How would joining the Special Forces affect my family life?

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 03 May 2015 17:44:02 -0400

I am currently enlisted in the Reserves. As soon as I got back from AIT I knew I wanted more from my military career. I want to become special forces. I know how the process works as far as selection is concerned but that's as far as my knowledge of it goes. I would like to know what comes next if I were to be selected. For example would I be stationed stationed somewhere, will I be able to bring my family, etc. My main concern is my daughters. I wouldn't want to advance my career at the expense of my children being without their dad. Any advice is helpful. Thanks in advance.

Response by TSgt Kevin Buccola made May 3 at 2015 6:40 PM

TSgt Kevin Buccola — Sun, 03 May 2015 18:40:07 -0400

email me [login to see]

Response by LTC Stephen C. made May 3 at 2015 8:36 PM

LTC Stephen C. — Sun, 03 May 2015 20:36:21 -0400

SPC Private RallyPoint Member, this may be of help. I admire your spirit! Good luck! The 20th SFG(A), Army National Guard, may still have a detachment in Chicopee, MA, which looks as though it's about 80 miles from Ayer, MA. Give them a call and meet with them in person.

http://www.goarmy.com/special-forces.html

Response by LTC Yinon Weiss made May 3 at 2015 8:56 PM

LTC Yinon Weiss — Sun, 03 May 2015 20:56:31 -0400

Special Forces are "special"... but they are still part of the Army, and you would have a fairly regular Army family life. There are 5 active duty Special Forces Groups, and two National Guard Special Forces Groups. If selected for Special Forces, you will go to Fort Bragg for 12-24 months of training in the Special Forces Qualification Course (assuming you pass the initial 3 week Selection course). If you go active duty, you'll most likely be assigned to one of the 5 bases with Special Forces CONUS (Fort Bragg, Fort Campbell, Fort Carson, JBLM, or Eglin AFB). You would PCS with your family just like you would with any other unit.

You would be able to see your kids for practically the same amount of time as any other similar career in the Army, whether on active duty or the National Guard.

I see you are in Massachusetts. There is a SF Company as part of 20th Group in MA, and a 19th Group Company in Rhode Island. If you want to try to go to the National Guard route, you would go through an initial screening and if you pass, you would then placed on a training team to assess and prepare you for Selection. The Rhode Island unit runs monthly assessments for those interested. Email [login to see] for more info. Not sure about the unit in MA.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2015 8:59 PM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 03 May 2015 20:59:36 -0400

Ronnie,

If you are selected you will be stationed at Fort Bragg, N.C. for 12-24 months depending on which MOS you are assigned while you complete the SF qualification course. Individuals in the active Army with dependents conduct a PCS move to Bragg if they want. The National Guard SF Groups are 19th and 20th Group. I recommend you get in touch with them as soon as you can for reservists details. If you have any more questions after you speak with a 19th/20th Group rep--don't hesitate to reach out.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2015 9:13 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 03 May 2015 21:13:46 -0400

Thank you everyone for the feedback I feel a lot more comfortable in pursuing my goal now.

Response by SFC Collin McMillion made May 3 at 2015 9:13 PM

SFC Collin McMillion — Sun, 03 May 2015 21:13:40 -0400

Special Forces are not regular Army. You would becoming a soldier who is highly trained to do what few others can. In my experience, your life will change a great deal, mostly depending on the world situation at the time. Sometimes it might seem to be fairly normal, other times extremely chaotic, you can't expect the 8 to 5 hours or whatever is considered the norm for military and family life. You truly need to follow some of the advice posted here and really look deeply into the life and responsibilities of being SF. It definitely isn't for everyone.

Response by SrA Daniel Hunter made May 3 at 2015 9:40 PM

SrA Daniel Hunter — Sun, 03 May 2015 21:40:31 -0400

SPC Ronnie Soto, I have been through a similar dilemma. While in the Air Force I felt I was not contributing to the maximum of my abilities. I decided to get retrained. Having two children, I knew I would be gone more often and that I needed to consider them. I was not going into Special Forces, however I would be in Special Operations working with special forces. I don't know that there is an easy answer to this. My answer came because I felt I had too, to be true to myself. In some sense it was selfish. I could not go on doing what I was doing and feel that I had contributed. That is what I wanted most.

I wish you all the luck in your decision and with your family.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 6 at 2015 12:30 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 06 May 2015 12:30:57 -0400

Ronnie,

I cannot speak to the family life of a National Guard SF unit, but I can give you insight into how it affects your family on the active duty side.

Your wife has to be all in as much as you do. You both have to understand that if you make it to an ODA, your life will be 100% different. As others have stated, Special Forces members are still in the Army, and are required to conduct all the regular Army required training for promotions and daily operations, i.e. SSD, NCOES, IA training, SHARPS training, Anti-terrorism training, regular jumps, etc. On the conventional side, the lowest element to have a METL is at the Company level. In Special Forces, each ODA (consisting of 12 individuals) has it's own METL. This means each ODA has to conduct training, some of it being away from home station, to meet these METL tasks. There are also individual tasks and roles required by USASOC each ODA must posses. This means individual training, certifications and re-certs, usually away from home station, depending on your SF Group assignment. Combine all this training with a normal rotation of deployments to your SF Group AOR for third-country training events, where we are working with another country's SF elements, and you can see active duty SF members spend a lot of time away from home, even when they aren't deployed. Then you add in world affairs.

Being married in SF, and having kids in SF, takes a total family commitment. Your wife has to understand you are a part of something that is bigger than our own little bubble. It's not about being a "cool-guy" traveling around the world, it's about being a tool used by our national leaders in international politics and relations. Your wife will have to prepare to be a single parent for months, then as soon as she is getting into a rhythm, have you come home and screw the rhythm up. It is stressful on the entire family. Service member and spouse, obviously, but especially on the kids. There is a reason there is an old saying, "Your not really SF until you have a Harley and a divorce."

However, the majority of my teammates have been married, and most of those married guys have children. While I have seen divorces, it has been the exception, not the rule. The wife of an SF guy has to have something to call her own, and her own support circle of friends in order for her to make it. Some wives find this in the unit FRGs; some find it in friends they make in the neighborhood or community where they live; some find it through work.

All that said, going to SF was the best decision I made in my career. I've had opportunities and been to places few others in the military get to experience. I've had direct impact on US foreign policy. I've met people I will stay in contact with for the rest of my life. The only thing I can compare life on an ODA with is a Major League Baseball locker room, and even then, it's not the same.

I'll finish this with one word of advice. The best NCOs I've served with in SF, from SGT - SGM, from WO1 - MAJ, all had one thing in common: they have never assumed they've made it. They earn their tab everyday. Getting to an ODA means you've only done the minimum learning required, now it's time to really learn what it means to be Special Forces, and it starts with learning how to be a member of an ODA. Good luck.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 18 at 2015 12:17 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 18 Jun 2015 00:17:32 -0400

If you cross over to the Guard, get selected, make it through the Q-Course, and stay in the Guard from what I understand you decide how much you're gone. Now take that with a grain of salt because I've never been in the Guard. What I can tell you about is if you go Active Duty and do this full time you had better have a rock solid family life. I've been in SF for over 5 years now and I've missed every birthday of all 3 of my kids except for the day they were born. Last year alone I was gone 200 of 365 days. I love what I do and wouldn't trade it for anything, but the optempo of most groups does put a significant strain on the family. If you can find a way to make them both work then it's all the better. Good luck to you.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 21 at 2018 10:30 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Sep 2018 10:30:19 -0400

Hey so I'm in the pipeline right now, getting ready for selection. Our Cadre have told us we can move our families down at any point. There are several of my group that live off post with their families. As you go through the pipeline and graduate SFQC, your family moves with you when you get into your ODA in whatever group.

Response by MSG James Devereaux made Sep 25 at 2018 8:22 PM

MSG James Devereaux — Tue, 25 Sep 2018 20:22:46 -0400

I’d say SF is not a path for you. In SF your children would spend a great deal of time without you. You aren’t utilizing your training and talents while stateside so a CONUS Green Beret is a waste of money. If that is something that’s already entering your mind then I’d seriously consider something else. The men that gravitate to an ODA are the type that worry that the war will end before they can graduate language school, they WANT to go.