How personal should we become to really know our military subordinates?

2015-02-03T14:54:16-05:00

With leaders always passing down the knowledge of "get to really know your Soldiers, " with all the suicides and other dilemmas in the past being partially and unofficially blamed on the leader's of the SM, how much do they really mean. Now, I am not the type of person to "pry" for information if the person doesn't wish to share it with me. How do you go about this, if at all?

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Feb 3 at 2015 3:19 PM

2015-02-03T15:19:38-05:00

Treat them like people. Like you would any other co-worker.

Be able to identify changes in moods. Know what their general plans are. Who their significant others are, if they have kids and what their names are. Have a rough idea of when they plan on going on leave, or if they'll need a special liberty/pass.

Normal "office" interaction.

In the morning greet everyone, ask how their evening was. In the afternoon, ask if they have any plans. This let's you know who to call in what order anyways. But keep it light and personal, instead of like an interrogation. As the weekend approaches, find out what is going on. Ask who saw the game or whatever. See if Cpl X did anything fun, or just napped on the couch. How bad was the commissary lines.

Even stupid things like "how was traffic this morning" just to get a gauge" on mood.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2015 4:40 PM

2015-02-03T16:40:52-05:00

I think the biggest thing SFC Private RallyPoint Member is that you need to build trust with your Soldiers first.

The first thing which I ask my Soldiers to do is write a small BIO about thier life upt to the point of me becoming their Leader. This is where I start to learn about my Soldiers. You would be amazed at how much they open up on paper. The reasons they came into the Military and where they came from. Dertails that really assist in the whole Leadership process.

Your Soldiers need to know that they can come to you in confidence. I have Soldiers from other Units and wherever come to me with things because I do not talk about what a Soldier tells me unless it is something of Suicide. My word is my BOND without a doubt. That word gets around for sure.

If we as Leaders just take the time to listen to Soldiers and try our best to assist them with the resources we have available.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2015 4:49 PM

2015-02-03T16:49:34-05:00

Talking to your Soldiers one on one works wonders for me, when I see a soldier in the smoking pit, I just ask him how he doing? How things going at home? Basically under the Oaktree counseling but in a informal way. I used to have this CSM that's used to stop soldiers and asking them how they doing? Or talked to them about the last night game as an ice breaking. Soldiers use to open to him and talk freely. I try to use the same approach. the key is to be an approachable leader. Other tools is during developmental counseling session with the soldier, talk to the soldier and show him that you are interested in his well being and his career development, that he is part of the team, treat them with respect and consideration. Be fair across the board and you will see they eventually will open to you and seek guidance from you.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2015 4:52 AM

2015-02-04T04:52:08-05:00

I agree that you need to get to know your soldiers, but have learned the hard way about the limits.

I've come to the conclusion that you need to know who they are, what they contribute to the team, and how they are supported. How they are supported means family issues, financial issues, medical, etc. Anything that effects their performance. I don't pry to know personal details, but if it effects the formation, then it is something I need to know

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2015 5:31 AM

2015-02-04T05:31:43-05:00

I tend not to have to pry for information. I make myself available to my soldiers and make them understand that my job is to take care of them and accomplish my mission. Neither that I will fail at. In most duty stations I come very personable with my Soldiers. We talk about our plans/hobbies/ and family on down time to not only share our wonderful stories but to remember that we have wonderful stories to share! Remember your creed. I know my Soldiers....

Response by MAJ Monique Ruiz made Feb 4 at 2015 7:58 AM

2015-02-04T07:58:03-05:00

To help avoid crossing the line, I do not reveal anything about my personal life. I do share my professional challenges regarding the military. When assisting them with an issue, I follow through until the very end (for example, if it's a pay problem, I keep asking them about the status until they tell me they received it in their bank account).

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2015 8:14 AM

2015-02-04T08:14:15-05:00

Soldiers these days want to know that you are a human being not just an ass chewing robot. It is a fine balance and you will improve in this area as you gain rank and experience. Not all the experiences will be pleasant and those will be the ones that make the biggest impact.

I am kind of a different animal and I am at a rank and time in service that make it easier for me to see the whole picture. However, I spent most of my time allowing my Soldiers to know exactly what kind of a human being I am. I shared my experiences prior to joining the Army, I shared my family experiences with my Soldiers, I had platoon parties at my house and I did my best to relate with all my Soldiers regardless of age or background.

I was always professional and if you ask the majority of my Soldiers throughout the years they would probably tell you I was a raging asshole but, they knew who I was, what I expected and they always far exceeded my expectations.

The majority of the time you have to turn the screws to keep the crew in line but, you have to know when to be a brother/sister or father/mother figure to find out what the real issue is.

Good post!

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Feb 4 at 2015 2:30 PM

2015-02-04T14:30:56-05:00

You really know your Soldiers when you share hardships with them, when you invest in them.

Yeah yeah yeah, I got it, you spend time doing barracks inspection and performance (monthly/event) counseling is part of our typically homestation duties however, carrying a ruck in the blistering heat, crossing a mud wall in Panjwai while on a dismounted patrol WITH your Soldiers goes a whole hell of a lot further to really getting to know them....and them getting to know you!

You can also challenge your team physically, mentally and emotionally to strengthen their resolve and resilience, and you going through the hardships with them will bring you closer.... SFC Private RallyPoint Member, you gotta make the time and make the sweat equity investment into your team if you really want to get to know them & that goes to all of us!

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2015 2:47 PM

2015-02-04T14:47:35-05:00

From the most high speed operators to the most common place support personnel, I feel we are in the people business. While we don't fraternize w/ subordinates we need to know what's going on w/ our Soldiers because of those very reasons.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 28 at 2015 6:45 PM

2015-06-28T18:45:27-04:00

In my world the E-5s have the most face time with the soldiers and will look out for them. Of course they will report to higher as a trigger to help the soldier. You can usually tell when folks are depressed. I believe a lead should ask if the soldiers are OK.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 10 at 2019 9:32 AM

2019-01-10T09:32:09-05:00

I try to know my people by walking around. I agree with an example from above, I'm a huge LSU fan so during football season I use that to break the ice. I've told my soldiers that I need to know where they want to be so I can steer them to that opportunity. That requires knowing do you want to promote? Are you wiling to take a different job to do so? Are you focusing on your civilian career ( I'm Reserve switching to Guard). I'm open and honest with my troops about most things I'm married have been for 10years +, I have a 4 year old and 3 dachshunds. But I don't complain or look to them for personal advice, friendly and cordial without crossing the line. Ill go to events that the entire unit is going too, but not to a small gathering. I don't FB friend you or connect on social media ( outside of LinkedIn). Be a human that cares what happens to their career, but firm on your boundaries and you'll be fine. I'll shoot the shit, but if you want to complain about anything military/especially people in the unit i'll tell you to do that in your house or the bar not at work.