How You Get A Mentor in the Military

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 12:32:37 -0400

Don't Ask for a Mentor- Ask for Advice !

Mentorship is the voluntary developmental relationship the exists between a person of greater experience and a person of lessor experience that is characterized by mutual trust and respect. (AR 600-100)

There is no predetermined manner in which one enters into a Mentor-Mentee relationship. You generally do not ask for mentorship, it is a natural unspoken expansion of an existing relationship. Mentorship is a very personal and voluntary evolution based on trust and chemistry. This generally starts with the less experienced member asking for simple advice (Personal or Professional). If the advice given is "Not Awesome" the less experienced person will likely not return for future help. Similarly, if the more experienced person doesn't see potential or feels there are ulterior motives he or she will walk away. However, once a mentorship begins there are three communication decisions to make: Frequency, Medium, and Topics. The needs of the mentee and the maturity of the relationship determines the frequency of interaction. In our experience, the amount of mentorship increases and decreases constantly over time. A pattern also develops on the type of communication (Face to Face/ Phone/ Written). The most effective and efficient method for both parties is critical as their lives and geographic location change. The topics of conversation are limitless, but finding common ground that aligns with the mentor's expertise and the mentee's need is critical to the relationship's growth. Having participated in the mentor/mentee selection and method of communication process no less than 30 times, one thing remained constant in each process. Never have the following words been spoken, "Will you be my mentor?" Each started with someone asking for advice!

Response by SSgt Chipper Williams made Oct 9 at 2015 12:36 PM

SSgt Chipper Williams — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 12:36:29 -0400

Right on!

Response by SCPO David Lockwood made Oct 9 at 2015 12:37 PM

SCPO David Lockwood — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 12:37:21 -0400

Excellent way to put it COL. Thanks for posting!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 9 at 2015 12:42 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 12:42:06 -0400

Sadly, I have been on the side where I have had to ask for advice and receive not so good advice. I have always ended up making my own style based on my experiences with my former/current leaders (good and bad aspects). Because of this, I ensure that I am mentoring my people as best as I can.

Response by 1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 9 at 2015 12:44 PM

1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 12:44:38 -0400

he brought me into the company, watched me for a few months asked if if I was going F or M and when I said F, the game was on. He is still a very close friend 16 years later.

Response by CW3 Eric W. S. made Oct 9 at 2015 1:00 PM

CW3 Eric W. S. — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 13:00:43 -0400

With any luck, you find one early in your career that cares enough about you to take you under their wing when you ask for advice or assistance. I was not so lucky... I sought advice and was "ISSUED" a mentor... That went over like a fart in church...
All I can say is this, find someone that you trust, that has the qualities of a GOOD leader that you want to emulate, and someone that is willing to take the time to coach, teach, and mentor you through the learning process of becoming the leader you can be.
Once that happens, remember too pass on everything good that you learned.

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Oct 9 at 2015 1:02 PM

Capt Brandon Charters — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 13:02:53 -0400

COL Private RallyPoint Member Very helpful advice. Every mentor relationship I've had, always started off with casual conversation about career path. You'll never know 100% of the answers you never ask for.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 9 at 2015 1:16 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 13:16:36 -0400

I have personally found informal mentorships to be significantly more beneficial than formal ones. Formal of course are still far better than none though. Mentoring requirements (in my not so humble opinion) are there for the people who otherwise would never ask for advice.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Oct 9 at 2015 1:36 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 13:36:15 -0400

I never asked. There is that one person that seems to have a great military head on their shoulders. Those are the ones who will never turn you away when you look for advice about a specific problem. Sometimes they had to fail miserably due to the situation and have learned powerful lessons. It isn't always the 'winner' of the race that gives the best ideas on how to improve your run, so to speak.

Response by AN Eric Miller made Oct 9 at 2015 2:10 PM

AN Eric Miller — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 14:10:22 -0400

In my humble opinion, it all starts with "The only stupid question, is the one not asked"((although some come close..lol))... Don't be afraid to ask a Question, based on the perception of "how stupid it might be".. after initial chuckles aside.. you may find a great Mentor/Helper to get you on the correct path..

Response by Sgt Tom Cunnally made Oct 9 at 2015 2:21 PM

Sgt Tom Cunnally — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 14:21:44 -0400

How do you get a Mentor?

Great question Sir.... usually a Mentor gets you... Someone comes along who thinks you have a lot of potential and wants to see you succeed so they provide advice and guidance.. I was fortunate to have a close friend and mentor but he passed in December 2009....

Response by LCDR Jeffery Dixon made Oct 9 at 2015 2:52 PM

LCDR Jeffery Dixon — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 14:52:12 -0400

In many modern corporations you do actually ask for a Mentor. Your manager (a coach) typically can not serve both roles as mentor and coach. Many HR departments have mentorship programs where senior executives offer to mentor and managers and junior executives solicit for a mutually acceptable assignment. Mentoring is usually (or should be) rewarding for both parties.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 9 at 2015 2:54 PM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 14:54:03 -0400

I had several in each of the three branches in which I served. Good men all. Very good men.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Oct 9 at 2015 2:55 PM

PO1 John Miller — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 14:55:46 -0400

I usually had protegees come to me and ask me to be their official mentor. I was always humbled and honored and am proud to say that more than one of my former protegees went on to make Chief Petty Officer.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Oct 9 at 2015 3:18 PM

SGM Erik Marquez — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 15:18:59 -0400

"How do you get a Mentor?"
You don't, the Mentor gets you.
Sometimes that is an extension of you asking for advice (or just being given it)
Sometimes it is the Mentor approaching you making you aware they are open to, available for advice, discussion, or yes mentor ship. It;s not so much a formal arraignment but a condition that builds and simple is.

Response by Sgt Kelli Mays made Oct 9 at 2015 3:31 PM

Sgt Kelli Mays — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 15:31:07 -0400

My son had a mentor. The pastor of our church hooked him up with the mentor.

Response by Sgt Spencer Sikder made Oct 9 at 2015 3:46 PM

Sgt Spencer Sikder — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 15:46:27 -0400

I was a certified mentor in VA. At the time, it was as easy as asking if they would be one's mentor. Each mentor had their own preferences and styles. For me, I wanted to know the mentee's aspirations, their expectation and their willingness to put in the time. It took time for both mentor and mentee, however, it helped both. I say, find someone you believe holds the qualities you are interested in and ask. The worse they can say is no. But to ask will also give them a sense of pride that you value their leadership and hopefully put you in good favor with them. Look at your organization and see who are the movers and shakers. Look to see who demonstrates a successful outlook. Reach for the stars. No harm in asking the CEO if that's who you are interested in mentoring under.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 9 at 2015 5:59 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 17:59:50 -0400

I often found mentors to have a mutual liking and respect with one another.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 9 at 2015 6:39 PM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 18:39:27 -0400

The Navy has a mentorship program at most commands where you have to find some outside of your work center that is a higher rank with similar life goals. It's works ok. I would think that the other branches had something similar. But if not it really is as easy as asking someone you respect that is decently successful in life.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Oct 9 at 2015 7:09 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 19:09:21 -0400

I'm not going to simply pile on and say the same thing everyone else has already said. Maybe I'll just say it in a different way...

Mentoring begins with a question. The question is a sign of a person's willingness to seek help. The answer is the mentor's method of expressing the willingness to mentor. Acting on that answer and testing its efficacy is how you signal that you are a willing student.

From that point on, the relationship between mentor and student simply develops...

...or it doesn't.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 9 at 2015 10:52 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 22:52:46 -0400

Didn't the Army have a web based program to where you could have a mentor and converse with them via the website?

I think one of the biggest challenges I have seen is Mentorship in the National Guard. So often we have an extremely tight timeline and have few opportunities if any to ask or offer advice. I know we still have time when we are preparing for drill weekend. We still have do what we can but I think the active side have much more of an advantage in this.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Oct 9 at 2015 11:03 PM

CSM Charles Hayden — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 23:03:50 -0400

COL Private RallyPoint Member Colonel, my belief is that the most effective mentors quietly appear as Angels from Heaven when the realization of a personal similarity occurs.

Response by SSgt Randy Saulsberry made Oct 9 at 2015 11:36 PM

SSgt Randy Saulsberry — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 23:36:44 -0400

Ususally you are assigned a mentor so its never the individuals choice. But i do know with 100% certainty that in the Marine Corps the Mentee is suppose to choose their mentor. But noone follows the order. Everyone just does what the crowd does.

Response by PO1 Glenn Boucher made Oct 10 at 2015 12:50 PM

PO1 Glenn Boucher — Sat, 10 Oct 2015 12:50:01 -0400

I don't know how you really ask to be mentored I think it just kind of happens when someone sees potential in you and takes you under their wing.
I know when I got stationed on the USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) they were trying to implement assigned mentors, the problem is that they would assign one of the senior petty officers to one of the new junior sailors and then the new junior sailor is assigned to a different watch section than the mentor so the relationship breaks down because you have a mentor and the person being mentored on different schedules.
I know during that 2 year time period many people didn't like the idea of being saddled with a new kid and having to teach them the ropes, it was more of a duty than something they wanted to do.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 12 at 2015 10:42 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 10:42:07 -0400

You aren't limited to one. You can have mentors for different things. Some that are senior in your field, others for getting through difficult assignments and others for work-life balance.

I also think it's beneficial to have officer-enlisted mentorships. With their vast experience, many senior enlisted have much to offer both senior and junior officers.

Response by CW5 Sam R. Baker made Oct 12 at 2015 8:45 PM

CW5 Sam R. Baker — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 20:45:00 -0400

The initial phases of a seeking a mentor are usually informal and start with one recognizing someone who has it together and leading by example. There may not even be communication initially, but the evolution of making formal could possibly develop. If the mentor and mentee wish, they could enter a contract where each has responsibilities to develop. initially I listened to senior warrant officers, some had the right thing to say, others not so much. I never entered a formal program, but received much counseling and mentorship through flight lead programs, training and just good ole fashioned Friday afternoon officer's call.

A good search to read up on Mentorship is COL Mark Melanson, a medical service corps officer who did countless articles on mentorship. Great reads.

Response by COL Jason Smallfield, PMP, CFM, CM made Oct 16 at 2015 9:41 AM

COL Jason Smallfield, PMP, CFM, CM — Fri, 16 Oct 2015 09:41:44 -0400

How do you get a mentor? Several different ways:
- Slow approach. Develop a relationship with a person whose opinion you value. Eventually it turns into a mentor relationship.
- Fast approach. Ask a person to be your mentor.
- Easy approach. Sometimes a mentor finds you and seeks you out to be a mentee.
- Effective approach. You get out of a relationship what you put into a relationship. A mentor-mentee relationship, like a marriage or a friendship, requires consistent and sustained effort by both parties. In other words, getting a mentor is easy, keeping the mentor-mentee relationship is the hard part.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 16 at 2015 5:44 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 16 Oct 2015 17:44:57 -0400

When looking for mentors, don't fall into the trap of looking only at those higher in rank than you are, which is especially relevant to my fellow officers. Over my career, many of my best mentors have and remain NCOs, even relatively junior NCOs.

I'm a chemical officer and was a Korean linguistic and PSYOP specialist in my enlisted days. When I was given the privilege of commanding a long-haul transportation company (M915) I jumped at the chance despite knowing nothing whatsoever about transportation or trucking. My mentors were the E-7 truck master and an E-5 master driver, among others. Sure the BN commander and S3 were also mentors, but it was from those NCOs that I learned how to accomplish my unit's mission.

Most precious of all was that E-5, who taught me how to drive a big-rig and build my skills sufficiently to get licensed on the M915 and then followed her advice and drove in every convoy that time allowed.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 18 at 2015 7:11 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 18 Nov 2015 19:11:52 -0500

I was lucky, a mentor picked me. I thanked him after my career ended. He said he knew I was going through some rough times with the divorce, trying to deploy as an IA, and my PTSD.