I want to be Special Forces, but I don’t want to lose my family. Any advice?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 01:17:54 -0400

I’ve been heavily considering dropping an SF packet. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since 9th grade. I want to be in the “high speed” unit. I want to serve. I want to not deal with the nonsense of the “big army”. However I’m married now with two girls. I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with them. I want to chase my dreams but not sacrifice my family.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2019 1:23 AM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 01:23:53 -0400

A tough decision for anyone. I would suggest you drop your packet and see how it goes. Remember SF is strictly volunteer service, you can stop at any time. Also, many go through the initial selection and do very but, they are selected for one or another reason. My two cents.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Jul 2 at 2019 1:25 AM

CSM Charles Hayden — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 01:25:31 -0400

There is always a price! SSG Private RallyPoint Member Soldiers must decide yes/no!

Response by CSM Michael Chavaree made Jul 2 at 2019 2:29 AM

CSM Michael Chavaree — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 02:29:15 -0400

First of all, my advise to you is to change your mindset. Special Operations relies heavily on folks who can master the basics and navigate well with limited or constrained resources. It is NOT a way out of dealing with “Regular Army” or its nonsenses. If you cannot shine in your current organization I can assure you that you will not do well in SOF. You mention how YOU want to be in a high speed unit as if the unit will improve you, I challenge you to dig deep and see the potential of what YOU bring to that unit. Be the kind of operator that the unit cant function without. What makes you the BBD? (Bigger Better Deal). Folks are always in search of an easy way out of good order and discipline, however, SOF members have the ability to master the basics and function well with limited resources and supervision. If you already doubt your ability to perform at that capacity because your family may suffer, then I can tell you when the difficulty starts, they will be your easy button and excuse to quit. You can have a family in SOF, that is a common misconception. Good luck, may the odds be in your favor.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2019 3:35 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 03:35:42 -0400

Every unit has its own form of "nonsense". Special ops units just have a special kind of nonsense. But they also tend to have incredibly high OPTEMPO, so you will likely spend a great deal of time away from your wife and girls. And often you will not be able to discuss much, if anything about your work, or where you are going, with them. This can lead to an additional form of stress with thefamily. If your goal is to be home each night with your family, I would suggest you forget about SF.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2019 4:13 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 04:13:49 -0400

Unfortunately you have a hard decision to make. I suggest you discuss your desires with your spouse and get her perspective on how choosing to go SF will affect her. It will be a tough decision because she’ll have to be willing to possibly being separated from you for extended periods of time, sometimes without constant communication and with her dealing with not knowing your whereabouts. It’s a lot to ask of a person.

Going SF probably should have been done prior to starting a family because not only will your spouse to deal with long separations but your girls will have to as well. Children react different to long, unknown separations from their parents. You don’t want your children to get use to you not being around....

Tough decision and only you can make it, choose wisely but make sure it’s a decision you can live with...good luck to you.....

Response by SSG Brian G. made Jul 2 at 2019 6:25 AM

SSG Brian G. — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 06:25:31 -0400

First off you do not "lose" your family when you volunteer for the SF program. There are additional stresses that are incurred but if they walk then did you really have them in the first place? Second, you should always talk these things through with your family beforehand. Some dreams are just not attainable at certain points in life.

You need to adjust your thinking if you are looking at units as high speed or not and looking at SF as answer to not dealing with the nonsense you attribute to big army.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2019 6:53 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 06:53:20 -0400

You're misinformed about a lot of things. I would venture to guess you don't even know what it is that Special Forces actually does, other than "be high speed". The Army pays everyone's salary, and so everyone, regardless of the unit, deals with big army rules. If you just wanted to be in the unit, you're a 25U, you can be placed in an SF group as a support element. If you were there, you'd realize how ludicrous your question is. Do some research, otherwise you're going to spend two years training to be a green beret and then three more years doing it, just to leave because it's not what you thought it was.

Response by CPT Lawrence Cable made Jul 2 at 2019 8:06 AM

CPT Lawrence Cable — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 08:06:21 -0400

Son, I hate to break it to you now, but the Service in general is hard on marriages. Long hours and frequent absences can be hard on relationships whether you are SF or some 11B. The "joke" in the Navy is that two divorces are part of the qualification for Chief Petty Officer. If you are trying to find a job that offers stability and a home life, none of the Combat Arms, whether it be Armor to Green Berets, will offer a regular schedule.
Even when I was a National Guard Engineer Officer, I was gone 80 to 90 days a year.

Response by MSgt Michael Smith made Jul 2 at 2019 9:21 AM

MSgt Michael Smith — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 09:21:39 -0400

The fact that you are using phrases like "high speed" and "nonsense of the big army' pretty much mean you don't have a clue about how the military works. If you think for one second that SF are somehow exempt from all the rigors of the rest of the service you are gravely mistaken. I suggest you stop watching Chuck Norris movies and A-Team reruns and concentrate on doing your current job well.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2019 12:47 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 12:47:53 -0400

So i see that i did not clearly explain myself, I am not trying to get out of anything nor am I trying to be like a tv show. I have done extensive research and talked to a multitude of SF personnel (ranger, and SF). I have spoken to three recruiters. To better clarify i would like to be in a unit where the maturity level is higher, being I am older and I have a family. I would like to be in a unit with like minded individuals. I would like to be doing something i enjoy doing to serve my country. I am not trying to get out of doing regular army. When i said “nonsense” i was referring to mopping the sidewalks in the rain. Time wasters. Busy work. That’s what inwas referring to. Sorry for the confusion.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Jul 2 at 2019 1:12 PM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 13:12:41 -0400

One, if you don’t like big Army go home, or make yourself smarter to reality. All Soldiers deal with big Army, certainly those who get promoted. As for your Family and your marriage that is all in your court. Your spouse would need to be as independent as she will have to be should you remain Army, period. There are many Soldier in Big Army that have deployed as much as SF units. Your Families challenges are the same either way. Anyway your reasoning and question are ill informed. Conduct more research then make a decision. Thank you for your service.

Response by MSG Dan Castaneda made Jul 2 at 2019 3:34 PM

MSG Dan Castaneda — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 15:34:13 -0400

I’ve been married for 17 years with 4 kids. Ive been in SF, 15 out of my 24 years of service. It definitely takes a strong girl to walk the road with you but I’ve been successful because of my family. Talk to your wife and make sure she’s on board for the long haul. If you believe her, you’d be surprised what youd be willing to do for them. Plus, I make $1000 more a month because I am SF. Imagine how much better you can do for them. Your family should be a reason why, not an excuse.

Response by PV2 Thomas Libby made Jul 2 at 2019 5:50 PM

PV2 Thomas Libby — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 17:50:48 -0400

Some RNs make over $110/ hr

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 2 at 2019 6:33 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 18:33:20 -0400

Losing your family is an assumption, not a fact.

Response by LTC Ken Connolly made Jul 2 at 2019 9:18 PM

LTC Ken Connolly — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 21:18:51 -0400

it appears you have one of the life's choices.

The SOF folks usually follow the rules closer than the rest of the Service, because they are in the black world and don't have time to get wrapped in unnecessary red tape and they have lots of pride in achieving the highest of standards and personal development.

What do you want to do in the SOF? Have you thought about Psy Ops or something similar. If you like living on the edge, become a Medic. Another dangerous job in a FOO is a Chaplain's assistant. You get to drive the Chaplain around unarmed and consider the Chaplain usually draws a crowd, sniper and artillery folks like that. In other words, if adventure is your game, expand your horizons and maybe you can have the best of both worlds..

Response by SFC Timothy Ross made Jul 3 at 2019 10:10 PM

SFC Timothy Ross — Wed, 03 Jul 2019 22:10:12 -0400

It doesn't get any better. Go the ranger battalion. Then drop a packet. Or what ever it's called now days.

RltwAA TW

Response by MSG Danny Mathers made Jul 7 at 2019 3:49 PM

MSG Danny Mathers — Sun, 07 Jul 2019 15:49:11 -0400

Special Operations & Special Forces are gone away more than they are home base. The best way to lose your wife is to cheat. There is a lot of it and peer pressure to do so. Women have what I call "Radar Love." They sense and know when you cheat. You can be both a great fathers as well as an outstanding Soldier. You have to prepare your family if and when you go to Special Forces. The advantages of that duty is faster promotions and speciality pays. The troops you will work with are the best part of it. The commanders are the best in the army. The training and experience is second to none. However, you got to want it. Selection is a continuous process, from day 1 until you leave.

Response by MAJ Rene De La Rosa made Aug 1 at 2019 7:00 AM

MAJ Rene De La Rosa — Thu, 01 Aug 2019 07:00:12 -0400

Huge assumptions here. If your family unit is tight, there are no problems. Make sure that your spouse is on board (pun intended) about your plans.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2019 7:24 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 19:24:59 -0400

To start off get your head out your ass. If you have to ask, then it's not for you.

Response by Sgt Heriberto Salinas made Aug 4 at 2019 7:38 PM

Sgt Heriberto Salinas — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 19:38:53 -0400

Thumbs up, straight across the board for all of these comments. Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what can I do for my country?

Response by CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 5 at 2019 6:22 PM

CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 Aug 2019 18:22:22 -0400

I rolled my eyes so hard think I just saw my brain.

Response by SFC Wendell Pruitt made Aug 7 at 2019 11:02 PM

SFC Wendell Pruitt — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 23:02:52 -0400

I am amazed at the number of young guys so gung ho about getting to SF, It's NOT what the Majority think it is, I was recruited/invited to go try out for an Assignment with them no less than 7 times in 10 years, I sat through the briefings, talked one on one with guys already there, and had several friends who went and made it to a team, It takes a special breed to go the distance. Nearly every comment Here gives good advice about what to consider before a packet should be dropped....

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 11 at 2019 10:26 AM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 10:26:25 -0400

You have to make a choice. Career or family. It's the same choice a millions of people make all of the time. Being in the military just makes it a bit harder. Having said that, the military has made it easier than it used to be. They finally recognize that more people have families than do not. If your spouse supports you you can do it all. Good luck.

Response by CPT Patrick Oboyle made Aug 11 at 2019 1:13 PM

CPT Patrick Oboyle — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 13:13:39 -0400

stay in motor t

Response by PO3 Mike Bek made Aug 11 at 2019 10:05 PM

PO3 Mike Bek — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 22:05:11 -0400

Everyone knows that being the father to two girls is harder than SF. Why the extra punishment?

Response by MSG Albert Grounds made Aug 15 at 2019 10:28 PM

MSG Albert Grounds — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 22:28:38 -0400

I will only say that I flew with the Alpha Teams of the Special Forces. I was not with the Special Forces but in the intelligence field. The missions were dangerous and for that matter most all Special Forces personnel are involved in special missions. I found them an elite bunch, funny and at times bordering on crazy. Two days before the Tet Offensive, I wasn't aware of the 8 inch howitzer that had brought in and while driving between the perimeter fences they fired a round that went whistling over my head. Never heard that sound before so I hit the brake and rolled out of the jeep onto the ground. I stood up after realizing it was outgoing and they were laughing their heads off. They were a great bunch and I laughed with them. That said, you have to decide what you want but know these guys will have your back but so would many other vocations. I worked in high level intelligence. I loved the work even though it was very fast paced and no room for error and think your family would not have to worry about you but at least discuss this with family before making a decision.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 2 at 2019 5:34 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 17:34:57 -0400

You're going to have to decide which is more important right now, your dreams or your family. You'll be gone more than you are home if you choose this route

Dont ever say you want to avoid the big army again. Even if it is true you see how many folks got their knife hands out when you say that dumb shit? Stay fucking gray and look tight as fuck so these people stay off your back and you can do your job in peace. Good luck

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 27 at 2020 10:36 AM

CW2 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 27 Mar 2020 10:36:16 -0400

SOF desires people who bring something to the force, not those who just dont want to do "Big Army". You dont get drug through the dirt at Selection just to be able to put your hands in your pockets and not say "Sergeant" ever 5.3 seconds. It is about the mission, above all else. Defending the nation in complex situations.
Look up the SOF Truths and SOF Imperatives. If those fit your mindset, then go to Selection and let the Cadre decide if you have what it takes.
Many people try out only to find it is not all long hair and ranger panties. The work is hard, but it is what an operator desires.

Response by Maj John Bell made Mar 27 at 2020 8:00 PM

Maj John Bell — Fri, 27 Mar 2020 20:00:17 -0400

I know there is an urban legend that for your Special Forces graduation exercise you have to kill your immediate family. It isn't true. That's Marine Corps boot camp.

OK... OK... OK... It's a joke. Yes its in poor taste, but that's what I do.

Seriously during Desert Storm that's what Saddam Hussein told his troops. If they surrendered to Marines expect death, because they had to kill family members to become Marines.