How should I handle a situation where my NCO is allowing a friend, with whom I had an argument, to influence his leadership role towards me?

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 08:29:53 -0500

Greeting, respectful brothers and sisters and dear senior leaders and veterans.
sorry but straight to the point. i am now going through prob the toughest time I could ever experience in my army career. i need everybody's recommendation of how I should approach this problem.

honestly, I do not know how I should explain this so I'll put it in simplest way in order.

1. Brand new NCO has arrived to my section.
2. This new NCO was stationed here in same section 4years ago
3. he has a best friend(female) named rachel in this base.
4. Rachel and I had an argument over some ridiculous stuff 3years ago.
5. Rachel tells this NCO about me. calling me all kinds of bad names and make him think of bad assumptions toward me.
6. Now, This NCO starts to treat me very unfair compare to my co-workers
(ex: Extra day working, unethical behaviors, Making assumptions over I never have done.)
7. I even had to work an extra day on the weekend (I never had UCMJ or was under corrective training for such thing)
8. This NCO starts to Make fun of my relationship & sexual activities between me and my fiance. (was not funny. i was extremely offended)
9. telling other NCOs that I'm a shitbag. (they denied though)
10. force me to go lunch with him because he wanted to get close my buddy(female E-4)
11. pulling hazing and attitude ONLY on me when it isn't his day.
12. I actually heard him saying he hates me when he was walking by the hallway w his buddy
13. asking about what my parents do and start criticizing my wealth.
14. Discouraging me when mission is put on.

i have been seeing my Bevaior Therapist and Provider for 5months now because i feel burned out, Depressed, stressed, losing hair. and most of my days i re-cite my self saying "i rather die, i rather die".
i can tell i'm becoming suicidal but there are nowhere to vent this stuff.

This has been going on for almost 7months and there is so much more to this, but I don't want to put everything here. i want you guys to read over and tell me where I should go or what I should do.

what am i supposed to do? i'm so scared and i don't want to commit suicide over this and it is also killing my relationship with my fiance as well. i am so discourage rightnow like I can't even do anything. please help

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 7 at 2021 8:37 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 08:37:41 -0500

I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. My first question is, Have you taken any of this to your 1SG or Commander?

You need to exhaust all of your options before going to IG.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Jan 7 at 2021 8:48 AM

SSgt Christophe Murphy — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 08:48:43 -0500

Don't go to IG until you have used all resources within your Command. NCOIC, 1Sgt, OIC, EO rep, etc etc

IG is there to help but it can have a backblast area if you don't exhaust everything before breaking that glass in case of emergency.

Response by SGT Michael Koukaras made Jan 7 at 2021 9:35 AM

SGT Michael Koukaras — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 09:35:01 -0500

You need to get ahead of this request a meeting with the 1SG, bring all your concerns to him. Second don't bring accusations, bring proof DA 6'S(duty roster) any and all counseling statements. Bring character witnesses with you to verify you side. Ask the 1SG why if you are such a shitbag, has this other NCO not followed up on any plan of action laid out on your 4856. Why has the NCO not brought your Platoon Sargeant into this? Or if he has where is the PSG's plan of action or corrective actions? If everything you say is true this NCO has nothing to stand on and he will be forever looked at by the command as a shit NCO who couldn't get his ducks in a row and counsel and develop you properly.

Response by PVT John Maloney made Jan 7 at 2021 12:01 PM

PVT John Maloney — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 12:01:15 -0500

It can be very difficult to tell the difference between a situation that causes you to be depressed and a situation that is the result of being depressed.
You need to reach out for help with your depression before you try to deal with this conflict.
From Military.com:
"The veterans crisis hotline is a tool for both current and former military members who need immediate mental health help. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please call the veterans crisis hotline at [login to see] , option 1. You can also call the national suicide prevention line at [login to see] .

Mental health help is also available by text message at 838255 or through an online chat. All suicide prevention help is available 24/7."

Get some help.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 7 at 2021 6:00 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 18:00:51 -0500

Use your chain, document your issues (mentioned by another the Duty Roster and proof), and go up the complaint chain while documenting the whole process.

#1 question to the level you complain to is going to be have you talked to the lower level prior to going to them.

Without knowing anything going on:
1) Stay the course
2) Remain professional
3) Keep notes of what is going on
4) State your case when confronted with counseling statements in your comments area

******
I've seen an E5 lay into an E6 and CPT using the process and come out the better. The E6 eventually did get promoted to SFC, but now the E5 sporting CW2. So don't let it think this can stop you from success.

I've also diluted situations at my level without it having to go further because, well, you can't imagine now many 1SG's and CPT's don't want a situation to go above them that was brought to their attention in a professional, calm, and well documented manner.

******
I suspect the best piece of evidence supporting your claims is going to be the duty roster already mentioned. In the case of the E5 I mentioned it turned out they were being singled out for all the crap details relative to all other E5's and without supporting counselings justifying said extra crap details.

Response by SPC Dawn Appelberg (Johnson) made Jan 8 at 2021 2:39 PM

SPC Dawn Appelberg (Johnson) — Fri, 08 Jan 2021 14:39:51 -0500

Have you confronted him with it? Have you taken it up the chain? DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. The military LOVES paperwork. Document EVERY day you work no one lese has to, every time you have been chosen out, discriminated against, had an offensive sexual joke made to about your fiancé. Then, take it to your First Sgt if he is next in the chain. DO NOT GO OVER ANYONE'S HEAD. Take it up the chain.

Response by SSG Carlos Madden made Jan 21 at 2021 7:28 PM

SSG Carlos Madden — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 19:28:10 -0500

It sounds like it might be helpful for you to talk to someone. We encourage you to check out this page to get connected to professional online support & in-person resources near you.
https://www.rallypoint.com/emergency-support

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