I respect all members of all branches, but where is the good humored trash talk amongst the branches?

2014-07-13T13:39:10-04:00

Just for fun. Call them out. Everyone thinks their branch is the best. (Unless your Navy that's not true) funny stories about why you witnessed the other branches do.

Response by Col Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2014 2:32 PM

2014-07-13T14:32:27-04:00

I think that some folks take it a bit too far and some of the trash talk can become offensive in nature. I am all good for the joking and banter to increase camaraderie, but not everyone takes it as a joke.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2014 3:14 PM

2014-07-13T15:14:03-04:00

This one time, I was TAD in Chicago. My buddies and I walked into a Bar where a Navy guy yelled "DUMB JARHEADS!" We yelled back "STUPID SQUIDS!" Then we all sat down laughed and had beers while we lied to each other about our military exploits.

Response by PO2 Edward Collins made Jul 13 at 2014 3:35 PM

2014-07-13T15:35:03-04:00

We were at Camp Scania in Iraq. Some Guardsman asked my Senior Choef what the Navy was doing there.

Senior responded that we got a battleship stuck in the Euphrates and we were sent over to dig it out.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2014 4:48 PM

2014-07-13T16:48:37-04:00

PO2 Edward Collins - Bite me Popeye!!! lol

Response by COL Randall C. made Jul 13 at 2014 5:15 PM

2014-07-13T17:15:48-04:00

I recall a conversation I had during OIF with a good friend of mine who is a Marine.

He hit me with the old joke, "You know what ARMY stands for? Ain't Ready for Marine Yet!"

To which I replied, "and do you know what MARINE stands for? Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Non-Essential!"

We've been jabbing at each other every since.

Response by SSG V. Michelle Woods made Jul 13 at 2014 5:20 PM

2014-07-13T17:20:39-04:00

Well Marines don't have a sense of humor! So I just pick on the Air Force. They're a safe target :)

Response by TSgt Scott Hurley made Jul 13 at 2014 7:12 PM

2014-07-13T19:12:38-04:00

The AF thinks it has a funny bone. But it does not. Everyone picks on the MARINE's and they even poke fun at themselves. The ARMY, can take a joke, but loves giving them. The Navy....... Well, they are squids who have inherited Davy Jones and Neptunes humor. lol And the Coast Guard are just the bastard children of the Navy.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2014 7:17 PM

2014-07-13T19:17:29-04:00

No s--t there I was at Joint Engineer Operations Course at Wright Patterson Air Force Base (which by the way they did not even allow us to stay on post but had us in a "interesting" hotel if I recall right the Hope Hotel that would not live up to Air Force standards) and we were discussing what resources each service has and base camps, etc. Well the Air Force officer at my table goes well how we in the Air Force build our bases is we first start with the "O" club and golf courses then move to the NCO club followed by the barracks. Once that is done we move to other MWR buildings and then training buildings. We then run out of money and say we need more to build the runways. I mean we cannot function as Air Force without a runway. We all laughed.....but deep down inside I think we all wondered if that is how they truly build Air Force bases.

Response by COL Randall C. made Jul 13 at 2014 7:27 PM

2014-07-13T19:27:09-04:00

You know, just like the Brits and ourselves, we are different organizations divided by a common language.

Just think about what it means to secure a building to the different services.

Now, in the Army, we occupy and then build up defensive structures and add guards.

In the Marines, they blow the hell out of it and make sure nothing is living inside.

The Navy makes sure the windows are closed, lights are off and all doors locked.

Air Force? 10 year lease with an option to buy.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Jul 13 at 2014 7:30 PM

2014-07-13T19:30:54-04:00

I could tell you all my Air Force jokes but it seems like you want jokes about the military.

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Jul 13 at 2014 9:18 PM

2014-07-13T21:18:33-04:00

I was out driving through Birmingham the other day with one of my "civilian job" partners, who is a retired Coastie, and it started raining. I slowed down before we hit a puddle, told him to brace himself, we were about to get some "SEA TIME." Woohoo got him fired right up.

For those not in the know, the Navy refers to the Coast Guard as the "shallow water Navy".

He then spouted off a smart line about "Hey, isn't the Marine Corps a Department of the Navy?" thinking he was bashing on my Corps time, to which I simply replied "Yes, the Men's Department". Double Boom

To which he replied, and then you joined the Navy?

"Well, you have me there" as I did enlist (can't even use the I was young and didn't know any better excuse which is popular amongst soldiers).

And told him that I was only there a year, before joining the Air Force, to which he of course related that watching "Chair Force" videos and comics on the internet was some of his funniest searches.

I had no comeback for that, other than "Oh yeah, well at least I am still in" or "that site isn't real" (when in fact I know some of it is).

You have to love inter service rivalry. Without it, the Air National Guard would be boring, because we could not poke fun at the rest of you!

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jul 14 at 2014 12:22 PM

2014-07-14T12:22:36-04:00

From what I've seen (and written) the "sibling rivalry" shows its head in a lot of posts when and where its needed as opposed to a single post dedicated to just that subject. Though having a single source of material on branch jokes is a funny idea.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jul 14 at 2014 3:18 PM

2014-07-14T15:18:34-04:00

A soldier, sailor, marine, airman and coast guardsman all walk into a bar together. Who walks out first?

All the civilians...

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jul 14 at 2014 3:23 PM

2014-07-14T15:23:17-04:00

If the Navy shells it and the Air Force bombs it and the Marines storm it and the Coast Guard defends it, then all the Army has to do is put BOG and occupy it!

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 14 at 2014 4:51 PM

2014-07-14T16:51:23-04:00

I'm with you PO2 Edward Collins, but I just gotta post this!

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 14 at 2014 5:07 PM

2014-07-14T17:07:08-04:00

Ooh Rah!!!

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 14 at 2014 5:25 PM

2014-07-14T17:25:38-04:00

I used to own the boat once named Dixie. I crashed it. Called the county sheriff and told them my Dixie wrecked (warning: do not say that out loud). It all went down hill from there

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 14 at 2014 7:39 PM

2014-07-14T19:39:12-04:00

Ok here's one of my favorite oldies but goodies: why did the drill sergeant get in trouble this time: kept touching his privates. Touché

Response by SSgt Robert Clark made Jul 14 at 2014 8:22 PM

2014-07-14T20:22:25-04:00

Sorry, I've been out so long and away from military for so long I can't remember any jokes. I do get a good kick out of the AF jokes, especially when they come from the Marines. The honest truth is, I admire what each branch, even Coasties, offer. Without all working together nothing would work. Also, nothing against the Army as I have family who are Army, but when the s*t hits the fan the first thing I'm looking for is the nearest Marine. I honestly can think of no one I'd rather have on my side....because they are crazy and want to kill things.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 14 at 2014 8:48 PM

2014-07-14T20:48:19-04:00

I love how sailor act like they been to Iraq. When you ask them about it and you find out they were on a boat miles away but they tell you they supported it. Go Navy. As least you beat us in football. You got that going for you.

Response by PO3 John Jeter made Jul 14 at 2014 8:59 PM

2014-07-14T20:59:49-04:00

I can't flap my arms hard enough to fly, I really don't want to walk(or run if you're a Marine) everywhere I go, but on a ship you get to ride everywhere and if the ship goes down I can certainly swim! *grin* Being on a LSD carrying Marines was interesting enough. We spit and sputtered at each other constantly while at sea (much like brothers do). We didn't interact a great deal on shore either. But God help the 3rd party that messed with any of us. You had bodies coming out of the woodwork!

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 14 at 2014 11:17 PM

2014-07-14T23:17:39-04:00

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."

Response by Capt Jeff Quinn made Jul 15 at 2014 1:19 AM

2014-07-15T01:19:40-04:00

Should a service member wear a cover or a "hat". Should a Sergeant allow themselves to be called "Sarge"? My personal favorite titles of respect in the Corps were the venerable "Gunny", "Master Guns", "Top", "Gunner". Or the LPA (Lieutenant's Protection Association). Another good one I remember was "the Aviary" out at 29 Palms during CAX in 2002 (for all of the colonel's circling over the command post for the exercise). On that note- I believe it's time to launch a Navy chief to sea. But instead of digging an Army or Air Force latrine, I will instead find the head. All fun aside- my time aboard (and no- not on post "at") Fort Bragg for 2 weeks bi-annually during Express Sword with 10th Marines were some of the best recollections of army doggies exhibiting extreme professionalism- whether in the field or at the PX. That goes for the pill pushers (Navy's finest- the corpsman) issuing "Marine Corps Candy" (ibuprofen) for everything from a toothache to a gaping chest wound. Semper Gumby-Jeff

Response by SrA Adrian Yruretagoyena made Jul 15 at 2014 2:30 AM

2014-07-15T02:30:46-04:00

Sorry if it freezes, it is probably still buffering, just keep pushing play and it will eventually load.

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 3:37 AM

2014-07-15T03:37:13-04:00

1, 2, 3...A, B, C...1, 2, 3

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 3:38 AM

2014-07-15T03:38:33-04:00

That's about right, although Army housing and barracks are improving!

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 3:54 AM

2014-07-15T03:54:00-04:00

Umm.....

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 3:55 AM

2014-07-15T03:55:03-04:00

Sorry Devil Dogs but this is funny!

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 1:12 PM

2014-07-15T13:12:29-04:00

I will say that the Marine uniforms look better than the Army but it is funny to watch them and the Navy go to great lengths to preserve their hats...or should I say covers lol!!

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 1:16 PM

2014-07-15T13:16:43-04:00

You tell 'em Dwight! I thought you farmed beets??

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made Jul 15 at 2014 2:36 PM

2014-07-15T14:36:34-04:00

My mother served in the Navy, and I can't count how many times that five foot tall woman would snarl, "Just remember, you Marines wouldn't be anything without the Navy!"
My father ALWAYS answered with "Well, until we get that Walking on Water thing down..." of course, he always said it under his breath as his back was turned... they were married for 60 years and neither gave an inch on that argument...

Response by CSM Chris McKeown made Jul 16 at 2014 11:46 AM

2014-07-16T11:46:37-04:00

Military Rules by Service

Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet even your friends…
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines

Response by CW5 Sam R. Baker made Jul 16 at 2014 2:07 PM

2014-07-16T14:07:18-04:00

Squids, Zoomies and Jarheads! That is about the way I sum it up and folks look at me with their head turned sideways at times! Once I was asked by a mom which should her kid should join, cause they were going to join one regardless.

There are a myriad of reasons and attitudes if you break it down, but I said I can give you an answer in very few words about each and it will make sense to a young person. This is not hit on anyone, but think enlisted and rationally!

Join the:
NAVY if you truly want to see the world
MARINES if you want and value friends for life
AIR FORCE for quality of life and job after service
ARMY if you are about $$$ as it promotes fastest
COAST GUARD if you want to stay CONUS

Sums it up in my limited experience.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 16 at 2014 2:45 PM

2014-07-16T14:45:13-04:00

You want to hear smack talk? Come to the football games of the Service Academies! GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 7:30 PM

2014-07-16T19:30:45-04:00

[login to see] _armysfc

A Taliban Army Platoon was on patrol when the
commander noticed a lone Marine standing on a hilltop
above their location. The commander told two of his
soldiers to go take out the Marine, so they dropped
their packs and promptly ran as fast as they could
toward the Marine. Just before they got to the
top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.
The two soldiers followed.

For the next few moments there were bloody screams
and dust flying in the air. Then as quickly as it had
started, it stopped and the Marine appeared back on
the hilltop. He brushed off his cammies, straightened
his cover, crossed his arms and stood there looking
down at the Taliban soldiers.

The infuriated commander called for a squad to go
get the Marine. They promptly ran as fast as they
could toward him. Just before they got to the
top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.
The squad followed, and for the next few minutes there
were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. When
it stopped, the Marine again returned to the hilltop.
He brushed off his cammies, straightened his cover,
crossed his arms and stood there looking down at the
remaining Taliban soldiers.

The commander was really hot now. He ordered the
rest of his platoon to attack the Marine. Determined
that Taliban soldiers were far superior to one
lone Marine, they had blood in their eyes as they
ran up the hill. Just before they got to the top, the
Marine ran over the other side of the hill.
The blood-thirsty soldiers followed. For many
minutes there were horrific screams and clouds of dust
flying in the air. It continued and continued.

When it finally stopped, one lone soldier came
crawling back to the commander, all bloody and beat
about the head and shoulders. His uniform was
torn, cuts were all over his body. The commander
demanded a report. The lone soldier, trying to catch
his breath, replied in a forceful yet trembling
voice, "Sir, run... it was a trick. There are TWO
of them!!"

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 7:33 PM

2014-07-16T19:33:40-04:00

You might be an Airborne Soldier if...
The first thing you do in the morning is put in a dip

Your favorite beer is someone else's

Your cologne smells suspiciously like bug juice

You think a spit shine means to spit on your boots and wipe them on the back of your pant legs

Your kids wear a high and tight and stand at parade rest

You tell the arresting officer that you have just been alerted and you were speeding to work

When you have dinner guests in between paydays, you try to pass off a hamslice as canned ham

You use your spotter scope to pull surveillance at the pool or the Pope AFB air show

You would rather smoke a private then a Marlboro

Your hide site is cleaner than your room

You set up concertina wire around your house to keep trick or treaters away

You spend your free time thinking of ways you would destroy things if you were a terrorist

You never enter a bar without an E&R plan

You consider a "Recon" walking around the bar looking for chicks

You order a beer from the waitress by hollering "Nurse give me an IV"

You consider a six pack a well balanced breakfast

You say "Hooah" whether you understand or not

You creatively acquire things you need

Every sport you play has the word combat as part of its name

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2014 11:09 PM

2014-07-22T23:09:18-04:00

Ive heard those Army folks signing GI soap and GI gravy Gee I wished I joined the Navy. And you know they can't be Marines. "To observe a Marine, is inspirational. To be a Marine, is exceptional." And that kind of leaves the Army out!

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 1:23 AM

2014-07-23T01:23:11-04:00

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca how do you clear a room by branches:

Marines: Blow it up. Call it cleared.

Army: Stack up. Go in and clear the room. Call it cleared.

Navy: Launch missiles from a ship from far away body of water. Call Army to go in and clear the room. Call it cleared.

Air Force: Put up a for rent sign and call it cleared.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 1:28 AM

2014-07-23T01:28:49-04:00

A few Air Force....

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 1:39 AM

2014-07-23T01:39:02-04:00

More Air Force...

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 1:42 AM

2014-07-23T01:42:51-04:00

Two more...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 9:51 AM

2014-07-23T09:51:35-04:00

I was told during my deployment that we can no longer refer to Marines as "jarheads".

...the reasoning is that not all jars are empty.

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 10:02 AM

2014-07-23T10:02:21-04:00

In my civilian job I have several Marines who I work with, a couple of Army, and one Air Force. Sometimes the banter gets pretty thick and is quite funny. Then one one chimes in that never wore the uniform to make fun of the the Navy guy everyone stops and looks at him, total silence, it was quite funny watching him back stroke to hide under his desk. He knew he crossed the line; you can't make fun of the different branches unless you wore one of the uniforms!

Response by SCPO Dale Leighton made Jul 24 at 2014 5:09 PM

2014-07-24T17:09:45-04:00

Not too long after a newly commissioned Ensign reported aboard from the Academy he and the CWO4 shared a few choice words on watch one evening. The new Ensign attempted to use his collateral assignment as the Assistant-Shipboard-Supply-Officer (ASSO) as clout. The CWO4 mentored the young JO by responding yes sir you are an ASSO.

Response by TSgt Julie Miller made Jul 24 at 2014 8:22 PM

2014-07-24T20:22:55-04:00

When I was in the Air Force I had to take M-16 and small arms training... Our instructor was an old crusty sarge from days past... He yelled without raising his voice and made it clear that anyone of us who couldn't read basic instructions could leave... We sat there unwilling to get up and leave... He walked around the room and pointed to the side of the rifle and asked us which end was to be pointed at the target... we all indicated the open end of the barrel...... "Good" he said, "at least non of you had to read the instructions on the barrel" We hesitantly looked... it read, point this arrow away from you.... "That my friends" he added, "is for the ARMY, Air Force personnel should already know which end to point"... With that we all felt smart and proud... that is until the lone Marine in the room pointed out that none of us read the instructions first....Sarge didn't let it phase him.... He simply asked the Marine... if he felt lucky..... and smiled......

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2014 8:58 PM

2014-07-24T20:58:27-04:00

Go to https://www.facebook.com/thelegiongamingnetwork to find a bunch of fire-piss'n grunts trash talk'n each other, & participating in the camaraderie that multi-branch service members typically enjoy!!!

Then go to http://www.legiongamingnetwork.com, to be an active participant in these grunt-style follies!!! ArComzGunr/B.S.

Response by GySgt Kenneth Primrose made Jul 24 at 2014 9:59 PM

2014-07-24T21:59:36-04:00

The military is what you make of it! Nothing more, nothing less. Question: When is service in the air force going to be considered Military Service?

Response by SPC Joseph Goetz made Jul 25 at 2014 12:03 AM

2014-07-25T00:03:44-04:00

Response by SPC Joseph Goetz made Jul 25 at 2014 12:04 AM

2014-07-25T00:04:34-04:00

**You're or *** You are

Response by PO3 Jeff Spiewak made Jul 25 at 2014 8:54 AM

2014-07-25T08:54:40-04:00

Had a Great Time on West Pac.

Response by PO3 Jeff Spiewak made Jul 25 at 2014 8:55 AM

2014-07-25T08:55:52-04:00

The Navy doesn't think we're the best. We KNOW we are!!!

Response by SSG Lawrence Crow made Jul 25 at 2014 12:41 PM

2014-07-25T12:41:54-04:00

There was a conference at SHAPE Belgium. A French Admiral was very upset. He was in the company of a British Naval Officer, another British Army Officer, a USMC MG, and a USN Officer, if I remember right, he was an admiral. The French officer asked "Why do we speak English as the official language at these conferences?" The Marine said with a Texas drawl... "Maybe because we arranged for all you folks so the official language wouldn't be German."

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2014 2:40 PM

2014-07-25T14:40:07-04:00

I view all service members and veterans equally great people, mostly. That being said...

United States Navy, because even the Army and the Air Force need heroes.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2014 5:43 PM

2014-07-25T17:43:44-04:00

I joined the AF and became an Air Commando flying on gunships where the gunners didn't have seats because they didn't think we'd need them long enough. I wanted to go in the Marines, but I'm allergic to crayons.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2014 7:21 PM

2014-07-25T19:21:11-04:00

So there I was in Reforger 88 in the back of a deuce with a bunch of grunts ( I was an artillery FO) and we stopped on the side of this farm for a minute. This extremely intelligent infantryman leans out the back of the deuce looking at this field with amazement. He looks at me and says "Holy shit, look at the size of those f@#king carrots! "( he was looking at a field of sugar beets) I just put my head down and shook it.
Thinking the pain was over after I explained they were sugar beets his buddy leans out and looks then turns to him and says " You freakin idiot, that's what they make sugar from". I just wanted to jump out.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2014 7:27 PM

2014-07-25T19:27:51-04:00

An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Jul 25 at 2014 7:59 PM

2014-07-25T19:59:16-04:00

Youngster: "Mom, when I grow up, I want to be a Naval Aviator!"
Mom: "Well, make up your mind, son, you can't do both."

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Jul 25 at 2014 8:15 PM

2014-07-25T20:15:46-04:00

From the Broadside cartoon series. "When Master Chiefs Retire."

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Jul 25 at 2014 8:18 PM

2014-07-25T20:18:53-04:00

I love "digs" at naval aviators. To wit:

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2014 8:26 PM

2014-07-25T20:26:16-04:00

Well I will say I got sick of the Army "hooah". I once had a LTC start a conversation with me at ARCENT HQ, and he was a mumbler and low talker. I could not understand a damn thing he was saying, but every time he said "hooah", I just said "yes Sir".

I also made sure that I always used Navy terms for everything when working with the Army.... Galley, head, deck, bulkhead, etc...

If you are neither a Marine or a Navy Hospital Corpsman, you will never understand the bond between us.

Like everyone else has said, we can bust each other and be fine, but an outsider hell no.

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Jul 25 at 2014 8:36 PM

2014-07-25T20:36:37-04:00

Question: "Who is the most dangerous individual in the US Army?"
Answer: "A Second Lieutenant with a map."

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2014 1:52 PM

2014-07-26T13:52:15-04:00

I saw this in a briefing years ago.

Response by A1C Michael Clarke made Jul 26 at 2014 2:46 PM

2014-07-26T14:46:22-04:00

How do you make a Marine commit suicide?

Throw a bucket of sand at a brick wall and tell him to hit the beach.

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Jul 26 at 2014 4:56 PM

2014-07-26T16:56:53-04:00

Key Phrases for Use in Performance Reviews
1. Since the last report, has reached rock-bottom and started to dig.
2. Should not be allowed to breed.
3. Not so much a has-been, but more a definitely-won’t-be.
4. Works well when under constant, close supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
5. When mouth opens, it seems that it is only to change feet.
6. Has delusions of adequacy.
7. Sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
8. Is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. Should go far, and the sooner he(she) starts, the better.
10. Has got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
11. A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
12. Doesn’t have ulcers, but is an active carrier.
13. Has apparently been working closely with glue too much.
14. Would argue with a signpost.
15. Brings a lot of joy whenever he(she) leaves the room.
16. When his(her) IQ reaches 50, he(she) should sell.
17. If you see two people talking and one looks bored to tears, he(she) is the other one.
18. Has a photographic memory but the lens cover is glued on.
19. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
20. Donated unused brain to science before being done with it.
21. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train’s derailed in the station.
22. Has two brain cells; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
23. If any more stupid, would have to be watered twice a week.
24. If you give him(her) a penny for his(her) thoughts, you’d get change.
25. If you stand close enough to him(her), you can hear the ocean.
26. It’s hard to believe that he(she) beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
27. One neuron short of a synapse.
28. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he(she) only gargled.
29. Takes him(her) two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
30. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Jul 26 at 2014 5:05 PM

2014-07-26T17:05:04-04:00

Pleasure or Work?

The Colonel walked into the staff meeting on Monday looking bleary-eyed and exhausted. “The reception at the embassy was pretty rough, eh, sir?” asked his Number One.

“No,” replied the Colonel, “it went quite well. It’s just that Mary had a couple of more drinks than usual and was feeling kind of frisky when we got home. I was up all night after that. Sometimes sex seems like a lot more work than pleasure. What do you all think? Is sex more pleasure or work?”

“I’d say about 25% pleasure and 75% work,” opined a Major. “No, I think it’s about half of each,” said a Captain. “To me, it’s seems about 75% pleasure and only 25% work,” ventured a Lieutenant.

There being no real consensus, the Colonel looked to the grizzled Master Sergeant standing near the door and asked, “What do you think, Top?”

“It’s definitely 100% pleasure, sir, because if there was any work involved, these officers would have tried to get me to do it for them.”

Response by SSG Chris Furney made Jul 26 at 2014 5:09 PM

2014-07-26T17:09:44-04:00

Q: How many General Schwarzkopf's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But really, all he has to do is show it he's serious, and it will start working again for a while.
PFC/2LT Furney, Co C, 1/186 Infantry 90-91- Sir.

Response by SSG Chris Furney made Jul 26 at 2014 5:14 PM

2014-07-26T17:14:28-04:00

Q: Why did the Ranger cross the road?
A: It was the only way to reach the objective.

Response by SSG Chris Furney made Jul 26 at 2014 5:26 PM

2014-07-26T17:26:27-04:00

Here's my Military Music Trivia. 10 points possible.
1. In "The Ballad Of The Green Beret", what do the "fearless men" do?
2. In the classic song "Anchors Aweigh", when do we sail?
3. In the Bob Marley song "Buffalo Soldiers", what were the Buffalo Soldiers fighting for? Extra Point- When did they start fighting?
4. In the Air Force Song "Wild Blue Yonder", what happens if we don't live in fame?
5. According to "The Halls Of Montezuma", what will the Army and the Navy see in Heaven? (assuming... ;) )
6. In the Warren Zevon Song "Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner", what exactly happened to Roland's head? Extra Point- What happened to the guy who did it?
7. In the Army "Caisson Song", "it's Hi Hi Hee in the" what?
8. In "The Battle Hymn Of The Republic, where was Jesus born?

Response by SSG Chris Furney made Jul 26 at 2014 6:11 PM

2014-07-26T18:11:03-04:00

Attitude- A Sense Of Humor Can Make Even The Toughest Job Easier.

Response by SSG Chris Furney made Jul 26 at 2014 6:18 PM

2014-07-26T18:18:45-04:00

Camelflage

Response by SFC David Szucs made Jul 26 at 2014 7:02 PM

2014-07-26T19:02:21-04:00

Marines are like bananas. They come in green turn yellow and die in bunches.

1st Cav, US Army. The horse that was never ridden the bridge that was never crossed and the yellow speaks for itself.

how Many sailors does it take to change a light bulb? I will call a ET and find out.

Zoomies: sending the officers to die while enlisted stay at the country club.

Don't dis the Coast Guard. They save lives every single day.

SFC Szucs (Ret)

Response by SPC Benjamin Hager made Jul 26 at 2014 11:01 PM

2014-07-26T23:01:29-04:00

We always said you had the Squids, Zoomies, and Jar-heads. We were Soldiers. Most would laugh, but you could always count on one Marine to get upset. Usually could calm them down by playing Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA" on a juke box.

Response by SPC Benjamin Hager made Jul 26 at 2014 11:15 PM

2014-07-26T23:15:22-04:00

Next headline: Marine shots self in foot destroying weapons!

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 26 at 2014 11:30 PM

2014-07-26T23:30:01-04:00

Sailor and a Marine are both in a bathroom taking a leak. The Marine zips up and goes to leave. The Sailor says "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands afters taking a leak."

The Marine replied "In the Corps, they teach us not to **** on our hands...."

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 26 at 2014 11:31 PM

2014-07-26T23:31:07-04:00

A Marine , a sailor and a kid are in bath room ****ing. The kid ask the Marine for his hat (cover) and the Marine says get lost kid. The sailor offers the kid his hat and the kid replies no way I'm not gay!

A sailor walks into a bar owned by a old Marine. The Marine/ bar tender has a monkey behind the bar. Sailor asks what's with the monkey? Marine laughs and says watch this ****. Smacks the monkey on the head 3 times and it blows him. The Marine asks the sailor if he wants to try it? The sailor said sure but do not me as hard!

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 26 at 2014 11:31 PM

2014-07-26T23:31:45-04:00

An Army Cpt and his platoon were to take a hill from the Marines. The Cpt sees one Marine on the hill. He sends his most uber bad ass Soldier up. The solider comes rolling down 20 seconds later all beat up. The Cpt send 2 guys up and they come rolling back down. Now he gets mad and sends 20 men up. With in 10 seconds he sees them retreat and his men are screaming "it's a trick there is two of them".

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 26 at 2014 11:32 PM

2014-07-26T23:32:26-04:00

The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.

At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).

The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.

The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 26 at 2014 11:33 PM

2014-07-26T23:33:34-04:00

I'm not crazy about US Marine's...can't stand most of them. Having said that, not many are too bright either...so here is my contribution.

3 Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first marine said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second marine said, "H*** no, those are elk tracks."
"You're both wrong," said the thid marine. "Those are moose tracks."
The marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 27 at 2014 8:18 PM

2014-07-27T20:18:16-04:00

Had to repost this from someone else !!

I recall a conversation I had during OIF with a good friend of mine who is a Marine.

He hit me with the old joke, "You know what ARMY stands for? Ain't Ready for Marine Yet!"

To which I replied, "and do you know what MARINE stands for? Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Non-Essential!"

We've been jabbing at each other every since.

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 27 at 2014 8:19 PM

2014-07-27T20:19:01-04:00

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 28 at 2014 11:17 AM

2014-07-28T11:17:36-04:00

I was an HT-3 (3rd Class Perry Officer for those non-squids reading this) at the Oakland Airport preparing to report back from Leave on my way to San Diego. The flight was close but I HAD to take a leak. I was in my 70s style Zumwalt Navy Uniform with my Sea Bag in tow. I set the Sea bag down, did my business and grabbed my Sea Bag to dash for the flight when a Marine Lance Corpral (Same rank as I was E-4) said loudly "In the Marines they teach us to WASH our hands after we uninate!" to which I replied...."In the Navy they teach us not to urinate on our hands"...and scurried to make my flight......

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 28 at 2014 1:17 PM

2014-07-28T13:17:40-04:00

I was talking to an old man who said he was in the navy way back when. When asked why he joined the Navy, he said I would have joined the Air Force but my parents are married...

Response by CMDCM Gene Treants made Jul 28 at 2014 2:21 PM

2014-07-28T14:21:09-04:00

Of course then there there are the Recruiting Posters that everyone loves!!

Response by SGT Frank Leonardo made Jul 28 at 2014 7:52 PM

2014-07-28T19:52:18-04:00

OK this goes to all branches, Army are Dogs, Marines are Jar heads, Navy are Sea men, Air force are Air men, Coast Guard is Border patrol. I served in the Army and heard about all branch jokes I don't look down on any branch because we all were serving our USA.

Response by PO3 John Jeter made Jul 28 at 2014 10:44 PM

2014-07-28T22:44:26-04:00

Back in the late 70's we were sailing to Australia for Operation Kangaroo II in Shoalwater Bay. Navy ships have several different phone type circuits for internal communications in case of battle damage or power loss. The apparatus is called "sound powered phones" and they are exactly what the name says. We had several guys who could imitate the radio exchanges from the space missions so well you would swear it was real. We soon had Marines all over the ship clustered around wherever they could find a set, listening to the regularly scheduled "moon missions". We always told them the truth, that it was a sound powered phone circuit. Somehow it just never sunk in.........until the "Gunny" happened to come by while a bunch of Marines were starting to fight over whose turn it was. Inter-service relations were noticeably cooler for some time after that.....

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Jul 28 at 2014 11:31 PM

2014-07-28T23:31:30-04:00

Here is an older post with some cogent points if you have a son or daughter who wonders whether it is better to be an Air Force pilot or a Navy pilot:

Bob Norris is a former (20+ years) Naval Aviator who also did a 3-year Exchange Tour flying the F-15 Eagle with the Air Force. In response to an inquiry on his website from an aspiring fighter pilot regarding which service academy to attend, Bob replied with the following:

12 Feb 04: Young Man, Congratulations on your selection to both the Naval and Air Force Academies. Your goal of becoming a fighter pilot is impressive and a fine way to serve your country. As you requested, I am happy to share some insight into which service would be your best choice. Each service has a distinctly different culture. You need to ask yourself: “In which one am I more likely to thrive?”

USAF Snapshot: The USAF is exceptionally well organized and well run. Their training programs are terrific. All pilots are groomed to meet high standards for knowledge and professionalism. Their aircraft are top-notch and extremely well maintained. Their facilities are excellent. Their enlisted personnel are the brightest and best trained. The USAF is homogeneous and macro. No matter where you go in the Air Force, you’ll know what to expect, what is expected of you, and you’ll be given the training and tools you need to meet those expectations. You will never be put into a situation over your head. Over a 20-year career, you will be home for most important family events. Your Mom would want you to be an Air Force pilot … so would your wife. Your Dad would want your sister to marry one.

Navy Snapshot: Aviators are part of the Navy, but so are Black Shoes (surface warfare) and Bubble Heads (submariners). Further, the Navy is split into two distinctly different Fleets (Pacific Fleet on the West Coast, Atlantic Fleet on the East Coast). The Navy is heterogeneous and micro. Your squadron is your home; it may be great, average, or awful. A squadron can go from one extreme to the other very quickly. You will spend months preparing for cruise and months on cruise with your squadron. The quality of the aircraft you fly will vary directly with the availability of parts. Senior Navy enlisted personnel are salt of the earth; you’ll be proud if you earn their respect. Junior enlisted personnel vary from terrific to the troubled kid the judge made join the service. You will be given the opportunity to lead these people during your career; you will be humbled and get your hands dirty. The quality of your training will vary and sometime you will be in over your head. You will miss many important family events. There will be long stretches of tedious duty aboard ship. You will fly in very bad weather and/or at night, and you will be scared many times. You will fly with legends in the Navy, and they will kick your ass until you become a lethal force. And some days – when the scheduling Gods have smiled upon you – your jet will catapult into a glorious morning over a far-away sea and you will be drop-jawed that someone would actually pay you to do this. The hottest girl in the bar wants to meet the Naval Aviator. That bar is in Singapore.

Bottom line, son, if you gotta ask … pack warm & good luck in Colorado.

Banzai, Bob Norris

PS: Air Force pilots wear scarves and iron their flight suits.

Response by SSG Robin Rushlo made Jul 29 at 2014 2:18 PM

2014-07-29T14:18:40-04:00

Enough said

Response by GySgt William Hardy made Jul 30 at 2014 1:57 PM

2014-07-30T13:57:01-04:00

Having been a Marine, I must admit that some trash talk with sailors did occur. My last 3 years were on joint service duty and every once in a while there was some ribbing, but mostly we just did our jobs....however....

One day an Army captain came into my office and said, "I was hanging some certificates in my office and ran out of nails. I was told you might have some Gunny." I looked straight into his eyes and said, "Sorry Captain, I ate my last half pound for lunch." He just shook his head and walked out.

Response by SFC Michael Hartwig made Jul 31 at 2014 1:32 AM

2014-07-31T01:32:45-04:00

long gone with all of the joint missions going on. I worked with the MArines at Leatherneck and told a SSG there that after working with them I regret wasting so many years in the Army. They were no bs guys that got shit done, if you needed it yesterday they got it to you 2 days ago.

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Aug 2 at 2014 2:28 PM

2014-08-02T14:28:17-04:00

Just ran across this one:

SEAMANSHIP TEST
One time during the underway watch the OOD decided to test a Chief Petty Officer's seamanship knowledge.
"Chief, what would you do if the forward watch fell off the side of the ship?" "Easy, sir, I'd call 'Man Overboard' and follow the Man Overboard procedures."

"What would you do if an officer fell overboard?" "Hmmm," The Chief said, "Which one?"

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 2 at 2014 2:31 PM

2014-08-02T14:31:29-04:00

Hehehe!!! Sorry my AF brethren. Couldn't resist. :D

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2014 11:44 AM

2014-08-03T11:44:31-04:00

I'll add in these four images, which were drawn by an Army Captain buddy of mine last year.

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Aug 4 at 2014 10:41 PM

2014-08-04T22:41:21-04:00

Bringing out the military meme wars...I like it!

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Aug 4 at 2014 10:44 PM

2014-08-04T22:44:35-04:00

Air Force, making ass kicking a lazy-man's sport since 1947.

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Aug 4 at 2014 10:56 PM

2014-08-04T22:56:11-04:00

Need a pro-coastie meme...I need a Coast Guard contact to complete my rally-point collection.

Response by GySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 6 at 2014 3:53 AM

2014-08-06T03:53:36-04:00

this is getting out of hand!

Response by SSG Chris Furney made Sep 7 at 2014 2:21 PM

2014-09-07T14:21:55-04:00

Q: How many General Schwarzkopf's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one- but really, all he has to do is show it he's serious, and it will start working again for a while. You'll still have to fix it later, though.

Response by PO3 John Jeter made Sep 7 at 2014 6:59 PM

2014-09-07T18:59:57-04:00

Just ducked in to take a look on how things are going on this thread......Didn't know I needed a helmet! *grin*

Response by CW2 Jonathan Kantor made Sep 8 at 2014 5:41 AM

2014-09-08T05:41:20-04:00

Whenever I think about this sort of thing, I remember the movie No Time For Sergeants. If you haven't seen it, you need to. It's pretty much about the rivalry between the USA and USAF... and Andy Griffith cleaning the latrine :D

No Time for Sergeants (1958)

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy. With Andy Griffith, Myron McCormick, Nick Adams, Murray Hamilton. Will Stockdale is a country bumpkin drafted into the Air Force and too dumb to realize he's driving everyone around him crazy -- no one more than Sgt. King.

Response by Cpl Christopher Bishop made Sep 8 at 2014 6:12 PM

2014-09-08T18:12:28-04:00

I know the Navy likes to remind the Marine Corps that we are a department of the Navy. Usually the Marine response to that has been "Yeah, the MENS Department."

More recently though I have seen these cool hoodie sweatshirts around, in NAVY Coloring (dark blue with gold screened stuff) and above, a the seal of the Navy (no no not the SEALs, the emblem) then below it the USMC seal, and under that it says "The Muay-Thai Department".

Seems to me that since the inception of MCMAP for Marines, this is pretty much correct (if it wasn't before then) =)

Of course we know the History, that the USMC was originally formed to provide security for naval vessels. One could argue this was something the Navy couldn't handle themselves.

Respectfully =)

Response by SFC James Barnes made Sep 18 at 2014 9:34 AM

2014-09-18T09:34:33-04:00

Yep

Response by CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 29 at 2014 12:13 PM

2014-10-29T12:13:00-04:00

LOL! ;)

Response by GySgt William Hardy made Oct 29 at 2014 1:31 PM

2014-10-29T13:31:05-04:00

What about the trash talk between countries?

When I was in Germany, I heard a Brit and American talking about old uniforms. The American asked why the British use to wear the bright red coats. The Brit said it was to hid the blood from a wound so the men would not panic during a battle. Oh, says the American. I guess that explains the brown trousers the French wear to this day.

Why do the Italian soldiers play Red Rover in boot camp? To get use to switching sides.

Response by GySgt William Hardy made Oct 30 at 2014 10:30 AM

2014-10-30T10:30:04-04:00

Some times we like to poke fun at ourselves..

Response by GySgt William Hardy made Nov 10 at 2014 3:11 PM

2014-11-10T15:11:14-05:00

Which branch of the military is the best? There is only two branches . . . the Navy and Army . . . take your pick. The Air Force is a corporation and the Marine Corps is a cult.

Response by LT Brian Farmer made Nov 10 at 2014 3:34 PM

2014-11-10T15:34:19-05:00

I loved the video. Great humor through stereotypes. But where were the "people of color"? Certainly you could've found a minority actor who was just as bad as the Caucasian guys. I'm just messin' with ya. Thanks for the fun mini-teleneiva.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 4:00 PM

2014-11-10T16:00:24-05:00

I am in the National Guard and have been deploy 3 times in 7 years. I don't think active duty realizes that we are deployed as much or more that them. They see us as weekend warriors and not fully dedicated the the Army as a whole. I've seen people role their eyes and ridicule us for being Guard and I have to as a proud member of the Military put them in their place. Always fun to leave them speechless and barrassed.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 4:16 PM

2014-11-10T16:16:25-05:00

I think nowadays everyone is so sensitive and people are hesitant to say anything jokingly in fear of offending them. I think it's perfectly fine to joke around, people need to be more thick skin!

Response by PO3 Amanda Crippes (Powell) made Nov 10 at 2014 4:24 PM

2014-11-10T16:24:55-05:00

My husband is an Air Force officer and I was a Navy enlisted, stationed with the Marines. The culture shock about killed me! I harass him all the time on how easy he's got it! Like it's a cover not a hat!!!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 4:35 PM

2014-11-10T16:35:50-05:00

Wheres the Coast Guard? Matter of fact, who are they?

Response by SSG Brent Reck made Nov 10 at 2014 5:00 PM

2014-11-10T17:00:57-05:00

While serving in the Army in a 155mm howitzer battalion at Bragg we were sent as a professional courtesy to train the Marines on the same equipment at Camp Lejune. While there were took a friendly lashing for being"Stinking Army" on a Marine Base.... After a few hours I pointed out the obvious.. "Gunny, you understand that they had to send us all the way from Bragg to train you because you guys weren't smart enough to train each other, right?" After a few beers and a few laughs later it all worked out.

Response by SrA Marc Haynes made Nov 10 at 2014 7:35 PM

2014-11-10T19:35:56-05:00

We ALL know that the AF is the most cerebral of the branches.

A Marine said once in a meeting that the Marines are the Men's Department of the Navy. I busted out laughing.

Response by SPC Calvin Alexander made Nov 12 at 2014 10:29 AM

2014-11-12T10:29:10-05:00

Army!

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Nov 26 at 2014 3:49 PM

2014-11-26T15:49:45-05:00

I also respect the entirety of the joint team. Here is my good humored trash talk: the only useful things any of the services do better than the Marines are: Long range and long term massive logistical support, long range and long term massive bombing, long range and high altitude air superiority and ship on ship combat.

Every other useful military task is performed better by the Marine Corps than by any other service as a whole.

Response by SPC Carl K. made May 3 at 2015 12:18 AM

2015-05-03T00:18:21-04:00

Why do the Marines have the best looking Dress Blues? Because the Navy wants it women to look good for them.

Response by MAJ Milan George made Sep 18 at 2018 11:16 AM

2018-09-18T11:16:12-04:00

Well....Since you were a Seaman, we didn't want to hurt your fragile sensibilities....You know why there are Marines on Navy ships?....so the Seaman have someone to dance with...oh snap! LOL