How has your military-service equipped you to be a "better" spouse or parent, or a "worse" spouse or parent?

SGT Steve McFarland — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 10:29:01 -0400

We are taught certain values and traits throughout or military service, beginning in Basic Training, but those may or may-not serve us well in the civilian community, and as a spouse or parent. What do you see, both positive and negative?

Response by LCDR Joshua Gillespie made Jun 5 at 2019 12:50 PM

LCDR Joshua Gillespie — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 12:50:50 -0400

Well, you might have to ask my wife or son to get an accurate answer, but here goes. I think the Military taught me accountability... it's my "ship", my "crew", and I can't bail on it just because a shaft-bearing seal leaks. My time in a combat environment taught me that there's nothing worse than indecision. "Leading" young sailors taught me a lot about listening, being empathetic...and giving each conversation as much attention as the last. I also burned through a lot of bad habits, bad ideas, and bad behavior while "in"... so maybe as a slightly "older" and hopefully "wiser" man, I have a better perspective on value, and am less vulnerable to the things that threaten a good marriage, or set bad examples for a growing boy.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 5 at 2019 1:12 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 13:12:33 -0400

I like to envision a strong set of values will guide you now and in the future.

Response by SPC Douglas Bolton made Jun 5 at 2019 3:44 PM

SPC Douglas Bolton — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 15:44:42 -0400

SGT Steve McFarland I have a whole chapter about this in my up coming book, "Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life." It even talks about men being the spouse left behind with the kids. The book will be out in January.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Jun 5 at 2019 9:19 PM

Cpl Justin Goolsby — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 21:19:51 -0400

Honestly, I think military service teaches you to be more appreciative of your family. Being part of a career that can deploy on a moment's notice for long periods of time, you get an appreciation for the time you are allowed to spend with those you care about. Then when you consider the servicemembers who never come back home, you think of all the things that you've left unsaid or haven't shared with your family yet. Think of all the times you swore you were going to play catch with your kid but you keep saying next week and that next week never comes. Military service helps teach you to live in the moment. I believe proximity breeds complacency. Regular civilians are just used to having their families around all the time, they never expect that this time could be the last time.

If I had to list a negative, I would say the distance is also a negative side to military service. We might be all smiles and hugs when we return, but when we were gone, there's missed birthdays, anniversaries, football games, dance recitals, etc. Now while we understand this as part of the sacrifice when we enlist, these are harder for families to understand, especially children. All they see is you missed their big day.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Jun 30 at 2019 6:11 AM

LTC Stephen F. — Sun, 30 Jun 2019 06:11:35 -0400

In my case a better spouse and parent who is still a work in progress, my friend SGT Steve McFarland