How Have You Struggled?

U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 10:24:49 -0400

At VA, we care about your health and well-being. We want to hear about times when you’ve struggled with your mental health or experienced thoughts of suicide and how you managed or received support.

What has worked best for you?

What methods/steps have you taken to bring positive change in your life?

Which services provided the best / most desired outcomes for your needs?

We expect to learn from you and will try to help you where we can. We also believe Veterans, families, and caregivers sharing their struggles in forums like RallyPoint can make it easier for others to share and get help.

If you need help now, dial 988, option 1 for the Veterans Crisis Line.

If you are not yet receiving benefits or care for VA and want to see if you qualify:
Visit https://rly.pt/VAHealthCareEligibility or call [login to see] (TTY: 711).

Eligibility for VA health care | Veterans Affairs

Find out if you can get VA health care as a Veteran.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 25 at 2023 10:40 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 10:40:33 -0400

Thanks for sharing.

Response by Maj Kim Patterson made Sep 25 at 2023 10:41 AM

Maj Kim Patterson — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 10:41:39 -0400

You mean publicaly put into print the dark thoughts, the reasons, the plans? That is the extent of what I choose to say today,. I have been in darkness and in light. During the darkest times, I didn’t even get the flashlight out. It was pitch black. But I’m still here,

Response by LTC Hugo Lentze made Sep 25 at 2023 11:07 AM

LTC Hugo Lentze — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 11:07:00 -0400

I realized that I had to go to therapy, that I needed someone else to help me work through my doubts and struggles. It's helped alot: I can now identify where those doubts come from, and if I can identify the emotion and where it comes from, I can make behavior changes to overcome that emotion. Step 1 is hard, Step 2 is harder.

Response by SGT Ruben Lozada made Sep 25 at 2023 3:31 PM

SGT Ruben Lozada — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 15:31:40 -0400

Good afternoon. Excellent post. Thank You for sharing this on RP.

Response by PO3 Edward Riddle made Sep 25 at 2023 10:13 PM

PO3 Edward Riddle — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 22:13:33 -0400

The first thing I did to start working on my demons was to stop drinking and drugging. And boy did they really come alive then. But that was over 33 years ago and I'm still clean and sober with my demons in check. The main thing that helped me was AA meetings, getting a Sponsor and working the Steps. Of course, that's not for everybody. And then there's NA also. It takes what it takes.

Response by Sgt Sheri Lynn made Sep 26 at 2023 3:11 AM

Sgt Sheri Lynn — Tue, 26 Sep 2023 03:11:24 -0400

I’ve written a stack of journals on these very issues. My mental health journey has been arduous. And complicated. And agonizing. And interwoven with FREEDOM. BREATH. LIGHT.
And some days, it’s about keeping things very simple:
#1 Don’t drink
#2 Take medicine
#3 Ask for help if I need it

The beginning themes of my journey were: deny, hide, hold my breath, be very quiet. Maybe one day things will be better. Then came anger, self destruction, isolation.

When I chose to try sobriety (only after being pressured by, well, everyone), everything about my life changed. My first AA meeting, they were celebrating a person’s 1yr sobriety. I was COMPLETELY BAFFLED. “Why would a person go a whole year without drinking?” I asked myself as I sat there shaking and unraveling. I really didn’t see the purpose or point or possibility. I remember an old guy next to me patting my hand and saying “just come back”. I did. Thank God. By grace it’s been 34 yrs.

Okay, so now comes the complete destruction of the myriad of untruths, lies, illogical internal rules my brain had developed to cope. Memories of abuse, mother and father. Horrible dark brain pathway altering life events that I had no possible way of processing. Yet, I had survived. Now what?

Talk therapy, lots and lots and lots of incredibly awful talking and regurgitation. And untying that mess in my head. At a certain point I noticed some space for hope. For self care. Noticed that the awful talking was being heard and respected by my fellow humans. That the important thing was I had survived a life of childhood abuse and neglect, as well as horrible adult self destructive behavior, disgusting hurtful things done to me and by me. But I did it. I did the work. I kept showing up. Even when I cried the whole way to my appointments and the whole way home.

I actually started to thrive a little.

Then I reached a point where my brain seemed unable to go further. Beyond what I could choose. Or demand from myself. I was devastated. I went there. To the deep dark hopeless, what’s the point place. I was hospitalized 9 times in 11 months. Diagnosed with bipolar, depression, anxiety. Meds, meds, meds. A VA Dr told me it was time to “stop pulling myself up by my bootstraps” and let someone else pick up the task of figuring out how I was going to live. What? Trust someone else? Are you kidding? But it was either let go or spend my time hopelessly wanting to leave the world.

Deeper healing began. My journey since has been crazy simple and crazy hard. I’ve been introduced to therapeutic massage, aromatherapy, yoga, vitamins, gluten-free eating, physical therapy, chiropractic adjustments, meditation, journaling, affirmations, self help workbooks on everything, church, crystal bowl playing, art therapy, equine therapy, and a bunch of modalities I’m forgetting here. I have taken pieces from all of them into my own personal way of surviving and thriving.

Many calls and texts and chats to the VA Crisis Line have been my life raft in the middle of the night. When I found out I didn’t have to be completely suicidal to get help there… well, for me, it’s a great place to get compassionate, informed, reliable care. As well as resources to expand my “recovery toolbox”

I’ve reconnected with a willing-to-deal-in-truth mother. Therapy together. Yuck. And Yay! Reunited with my younger brother who is my best and most loyal advocate.

These days and weeks I choose to remain in talk therapy. The point when I realized I had NO SECRETS was maybe the best day of my life. I had actually expressed it all to another human and received acknowledgment. I don’t want to ever hold my breath in agony or fear again. And I have a safe place to live FINALLY. I filed and receive SSDI, as well as PTSD-MST disability compensation. So I am no longer financially destitute and dependent. Oh what a feeling that is.

I also have made my mental, emotional, spiritual health #1. Which is surprisingly difficult. But oh so rewarding. If I’m upset, I make myself write, or talk, or cry in some safe person’s office or arms. Every time I do that I feel better. Five minutes of surrender to my pain leaves me 23 hrs and 55 min of relative peace to my day.

And the opportunities to contribute to society? How did that happen? People get helped by me sharing? Good grief. How awesome that something good can come from such agony and hard work.

I’ll end by saying… I’m glad to be alive. I still find life very unpredictable and uncomfortable a LOT. But now I know that is not my fault. Not my responsibility. Just how it is. Life is messy. But I don’t have to ever give up on myself. Or the kindness of others who care, even if they don’t know how to. I focus on my 3 basics I listed at the beginning of this. Accomplishing those means everything. The rest is as they say, gravy. Don’t give up. Ever. Fight. Restore. Breathe.

All respect and blessings to me, and to you

Response by LCpl Javon Cabarrus made Oct 4 at 2023 5:49 PM

LCpl Javon Cabarrus — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 17:49:04 -0400

I struggled with thoughts of Suicide. I took advantage of speaking with a with a VA therapist. I think group therapy and being able to farm with my family helped. There should be carpentry programs or any trade applicable programs attached with mental health help. Financial security as well as feeling apart of a community is what a lot of us lack as we enter the civilian world.

Response by PO3 Preston Pierce made Oct 4 at 2023 6:15 PM

PO3 Preston Pierce — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:15:40 -0400

In April of this year I was suicidal and checked in at the VA in Clarksburg, WV. I was there until the last week of June. I do not receive any benefits. So I had no income, lost my job, lost my car, lost my home and when I was discharged I was homeless. Not much better off mentally but they got me into the VA in Martinsburg, WV as part of the homeless program. Martinsburg VA did absolutely nothing to address my mental health needs. In fact the only classes that they put me in were drug classes. I've never done drugs a day in my life and that includes marijuana. I told them that the classes they had me in were a waste of my time. I needed mental health assistance. Never got any mental health assistance. In fact it was the opposite. When I got there they told me I could not have my service dog because I didn't disclose I had one during our phone interview. I explained that I did address this during the phone interview and I even confirmed it with the social worker at the Clarksburg VA. Since Martinsburg didn't have it documented they say it didn't come up. So I had to get rid of my dog and I complained to Veterans Advocate. Another veteran would be at his dog in front of fellow Veterans and I complained about that to the Veterans Advocate. My dog is an Afghanistan Veteran and I don't know this dogs backstory but regardless of whether or not his dog is a veteran or not, it doesn't deserve to be beat. Another Veteran was racist and wasn't shy about it and several Veterans went to the Veterans Advocate about this guy. A staff member made sexual advances towards me and when I filed a complaint with Veterans Advocate..... I was kicked out of the VA and was told that I had Disruptive Behavior because I utilized my right to go to the Veterans Advocate. At no time did they help me with my mental health, transportation or housing. One staff member worked with me on finding employment but I never got a job lead. The VA took me from where I had resources to a town where I know not a soul and have no resources. They refuse to get me back to where I am from but they were quick to pick me up and bring me here. Even more quick to kick me out on the streets here where I don't know anyone or have a way to get back to the town I call home. I've been living on the streets for about 8 weeks and for about the last four weeks I have been without all of my medications because I sleep on the Wal Mart parking lot with no address. The VA is about a ten hour walk from where I have all my belongings. I can't tote all of my stuff there and back and I won't just leave it here for other people to just take. I don't know about other VA hospitals but this one here in Martinsburg clearly does not care for Veterans.

Response by TSgt William Velasco made Oct 4 at 2023 6:19 PM

TSgt William Velasco — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:19:59 -0400

Talked to a fellow veteran who has gone through what I was going through. Slowed down my drinking to about once a week and only one whisky, neat. Exercise each morning, boot camp style. Eat well, cut most cholesterol-heavy and sugar heavy items. Took up yoga and Taichí for mental health....became a Stoic (I can't control those things not in my control, but I can control my thoughts and actions.....and yes, I had researched when, where and how to do it but realized that living is worth the struggle....(married man to same woman for over 25 years, two kids ages 24 and 21).....anxiety and depression, followed by silent strokes (caused by high cholesterol ) that really pushed me into those dark corners (my vision became very blurry with constant daily migranes and dizzy spells that stopped after 2 months of simple medication: 81mg Aspirin and a cholesterol-lowering pill......it's been 2 months since the stroke and I'm getting better each day (less headaches, clearer vision)....may you find the path to peace within yourself.....never give up.

Response by SN Nicola Poitras made Oct 4 at 2023 6:25 PM

SN Nicola Poitras — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:25:39 -0400

I have been on my journey for over 15 years. I often find myself in a very dark place. I was recently an in-house patient for suicidal thoughts and intentions. What upsets me is there is absolutely no type of therapy. None. No-one to talk through those feelings with. No-one to sound off to. No-ones shoulder to cry on. The nurses are great, but they don't have time to sit and talk to you. There is no one to interact with. Most of the other patients feel the same way, and so we all just keep to ourselves. One guy I did talk to had been there 3 weeks, and made the offhand comment that "Next time I'll just pull the trigger".
The only interaction I had with any type of Psych staff was first thing in the morning at 'rounds'. I was asked how my night was, if I was still feeling suicidal, and if I had any thoughts of hurting myself or others. Thank you for your time, we'll see you tomorrow. After 3 days I was asked are you ready to go home.
So much for suicide prevention.

Response by SP5 Randal Love made Oct 4 at 2023 6:47 PM

SP5 Randal Love — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:47:22 -0400

I think you need to find the group that's going around and using psycwar stuff to force the issue. How many deaths are they responsible for? I don't know who they are but they've targeted me and the police are not helpful.

Response by PO2 Michael Heubel made Oct 4 at 2023 6:48 PM

PO2 Michael Heubel — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:48:30 -0400

I truly believe that they should do more studies on the affects of the so called magic mushroom as I know that they really have an affect on your whole outlook of life

Response by CDR Darlene Greene made Oct 4 at 2023 6:51 PM

CDR Darlene Greene — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:51:50 -0400

I could not recommend highly enough elevating GHK-Cu, which has proven to help reduce PTSD, anxiety, hypercoherence, pain and aggression. It balances the brain and helps activate dormant stem cells to repair, reset genes to their earlier healthier state, and improve energy and sleep. This helped lift my depression, dramatically improved my mindset and energy, and more. It also helped my husband who has Early Alzheimer's, improve his memory, engagement, energy, vocabulary, helped him to regain lost skills including smell (lost 15 years ago), and recapture his funny and flirty personality that had drifted away as a part of the disease.

I don't understand why it's not more public knowledge. It's affordable. Doesn't require injections or a prescription and is dramatic in it's improvement.

Happy to share with anyone interested how we are elevating our GHK-Cu.

Response by PFC Charles Cloud made Oct 4 at 2023 6:56 PM

PFC Charles Cloud — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:56:12 -0400

When Northwest Battle Buddies gifted me a service dog it saved my life. My dog Millie, gave me a reason to live where none existed.

Response by Maj James Mathews made Oct 4 at 2023 6:59 PM

Maj James Mathews — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:59:32 -0400

I am lucky did not serve in action that bothered me. But would love to help my fellow veterans in anyway possible.

Response by SPC William Baker made Oct 4 at 2023 7:02 PM

SPC William Baker — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:02:27 -0400

I was just telling my friend today I need to look up and see what is new to take for people feeling like I do as my psych doctor is calling me tomorrow. I hate life right now I I really don't have a reason too. I don't want to anything. I can buy what I want. I just can't do what I want because of my pain all the time. I am just stuck in a bad place right now and don't know what the hell to do. I wish there was a magic pill but there is not. I am 61 years old and boy did I get old fast. After I went though 4 hard surgery's last year I feel like I have aged 20 years since. I didn't feel old until after last year. I have went though over 25 surgery's over the last 17 years and it has taken a toll on me now. I really don't know what the hell to do.....

Response by SrA Pepper Cox made Oct 4 at 2023 7:09 PM

SrA Pepper Cox — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:09:53 -0400

Is there a way we can provide suggestions and or help?

Response by SFC Altermese Kendrick made Oct 4 at 2023 7:13 PM

SFC Altermese Kendrick — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:13:03 -0400

When I made it to enough and past done, I decided to choose myself and to choose life. I booked a flight to Peru. At the time, I didn’t know why Peru, but that is what was in my heart. I decided to go there as a volunteer instead of just a tourist. I fell in love with Cusco, so after returning to the states, I decided to go back. I worked as a teacher for 2.5 days. I was hiding. This time, I needed to just be. I had work to do on myself and I needed to get away from distractions and get busy with healing.
Long story short, I found my way to the plant medicines and I entered a 90 day healing and cleansing. It saved my life. I HAD TO WORK, but I FINALLY feel more Life than Darkness!! Going to Peru helped me beyond what I can describe. I think about life now, not death. I am happy to be alive

Response by SPC Ryan Russell made Oct 4 at 2023 7:16 PM

SPC Ryan Russell — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:16:18 -0400

How have I struggled? Do you honestly give a shit? Because your doctors didn’t when they put me on the wrong medication and ate a decade of my life.

Well, to be fair, it was only one doctor and an RN with no oversight and a device on which she checked boxes and never bothered with any diagnostic work because she wasn’t qualified to do any. Meanwhile the both of them blamed me for the very obvious, not to mention extremely common, side effects of the medication that they put and left me on.

Response by SSG Bradley LaSalle made Oct 4 at 2023 7:23 PM

SSG Bradley LaSalle — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:23:12 -0400

Fix the broken system. They made me have 2 major surgeries and closed my case even when they had all the information and I didn’t get paid for 10 months. Eviction, truck repossession, electric and water turned off. And they wonder why the suicide rate is so high.

Response by PO2 Stephen Cline made Oct 4 at 2023 7:25 PM

PO2 Stephen Cline — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:25:29 -0400

I went to the VAMC originally for mental health services. I went for nearly a year. In that entire time I never saw the same shrink twice. Even tried group therapy. There was no professional in the group during group therapy. I've lived with depression most of my life I was in a really bad place for several years, went to the VA for help and got none. I had been going to the VAMC for over 20 years now minus the three years the VAMC wouldn't even let me in the building. All heard from everyone during those three years was "Studies show,.." Unlike the VA I actually looked up and read every study I could find going back to 2002. I can tell you "Studies don't show,.." Now that I am allowed back in the VAMC I don't hear from them. All I have is a VA issued MedTronic device and a Nurse that calls me once a week.

Response by LCpl Dave Dickte made Oct 4 at 2023 7:26 PM

LCpl Dave Dickte — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:26:42 -0400

I have severe PTSD, so bad that the VA has deemed me unemployable. I am in the Madison, Wisconsin VA. Now my buddy is in the Great Lakes VA in North Chicago and gets no help for his. He has told them all the problems he’s having and they just prescribe medication for him. They gave him a therapist but she was based out of Texas. He is unable to focus on anything and when he was having problems getting the work done the therapist wanted him to do between sessions she said there was nothing more she could do for him. In my opinion if for any reason he ends his life his wife could sue the VA. If that was to happen I would definitely make sure she has a lawyer. I can’t believe that VA doctors or therapists can be that uncaring.

Response by Cpl Jason Matheson made Oct 4 at 2023 7:27 PM

Cpl Jason Matheson — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:27:35 -0400

Number one thing that has been beneficial to me is Jiu Jitsu. I have had many dark moments, however time spent on the mats has been extremely helpful. IT IS NOT a cure, but has been the best method of dealing with it and switching from a negative/dark day, to a very positive day and something to look forward too. No pills, not playing with body chemistry, getting in better shape, and (at least at the gym I call home GracieFighter Caribou) you develop a huge network of people to contact if you need to vent.

I can not recommend trying jiu jitsu enough. Give it 90 days. You have nothing to loose and so much to gain.

Response by SPC Michael Harmon made Oct 4 at 2023 7:39 PM

SPC Michael Harmon — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:39:48 -0400

I still struggle with the thought of taking a permanent dirt nap. It was really hard when I returned home after my first deployment & almost unbearable after I left the military.
A 72-hour hold in the Brooklyn, NY VA Hospital after an attempt helped me get acquainted with the VA and the PTSD program & of course, a pharmacy worth of meds. Also, drinking & illegal drugs did not help the suicidal ideation at all, so I eventually quit both.
However, I started using food & other vices to fill a void that I didn't even know existed & every time I try to fill this void, it seems bottomless. In all of my PTSD treatment over the last 17 years, not one doctor or therapist ever mentioned that there may be feelings within that something is missing.
While getting mental health treatment at the VA, quitting my vices, and even a trip to Peru for a 7-day ayahuasca retreat have made incremental positive changes in my life, I still struggle daily. I know the VA has started to explore alternative treatments like yoga, tai-chi...etc. Maybe the expanded allowance through the VA of certain psychedelics (psilocybin, ayahuasca, 5-meo-dmt) for combat vets could also be part of the plan.
My feeling of constant emptiness could be due to after leaving the military as a disabled person and unable to function, my sense of worth or purpose was & still is missing. Maybe the VA can provide retreats, seminars, and programs that can help spark that sense of meaning & purpose again or at least give a nudge in that direction.

Response by COL John B made Oct 4 at 2023 7:41 PM

COL John B — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:41:53 -0400

the question is how do you stop the destruction of our veterans, answer stop violating the reason we served, died and suffered for the Freedom of the US Constitution, stop dumping your failures on us ans accept the fact that the VA has no interest in the veteran aside from getting funding, you do nothing you care nothing the VA is a insult to all veterans

Response by Sgt Anthony Schmiedeler made Oct 4 at 2023 7:45 PM

Sgt Anthony Schmiedeler — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:45:29 -0400

Acceptance and Commitment therapy and Ketamine therapy were both very beneficial. But the unconditional love of my dogs and cats is probably the most impactful.

Response by SGT Walter Aitu made Oct 4 at 2023 7:45 PM

SGT Walter Aitu — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:45:34 -0400

Back-pain + ptsd
What has worked best for you?
Accessing free VA services in Hawaii, Florida, & Mississippi. Taking responsibility for my condition and recovery instead of waiting on others to help me.
What methods/steps have you taken to bring positive change in your life?
Going back to school (graduate school), seeing a therapist, exercising, and volunteering. Spending time with family, friends, and loved ones. Going back to graduate school really helped me learn about my condition and what to do and later how to help other veterans. Accepting the fact that there was something wrong with me was the biggest hurdle to my recovery journey. I was a medic so i thought i could take care of myself and trying to 'fix' my wife & kids did not help at all. There was nothing wrong with them to begin with, they were just scared of me all along!! Going out to visit homeless veterans in Hawaii, Florida & Mississippi really helped me in the healing process. I am suffering but when I visit the homeless veterans I realize that they have nothing. That alone turns my suffering into peace and humbles me to want to get better, to give back and to live a better life.
Which services provided the best / most desired outcomes for your needs?
Free counseling services from the VA.

Response by Cpl TheVA KillsVets made Oct 4 at 2023 7:49 PM

Cpl TheVA KillsVets — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 19:49:52 -0400

How can you help? Follow your own laws and regulations, good start? Actually let vets use the healthcare we earned, not hire the bottom of the barrel to “help” us. Any of the above. Over 70% of Veteran suicides are VA related. Look in the mirror. You’re the problem. When veterans go through years of red tape, when your organization does everything they can to deny benefits. When vets have to get congressional reps involved to force you to do your job. It’s disgusting. All that money could pay each veteran much more than just 100% and provide full healthcare if we fired all of you and put the funds to the vets. how can you help us? Abolish yourself and give us the funds or actually do what you’re legally bound to do.

The overwhelming amounts of comments from vets in the other post who’ve also had your C&P examiners lie is magnificent. You’ve killed more vets than our enemies. You are the problem. Removing you is how we lower veteran suicide.

Response by SGT Charles James made Oct 4 at 2023 8:08 PM

SGT Charles James — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 20:08:10 -0400

I put my mind on others things challenging by building lego sets.

Response by LCpl Wesley Cover made Oct 4 at 2023 8:13 PM

LCpl Wesley Cover — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 20:13:17 -0400

I was a patient for decades. I was in and out of VA facilities as well as civilian facilities. I did try to commit suicide and I dod want to die. After decades of appointments and medications and therapy. After being sent to the #1 place in the entire country, I was still struggling to be a contributing member of society, struggling to be a husband and to be a father. I was told I had life-long diseases and mental diagnosis and my best hope was that one day I could become a functional adult. None of the mental health meds worked and the therapy and talk groups helped but it was a bandaid instead of a cure. It got so bad the VA started writing me every year on my birthday because they were just as shocked as my family, that I made it another year. But everything changed in an instant. I wanted God to heal me and what happened was miraculous truth, Jesus delivered the spirit of suicide off of me. My medical records show that I was one way for decades and completely different after 1 day. You can't medicate or therapize something that is spiritual. Deliverance is real. Now we travel the world and help people and veterans get delivered of suicide! God said He would send me into the VA to help one day and I pray that day is soon. I do not want the enemy to take out any more of my brothers and sisters. In Jesus name suicide will bow amd be broken off of many veterans.
I know what it is like to go through the program for sooo long. I now know what it is like to be free and alive in Christ Jesus. I thank God for each and every one of you and pray to God that you understand there is hope, and His name is Jesus! ooh rah

Response by SFC Chad Ambrose made Oct 4 at 2023 8:38 PM

SFC Chad Ambrose — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 20:38:15 -0400

Therapy wise, logotherapy or framing situations has helped me. Medication wise…..generic (and inexpensive) racemic ketamine IV has saved my life, given at a MTF. Spravato (esketamine) is the only FDA approved equivalent, but its not generic, and costs are really not financially feasible.

I hope that the dissociative anesthetic IV ketamine gains traction with VA’s, while it is certainly no cure for depression and PTSD, a simple once a month IV infusion has better efficacy, and fortunately study after study substantiates this.

Response by SSG Hugh Joiner made Oct 4 at 2023 8:45 PM

SSG Hugh Joiner — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 20:45:24 -0400

Over my lifetime I’ve attempted suicide 23 times…so I guess u can say I’m not very good at it… However; I have come up with the perfect plan this time… It came from a recent break up from the woman I considered “the love of my life” we’d been together 29 years… but I finally had enough of her controlling and manipulating ways and kicked her out of my life forever…
It’s been a whole year now! Since there are grandkids involved I still have to be around her … but I don’t stay in the same space and I haven’t spoken a single word to her since…
So…a few years back I rediscovered cannabis…Changed my life!!! I was able to get my headspace and timing corrected…and…started dabbling around in different eastern religions and philosophies… in the course of that I discovered an author named Alan Watts… who explains Zen teachings to where even I can grasp the concepts… so I’m going to expose the secrets of “Zen”… there are no secrets… “Zen” or “Dao” is already within you…
A student once came running to his master crying… Master help me still my mind it is in chaos! The master said, “Go! Bring me this mind that I might ease it.” The student replied; “Master I cannot I have been searching for it for years and have yet to find it.”
“There your mind is stilled!” replied the master.
My whole point is this…
Most people commit suicide to get back at someone or some thing…if you’re doing it for some thing…you may get your name in the paper or a post on social media where it will be…forever…buried under the trillions and trillions of other posts compiling in milliseconds…buried forever…the river…the flow of the universe…doesn’t stop…if you’re doing to hurt somebody…yes you will…but other than your very closest family members maybe one or two very close friends will think about you…but everybody else??? They too get caught in the same universal flow…even the ones hurt the most move forward…they still wake up, they’re blood still circulates, they still eat, etc… in other words some time …. someplace …. You’ll come back around again…

Response by CW3 Alson Tippen made Oct 4 at 2023 9:09 PM

CW3 Alson Tippen — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 21:09:57 -0400

VA Mental health groups, VA walking groups, VA bicycling groups, NVGAG groups.

Response by SGT John Schmelzkopf made Oct 4 at 2023 9:19 PM

SGT John Schmelzkopf — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 21:19:11 -0400

I remember coming home 27 Mar, 73 very angry, all for nothing, never lost a Battle but lost the War. All those Brother's lost for nothing, Stupid Command, Kissinger Selling Out our POW's first by giving the North a List of "Likely Survivors" at the Beginning of the Paris Talks and demanding a Complete Accounting, Guess who we got back. We left at least, 1,000 unaccounted for, you Air Force Guys know, I'm sure they still do it, All the Pilots had a unique Panel set up, you could tell by the Panel Lay Out who it was. Well, we had many Recon Photos of American POW sites where Panels were Trampled into the Vegetation or otherwise Marked out and American looking Prisoners sometimes visible nearby. So yes, Suicide's went through the Roof. I first had anger, then Survivors Guilt, then one day I made up my mind to Live for them. Was an Alkey, quit in 82 and guess what, the Nightmares slowly went away, someone told me it takes about a month for every year you were drinking to recover mentally, emotionally. I was surprised it worked out about right, about 3 years and things started getting pretty good.
You Iraq and A-Stan Vet's are probably going through similar times now, don't let Biden, Austin or Milli Vanlli's stupidity get you. You did your Job's as Ordered, they sold out our Country and are still doing it. Stand Proud and Live a Good Life for those Brother's and Sister's that gave theirs, they would have wanted that

Response by SGT Brent Scott made Oct 4 at 2023 9:26 PM

SGT Brent Scott — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 21:26:03 -0400

After seeing a late night infomercial and seeing someone that was a cause of my mst I began having bad memories and nightmares, I was receiving mental health for anxiety and tremors but wasn’t comfortable speaking to my health provider at the time about the incident, but I did ask for additional help and was just loaded up on more meds, unfortunately those meds made me take a wrong turn and it sent me into a deeper depression, the state I was in was unlike something I had never experienced. I tried and tried to find things to keep me occupied but it didn’t work, my marriage was being affected and my relationship with my children and friends was taking a turn for the worse. I can’t say and I won’t say that I did not think about suicide, I thought about it a lot, and eventually got to that point where I attempted it two different times. I tried blowing my brains out with a 9 mm and the firing pin hit the bullet and it didn’t go off, I was so shaken and upset I never mentioned it to anyone, I tried again two weeks later with my 45 ! I loaded the clip with one round and chambered it, put it up to the side of my head and pulled the trigger, it also printed on the round but did not fire, my wife walked it and flipped out, she called her provider who apparently called my mental health provider and all hell broke loose!! Guess what? It was here!, just take these meds and you’ll be better, it didn’t help, I wasn’t going to test fate again, I can say that now I’m in a way better place and I wish I had made the adjustments earlier! But I can say from the experience that I would have been a statistic with veteran suicide. I speaking to yall from just my experience. I know that when I was reliving the memories and I was having major issues that I did not want to tell anyone, I did not trust anyone either, I didn’t want to reach out for help, I thought I would be better off dead, there would be no pain in my life and my troubles would be over. But that wasn’t the case, I have learned that the crisis line means well and all the doctors are trying there best to help other vets with their issues, but sometimes those who try or accomplish suicide don’t want the help? I didn’t! So I can understand a little bit about what it means to not reach out. I’m not sure how this will help, but plz oh plz talk to someone if you are having issues. There is major changes within the VA for vets that are thinking of committing suicide. So many solutions that I myself never even knew existed. It’s been about 2 yrs since my life was dark and gloomy and I was at a point of no return, but since then I have changed mental health providers, taken some courses that I didn’t want to take but which truly helped me in the long run, im on a steady regimen of meds with no side effects and I have a mental health team that checks on me all the time, and I now know I can reach out for help if I feel the need with absolutely no judgement! If I can help any of my fellow vets, brothers or sisters plz reach out to me. I can say I’ve been there, attempted it and failed thank god, don’t be afraid to ask for help

Response by SP6 Terry Williams made Oct 4 at 2023 9:44 PM

SP6 Terry Williams — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 21:44:00 -0400

The Dr's at VA say they are listening to you but they are not really listening,,,
At the end of the day, they make the final decision on your Health, you have no input on the course of action on your health,,either take the plan of action they have or don't,,,if you become a a pain or start complaining,,,they Label you as something is wrong with you..

Only because you're fighting for your Health.....

Response by SP6 Terry Williams made Oct 4 at 2023 9:47 PM

SP6 Terry Williams — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 21:47:54 -0400

I have struggle because as I saw no end in sight with my medical condition and the VA DR's only had there agenda in place...

But through the help of my family,, that what's saved me and I still struggle today....The VA Dr's are not helping because they are the absolute decision makers on my Health at the VA......

Response by SPC Kenneth Deery made Oct 4 at 2023 9:50 PM

SPC Kenneth Deery — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 21:50:28 -0400

What worked? Jesus, ask yourselves what isn't working. That is what is killing our vets. I have been seeking help for a very long time. I never got the slightest help at the VA or even evidence that ANYONE gave a shit down there. The magic word gets their attention though. Suicide ! When you finally get so dark, so desperate that you finally admit to another person that you are suicidal it may be too late but you will get their attention. You see, suicide is one of those big statistics that people watch and it looks bad on the VA. I repeatedly tried at the VA. I also have medicare and an AARP supplement that supposedly has mental health coverage. Complete bullshit. Three kinds of coverage and can't get anyone to keep a fucking appointment. The VA likes to pull us back from the edge if they can but fuck all anything else.

Response by Cpl Dara Ea made Oct 4 at 2023 10:01 PM

Cpl Dara Ea — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:01:59 -0400

I had PTSD long before my time in the Marine Corps. I almost killed myself while I was serving.
PTSD continues to haunt me long after I was discharged. I'm ok now. There are still flshback, not as bad. What helped me until today? Venging helps me deal with my anger. I went on google discussion group and wrote many opinions from what I strongly believe.
I received PTSD after the four years under Khmer Rouge regime. I stopped talking to any Cambodians for so many years. That was how much I hated those people. I'm pretty sure that many of you veterans can relate to. For me, talk about it helps me heal. I know it does. I tried numerous time to participate in discussion group with the VA. But no one seems to be interested.

Response by PO3 Pamala McNall-Granier made Oct 4 at 2023 10:13 PM

PO3 Pamala McNall-Granier — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:13:57 -0400

Every morning I read the daily word on the Bible app. The more I learn about God, the more I know He will Always be there. In the good and the bad times.

Response by SPC Bob A made Oct 4 at 2023 10:28 PM

SPC Bob A — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:28:40 -0400

I'm long-time sober, 30+ years without a drink or a drug, and would not still be on this planet without the help I get from AA, which I was originally introduced to while on active duty at Fort Hood in 1986. Yes, that's six years from my first AA meeting to sobriety. I have a very hard head.

I hit a new bottom with money and debt in 2008 and experienced suicidal thoughts between 2010 and 2012, more than I ever had before, including during active alcoholism and drug addiction. It again took six years -- including two years as a homelessness veteran and a near-fatal illness that was 80-90% preventable had I not had a death wish -- before I gained freedom from incurring new unsecured debt, which is called solvency in DA (Debtors Anonymous), a complete and total game changer for me.

This second recovery not only dealt with my money problems which included not only my imprudent propensity for borrowing but also the underlying symptoms like spending too much and earning too little and the underlying feelings of worthlessness and obsession with a lifetime of professional and personal failures, financial and otherwise. Let's not forget my obsession with money and stuff too, especially stuff that other people and I felt entitled to.

Nine years into my solvency, I'm happier than I've ever been, still deeply engaged in my recovery from both alcoholism and compulsive debting. Thanks to recovery and the 12 Steps / 12 Traditions, I haven't had a suicidal thought in more than a decade. I invite you to take a look at https://debtorsanonymous.org/ to see if this might help you too.

Debtors Anonymous - Meetings, Support, Groups and Programs - Debtors Anonymous

Welcome to Debtors Anonymous Is your life unmanageable because of debt? Are you sick of bouncing checks, paying late fees, and having creditors knocking at your door? Debtors Anonymous offers hope for people whose use of unsecured debt causes problems and suffering in their lives and the lives of others.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 4 at 2023 10:32 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:32:03 -0400

I encourage you all (VA staff and VA patients) to listen to the Shawn Ryan Show’s most recent podcast. It was a three part series with a man named Tom Satterly and his wife. They started a foundation callled All Secure Foundation. Dig a little into that, and I think you’ll have your answer. It’s something like 84% of veteran suicides occur following a catastrophic event with their family. For example, their wife leaves them. The next most common cause is command betrayal. So, to answer your question. Start prioritizing servicemen and women’s families. Usually a happy home results in a happy service member. Does your unit have a bunch of leftover money that you have to spend by the end of the year or you lose it? Stop buying useless stuff. Invest in the mental wellbeing of your men and women under your charge. Lastly, stop treating us as just another number. To a certain extent, we understand business is business. However, there are proper ways to go about things. Keep them informed. Even if it’s something they don’t want to hear. You’d be surprised what it means to us when we have a transparent commander that also cares about his/her people.

Response by Michael Terrell made Oct 4 at 2023 10:45 PM

Michael Terrell — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:45:01 -0400

Stop putting these veterans in harms way without a true declaration of war. Then when you have a declaration of war, bomb the hell out of the enemy before you send them in harms way. This is the absolute root cause Korea, Vietnam, Granda, Desert Storm.shield and many more have had no declaration of war. With No declaration, no soldiers are required. PERIOD.
If you do not follow this prescribed methodology, then expect less than healthy physical and mental attitudes. The soldiers/Vets will always exhibit PTSD depending on the varied degree of intensity in the war. Remember the Tet offensive (Cayson). Their was no declaration and much PTSD. Declare War and destroy the enemy. Or don't play war.

Response by PFC Ernie Chacon made Oct 4 at 2023 10:51 PM

PFC Ernie Chacon — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:51:24 -0400

What has worked best for me is not to belong to groups. No disrespect, tried group therapy once , I felt worse . Moved on quietly. Been fine ever since . 50 plus years ago.

Response by PO3 Roland Van Deusen made Oct 4 at 2023 10:54 PM

PO3 Roland Van Deusen — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:54:21 -0400

Most of my struggles were pre-military: poverty, homelessness, 3 alcoholic "fathers", birth defects, ADHD. Post-Navy I got master's on GI Bill, enhanced pension, many other benefits. I now run Veterans Support Group, part of VA-facilitated veteran suicide prevention coalition. Published video in PSYCHIATRIC TIMES & reducing vet suicide article in COMBAT STRESS Magazine. Can share these for free with any vet who contacts me at [login to see] .

Response by LT Mike Anda made Oct 4 at 2023 10:56 PM

LT Mike Anda — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:56:58 -0400

For me it boils to support and not lip service. I had the unfortunate experience of being abandoned by the military and left to fend for myself. Thankfully I had a supportive family to help me get what I needed physically while I was kicked back and forth by the system acting like I was faking PTSD with four tours under my belt with several casualties. I had to spend thousands on support just to get me through the paperwork and medical evaluations that I couldn’t manage myself anymore. How about believing people to start with instead of bleeding them out when they already have their own shame and guilt to work through and accept the fact that they cannot manage high stress situations the way they used to.

I probably would have been a statistic if it wasn’t for outside help that thankfully I could afford to pay for. What about those who can’t? Quit this BS talk about wanting to make a difference and do it! This goes beyond substandard medical care and therapy.

Response by Pvt Nayeli Luna made Oct 4 at 2023 10:58 PM

Pvt Nayeli Luna — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:58:08 -0400

You mean the “services” that don’t really do anything when you really need help? What’s the point of having “resources” when you reach out they have their hands tied and can’t really DO anything to assist with resolving situations that cause mental health breakdowns??? It’s amazing to me that government hands out loads of assistance to welfare or immigrants yet limits help to CITIZENS that have SERVED!!! If I am still breathing today it is because of the good Lord and only because of Him have I survived all these years…….

Response by PO3 Bob Taylor made Oct 4 at 2023 11:05 PM

PO3 Bob Taylor — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:05:01 -0400

The roof fell-in on me, and I went out under medical. In processing, saw many experiencing anxiety about returning to life apart from their group. Saw an experimental program to evoke boldness, as a possible help.
I knew who I was, but felt I had to relinquish my control to unknown sources. A few suicide attempts which were (thank You Jesus) unsuccessful. Big doses of meds were helpful in a few ways. They kept me from allowing the destructive thoughts to completely possess me, and as an unexpected bonus, to do all that I could to develop my spiritual and physical abilities, which would decrease a need for the mega doses. Of course counseling, which let's you speak your perception of the problems, can in itself undo many , and a Doctor's simple response like "that's crazy", gives a choice to continue validating insanity, or to regroup.
One of the earlier treatments of a cold shower has been a great help.
Seeking ultimate Truth is a blessing that is worth all the work of divesting of lies (a continual battle), and returning to the person the Lord created. God Bless

Response by SP5 Michael Wade made Oct 4 at 2023 11:06 PM

SP5 Michael Wade — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:06:58 -0400

Where does one start.. I have struggled with depression now for years. I jave also had to seek help on multiple occasions. Seeking help is sometimes the only option one has. I have noticed that there are not many resources outside the VA to ask for help. I could go on a long rant about the so called Patriot BS we help veterans in need BS non profits out there. But when a veteran is struggling mentally and financially.. Just asking for help is hard enough. But unfortunately unless you jave visible injuries then the so called veterans supporters will not assist with anything. You can try the VFW and the American legion.. But if you are not a veitnaim Veteran you are out of place. Our younger veterans walk into those places and it's filled with 80 year old smoking and drinking beer. Not very inviting. So you call the VA and they tell you to try the food banks or the VFW.. But as far as financial help you're alone. We need a way to reach the younger veterans and actually help them.

Response by Sgt Luke Davy made Oct 4 at 2023 11:07 PM

Sgt Luke Davy — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:07:54 -0400

How about you take care of vets the government sent to war and don't let them kill themselves in the fuckin VA parking lot...

Response by PFC Jaime Vargas made Oct 4 at 2023 11:08 PM

PFC Jaime Vargas — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:08:14 -0400

For me, the common denominator when I was at my worst was drugs/alcohol. I acted irrationally. Emotional outbursts' of frustration and pain. As soon as I cut that out, it was one less thing that pushed all my progress back to square one. Dont get me wrong, I still struggle with thoughts of self-harm, but I dont make plans to hurt myself. Since I dont drink anymore, it allows for me to process my emotions, be more in control of my reactions/responses, and gives me the chance to get past the issues with a better understanding and positive outlook. It sounds cheesy and cliche, but being able to move past the little issues that would previously ruin my days and would affect events after for days/weeks, it lets me get on a positive streak of events, per say. Those positive wins, so to speak, start to add up, confidence builds, positive outlook and relief all comes together and helps me push me to my next step. If you take care of the little details and play the way you practice, it starts to make a difference. Look at the common issue that is always present, work on one at a time and kick their ass!

Response by MSgt James Hager made Oct 4 at 2023 11:11 PM

MSgt James Hager — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:11:14 -0400

I feel that one of the major downfalls for a separating member of the armed forces, be it through separating, retiring, just completing their bid, or even being discharged, is one the feeling of uselessness, or lack of purpose and also the feeling of having that family and support (if you are part of a good unit) and then the feeling of just being dropped like you aren't worth a crap. Once you are out and trying to return to normal civilian life, and the folks who used to be there to support you or be there to have your back or at least you could converse with to keep your mind straight, don't give two s**ts about you, and maybe even sometimes you feel like you are letting your family down (especially while trying to find a new job, or find a place to live if you have to move due to a new job)... I went through many rough times during my transition, feeling like was I was dropped by my supervision even before I was separated, and then not being able to find work, even at McDonalds... I was definitely understanding how one could feel like the best option for their family would be to not have to be stuck with them, or even being able to collect that life insurance money... I'm just glad that I had my daughter around me, and was able to fight back by not letting someone else not giving a crap about anyone but themselves (my supervision), hold me back and bring me down.. There was still plenty of battle following that.... But I still continue to push and still continue to want for a better life for myself and my family...

There are a few things that I have found that help me to fight through anything I feel (both the good and the bad)... One of the things I have recently found that seems to work amazingly to help me clear my mind, hang out with good folks and get into shape at the same time is mountain biking. I have done it with some fellow military veterans, as well as some co-workers at my civilian job. I have also joined with a few veteran mountain biking organizations, but have not yet gotten the opportunity to get up with them for rides and fellowship (wish there was more monetary support for these types of organizations, as I feel they are great options that many don't think about). I also like to be a part of and volunteer as much as I can with some great organizations that look to help veterans especially towards those that are going through tough times and feel there is no easy way out, except to end it all, such as Mission 22, and Objective Zero (great program with the opportunity to chat (anonymously) with fellow service members/veterans, and sometimes even specialists as sometimes that is all that we need to get our minds clear is to let it out.

Response by Cpl Marty Johnson made Oct 4 at 2023 11:12 PM

Cpl Marty Johnson — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:12:05 -0400

I am in full time ministry and there is a spiritual battle that is going on and your only hope of finding healing is through Jesus Christ. The enemy wants you to take your life, because he’d win. If anyone wants to talk about this, call/text me [login to see] or email me [login to see] .

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 4 at 2023 11:28 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:28:15 -0400

The VA ignored my issues from 2004 - 2011. I finally managed to get a good doctor who helped me after 6 years. I did not want to address it because of my security clearance. I did not know why I was having panic attacks and was generally paranoid about everything. The day came when I finally had a breakdown - I remember it like yesterday - a total breakdown around Easter 2010. I lost about 50 lbs in 2 months, could not work, lost my job, my house, and everything except my family - it hit hard and fast - 6 years of trying to ignore my problems.

So, things have changed. PTSD is not as stigmatizing as it once was. From what I have heard PTSD is not something that disqualifies you anymore. AGAIN - if you are suffering get help... jobs come and go. Take care of yourself before it eats you alive and it is too late.

That doctor changed my life, wish I had found him 5 years earlier. Even though I lost everything, I came back with the help of a good doctor and the VA.

Some people do care, even if you don't want to go through all the details. Find someone who can identify with you, fix your problem, and move on. Life is a blessing, you may not see it now, but if you are successful at finding a path out, you'll be much stronger and better for it.

Look, the last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone about my problems so counseling did not last long - I lived it, I dreamed about it, every waking and sleeping moment was around it - replay was exhausting. Sometimes we just need some help to turn off all the noise.

After the doctor helped me, I took time off to gather my head. Since I lost my job already I was able to take a year off - go back and get a master's degree.

Summary - find a good VA doctor and don't wait for the breakdown. Do not feel like there is no way out - there always is, you just have to be creative, better yourself, and cope but do not ignore, accept this is the way it is and it is up to you to get through it.

At the end of the day, the battle is in you and only you can make the decision to end it.

Response by TSgt Stanley (Stan) Gunno made Oct 4 at 2023 11:40 PM

TSgt Stanley (Stan) Gunno — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:40:32 -0400

I don't feel comfortable sharing my story. So here is what I posted on LinkedIn: There are several ways to reduce veteran suicide rates:
Increase access to mental health services: It's essential to provide veterans with access to mental health services. These services should be easily accessible, affordable, and tailored to the specific needs of veterans. Veterans should also be educated about the services available to them, and they should be encouraged to seek help when they need it.
Reduce stigma surrounding mental health: There is still a significant stigma surrounding mental health issues, and this can be a significant barrier to veterans seeking help. Efforts should be made to reduce this stigma and encourage veterans to seek help without fear of judgment or retribution.
Improve employment opportunities: Many veterans struggle with finding employment after leaving the military, which can lead to financial and emotional stress. Providing job training and employment opportunities for veterans can help them feel more fulfilled and stable in their post-military lives.
Enhance social support: Social isolation can be a significant contributor to veteran suicide. It's important to create a sense of community and provide support networks for veterans, whether through family, friends, or peer support groups.
Address substance abuse and addiction: Substance abuse and addiction are often co-occurring issues for veterans with mental health problems. Treatment programs that address both mental health and substance abuse issues can be effective in reducing veteran suicide rates.
Increase firearm safety: Firearms are the most common method of suicide among veterans. Promoting firearm safety measures, such as safe storage and reducing access to firearms during times of crisis, can help prevent suicides.
Support research: There is still much we don't know about veteran suicide, and research can help identify effective prevention strategies. Funding research into the causes and prevention of veteran suicide can help reduce rates over time.

Response by TSgt Stanley (Stan) Gunno made Oct 4 at 2023 11:41 PM

TSgt Stanley (Stan) Gunno — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:41:36 -0400

I don't feel comfortable sharing my own story so here is what I posted on LinkedIn to share: There are several ways to reduce veteran suicide rates:
Increase access to mental health services: It's essential to provide veterans with access to mental health services. These services should be easily accessible, affordable, and tailored to the specific needs of veterans. Veterans should also be educated about the services available to them, and they should be encouraged to seek help when they need it.
Reduce stigma surrounding mental health: There is still a significant stigma surrounding mental health issues, and this can be a significant barrier to veterans seeking help. Efforts should be made to reduce this stigma and encourage veterans to seek help without fear of judgment or retribution.
Improve employment opportunities: Many veterans struggle with finding employment after leaving the military, which can lead to financial and emotional stress. Providing job training and employment opportunities for veterans can help them feel more fulfilled and stable in their post-military lives.
Enhance social support: Social isolation can be a significant contributor to veteran suicide. It's important to create a sense of community and provide support networks for veterans, whether through family, friends, or peer support groups.
Address substance abuse and addiction: Substance abuse and addiction are often co-occurring issues for veterans with mental health problems. Treatment programs that address both mental health and substance abuse issues can be effective in reducing veteran suicide rates.
Increase firearm safety: Firearms are the most common method of suicide among veterans. Promoting firearm safety measures, such as safe storage and reducing access to firearms during times of crisis, can help prevent suicides.
Support research: There is still much we don't know about veteran suicide, and research can help identify effective prevention strategies. Funding research into the causes and prevention of veteran suicide can help reduce rates over time.

Response by Sgt John Cooper made Oct 4 at 2023 11:43 PM

Sgt John Cooper — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:43:38 -0400

shotgun approach on drugs is bad Bad BAD... give assist job or college education: NOT drugs

Response by SP5 Richard Dillon made Oct 4 at 2023 11:53 PM

SP5 Richard Dillon — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 23:53:48 -0400

I went to the VA to have a stint put in my coroted artery . I had a bad feeling about this from the start the Dr doing the surgery was very nervous and uneasy. I was awake till they put me under because they kept putting the sheet over my face and I said you do that 1 more time and I'm coming off the table. Last thing I remember. Woke up in ICU . Went home and a month later had a stroke because the stint had failed wich stopped the flow of blood to my brain . So 2 surgeries and rehab my right hand and arm are pretty much useless.. So needless to say my frustration level is out of control because I can't do half of what I used to . Before this I'd bought 64 T-Bird and started to rebuild it still trying. I'm not here for any type of sympathy I just want more rehab to try to get stronger and not talk like I'm some drunk . I've asked for referral after referral because after what they did to I'm NEVER stepping foot in VA ever again so I want to to other source and get real health care .

Response by PO2 Jeffrey Bush made Oct 5 at 2023 12:11 AM

PO2 Jeffrey Bush — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 00:11:08 -0400

I just got a bill in the my for a medical companion because I don’t have friends or family that can help me when I’m in need. The bill was paid but it was for $724.00. I struggle financially to pay bills and keep a roof over my head. I wonder why the VA would pay that much just to drive me in someone’s car 18 miles away for that much money but when I tell them about my trauma in the military it means nothing when I go to file claims for increased disability benefits. I know it’s part of the reason I think of suicidal ideation daily. I would be better off not being a burden to society if I were gone. I work every day but it’s never enough and when the legal system gets their grips on you it’s also a reason for depression. The va is a blessing to some but I truly feel it’s my curse

Response by CPL Keith Rogers made Oct 5 at 2023 12:33 AM

CPL Keith Rogers — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 00:33:41 -0400

I had been struggling with the loss of my other half plus being unemployed for quite some time. Being alone with no one to talk with while living alone. I had planned on hanging myself, but until that evening while heavily drinking & popping a few pills. Thinking of my life with no one. I called the VA hotline , a woman answered. We talked for awhile , she was very empathetic & knew what was going on. Before we hung up, she offered to have a welfare check up the very next day. After this ordeal , I’m not saying I’m cured. But the thought of suicide has left my head. The well fare crew came by , we chatted. I was admitted into the hospital for 24 hrs. Just for a well fare check. While in the hospital, had a lot of time to think what I had done. I knew right after that the well fare crew that came by that I was fine. What got me into the hospital was the well fare crew & a few others. They asked me to go for their well being, that’s the only reason why I went. Cause I was asked to. Unfortunately while in the hospital, no help was given, so I spent a day thinking to myself what if ?

Response by SPC Lynne Magruder made Oct 5 at 2023 1:09 AM

SPC Lynne Magruder — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 01:09:30 -0400

The VA is full of Nazis and anti- melanin immigrants instead of pretending we aren't the most talented group, respect our molecularly superior copper skin, and get over your fake superiority, and persecution. The Va is a place that old racists get to prey on an already under served group of innocent prisoners of war, stop being criminals, that is a start, stop shrugging your shoulders, saying un fortunately , stop being lazy , the va is full of civilians who can't even keep an appointment, let alone tell former leaders who've been through one hell, and forced to burn in another, how about grow a soul, that is a start

Response by SGT Steven P made Oct 5 at 2023 1:10 AM

SGT Steven P — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 01:10:15 -0400

I don't do it because every day I wake up knowing the government gave up before I did. When I retired the US government drug me throughout hell and back, I was being paid about 10% of what they said I would for being medically retired. I couldn't work, I couldn't stand the sight of my kids faces because it instantly brought me back. Then I got leukemia. by this time in the game I had already fixed my pay and was dealing with SSDI. I leave my house maybe 3 days a month to get treatment and do daily chemo at my house 7pm, every night, forever. yet ssdi wants me to go back to work. I don't kill myself because the government would just fuck someone else and this isn't right what they are doing to veterans. I accept the flash backs during the day and the night mares when i sleep, I can deal with the brothers who never came home with me even tho i wish I could have done more. I don't think I have a hard life at this point, I have been to places on this earth that have showed me real struggles. What I can't deal with is the VA saying they want to help with PTSD and then close down long term groups that work.

Response by PFC James Klein made Oct 5 at 2023 1:12 AM

PFC James Klein — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 01:12:17 -0400

Respond to original question... (The original question that took me to this site was: "How can we reduce veteran suicide?") As a vet from the Vietnam era, and as an observer of my father's WWII buddies at their reunions during the 1990s, it is my observation that those who best handled the stress of combat were those who did not drink any alcohol before, during, and after combat. The most natural antidote for PTSD is not to drown this stress in drink, but to let the mind itself work through the healing process through SLEEP! Alcohol interferes with the natural progression of stages of sleep which can lead to nightmares. This becomes a vicious cycle when the veteran shuns sleep for fear of those nightmares and drinks more heavily. So a reduction in PTSD cases could be realized if the branches of our military forbade any use of alcohol during and after combat - but good luck in trying to enforce that! However some instruction along these lines might do some good during training - just like they warned us about other health issues such as STD's.

Response by PVT Michael Davis made Oct 5 at 2023 1:50 AM

PVT Michael Davis — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 01:50:47 -0400

I found out after my service as a Patient Care Specialist in the U.S. Army that I have Bipolar Axis II. This was a huge problem until the diagnosis and the correct medication was found to correct this chemical imbalance in my brain. Before I was Manic to the point of being, "God's right-hand man on Earth," to being depressed to the point of being disappointed when I woke up every morning. Praying to die in my sleep like my Maternal Grandfather.

Now that I am on Depakote my mood is just above the happy line. I smile more that I frown and am enjoying my life more than I ever have.

I am so happy with my Veterans Administration Mental Health Team I cannot begin to praise them enough. The PRRC classes offered by Fort Miley have given me a real sense of Empowerment over my life and I would like to thank Mickey Pacheco for his teams' support and training.

I have received support from the HUD-VASH teams just down the block from the VA Downtown Clinic at 401 3rd Street (cross Harrison Street). The entire HUD-VASH team helped me to pull myself up by the bootstraps of my Corcoran's and now after being homeless just last May (2022) I am living in a nice Studio apartment at the Mendelsohn House on Folsom Street here in San Francisco. My HUD-VASH counselor Sarah is amazing and is always there to help me and answer questions.

I started working for Swords to Plowshares and helping my fellow veterans gives me the biggest, and better high that I ever found in my Substance Abuse days.

Thanks to everyone at the VA, PRRC, Mental Health, Primary Care, Specialty Clinics, Swords to Plowshares and everyone else that helped this old veteran get back to the right side of the tracks!

God Bless all of you and your families!

Response by Roger Kluck made Oct 5 at 2023 3:16 AM

Roger Kluck — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 03:16:13 -0400

Precovid we ran AVP trauma recovery workshops in the Pierce Co. Jail - 600 participants over 6 years. We are expert at building community and a sense of connection and belonging while also building self-esteem. We use the AVP program, which started 49 years ago and has done work in over 60 countries. It's a powerful program and easy to teach others to facilitate. Lay facilititators (vets) can do the work readily. Being in jail is a rock bottom low point for most. Lots of depression, homelessness and addiction. Many who'd contemplated suicide. Some who'd tried. As a group process it provides greater return than individual therapy.
https://www.projectsforacivilsociety.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Pierce-County-Jail-workshop-teaches-alternatives-to-violence.mp4
https://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/crime/article129943994.html , ttps://http://www.yesmagazine.org/social-justice/2019/12/09/veterans-jail-workshop-anti-violence
Contact: [login to see]

Pierce-County-Jail-workshop-teaches-alternatives-to-violence.mp4

Response by SPC Eleazar Rodriguez made Oct 5 at 2023 3:48 AM

SPC Eleazar Rodriguez — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 03:48:46 -0400

It doesn’t help when the VA treats you like trash. For example when benefits are denied in bad faith. Every soldier needs at some point to come back home and accept service is over. This transition comes at a great loss. Suicide comes from depression. Depression comes when sadness becomes the dominant emotional state. When you feel these horrible feeling the VA does not always have people that can relate. Psychiatric medication is not the answer it just numbs the pain. The idea that life itself may not be worth the trouble comes from service itself. You are trained to be selfless, to sacrifice everything for the mission. When the mission is over you have nothing left. When that uniform comes off there is very little to hold on to. Service members need some serious reverse therapy to take the military state of mind away and survive in the real world when your wife leaves you, you lose your friends, people dont relate to you. And one day you come to the VA for help and you get turned away. I have been trying to get help for twenty years and the VA does not have the therapists to assist in long term recovery. Its all about saving money I dont beliveve the VA Directive care about veterans and only tries to do something when a problem is so severe that is making them look bad. The VA saves money if you kill yourself. That’s how they make you feel when you seek out for help. We need therapy, we need our compensation for psychological damage caused by the service not the utter disrespect a veteran gets when applying for a compensation. Most of us want to recover. The VA needs a serious outreach effort to keep veterans engaged with others not isolated. Compensation for mental health issues should be no questions asked. Who are the VA Officers saving money for when they deny benefits? The government needs to be onboard and take responsibility for the cost of rehabilitating the veteran community. Job placement services are needed. What does a veteran do with no job, no friends, no effective therapy, then hits rock bottom and asks for a benefit and the VA denies it? Grow up people and take responsibility for your warriors when they come back home. Blood of the patriots is on the VA hands itself and the first step is to take full responsibility for years of ineptitude and indifference

Response by SPC Eleazar Rodriguez made Oct 5 at 2023 3:58 AM

SPC Eleazar Rodriguez — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 03:58:12 -0400

Start with benefits. Education so a veteran can be competitive and successful professionally. Help them build their confidence up by granting the compensation and pension benefits they deserve. Is it cheap? No. But then the life of a veteran should not be seen as cheap when we talk such a serious matter as suicide. Place them in government jobs before hiring other people that have never served. Give them leadership positions so they can continue serving. Treat them as the heroes that they are. Make it easier for them to engage with others by creating community integration and and veterans networking. Make a social media platform for veterans so they can relate and find old friends.

Response by PO1 Guy Lewis made Oct 5 at 2023 5:09 AM

PO1 Guy Lewis — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 05:09:29 -0400

I retired 28 plus years ago from active duty, and the “we care part” of the statement is part of the struggle the question asks to know. The VA is still a burden with red tape and a blotted bureaucracy a decade after their “Anti-Veteran Treatment in Phoenix Arizona” became public knowledge in 2014. It is no wonder the 2021 Wounded Warrior Project Survey showed that a majority of veterans preferred other health care over the VA. What’s worked for me is bypassing government healthcare, paying out of pocket, when I can for private health care. I have had a couple of good VA doctors in 28 years, but, this is not the truth this site wants to hear I am sure. Having to fight for and get denied over and over again for injuries received while on active duty doesn’t help mental health, being told you qualify for a PTSD service dog and 10 years later still not having one doesn’t help mental health, perceiving being lied to by the VA bureaucracy and VA doctors doesn’t help mental health, having to see a new doctor every couple of months doesn’t help mental health, being feed medications as a solution instead of cognitive proactive therapy doesn’t help mental health. Damaging your ankles on active duty while deployed overseas in February of 1987 and ending up in a wheelchair for three years, being denied VA service connection even though there are eight years of entries in your navy medical records doesn’t help mental health. Having to fight for ever inch of your service connection rating and receiving it piecemeal doesn’t help mental health. So, what has worked for me. When I started standing up for myself and demanding the medical care I was promised for the service to our country I gave between Vietnam to Desert Storm; becoming proactive, not accepting band aids to cover hemorrhages. AA and NA programs helped me walk away from dependency and start standing up and taking control of my own health care and well-being. It was not easy but it was necessary to survive. No, the VA doesn’t like a veteran that demands to be included in their own health care, but civilian doctors don’t seem to mind.

Response by SGT Brandon Endres made Oct 5 at 2023 5:21 AM

SGT Brandon Endres — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 05:21:21 -0400

I don't know that I've ever put these thoughts into works, so bear with me. I'm sure that this has been said, but my largest struggle was a loss of purpose and identity after separating. In the military, our identity and purpose are present in the creeds we memorize. We repeat those creeds hundreds, if not thousands of times. A crystal clear identity and purpose are forged into us for years.

And then.....poof.

I separated from the military and had no idea who I was, and I had no idea what my purpose was. I was completely lost, and that's when the darkness would settle in. I knew the spiral was coming when I would ask myself "What am I doing this for?". There didn't seem like there was a point to any of it. I know when those words start playing in my head, I better hold on.

The biggest breakthrough for me, has been completely reframing my mindset. I was listening to some rap/rock song about veterans (I can't remember the name of the song) and a line hit me like a ton of bricks. The lyric said to be excited that you get to create a new identity and purpose. For the first time, I was excited to create a new purpose, and not crushed by the fact that I lost my old one.

I don't think any of this is earth shattering, but maybe someone will see it. Someone who is in the same place I was a few years ago, and needs a little nudge out of the darkness. Thanks.

Response by PFC Michael Boyd made Oct 5 at 2023 5:52 AM

PFC Michael Boyd — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 05:52:08 -0400

Marijuana, volunteering

Response by Sgt L S made Oct 5 at 2023 7:18 AM

Sgt L S — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 07:18:04 -0400

I struggle daily to stay here. The lack of prompt healthcare and apathy from the VA are contributing factors. To reduce military suicide, I suggest we give troops the option to quit the service if military life is not for them. It is my opinion that Servicemembers and Veterans commit suicide because we feel like discarded toys that don’t get the proper support. Also, the claims process needs overhaul. I was forced into poverty for 4 years and had to forgive my retro claim to use RAMP which still took 6 months to process. Perhaps that is another cause of Veteran suicide.

Did y’all know that Federal Law provides that VA doctors receive bonuses? Now all workers are entitled to at least a cost-of-living increase annually, but I don’t feel that’s the case here. I’ve been trying for a couple years to find out how those bonuses are determined and I’m hitting brick walls. I feel that if they reduce expenses, they get their bonuses and that’s why they deny us needed diagnostic testing and treatment.

What it boils down to is the VA needs to get its act together and prioritize Veteran claims and healthcare, rather than lining its own pockets. It is more expensive to be disabled and we need support, not the “delay, deny and hope you die” attitude from the very organization that was created to help us. If the VA can’t or won’t help Veterans, then our healthcare should be privatized and the organization should be disbanded in my opinion.

Response by Sgt L S made Oct 5 at 2023 7:18 AM

Sgt L S — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 07:18:52 -0400

Response by Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2023 8:03 AM

Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 08:03:56 -0400

Support Travis to getting the word out he has a FB page and https://www.facebook.com/TravisHikesAroundLakeMI Veteran Mental Health: Travis' Hike Around Lake Michigan Armed Forces Previously named Veteran Suicide Awareness: Travis Hikes
Help support Travis get the word out. He has been doing this for several years hiking around Lake Michigan and through Michigan. Been following his journey to support Veterans and Suicide Awareness

Veteran Mental Health: Travis' Hike Around Lake Michigan

Veteran Mental Health: Travis' Hike Around Lake Michigan, Holland, Michigan. 5,147 likes. Walked 2x around Lake Michigan (and twice across the state) to promote veteran mental health.

Response by PO3 Edward McParland made Oct 5 at 2023 8:07 AM

PO3 Edward McParland — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 08:07:53 -0400

During my darkest time there were Mental Help Clinics in the neighborhoods. You could just walk in and get help. Political budgets have long done away with those.

Response by SPC Denis LeClair made Oct 5 at 2023 8:12 AM

SPC Denis LeClair — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 08:12:05 -0400

22 Veteran Suicides a day
Makes me wonder … Am I next?
Why doesn't someone listen and help before it's too late?
My United States Army Combat Service in Vietnam, 1970-71, went by without full disclosure as to the toxins
that would jeopardize and ultimately destroy my entire life. I was an infantryman humping the bush on search
and destroy missions in Binh Dinh for one year. During that year, three toxins were either thoughtlessly sprayed
on me, then ingested from the (blue-line) water and if that was not enough a toxic experimental malaria drug,
administered by our chief medic, Spec4 Cauldwell, as Walter Reed was testing it on me like a lab rat. The
agony, transgenerational hurt, emotional pain and financial destruction caused by my service would determine am
I next? Am I number 23?
Unanswered questions leads to Hopelessness
● Why didn’t the U.S. Army admit that they sprayed me with TCDD in 1971 ?
(2,3,7,8-tetrachlorodibenzo-p-dioxin in Binh Dinh, Vietnam). The confirmation of my exposure came 25 years later
when the U.S.Army released the 4thInfantry Binh Dinh Operational Reports.
● Why did it take 37 years for the U.S. Army to release? The 2008 Final Agent Orange Report stated, based on
the financial feasibility of accurately studying the effects of the toxins used on me in Vietnam, was cost prohibitive and disposed
of 8 years of previous studies and research?
● Why doesn’t the VA/ U.S. Army take some responsibility for what they did rather than towing the
company line with claim denials…(“ VA has no evidence of detrimental effects of toxins used in Binh Dinh, as they have
never run tests or ever plan to”)...... Or,”( Your claim for retroactive to the date of exposure is invalid as you didn’t file with in one
year of exposure)” Be real!, I didn’t know what it was for a quarter of a century as the Government hid,
lied and denied responsibility for this atrocity.!
● Why didn’t the U.S. Army inform me that I had been sprayed every nine days with mosquito killing
pesticide (Malathion) before banning it in 1971 as studies showed it was a teratogen?
● Why did the U.S. Army carelessly test malaria drugs on me for a year? (In 1971 10% of the troops were
stricken by malaria, The U.S. Army was in a hurry to develop a better inhibitor for malaria, which was in the experimental stages.
( W.R. 142- 490 and WR 171-699) when it was tested on me in the field. this experiential healthrisking malaria pill didn't get
FDA approval until 1985 and has been linked to every PTSD symptom.
Most Importantly Suicide.
2
How will my life story End? Justice, That’s all I ever wanted.
Somebody to listen, take responsibility maybe even apologize for making me suicidal.
I reached out to U.S. Representative Sara Jacobs for help , (her team said “we take suicide very seriously” and sent the
P.E.R.T. team to my apartment for a safety check. .
I’ve filed 16 claims with the VA and gotten 100% service connection but I have a mountain of medical debt caused by 3
miscarriages, 1 boy with a bilateral cleft lip and palate , 1 boy without a urinary canal (hypospadias) and one boy autistic with brittle bone
disease (Osteogenesis imperfecta).
All three are genetic defects that were caused by TCDD, Malathion and WR 142-490 WR 171-699.
If there is any doubt at all: as stated in the
Final Report on Agent Orange June 30, 2008 - Office of the Under Secretary of Defense - William Van Houten
“In making the final decision on whether an association exists, the Secretary of the Department of Veterans
Affairs must apply the standard, as mandated by Congress and the courts , that any resolution of doubt favors
the Vietnam Veteran.
Why should there be any doubt?
I was poisoned and paid the price , my nightmare of a life will end with this epitaph being published.
The pain , suf ering and abuse that I have endured for years is now unbearable… to read about billion dollar
for defective ear plugs is ludicrous in comparison.
I demand and deserve reparations that would be retroactive to the date I was poisoned by the U.S.Army.
I’ve been waiting for justice for over 50 years , will you help me now, or am I destined to be #23?
Denis LeClair, [login to see] ( [login to see]

Response by Amy in Texas made Oct 5 at 2023 8:45 AM

Amy in Texas — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 08:45:30 -0400

Ya'll need to fix a broken system. My husband went in for severe depression and they made him wait nearly two months to see someone. THAT IS NOT OK. This is why people are dieing, you treat them like they need to get in line, instead of like they matter.

Response by Amy in Texas made Oct 5 at 2023 8:49 AM

Amy in Texas — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 08:49:19 -0400

Response by SPC Sheryl McComb made Oct 5 at 2023 8:49 AM

SPC Sheryl McComb — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 08:49:38 -0400

I am being seen for my mental health somewhere other than my VA. I was told that I can only be seen if I agree to certain treatment plans. I tried, but they didn't help me a bit. So I was told I couldn't get my care there anymore. I'm 100% service connected, have attempted suicide 4+ times, and am doing ECT maintenance. I NEED talk therapy, and not getting it. Provide care tailored to the individual, not something the VA wants to do. I'm still hanging in there, but it's not been easy!

Response by MSgt Matthew Burke made Oct 5 at 2023 9:08 AM

MSgt Matthew Burke — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 09:08:50 -0400

http://www.10CAN.us

10 CAN INC. | Christian Adventure Network | USA

Welcome to America's outdoor ministry, where warriors, women, and youth discover purpose, find joy, and get healing. We're a nonprofit organization that's synergizing a coalition of grassroots partners to better serve military and first responder families. We host educational hunting camps, therapuetic adventures, and conservation projects. Spiritual Combat Training | Hunting | Fishing | Survival | Adaptive Sports | Agri-therapy | Hoorah...

Response by SPC Doesn’t Matter made Oct 5 at 2023 9:26 AM

SPC Doesn’t Matter — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 09:26:24 -0400

So now the va is asking what they can do to help? They said if we had problem they would be there to catch us. But there not. After going homeless 2 times while in there system. It became apparent that they don’t care. They collect data like this to boost there funding then give you a list of phone number to places that can’t help or won’t help. You call the organizations that they tell you to call for help because the va couldn’t be bothered. And you either make to much based off of your rating or not enough. There’s not really an in between. No body is there to catch you. No body is there to help. They pump us full of super addictive substances. Then if you develop a problem tell you it’s your faulte. When you go to try to get benefits through there claims process, they send you to unqualified people and more outside companies that ask questions like why do you feel you deserve a rating. Truthfully no one deserves to be fucked up like we are. It’s not that we deserve it. We got messed up. That’s earning it. Not deserving it. Shrinks who will laugh at you. That’s been my experience. And god forbid you ask your doctor at the va to help develop your claim. They’ll tell you it’s a conflict of interest. Which it’s not. Truthfully. The va doesn’t want to help. They want to keep there funding. Not much has worked for me. The depression and anxiety haven’t gotten better only worse. The physical pain is constant. And anything you try to do to make it better the va has convoluted to the point it basically becomes a full time job just trying to get help. And then our spouses use all of it against us to take our kids and keep them away from us. Just more pain and stress. Any relief that is had is fleeting. What can the va do to help prevent veteran suicide? Function better or actually care. Stop pumping us full of narcotics and stop asking us why we deserve this. Because nobody deserves this. Not to feel the way we do. You’ve created a system that leaves us feeling dejected, that leaves us broken instead of trying to actually fix us or help us. All so you can continue to get more funding for less work. We did our jobs. Time for you to do yours.

Response by SGT Frank DeVito made Oct 5 at 2023 9:29 AM

SGT Frank DeVito — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 09:29:23 -0400

Connection. I received a lot of love when I was at my worst. My behavioral health was so off putting that I really had no business receiving the amount and quality of love that I did. But, because I did and because it was years worth of consistent there. I was able to do some really deep healing work with people. People who were not afraid to just have really honest conversations about feelings and the circumstances surrounding those feelings. Stuff I would never have allowed myself to feel and connect with became accessible. And this cause me to have much greater empathy for others. That allowed me to participate in the group conversation in healthy ways that were not centered on myself or any personality. In the groups I found safe containers to allow myself to learn to feel in. That changed everything. Because those spaces were filled with others who were already doing the work I found connection and through those connections I found ways to clear the shame I was carrying for not having taken appropriate responsibility for things as they actually were. Often I was taking my need to grieve and making myself feel guilt for it. I had my responsibilities mixed up. I couldn’t have done any of that work without well trained professional help. An eight week dive into my trauma with a good therapist gave me years worth of work to do in the groups. And it has made all of the difference.

Response by CPL Kim Mack made Oct 5 at 2023 9:38 AM

CPL Kim Mack — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 09:38:11 -0400

I am 100% on PTSD, was very suicidal. Needed to know how to get better so went to see a biofeedback woman to experiment. She did the baseline stress things like doing math in my head & other stressors. Then she had me tell some traumas. I began telling about cutting off people's burnt skin as they screamed, my hands going, anyone & me included would say "that woman is stressed". The bio woman said "LOOK!". We both saw that all stress levels were dropping as I told my trauma. I have been telling it ever since & each time I get it out it lessens some. So I am here to say TELL IT, or write it but GET IT OUT!

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2023 9:45 AM

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 09:45:27 -0400

As a Christian, about a year or two ago, I have felt called into Mental Health/Life Coaching and Counseling. Earlier this year, I launched a Coaching practice (ShepherdingHope.com) and I'm 56% done with my master's degree in clinical Mental Health Counseling. In all this, Galatians 6:2 has been put on my heart. It has become my life verse, which is to "Bear one another's burden, and so, fulfill the law of Christ."

I believe we have to break the stigma behind seeking help. EVERYONE needs it sometimes. It's not a bad thing to need help. We all have skills and abilities that will complement someone else's skills and abilities. No one person can "do it all."

Some other resources that I'd like to include for my fellow brothers/sisters in addition to the 988 option:
The Crisis Text line: Text Home to 741741.
GroundWire (.net)

What helps me when I find myself in a mental funk: Challenge the thought. Generally, I do this one of two ways. 1.) Map it out by listing the thought, and then make two columns. One labeled True and one labeled false. Build the case. 99% of the time, my negative thoughts are false. 2.) Replace the negative thought with a positive one. I personally find this one more rewarding. However, for me, it's MUCH harder to do.

Take time to get some fresh air. Get some exercise. It doesn't have to be "PT." It can be walking. Endorphins help make (and keep) us happy.

Get plenty of sleep. I struggle with this one, but there are a number of studies that show that adequate sleep is beneficial. I know we all have so much to do, but that's another reason why we need to ask for help. Some people are AWESOME at tasks that I stink at or take a long time to do (and vice versa).

Response by CPL Greg Saucier made Oct 5 at 2023 9:58 AM

CPL Greg Saucier — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 09:58:49 -0400

Didn't know I was a musician until I tried drumming and taught myself to sing well. When I play with other musicians, that is the best antidepressant and gives my life purpose and meaning. If available and requested, maybe a VA rep could physically visit vets at risk in their homes at least once a year to see how they live and provide additional ideas and support, that might be helpful.

Response by SP5 Shelby Miller made Oct 5 at 2023 9:59 AM

SP5 Shelby Miller — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 09:59:31 -0400

Stay away from the VA every time I contact the VA, and they plant the suicide seed in your mind by asking you about it. Signs all over the place. Big red banner on there web sites. I believe they plant the notion and then do everything to frustrate you.but I will never give in. It's better to die from not seeing a doctor than from my hand.

Response by Pvt Richard McGhee made Oct 5 at 2023 10:12 AM

Pvt Richard McGhee — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:12:31 -0400

I've struggled for several years reaching breaking points a few times.
I've used the veteran's crisis line (988) once and it actually provided me with relief at the time when I was very close to the edge.

One thing I think would help and I don't think many people have said or would say is: veterans with other-than-honorable (OTH) discharges should get and still deserve help, services, and even benefits after their military service. They still served their country like everyone else. Sure, they may have had some issues while they were in causing them to get an unfavorable discharge but they fought, bled, cried, and did so much for the country just like everyone else yet they get denied so many benefits and they have to fight the system just to get even the most basic scraps. This leads to so much mental stress and pain that many of us don't even seek out our benefits or help from the VA anymore and just give up.

I didn't give up fully and managed to get some of my benefit from the VA, namely medical benefits, but I didn't have those benefits for several years and the struggle for receiving Any benefits was o much added stress that I wanted to quit and it made my mental health struggles worse and worse.

It's also hell trying to get a discharge upgraded which, again, would help those OTH veterans get access to services and benefits which would improve their lives and mental health. I basically have given up on upgrading my discharge because of the process and previous denials, the mental stress is just too much. Making it easier for OTH veterans to seek upgrades would be a tremendous help, especially since many OTH's are given out for shady reasons at best.

Other things that can be done:
Spread the word about the crisis line, the easy to dial one. 988 is much easier to dial and remember. There's a longer number that is spread around and to be honest I don't even know that number as do many veterans, so they forget about it and in a crisis situation they think there's no help. We need to disseminate the 988 crisis line as the main number for veterans in crisis to call. Tell people to put it in their phones as an emergency contact, to memorize the number, etc.
Remind veterans about and push the mental health options available through VA healthcare. Many veterans don't realize how the military has affected them mentally (I didn't realize I was depressed until several years after I was out, I was just wallowing without knowing why) and offering them the option to see therapists and psychiatrists who know the military struggle would be an excellent way to help.
Suggest more veterans to seek out disability if they have military caused issues. Money troubles are a major mental health issue (something else I struggle with) and having even a small additional supplement could be the key to saving someone's mental state and life.

I hope someone actually reads all this, especially the parts about OTH veterans, and really takes this stuff into consideration to help us out. It's a struggle for many of us out here and I really wanna believe someone is out here trying to help us.

Response by CW3 Chuck Eastman made Oct 5 at 2023 10:27 AM

CW3 Chuck Eastman — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:27:36 -0400

I am struck by the vulnerability and openness of so many of these responses! I really applaud everyone for speaking up, and normalizing this discussion; it's such an important aspect of this fight!

Everyone's journey and pathway to healing is different; however, there is one common thread: being willing to get help, and being vulnerable. Along with that, not waiting until you're in crisis to seek help. There are some great resource recommendations in the comments of what has worked for some people - try them all out! See what works, share it with your friends, and keep on striving to get better.

For those that are frustrated with the VA, I hear you, and validate your feelings. I will offer that I have connected with so many VAs across the country, that I was shocked at the difference between facilities. I'm lucky enough to use the Durham, NC VA, and it is hands down the best medical care I have ever received; however, I know that they're not all the same. So, your struggle is real, and you need alternatives.

I work for an organization called Stop Soldier Suicide, and over the years we have served nearly 5,000 veterans and service-members, and have not lost an active client to suicide. We're 100% free, 100% confidential, and services are available regardless of discharge status or period served. I've been on the team nearly four years (WAY longer than expected), because what we're doing is working. You can reach us 24/7 at: [login to see] , or at our GetHelp page: https://stopsoldiersuicide.org/get-help.

We won't let you fall through the cracks, and will stay with you as long as needed. Your journey and healing are unique to what you have experienced. I swear that I'm not trying to hock our services; I'm just super proud of the team and the life saving care that we offer.

Please send me a DM if you have any questions, or would like any clarification on the process.

Keep fighting ya'all! You are needed in this world, more than you can ever imagine.

Stop Soldier Suicide

The military suicide rate is 57% higher than the national average. Stop Soldier Suicide is leading the fight to change that.

Response by Sgt Matthew Gibson made Oct 5 at 2023 10:37 AM

Sgt Matthew Gibson — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:37:52 -0400

It depends because men and women face different challenges that lead to suicide.
For men it matters that we feel strong and have purpose. So we need a situation that provides us income that works with that. Supportive and skills based therapies can help. Men approach therapies through logic and thinking.
For women they need help to understand what they are feeling is completely normal, that their common humanity connects them to others. And they approach therapies through feelings.

For me personally, it was understanding that even though I have disabilities, I can still do things that improve my quality of life, and had to adapt to the changes. Therapy and mindfulness meditations are helpful, and I find I need to go back into that every few years to prevent myself from slipping.

Have a list of contacts to go down when you are having a bad time.
Have a hobby, I can't stress this enough, it is one of the 4 pillars that make for strong men. The others being family, religion or spirituality, and a job.
For women, it isn't about having a hobby, although that can help. Women need purpose just like men, although they approach it differently. Women have their pillars as Family, family, spirituality, and hobby. I'll say it again, family is central to womanhood. If you believe otherwise, you do you, but that's what is going to give most women purpose, and that fights off suicide, it also connects women to other women, which wards off loneliness.
Be able to distract yourself if you are having a bad time. Watching a show you have already seen, or listening to a song you already know can help.
Learn to recognize your quirks, and adapt. Leaving a situation and going for a walk can be handling things responsibly. Going and splashing water on your face can ground you.

On that note: Temperature can ground you. If it is cold outside, go stand outside. Or take a shower. Hold an ice cube.

Find what works for you.

Response by PO2 Thomas Butler-Martinez made Oct 5 at 2023 10:44 AM

PO2 Thomas Butler-Martinez — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:44:22 -0400

I have battled with the drugs and booze during service and post service. AA/NA both worked. I became clean and sober in 1982. Still sober. I suffer from PTSD 100% disabled. To this day I take one day at a time. I can plan things for the future, but still have to look at one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time.

Response by A1C Mike Hucul made Oct 5 at 2023 10:47 AM

A1C Mike Hucul — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:47:34 -0400

When we veterans are told by our recruiters and benefit representatives what are benefits are, only to find out later we were misled. We can feel traumatized because we can interpret this to mean we are being betrayed by our own country. A country we love and feel blessed by God to be a citizen of only to be let down by those we trusted to govern us. For example, I was told by my recruiter and benefit representatives after 180 of active service I was entitled to full benefits. Because of personal problems back at home I requested to leave the military early and I was given a discharge under honorable conditions. Within in several years I needed medical care and was given medical services by several VA hospitals across the country. Twenty years after my discharge I wanted to buy a house and was given a VA certificate for a VA loan. I paid off this loan and twenty years later from this I wanted to use it again but was told I could not use it and was informed it was an error that I was able to use it before. I am also not able to have any VA medical benefits. They explained this was an error to receive medical benefits and the VA loan because I did not have 2 years of continuous service. We can feel like the whole world is against us. There is no way out. Instead of feeling supported and connected, we feel trapped, misunderstood, and left alone to languish in the mess others have contributed to in making. I have had to call the suicide prevention line several times and was given the empathy, understanding, and compassion needed to get me through those moments. Thank you for those who take our calls.

Response by A1C Mike Hucul made Oct 5 at 2023 10:49 AM

A1C Mike Hucul — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:49:14 -0400

Response by PO3 Jon Harren made Oct 5 at 2023 10:54 AM

PO3 Jon Harren — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:54:39 -0400

The VA needs a way for veterans to talk openly, honestly, ... and anonymously about depression and dark thoughts of self-harm. I was a guest at a local Legion function (rural OH). I talked w/ a group of 8-10 older vets (none of whom I knew). Unanimous: "I don't say anything to anyone at the VA because they'll put me on a list / take my guns / lock me up." Paranoia? Please see article below and search on "involuntary commitment for mental illness".

Right now the VA talks and talks about mitigating veteran suicides but many veterans may be afraid to be open about their depression. What to do? Some kind of walk-in clinic where you don't have to show ID to talk with someone?

"Since 1998 ... the VA has reported the names of veterans appointed fiduciaries to the FBI's National Instant Criminal Background Check System, or NICS, which is the system used to determine whether someone is legally prohibited from buying a gun. "

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2023/07/18/va-argues-gop-bill-restore-veteran-gun-rights-would-harm-suicide-prevention-efforts.html?ESRC=eb_230719.nl

VA Spars with Republicans over Gun Rights for Veterans Deemed Mentally Incompetent

Republicans argue the legislation is a matter of ensuring veterans receive due process before their rights to own a gun are restricted.

Response by SPC Aaron Shurts made Oct 5 at 2023 11:16 AM

SPC Aaron Shurts — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 11:16:57 -0400

Here is an Idea. Why doesn't the VA actually fulfill their mandate of actually taking care of veterans. The VA treats us like thieves trying to steal something from them. We have to prove with out a doubt that the military messed us up. This country throws money at people that cross the border, but you have to fight tooth and nail to get 10% rating, because some lazy ass medic 20 years ago didn't write a 100 page novel detailing your injury. Someone sitting at a keyboard making decisions on someone else's life like they get a bonus for every penny they save. You could give every vet 50k a year just as start for less than we throw at Ukraine. I can't believe you actually asked this question. News flash this country treats it's veterans like trash to be thrown away.

Response by A1C Wayne Thiltgen made Oct 5 at 2023 11:31 AM

A1C Wayne Thiltgen — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 11:31:52 -0400

I’m a former Mental Health Mobile Crisis worker, with over 20 years of experience in Mental Health. I recently was in crisis as a result of my civilian PCP being out of the country during a time I was attempting to Detox off Benzodiazepines, which were prescribed by my Civilian PCP. I had tried to get help from my local Civilian ER, but was denied. I had went for weeks without adequate sleep, as a result I had increasing Suicidal Ideations. I was left with no choice but to call the Veterans Crisis Line. I was eventually connected with a very nice RN, who advised me to go to a local ER for help, which I did. At that time I had a kind Dr. who prescribed me 10 mg of Valium, as a result I slept for 14 hours nonstop. The problem with the VA is they need a 24 hour x 7 days per week crisis center, that is manned by trained Staff who can prescribe medications to assist the Veteran immediately, instead of the current 40 hours M-F 8 hours per day system, which does not always have a Dr available who can prescribe medication to stabilize the patient. I worked Suicide Hotlines for over 15 years, I know that with out having the ability for the patient to see a Dr immediately, many would have killed themselves.
Please feel free to contact me in person as I would like to help solve this horrible situation asap. Wayne Thiltgen

Response by PVT Tanginika Cuascud made Oct 5 at 2023 12:00 PM

PVT Tanginika Cuascud — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 12:00:04 -0400

1. Since this is such a prevalent problem, do a proper study or series of studies so more information and understanding are gathered.
2. Do internal audits to see how the VA Healthcare system is helping or failing veterans. It is a shame that so many struggle and can't find resources to really help them.
3. Provide support, real all around support, to service members before and during transition from the military. Many feel lost and without a sense of purpose, coupled with PTSD, MST, TBIs and bodily injuries, disability, etc. Do better by the people to sacrifice to keep this country and the world safe. Provide solid Healthcare, mental healthcare and familial support. Delays in care, barriers to access and incomplete and incompetent care kills veterans.
4. Provide veterans with the ability to financially sustain themselves. Many live below poverty levels and this is absolutely unacceptable and mkrally and ethically wrong. This country cannot have people signing off their lives to defend it only to end up in poverty after they come back from deployments and wars, are discharged because of injuries or retire.
5. Act! Veterans cannot wait. Fix what does not work and do better!

Response by SPC L Medina made Oct 5 at 2023 12:41 PM

SPC L Medina — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 12:41:27 -0400

Finding a therapist that was supportive, not as simple as it sounds, and not through the VA although I receive services there saved my mind and my life. I also found education helpful, both formal and informal, I learned as much, possibly more from colleagues, patients, and supervisors as I did from academia. I also find spending time with my dogs restorative. The demons remain, but they no longer rule my life. And I do not long for oblivion but I remember how it felt, like a sirens call, promising freedom from terror and crushing pain, it could be seductive in its lure. How the world had no color, looked flat, without dimension and sound was discordant noise crashing in my head. Days would pass when all I could do was sleep, eating was too difficult a hill to climb.

T

Response by PO1 Gerald Garrett made Oct 5 at 2023 2:28 PM

PO1 Gerald Garrett — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 14:28:21 -0400

BM1 Gerald Garrett RET/NAV 76-98
What keeps me going is cannabis flower to make edibles and smoke were it not for this plant provided for by God and the black market is about time the VA hands flower out instead of those freakin pills make ya want to kill yourself. In Canada disabled vets at the VA get ounces of flower instead of pills and the suicide rate went way down. Here in Texas get thanked for service at same time cuffed and stuffed for using natures way provided for by God this plants grown wild for millions of years and will continue to grow after we kill ourselves when all the nukes of this world go off like a string of firecrackers and I cant have my freakin weed?

Response by SPC Michael O'Connell made Oct 5 at 2023 2:39 PM

SPC Michael O'Connell — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 14:39:12 -0400

I have survived my own suicide attempts. It has been 4 years now and counting. The things that keep me from attempting again have included cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness training. The most important has been forming connections with my neighbors and with my community. That was tough but I decided it was worth trying. The VA should facilitate those connections. Not just providing a list of community organizations, for example, but actually engaging with the veteran to make the contact and to follow through. In my case, I serve other veterans by teaching guitar online to them. Feeling valued is very helpful in keeping me alive.

Response by SSG Dustan Johnson made Oct 5 at 2023 2:47 PM

SSG Dustan Johnson — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 14:47:41 -0400

Getting involved in a church really helped me a lot. I get that a lot of people don’t want to believe, are mad at God, etc. I got it sorted out and life really turned around for the better. I also shook off the negative folks and set strict boundaries for who can be in my life.

Response by CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner made Oct 5 at 2023 2:49 PM

CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 14:49:04 -0400

If the VA and other agencies actually cared about preventing suicides or helping Veterans they would display an attitude of caring, not one of callousness and rudeness. It seems there is more concern about "celebrating" this or that minority group. How about "celebrating" by providing quality care or hiring people to reduce wait times? How about hiring quality providers for Behavioral Health? The last time I spoke with someone from BH she was an hour late for our "phone visit" and spent the remaining appointment time explaining it wasn't her fault because I had fallen through the cracks! Obviously it wasn't important enough to her or the so-called support staff to prevent this sort of failure. Sure, I complained, but either it fell on deaf ears or the VA simply doesn't care.

Response by SSG Steve Knox made Oct 5 at 2023 2:49 PM

SSG Steve Knox — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 14:49:44 -0400

What works for me honestly? Having other warriors trust my ears to their traumatic past and present trials. I sometimes get caught up in your heartfelt and sometimes heroic experiences that I forget about my own for a moment...a moment to take a deep breath and thank GOD we are all still here to talk and share on forums like this. We all understand, we all care, we want you all to stay with us...PLEASE?

Response by Cpl Michael Reynolds made Oct 5 at 2023 2:50 PM

Cpl Michael Reynolds — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 14:50:34 -0400

For starters stop making veterans wait months between appointments. We need the help and it feels like at times the VA cares more about saving a dollar then the well being of the veterans it’s supposed to serve

Response by LCpl James Turner made Oct 5 at 2023 2:59 PM

LCpl James Turner — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 14:59:15 -0400

I have no thoughts of suicide.
I have experienced many times helplessness a sense of being ignored, being dismissed and not taken seriously about my health needs.
That has been the biggest of my mental health challenges. I can't think about tomorrow when I have problems today. I have had an issue, and nobody can tell me what it is, for 3 years this month. I have had extensive testing from neurology but can't get anybody to tell me what those tests were. I have primary doctors who don't seem to give a shit, escalating it can't get any help from human resources patient advocate nobody. I sit daily with no answers. I can only call so many people they're tired of hearing from me and I'm tired of not having answers. Example. I was informed November 2022 need to see urology. I needed a procedure. I was finally able to get that procedure less than a month ago. Gentleman, think about going a year not knowing if your manhood is going to be okay. Think about going that long not knowing what's wrong with you. Think about the lack of physical pleasure for that long and don't have a idea why. These are the things I've experienced that ain't all that's just this. I had a mental health provider, a very good one, doctor Jeff Gilliland. Everybody since for me have been less than. So I sit everyday thinking about my health and still can't get any answers. Please don't get me wrong VA is going to a whole lot of things for me. A lot of the things were enacted too late to be of any good for me. They moved to the next step. Took so long to get there they needed the next step. There does not seem to be at least for me a way to talk to anybody above the levels I'm at that's not getting the attention. After 3 years I still don't know why I cannot walk why my legs don't work. Mental health and physical health go hand in hand must have them both working properly. My mental health is suffering greatly because of my physical condition with no answers. I believe unfortunately VA is just waiting for me to die. It's so crazy. Most of my test come back fine still don't know why or what's wrong with me. Frustration anger conflicting information or lack of information is what's weighing me down. I can only imagine my fellow vets going through this and so tired of it. I can understand why they do what they do. The VA hospital in Las Vegas it's a beautiful structure. There is so much space that was used for aesthetics instead of taking that money and getting more doctors. I mentioned this once I don't remember who I sent it to but they had a suit and tie. The comment they made was you have something nice to look at you have these comfortable seats to sit in while you're waiting for a doctor. I prefer to sit on the floor and have a 20 minute wait and have a nice chair to sit in for hours. Too much is spent on looking good and not enough on being good. Want to help vets from blowing their brains out? Stop the frustration, stop the long waits for medical. Because something goes wrong on the medical side appointments are dropped back sometimes. I know that cannot be helped, but hell waiting 3 months for appointment to find out the day before it's been canceled it's a bitch. And then being told you have to wait another 3 months for the next appointment is insane. People were losing their minds having to wait three and four weeks for their AIDS test results. This is the same thing. Veterans having to wait for months to get an appointment and then get put back months more for some reason. It is the same mental anguish, frustration, fear, that that caused. Makes people not want to be around them makes them not want to be around people it's got to be a better way hell I'll settle for a different way. Just got to be something better that can be done for the people who stood up for and laid down for their country.

Response by SPC Ken Cain made Oct 5 at 2023 3:04 PM

SPC Ken Cain — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 15:04:53 -0400

You want to know how you can help veterans? Stop talking and start doing. My health is getting worse but the VA Hospital only jerks me around and refuses to do anything. My pain level keeps getting worse and does make me sometimes think of just giving up. I'm trying to be my sisters caregiver but can barely keep myself going. I also did 8 years in prison for a crime I didn't even commit because I didn't want to risk 22 years of my life with a public defender who seemed to care less. While locked up I met many other veterans who should of been in treatment centers instead of prison but hey if it's easier to lock people away instead of helping, congratulations for winning that battle. I for one if had the resources to leave this country and not look back I would. But since I'm stuck here how about raising a little hell to get Veterans actual help instead of just saying we should do this or that. Words with no action are hollow. It's time people step up and start doing.

Response by SFC Eli painted Crow made Oct 5 at 2023 3:35 PM

SFC Eli painted Crow — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 15:35:25 -0400

What has worked for me is involvement with a community that knows how to support me. Hard to find and family is left to deal alone. I am indigenous and ceremony, talking circles, drumming, sweat lodges have all been helpful in healing the one thing VA doesnt talk about the spirit that was cracked during our service to make us machines and then left us to stand alone in that. Getting them back to school and or getting a jobe is not intigrating anything just puts them in a spot to feel normal. Spirit is not religoin it is part that has impacted the deepest part of us and medications only silence things doesnt heal the issues. The issues vets deal with just to participate in the system can be enough to go over the edge. Soo many rules and reasons to not get help. It takes 10 minuets to get through making a phone call. Child support and VA pensions or disability is a big problem because they dont talk to each other and I have seen vets owe thousands unjustly and no one can help. Its those kind of things that affect vets. Many dont hold a job because they exceed standards and are let go for actually having a mission attitude. Civillian really dont know how to deal with us especailly county jobs. the housing phone numbers dont work anywhere so its a facade as well. Many family members do not know englisgh and dont understand why their veteran has changed. VSO are not equiped to handle these things. All programs should allow pets regardless sometimes its only thing keeping a vet going. So much to say but enough for now. I hope youall share what works. Ive taken ceramony around the united states and it has helped veterans who have participated.

Response by SFC Eli painted Crow made Oct 5 at 2023 3:36 PM

SFC Eli painted Crow — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 15:36:20 -0400

Response by SP5 Robert Turner made Oct 5 at 2023 4:46 PM

SP5 Robert Turner — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 16:46:21 -0400

It's a daily effort. An effort to get out of bed, when you didn't sleep, anyway. It's an effort to socialize. A real effort. Yep. I've been to the edge of the black hole more than once. What has pulled be back from the edge? Well, counseling, certainly. My first counselor was great. But she moved. The one I have now is really good, also. Originally, and you can laugh at this point all you like, was God introducing me to a woman who is indescribably wonderful. For the first two years, all she did was listen, as everything poured out. Well, all but the MST, and that took forever. Some things just continue to destroy you--and anyone you could possibly talk to would NOT understand how the guiltless are the ones who are destroyed. (Took me a very long time, but one day I said those simple words, "It's not my fault.") Group therapy? Nope. Can't be in a room full of people.
Personally, I've made some progress in getting myself out of the house. Small rooms with lots of doors. Everyone knows what that means. So, I would simply say one-on-one counseling has been a huge help, because when I stumble, there is someone there who understands--besides my gift from God.

Response by SP5 Robert Turner made Oct 5 at 2023 4:47 PM

SP5 Robert Turner — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 16:47:04 -0400

Response by CPL Steve Eckert made Oct 5 at 2023 5:08 PM

CPL Steve Eckert — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 17:08:05 -0400

A couple of issues about the VA.
Sever ptsd actually makes changes within the brain which are more or less permanent. Talking with a counselor will not help. And the VA hasn't to my knowledge ever admitted this fact.
Second issue is the suicide rate of Veterans that the Veterans Administration publishes is and always has been about 20 to 22 suicides a day when in actuality it is over 40 suicides a day.
Can the VA be considered credible? Not in my book.
In total I have 140% in verified disability claims but it took me 40 years to get them to acknowledge this fact.
The ptsd is as if it just happened yesterday. It's always been fresh in my mind and evokes the same fear, anger and hate as the day it began in Phu Bai.
Plans are always in the back of this mind, just haven't acted on them yet.

Response by SrA Wendell Yancy made Oct 5 at 2023 6:06 PM

SrA Wendell Yancy — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 18:06:22 -0400

I mean, it's kind of problematic that the VA "provides" mental health benefits but they are so understaffed, you can't get an appointment with your provider for sometimes up to 6 months.

Response by Capt Ronald Buckley made Oct 5 at 2023 6:35 PM

Capt Ronald Buckley — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 18:35:50 -0400

Long after I left the service (USAF) I attended a massage school (SBBTI.com) and became a certified massage therapist. Not only did I benefit from the training but then I helped many others. It has changed my life in many positive ways.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Oct 5 at 2023 8:18 PM

Capt Richard I P. — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 20:18:52 -0400

Mental health treatment is a crucial service. It can be pretty hard to get connected with care at the va for it. Lots of hoops to jump and lines to wait in. Hiring lots of people to fix this is costly and takes time. Building software is hard for the government. Maybe try just offering free access to mental health apps like Unwinding Anxiety or similar for all veterans could be a quick and affordable mitigation. https://unwindinganxiety.com/

Unwinding Anxiety - Anxiety Management & Relief Program

Unwinding Anxiety is an app-based program proven to reduce anxiety through daily guided lessons, anti-anxiety tools, check-ins and more.

Response by LCDR Anthony Hustedt made Oct 5 at 2023 8:31 PM

LCDR Anthony Hustedt — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 20:31:46 -0400

It's easy to say the VA cares, but that means nothing without actually following up with any sort of reliability...

"Benefits at Discharge?" Nope, months afterwards still sitting with an ambiguous status that provides no expectation of timeline.
Submit feedback on the process? Nope, "We can't collect your feedback at the moment."

Struggling to make your mortgage payment? Don't worry the VA sent a letter saying they could help if I'm struggling. Oh wait, nope, the VA can't help, it has to go through the lender, but the lender can't do anything about it because it's a VA Loan...

Nothing like demoralizing recently transitioned service members to help prevent veteran suicide... The VA Cares... about looking like they care...

Response by PO3 Walter Hartman made Oct 5 at 2023 10:39 PM

PO3 Walter Hartman — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 22:39:43 -0400

Yes, I've had terrible PTSD, depression, vaccine injury, loss, peace-time accidents, combat, and exposing who funds all wars has taken it's toll on many levels. I have used Qi Gong from ancient Shaolin Mountain which treats it very nicely. And you know there's something to it, because the Navy Seals stole their Kung Fu training from traditons from thousands of years ago from the same place!

Response by SrA Joseph Blea made Oct 6 at 2023 12:22 AM

SrA Joseph Blea — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 00:22:37 -0400

The Mission Continues, Team RWB, and Irreverent Warriors are amazing Veteran Led organizations working to connect veterans in many communities across the nation.

Response by Sandra Thomas made Oct 6 at 2023 11:41 AM

Sandra Thomas — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 11:41:10 -0400

I’m not the Veteran but I am the sister and POA for a Viet Nam vet. I have been trying for 5 years to get his benefits. Some of the problem was my fault, some was the pandemic but now it has been since Dec 29th 2022 since I filed the last time. Yes, they are in touch but this is ridiculous. I can see why veterans get so despondent if they are going through this. His pension is not nearly enough to cover his expenses and I am going broke helping him. Thanks for letting me rant.

Response by LTC Tom Griffin made Oct 6 at 2023 2:32 PM

LTC Tom Griffin — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 14:32:35 -0400

Simple in concept..hard to execute: Find out why/motivation behind suicides and then move to eliminate the reasons. Whatever you are doing now, ain't working! and stop medicating when meds don't work except to make you all feel good.

Response by 1st Lt Mary James made Oct 6 at 2023 3:14 PM

1st Lt Mary James — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 15:14:51 -0400

I'm struggling right now to make everyone understand what I'm going through. While in Maryland after waiting years for a disability evaluation I was awarded the 10% penny pinchers award (you know how you have to keep fighting to get disability in 10% increments) . The VA doesn't acknowledge that carrying litters with bodies on them causes knee and back problems; that repeat hematuria without evidence of bacteria is not an infection and maybe something else; that exposure to radiation from diagnostic equipment and therapeutic treatment for [thyroid] cancer can have any ill effects on medical personnel; that being assaulted by someone with deluded fantasies of romance and forced commitment doesn't cause injury; that a supply sergeant playing macho games by picking you up to do a shoulder high spin but dropping you instead against the corner of a desk can cause head injury; that repeated exposure to mace released in a confined setting for gas mask training has any adverse respiratory effects; that being assaulted by a jealous spouse because she suspects you of having an affair with her husband while on duty is not acceptable behavior; that repeated upper respiratory infections for a year

Response by PO2 Tom Griffiths made Oct 6 at 2023 8:21 PM

PO2 Tom Griffiths — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 20:21:26 -0400

I basically struggled for six years after my separation from the Navy. The biggest problem of my dark cloud asI remember back was loss of hope and any meaning in life. The Navy actually turned my life around, but I had trouble with the transition and fitting into civilian life. The Navy taught me how to study and did well in that going to college, but getting rid of the dark clouds were trouble. I used alcohol mainly on weekends and went in group therapy for three years. I also have a wonderful older brother who really helped me, I almost went back to the war three times, he gave me much needed encouragement. He got me back into scuba diving that I had done some in the Navy and earned my civilian license and dove once a month & two trips to Hawaii a year. It too long here to tell what also really turned my life around later( was caring for a research beagle) that did much to turn my life around. But today to stop suicide, I would say no drugs or firearms in one’s house, it makes it too easy and once the trigger is pulled, you can’t take it back. My father passed away when I was nine and said suicide was the coward’s way out which also rang in my head. Thank you for listening to me and all are in my thoughts and prayers, be strong and don’t let the evil devil win.

Response by SPC Thomas Lusk made Oct 6 at 2023 8:44 PM

SPC Thomas Lusk — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 20:44:09 -0400

I don't like doing things that are good for me. I can't explain it, but if I don't change it, it will be the death of me. Talking to fellow veterans, reaching out to the crisis line and, grudgingly, more therapy keeps me vertical and breathing. Not STRAC, but relatively shipshape.

Response by SPC Lori Lebruska made Oct 6 at 2023 11:31 PM

SPC Lori Lebruska — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 23:31:11 -0400

Guidedogsofamerica.org matched me (no fees, they are a non-profit) to a service dog. He saved my life. I hope the VA can start funding non-profit organizations like this. They are effective and their dogs save lives. Period. ❤️ Stay safe out there everyone, you never know who you will meet.

Response by Cpl Dara Ea made Oct 7 at 2023 3:30 AM

Cpl Dara Ea — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 03:30:18 -0400

I wanted to commit suicide many times. I felt like I'm worthless. I packed my two pistols and ammo to go away in the Sierra forest. Fortunately, I stopped visiting a friend on the way. They kept asking me to take them to casinos every day. I forgot completely that I was on my way to commit suicide.
What has worked best for me? Keeping busy is a key. I remember working all the time including day off work. The second thing is to talk about what you hate the most. I brought everything out in the open. These two things give me time to reflect myself. And the final part is when I got married and had a child. Now I have the responsibility to take care of my family unlike when I was single. I have a mission that I cannot let down.
Positive change is to accept the fact that not everyone is bad. I used to hate anything Cambodian. Now, I don't do that anymore. I refuse to peak to any Cambodians including my own family. I stopped speaking the language which I almost lost it. Those things have changed now.
I refused to seek any help from anyone. It took me more than 40 years to be where I am at. I wish that I seeked help early on.

Response by SSgt David Cavan made Oct 7 at 2023 3:36 AM

SSgt David Cavan — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 03:36:48 -0400

From about April of 2010 until May of 2013 I was a homeless veteran in Las Vegas NV not really knowing what I would do next. For awhile, I pretended I was suicidal just so I would be admitted as an inpatient into the Rawson-Neal Psychiatric Hospital (formerly Las Vegas Mental Health). At least there it was 3 square meals a day, pretty nurses, and a bed/pillow in a climate-controlled environment. That was good for about 5 months out of the 3+ years I was homeless. Las Vegas social workers helped me by paying for about 5 more months at halfway houses and also with obtaining SNAP benefits (food stamps). But the best thing one social worker did was tell me to apply for a VA pension. Given my Bad Conduct Discharge issued in a General Court Martial (for an incident involving cannabis), I thought it was a waste of time and a stupid requirement, but I had to jump through that hoop to get another 30 days at the halfway house I was at, so I applied for the VA pension, never dreaming it would actually be approved 2 years later in May of 2013. As it turned out, it was approved based on my 2 good enlistments of honorable service prior to my 3rd enlistment that my General Court Martial decreed my Bad Conduct discharge was for, and the fact that I had served during Desert Shield/Storm, but most importantly because there was no record of my earning any income during the entire 2 years the VA had to make a final decision on my case, which indicated I was incapable of supporting myself on a continuing basis. Had I known earlier about my being entitled to a VA pension under these circumstances that I found myself in, I would have applied at least a year earlier when I first became homeless. But every time I talked to any VA representative during my homeless days, and they saw the "Bad Conduct" discharge on my DD Form 214, they all told me "Sorry, but we can't help you with anything", nor would they provide me with any useful solutions for my homelessness, or any information or possible reasons for me to apply for a VA pension. It doesn't matter that my 12+ years of USAF active duty on my DD Form 214 clearly indicated that I had been awarded 2 Commendation Medals, 2 Achievement Medals, 3 Good Conduct Medals, plus ribbons for Outstanding Unit, Overseas Long and Short tours and National Defense (plus other ribbons), or that I was my squadron's Airman of the Month (5 times), Airman of the Quarter (3 times), the 1987 832 AD Accounting & Finance Squadron Airman of the Year, or a Distinguished Graduate of NCO Prep School, or Yokota AB Japan 374th AW Comptroller Squadron Outstanding Performer (2 times). Indeed, the VA had no intentions to do anything that would help me when i was homeless. Hell, I couldn't even get a free cup of damn coffee at a civilian-contracted care facility for Vets that the VA was connected with/paid for that was near downtown Las Vegas. Until my VA pension was approved, the VA did absolutely nothing for me in any way, shape or form. Luckily, I didn't actually kill myself during those 3 years of homelessness and/or while waiting for the VA's decision on my pension application, because I certainly wasn't getting any help from the VA during that time. Oh wait, I stand corrected, there were a couple of VA "standdown"(?) fairs held in the Las Vegas area where I was able to get a free haircut, some used clothes and a decent meal, plus basic medical services for any treatable conditions, but that was only 2 times in the 3 years I was homeless. Any VA social services at the fairs always informed me they couldn't help me due to my Bad Conduct Discharge. In truth, local churches and mosques helped the homeless out far more frequently than the VA ever did. So, I guess the bottom line on all of this is the VA may be causing some veterans to commit suicide simply due to their inability and/or refusal to help any veteran with a less than honorable discharge, and probably during that vet's greatest times of need. The VA only helps veterans after an entitlement to a VA disability and/or pension has been approved, which seems to be very flawed in the heart of its core, considering the Veteran Administration claims to want to help all veterans and prevent their suicides, but in truth, is guided by restrictions that impede or prevent them from helping the vets that need their help the most, and in turn, leaves the vet to fend for him/herself in the brutally hopeless world of homelessness. It takes a tremendous amount of will power to carry on, day after day, night after night in the cruel world of the homeless and may even be a tougher battle than anything the vet had ever faced in his times of service. Maybe if people walked a mile in a homeless vet's shoes, they could have a better understanding of wtf goes through that vet's mind, and why suicide can easily seem like the best option available. Everybody makes mistakes, but not everybody is caught and/or punished for those mistakes made. Sadly, any veteran that is punished for acts in violation of the UCMJ during their military service continues to be punished long after the court martial ended their career. I'm sure many veterans and civilians feel that a veteran has disgraced not only him/herself, but also his/her peers and branch of service, so the vet deserves everything he/she gets as a result of his/her actions that violated the UCMJ, but then in the same breath, ridiculously think and/or expect that the disgraced veteran will never commit suicide due to those harsh realities imposed, or in turn cause subsequent punishments that will, can and do occur long after the vet's military disgrace and unfavorable discharge occurred. The VA helps all authorized veterans that have earned its benefit, but definitely does not help all veterans. Or at least that was my experience and is still my current belief. Until policy is changed that will authorize, enable and allow the VA to help ALL VETERANS, regardless of their circumstances, then veteran suicides will continue to stain blood red the entire United States of America, and its possessions. Sad, but true!

Response by PO1 Larry Putt made Oct 7 at 2023 11:55 AM

PO1 Larry Putt — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 11:55:34 -0400

I Told my VA doctor that I was contemplating suicide. She tried to get me to see a mental health specialist immediately. It still took almost three months to see a therapist, but it did help. Perhaps hire more therapists. Even when my therapist called in sick it took me another three months to get an appointment to make up the session. I am impressed with the therapist have but not with the time it takes to see one.

Response by SFC Altermese Kendrick made Oct 9 at 2023 9:00 AM

SFC Altermese Kendrick — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 09:00:17 -0400

I struggled my entire career with the reality of being sexually assaulted by my leader, the one I should’ve been able to trust, the example, the coach, trainer, and mentor. I thought if I could forget about it and just keep moving on, then the hurt, embarrassment, and disappointment would disappear, too. It didn’t. It just dug deeper inside, and the darkness grew even more powerful.
I was a Specialist and he was a MSG. He used his position to bully me to meet him in places where we would be alone, and he would assault me. He did this numerous times over a year. I felt that I had no one to tell, and I was always afraid, always.
I grew up in a home where the situation was the exact same. I thought that when I joined the Army, I would be safe. That was not the case for me. My life was about running and hiding. I felt that I never had the chance to be me, to be happy and free. I believed that somehow I was doing something to make this happen to me. I thought that it was my fault and I didn’t know how to change it.
Now I know differently.
I hope to encourage others who have been violated and victimized in this way. It can lead to such devastation, self destruction, and darkness - so much to the desire and illusion of inviting death as is a friend and confidant.
But there is healing from the pain and freedom from the darkness. Someone else’s decision to hurt you is not your fault, just as it was not mine. But holding on to the pain and hurt, and allowing it to transform to bitterness and hate can be a choice. Know that that choice doesn’t free you. It entangles you even more and keeps you trapped.
Decide for yourself to get free. There is work to be done in the process of healing, but believe me, it’s worth it, and so are you!!
Let go and Live!!!

Response by CPL Norman Watt made Oct 10 at 2023 9:47 AM

CPL Norman Watt — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 09:47:49 -0400

Hello,
I enlisted during the Vietnam conflict but never was in country. I was dedicated and motivated.I made spec 4 fast and was post soldier of the year and heavy weight wrestling champion. Then I started to hear voices, cries and screams. Started walking in my sleep. I was scared to tell anyone because I hoped to make the military my career.
I was in training for the bomb squad and was afraid I was going to kill someone.
This was in the spring of 1975 and the bitter end of the war was being televised which made my paranoia anxiety even worse.
Finally one night I was so afraid that I was going to kill my wife that I went to the post hospital and turned myself in to the psych department. A was seen by a psych weekly and put on some medications. A month later I took my honorable discharge.
Within a week I murdered a man was arrested and put in mental institution diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and delusions.While their and thoroughly incoherent someone from a vet organization applied for my va disability which is now service connected and 100% tp.
Somehow, some way this bottom gave me a spiritual awakening and I began to regain my sanity.
2 years later I was bought to court and offered the insanity defense. I refused, fired my attorney and representing myself I plead guilty and received a life sentence.
During my 32 years of prison I was one of the lifers that started the original scared straight program that a movie was made about that garnered an academy award. I was a founding member of THE PRISONERS WEB which has been in almost every state, federal and many other country's prisons for more than 40 years and spawned a PTSD program for incarcerated veterans called PATRIOT'S OF VALOR which has been in numerous state and federal prison. I either started or was on command staff of veteran's organizations in the three prisons I was in.
After 32 years I was granted a lifetime parole. I was accepted into the Va's domiciliary program where my re introduction to society was amazingly effective. Everyone tried to help me make a new start.
I have been out 19 years now and near perfect parole. I own my own house and have a great job supervising a vocational training school for plumbers, electricians welders and machinist.
I have been able to help bring numerous other parolees from the halfway house for training and successful employment.
I still hope and plan to make a program for homeless veterans to have a place to stay and complete this training.
My Honorable Discharge was a key factor in my rehabilitation because despite the circumstance I knew I did serve the cause of freedom honorably. It also has afforded me Amazing VA benefits.
But I am also am always cognizant that if the crime had happened a couple of days earlier it would have been a dishonorable discharge and my life would have turned out differently.
Every day of prison and every since day I make it a point to be very grateful to have been born in America.

Response by SP6 Jojo Lolo made Oct 10 at 2023 5:39 PM

SP6 Jojo Lolo — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 17:39:43 -0400

most veteran have disabilities that prevent them from gaining of meaningful employment, therefore we need to provide more on the job training for them, also if is veterans 100% disabled the VA should give them a place to live or pay for the mortgage . If we keep pretending like disabled veterans I'm not struggling for housing and employment we're gonna keep filling them.

Response by PO3 Jake Wilburn made Oct 11 at 2023 10:02 AM

PO3 Jake Wilburn — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 10:02:39 -0400

The Bouldercrest foundation Warrior PATHH program changed my life. If anyone is struggling I cannot recommend this program enough.
https://bouldercrest.org/

Boulder Crest Foundation - The Home of Posttraumatic Growth (PTG)

Boulder Crest Foundation offers transformative PTG programs, free of charge to members of the military, veterans, and first responder communities, and their families.

Response by Sgt Ricardo Gregorio made Oct 12 at 2023 6:33 PM

Sgt Ricardo Gregorio — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 18:33:29 -0400

what has work for me for my entire life is my strong faith. method and process can and will be very challenging. Pray and pray a lot to your self and church. read many info and know your body. you must take care of yourself because in all reality no one will but through your strong faith you will feel HIM, because He really loves you.

Response by PO1 Cathy Drezak made Oct 13 at 2023 8:19 AM

PO1 Cathy Drezak — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 08:19:33 -0400

I have struggled to get Professional help from the VA. recently i had a series of tragic events and became overwhelmed. My primary care provider at the VA FAILED to respond. I called BOTH the VA emergency line and an old contact at my former community care facility-KVHC. The VA did respond, however since it was a weekend I could not get a much needed mental health medication. The KVHC contact immediately ordered my medication at a local pharmacy. The KVHC rep also called me later to check on me- the VA person did not. Later I did get an appointment with the VA rep. I had a couple of brief appointments and then suddenly the VA rep cancelled an appointment- with NO follow up. She did NOT reschedule, email or contact me in ANY way untill 3 months later when an assistant called me to schedule a medication check appointment. REALLY???? Fortunately I managed to get hooked up with the local VET Center and received mental health counseling. If it had not been for the professionals OUTSIDE the VA I would probably be dead right now and unable to respond to your question.

Response by SSG Eric Blue made Oct 13 at 2023 4:11 PM

SSG Eric Blue — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 16:11:54 -0400

I've been fighting to survive since my first unit. Since 2000. Racial discrimination, peer bullying, being fat-shamed because I wasn't a skinny, 160-pound white guy (I was between 196 and 217 with 20% body fat), bullied for calling out my peers and my leaders for NOT doing the right thing, doing what I needed to do to lead soldiers and get promoted to the next rank, survivng multiple deployments when my chain of demand and NCO abort channel wanted me dead, being thrown into whatever undesirable situation no one else wanted and thriving when I was expected to fail, losing two of my four children & being told to "suck it up", then being forced off of active-duty because "I couldn't get promoted unless I reenlisted and I could reenlist unless I got promoted." After that, I went spiraling into debt because Army said I owed over $80K, even though I showed them repeatedly where I owed no debts. Now, I'm fighting a foreclosure! Every entity I've reached out to for help, to include the VA, has either said "NO" or has done so little that they may as well have done nothing at all! THE ONLY THING keeping me standing, THE ONLY THING that has kept me from carrying out various suicide plans that I've made is forward movement! Whether through exercise, serving others, or going back to school to finish my degree, I have to keep moving forward. I'm afraid that if I stop moving forward (depressed or otherwise because I definitely have depression), my past demons will catch up to me and kill me. Maybe my suffering will help someone else in the future, but it sucks right now. Gotta keep moving. Nothing else helps.

Response by CPL Steve Coe made Oct 21 at 2023 8:57 PM

CPL Steve Coe — Sat, 21 Oct 2023 20:57:11 -0400

In the last 14 years I’ve had 1 knee replacement,1 hip replacement, and 3 back surgeries. The last was in 11–1-21. The difference in my state of mind was all about the pain level that I experienced. For pain control for the 1st 4 I was given OxyContin to take befor I did my rehabilitation therapy. Somehow I Never got addicted to this drug because I was as directed, Imagine that, not abusing these drugs. Somewhere within they years between the 2nd back surgery and the final in November 2021 some government hacks declared that EVERYONE was an addict. These pain meds are no longer available to those who need them. Believe this spinal fusion of my lower back is serious and extremely painful . With no viable pain meds available I was in very serious trouble with little or no sleep for over 3-4 days at times has huge negative effect on life. Thankfully the Salisbury NC VA was close by &45 miles I spent 10 of 14 days in the ER IN SALISBURY, I AM THANKFUL that the Doctors were able to provide so relief. From 1971-1974 I server with 1/505 Airborne Infantry making over 35 parachute jumps and suffered a cracked hip in 1972. Of course none of my military service has anything to do wi5h my back problems. Pain is and continues to be the main reason for tension that leads to suffering and sucide. It’s time realizing that everyone is not hooked on theses meds ,and some are useful.

Response by SGT Carl Mervyn made Nov 19 at 2023 12:25 PM

SGT Carl Mervyn — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 12:25:55 -0500

I struggled a long time with depression and suicidal thoughts. My local VA has many times said they would help me to understand and learn about my thoughts. They have come up short every time. My last provider called me up and quit and then told me if I called the mental health department she was instructing them to call the police. I have not had a therapist since April. With my mental health I do not trust my local VA.

Response by SSG Watis Ekthuvapranee made Dec 28 at 2023 9:47 AM

SSG Watis Ekthuvapranee — Thu, 28 Dec 2023 09:47:26 -0500

What has worked best for you?
When it came to suicide, I hang on for my family, my daughters, the memories of them that got me through deployments and prevented me from being too reckless was what I kept in the back of my mind. Although, I brought the war home and now it looked like the house we dropped the bomb on. Still, everything I had done since they came into my life was for their sake.

When it came to not lashing out against those who wronged me, Buddhism, it didn't require me to believe, just observe, analyze, and practice. It didn't require me to pray, just be, be compassion, be forgiving, and be content. Though, that alone was not enough, we all wanted to be part of something great. In the old day was the chivalry of a knight, now, who knew. However, for me was the Army values, honor, loyalty, integrity, and selfless service; yeah, there are more of them now, but to me these four values created others. They are the core value; I'll tell you guys my thought in some other article. The Oath of Enlistment, "I, ___, do solemnly swear /affirm that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; ... ", and how could I become the very threat I sworn to defend against? How could I pick up arm and do harm to my fellow American? Yeah, it was chivalry.
What methods/steps have you taken to bring positive change in your life?
When people asked me how did you do that? I always said, "I may be crazy, but I am not stupid." No offense to any religious, but "It's God's will" or "It's faith" didn't do it for me. Like the joke of "A Drowning Man", if I don't help myself by accepting help from others, how do I know that those others were not send by God? Like some long dead Greek philosopher said, "Randomness is the result of observing causation without all the information." or something like that. In a psychological study, when a toddler saw a large object being put into a small box, it stopped what it was doing and kept looking at the action being done, even a toddler knew when things didn't make sense. With that, I went through the program available from the VA, some more than once. I also earned a Minor in Psychology, to know more about what was going on with me. What was normal for animal and human behavior, and what was not. I wanted to help myself and others out of this abyss, but the VA Education counselor told me that a crazy person couldn't heal another crazy person. Hence: The Minor, not the Major. However, to me, "The psychiatrist/psychologist's first patient is thyself." If one couldn't do what one preaches, how would can other? Ignorance is a deadly sin to me.
Which services provided the best / most desired outcomes for your needs?
All of them, two weeks in-patient, medication, one-on-one, group session, classes, etc., some more than once. I learnt more in the college. My reason is, "If a single religious text gave rise to many two more and multiple sects, then multiple versions of Bibles, Koran, and other religious texts might give a single person the enlightenment." Basically, I was finding my cup of tea.

Response by SGT Charles Casey made Dec 31 at 2023 1:12 PM

SGT Charles Casey — Sun, 31 Dec 2023 13:12:17 -0500

Nothing like chairing a meeting, taking the cotton out of your ears and stuffing it in your mouth.

Response by 1SG James Kelly made Jan 14 at 2024 9:53 PM

1SG James Kelly — Sun, 14 Jan 2024 21:53:11 -0500

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