I respect all Officers of all branches. But where is the good humored trash talk amongst the Officers and NCO's?

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 23:26:24 -0400

I respect all Officers of all branches. But where is the good humored trash talk amongst the Officers and NCO's?

Here is a great start to the discussion board - A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an NCO," says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says "You must be an Officer".

"I am" replies the balloonist, "But how did you know?"

"Well," says the NCO, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 7:50 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 19:50:49 -0400

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 7:53 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 19:53:59 -0400

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/6f/8a/7f/6f8a7f260603f6b83a4b20d305a6414c.jpg

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 7:56 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 19:56:28 -0400

http://marinecorpsmoms.com/new_images/Sempertoons/Speak_Freely.jpg

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 7:58 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 19:58:53 -0400

The Company Commander and the First Sergeant were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the First Sergeant said, "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
The CO said, "I see millions of stars."

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"

CO: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 9:16 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 21:16:41 -0400

Strangers on a train
Four strangers traveled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her Sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a very mature looking man in his mid-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. Next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.
As these four strangers traveled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.
In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts.
The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?"
The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"
The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark.
The private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a wonderful world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!"

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 16 at 2014 9:17 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 21:17:19 -0400

Or so they think.

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 9:17 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 21:17:40 -0400

The Prayers of Officers
One day, three O-6s were hiking together and unexpectedly came upon a wide, raging, biolent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
The Air Force Colonel called out to God, praying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."

POOF!
God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across. It did, however, take him more than an hour and he almost drowned a couple of times.
Seeing this, the Army Colonel played to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and tools to cross this river."

POOF!
God gave him a rowboat and oars. He was able to row across but it still took almost an hour, it was very rough, and he almost capsized several times.
The Navy Captain saw how things worked out for the other two, so when he prayed to God, he said, "Pleae God, give me the strength, tools, and the intelligence to cross this river."

POOF!
God turned him into a Marine Lance Corporal. He looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, and walked across the bridge.

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 16 at 2014 9:20 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 21:20:11 -0400

Jeep in the mud
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

Response by CPT Dave Borgognoni made Jul 17 at 2014 10:07 AM

CPT Dave Borgognoni — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 10:07:00 -0400

Favorite response to the "Don't call me Sir, I work for a living..." was "Call me Sir, I think for a living"

I agree that the respectful and sometime hard to swallow exchanges like this were what made things fun. Both Officer Corps should be proud of their roles in the force.

We had a term, called "surgically insubordinate" that was used to recognize a good exchange.

Wild card out there are the Warrant Officers...

Response by MSgt Lancia Stewart made Jul 17 at 2014 11:57 AM

MSgt Lancia Stewart — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 11:57:50 -0400

I don't have a joke, but here's an anecdote.

My last flight commander (1st Lt) was telling his fiancée about me, and she said "So she's kinda like your work wife." He responded with "No, she's more like my work mom."

When I retired, he was deployed to the Stan. But he managed to create, and send, a custom "Work Mom" tshirt.

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 18 at 2014 8:12 AM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Fri, 18 Jul 2014 08:12:36 -0400

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 19 at 2014 9:23 AM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Sat, 19 Jul 2014 09:23:03 -0400

Very Important Colonel
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a PFC knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the PFC to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the PFC replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2014 10:07 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 10:07:34 -0400

Thought I would post this here!!

Response by SSG Robin Rushlo made Jul 21 at 2014 10:13 AM

SSG Robin Rushlo — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 10:13:20 -0400

Did you hear the one..... What do you have when you get three or more officers together??? NOT MUCH LOL Love and respect to them all

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 10:07 AM

MCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 10:07:54 -0400

We do it all the time at my shop, my O's are all Navy Captains and the E's are Senior and Master Chiefs. We work at a Navy HQ. Also, my brother is an Army Col and my Dad is retired AF Lt Col, I always remind them when I render a salute who really outranks them! It's always fun!

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 24 at 2014 10:35 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 22:35:40 -0400

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 26 at 2014 11:39 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Sat, 26 Jul 2014 23:39:42 -0400

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 26 at 2014 11:40 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Sat, 26 Jul 2014 23:40:50 -0400

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough.

"That's the only way to command respect in the Army," his friends said.

So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope," Reggie shouted.

No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared.

"I am a sergeant!" he bellowed.

"I am a dope," whispered Reggie.

Response by MSG(P) Michael Warrick made Jul 28 at 2014 9:31 PM

MSG(P) Michael Warrick — Mon, 28 Jul 2014 21:31:17 -0400

Response by LT Brian Farmer made Nov 11 at 2014 4:17 PM

LT Brian Farmer — Tue, 11 Nov 2014 16:17:12 -0500

I love your story. How accurate.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made May 4 at 2015 11:44 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 04 May 2015 23:44:39 -0400

Some memes

Response by Sgt David Levy made Oct 4 at 2015 1:01 AM

Sgt David Levy — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 01:01:13 -0400

The General:
Faster than a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a locomotive,
Leaps over tall buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water, and
Talks with God

The Colonel:
Just as fast as a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water when it's calm, and
Talks with God on special occasions

The Lt Col:
Faster than a speeding BB,
Loses a tug-of-war with a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a running start,
Swims well, and
Listens at a distance to the voice of God.

The Major:
Can load a gun properly,
Plays with train sets,
Leaps over Quonset huts with a running start,
Can do the Dog Paddle, and
Sometimes pays attention to what the Lt. Col. says,

The Captain:
Is not issued ammunition for fear of self-inflicted injury,
Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times,
Runs into buildings,
Can wade through water less than four feet deep, and
Pays no attention to what the Major says..

The Lieutenant:
Wets himself with a water pistol,
Says "Look at the Choo Choo,"
Trips over steps when entering buildings,and
Doesn't even notice when the Captain says something.

The NCO:
Catches bullets in his teeth and spits them out,
Kicks trains off the tracks,
Picks up buildings and walks underneath, and
Freezes water with a single glance,
He is GOD!

Response by SGT Carmen Allen made Jul 29 at 2023 6:03 PM

SGT Carmen Allen — Sat, 29 Jul 2023 18:03:46 -0400