How should I deal with a lower enlisted of above average age (late twenties) who constantly has disrespectful incidents?

2018-04-19T21:19:26-04:00

We’re reservists preparing to mobilize. A certain older lower enlisted (joined the army later in life than the average private) has several respect issues when it comes to NCO’s and obeying instructions.

This SM constantly tells her peers that she feels she is being talked down to at all times. Since I learned of this I take extra steps to ensure I am as respectful as possible when addressing this SM. This SM has also been in civilian management for several years. This SM usually takes constructive criticism as a personal attack.

Any thoughts on how to ensure this SM changes their attitude and becomes successful without simply wearing them down to an apathetic state?

Response by SSG Jeremy Sharp made Apr 19 at 2018 9:31 PM

2018-04-19T21:31:44-04:00

Disrespect is contagious. This person's age has nothing to do with how to approach it. An NCO in her chain needs to address it ASAP. She should be put in check when she disrespects others regardless of rank, age or gender. She needs to be reminded that in the civilian sector she may be in management, in the military she needs to learn her place and obey lawful orders without being disrespectful or she needs to be processed and discharged before her attitude and demeanor become pervasive within the unit. Disrespect cannot and should not be tolerated.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Apr 19 at 2018 9:42 PM

2018-04-19T21:42:42-04:00

The same way you deal with any Soldier. Age gains no additional benefit of the doubt. Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way. Lead from a position of respect. Know yourself and know your Soldiers, and know your mission. Thank you for your service.

Response by 1SG Dennis Hicks made Apr 19 at 2018 9:44 PM

2018-04-19T21:44:09-04:00

Sounds more like she has issues with taking orders from younger folks in charge, every platoon Sergeant goes through something similar when he/she gets anew PL. Without more details about how she is being disrespectful and what orders she is failing to follow it is difficult to tailor a response. My old grouchy senior NCO response is to tell this troop to get her shit straight, follow the lawful orders of her NCO's. If that doesn't work and the sit down and discuss the issues method fails then document everything and she will be the oldest whatever her rank is that the Reserves or GUARD has ever had right before she is DFR'd. Leaders don't have enough time in the day to deal with squared away troops let alone deal with labor intensive drains on their time and effort. Its doubly important during a Mob to focus on the motion and not Divas. I would also reach out to your peers and higher in your NCO support chain for wisdom and methods to fix the this troop or remove her from the ranks.

Response by SFC Christopher Taggart made Apr 19 at 2018 10:36 PM

2018-04-19T22:36:16-04:00

One of the things I have noticed on this article, there are no female soldiers or NCOs that have commented yet. I would love to hear their thoughts. I know what I would do and I agree with those that have commented already. Working with female soldiers or NCOs that were in my section was always difficult for me. If the females soldiers were in other sections, we got a long great.

Response by SGT Eric Davis made Apr 19 at 2018 10:57 PM

2018-04-19T22:57:46-04:00

Disrespect is disrespect no matter what the age is and you should always respect the rank and title. When you become a SSG and 30 years of age what you going to do when a 21 years 2nd LT approach you; give them their respect even though you older and have much more experience. So that older soldier should have to give respect or suffer

Response by Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 19 at 2018 11:00 PM

2018-04-19T23:00:30-04:00

It sounds like their issue is that they are used to a degree of deference that they are not entitled to in their military environment.
The first thing I would recommend before anything else is to start documenting the behavior. If they're complaining now and you take action to correct them they might start complaining higher up. You'll be able to protect yourself better if you have records proving what you're saying.

The way to actually handle them depends on a myriad of factors. As SSG Sharp has pointed out a good kick in the teeth might be the necessary course of action.

Another thing that you might try is to give them more tasks and responsibility. They might just be acting out as a result of boredom or feel like they aren't being used to their full potential. If they succeed, great. If not, it's a great humbling experience.

One other thing that can work depending on the personnel involved can be to point out the achievements of those above her to explain why they're the ones doing the teaching and giving the orders.

To deal with the constructive criticism being taken as a personal attack you can try to make it more categorical so that it doesn't seem like its being personally directed at her. Sometimes that works.

Response by SSG Scott McIntyre made Apr 19 at 2018 11:54 PM

2018-04-19T23:54:35-04:00

The answer is simple and within the Creed of the Noncommissioned Officer:

"... I will be fair and impartial when recommending both rewards and punishment."

Treat all Soldiers the same regardless of personal characteristics.

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2018 8:34 AM

2018-04-20T08:34:36-04:00

Food for thought, as weekend warriors we often mistake our diversity in different backgrounds as a weakness. These older experianced soldiers bring a lot to the table. I work in a special forces guard unit. As such, my staff is largely professionals from all over the spectrum. From CEO’s to CIA and everything in between. Understanding someones civilian background can help identify utilization. I have snake eaters who’s civilian experiance make them amazing system integrators, who can develop the most amazing methods of ensuring up and out comms and collaborative effort from the rest of the staff. I have E5’s who speak five languages and have real world international experiance, that regularly supplement the S9 and provide insight that we might not normally have. The point being, take some time to get to know this soldier, their back ground and where they can best enhance your formation. It may not be your squad. Capitalize on that talent.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2018 3:01 PM

2018-04-20T15:01:49-04:00

Tell her she effing knows better. She's supposed to be THE 'example' to her peers, not some kind of primadonna who only demonstrates how NOT to act. If she doesn't 'get it'-- start marching toward separation.
I've had tremendous success leveraging the maturity of those who join late in life to help with the really young junior personnel, but not when they don't know what device is ACTUALLY on their collar. When someone is too big for their proverbial britches, the only options are to shrink them down to the appropriate size or get them a new set of britches (that DON'T have camouflage).

That said-- if her behavior is more about thinking she should receive special treatment because of her GENDER rather than her age, tread VERY lightly. Don't take it easy on her, but make sure your 6 is always covered. Record everything you can and always, always, ALWAYS have a witness-- preferably a female one. A LOT of women file false accusations of a sexual nature when confronted with/ counseled for sub-par performance. It is unfortunate that you would need such precautions, but this is an area where it is MUCH better to be safe than sorry.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Apr 20 at 2018 3:09 PM

2018-04-20T15:09:17-04:00

Treat this person the same as any soldier. Age is no excuse for attitude (says a former Grunt & former Reservist who enlisted at age 36!).

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2018 10:54 PM

2018-04-21T22:54:35-04:00

Man I've witnessed the same to similar reactions in young soldiers in my unit. Let me say first of all, the army, military as a whole is changing. Gone are the days of people actually having tough skin. People are more sensitive, and less respectful of authority. Also I think the policies have implicated that to some degree. Bad misconduct of this sort isn't punished as severely as before. And many times, the aggressor is supported. I know of NCOs who have been accused of bullying soldiers, who have come to them just because of grudges or emotional circumstances and the command team reprimanded the nco, while not even questioning the accuser or investing time and energy into the complaint. At some point you have to set the tone, and address this before it get more out of hand. How? Depends on your personality. How much is too much? What will it take for you to just say enough is enough. Have the strength to put people in check, without breaking rules.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 22 at 2018 1:26 PM

2018-04-22T13:26:00-04:00

I would put the person in charade of something. I’ve always been leading people older than I am because someone in HRC loves me so they keep promoting for some reason. But long story short, older soldiers with lesser rank 9/10 may have been in charge of something in their life time before enlisting. So giving them something to be in charge of will spark new positive behavior. Just a thought