers/Sailors/Marines/Airmen’s can be considered as a lost cause and you'll feel that given your time to them would be worthless. But, as a LEADER you don't pick who to mentor, we took a charge/oath that (at least in the Army) says; Soldiers of lesser rank are required to obey our lawful orders, but that accordingly, WE ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

So if you think they are not worth your time for whatever reason, my suggestion would be, take all action necessary within all regulations and UCMJ authorities and request a discharge for the specific person. Some people make it to our ranks in all military branches, that we all know shouldn't have. All we can do is continue to give all we know, lead them all the way through, and if needed ensure they don't continue in the ranks.

At the end SGT Goodnight what I'm trying to say is, if this specific Soldiers/Sailors/Marines/Airmen’s ask for some mentorship it is your duty to give it to him/her. We don't choose who are parents are going to be, the same way we don't choose who our Soldiers/Sailors/Marines/Airmen’s are going to be. We deal with what we get/have.

You got this SGT! It's what great leaders do.

Response by SSgt Everett Jones made Jan 24 at 2015 5:59 PM

2015-01-24T17:59:55-05:00

Maybe my line of thought is a little different from others. When I was in the Army, it was part of the job, we did it without even thinking about it. My job as a squad leader was to ensure that all the men in my squad were the best I could make them. I took pride in challenging other gun squads to gunner competition as I always felt my men would win. In the Air Guard, however, things were much different. I was never put with anyone who felt like it was a part of their "job description", leaving me to learn from whomever I could, whenever I could. Mentoring is talked about a lot, but there are some who simply refuse to take on the role, "don't have the time". All service members deserve the chance. Who knows, maybe that complete screw-up might turn into a super-troop with just a little guidance.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2015 6:22 PM

2015-01-24T18:22:39-05:00

Saying "no" to a subordinate when asked to be a mentor speaks volumes to what type of leader the superior is. If a troubled soldier/sailor/airman/marine comes to someone that they think can help them change, it's obvious that they want to do better and it is your duty to provide that mentoring they seek. If someone who is in that position fails to do so then they shouldn't be labeled as a leader. Their stripes need to be returned.

Response by Sgt Brandon Palmer made Jan 24 at 2015 8:27 PM

2015-01-24T20:27:30-05:00

Then you have failed as a leader

Response by MAJ David Vermillion made Jan 25 at 2015 9:04 AM

2015-01-25T09:04:36-05:00

I have found sometimes being a silent mentor works, you give to them and they don't that you are trying to turn their life around until one they see your positive influence. We all know who cares about us and who gave us guidance.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 25 at 2015 2:31 PM

2015-01-25T14:31:03-05:00

I get it. You're busy. a lot of us are. Sometimes you won't be able to spend all that time with private snuffy who loves chewing up your cell minutes and texting you 29 times a day. This job is like marriage. It's Flippin hard. And it sucks sometimes. Specially when your buds go out having al the fun. But it's worth it when one of your lil ducklings accelerates. You can't say no. That is the bottom line. You can tell them anything you want. But you can't say no. You can turn your phone off for a night. But you can't say no. It's the life you live. The life you chose. Don't say no to a junior. You may be all he/she has.

Response by SSG Ricardo Marcial made Aug 4 at 2015 4:45 PM

2015-08-04T16:45:57-04:00

Mentoring everyone that asked is not always feasible, but it shows a willingness on the part of the individual to seek guidance, steer them in the right direction, or ask a fellow NCO to assist that trooper. It will pay off in the end. To just send them away empty handed is not the thing to do.

Response by SFC Eric Williams made Nov 10 at 2015 1:35 AM

2015-11-10T01:35:41-05:00

I'm not surprised to see nearly 300 comments posted concerning your perceived ability to "mentor". Mentoring sometimes simply means "your listening".

Simply every military subordinate is our mente when in uniform. We are also everyone's Mentor when we hang up that uniform, so you might as well go ahead and begin to love it.....

Recommendation, do a Weekly or even bi monthly performance review with this person. If your not sure what I'm talking about you can call me anytime [login to see] .

Response by PO3 Jade Crowsmeadow made May 31 at 2016 12:21 PM

2016-05-31T12:21:41-04:00

With your personal obligations, I can see the desire to not mentor everyone. Peers should be mentoring peers. It's is a great way for a young mentor to learn more about their career, while helping others with theirs. It is the perfect opportunity for them to learn leadership skills. Instead of trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, limit your knowledge and experience to mentor the mentors only. Delegate the responsibility, which will allow an avenue for more people to learn and grow. It really is one huge leadership/learning pyramid.