In today's digital society can monogamy have a place?

SSG Richard Reilly — Thu, 28 May 2015 10:43:06 -0400

Ok, I have been through a failed marriage and have seen many, many others fail while serving as a paralegal (generally everyone's legal expert even if you don't want to be). I have also been approached by women in the PX that are clearly married, flirting and even asking me out. I never did anything while married and never would on someone I am dating. Nor would I with someone that I knew was. However, is this a thing now? Is monogamy truly dead and did the Internet help it? With the wide variety of options out there for cheaters and or spouses just looking.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/are-new-dating-apps-killing-monogamy-or-has-it-always-been-dead/2015/05/26/485f07ec-03e8-11e5-8bda-c7b4e9a8f7ac_story.html

What is your spiritual, ethical, moral, and whatever view on monogamy?

If you and your significant other are happy how did you truly get past the 'wild world wide web' that people are blaming for their need to break from monogamy?

Finally, do you think an open relationship can work?

How to break free from monogamy without destroying marriage

Open Minded is an app for “monogamish” users. That’s a growing segment of the population, adherents will tell you.

Response by SrA Johnathan Kropke made May 28 at 2015 10:47 AM

SrA Johnathan Kropke — Thu, 28 May 2015 10:47:42 -0400

I think today's society allows for monogamy, how I feel is completely opposite. I do not believe it has a place.

I have seen open relationships work, so I do not think that is the issue. The true issue is society and people today as a whole are so different from people in the 80s and even 90s.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 28 at 2015 11:06 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:06:53 -0400

I think monogamy can work- if both partners want to be monogamous. But that is where the problem lies. But its work. You have to work at not only keeping the love alive... but also the sexual connection. and making the other person feel wanted. Because that is why so many people drift away... is because they miss that feeling of being wanted, right?

I have had friends who had "open" marriages- not so many of them worked out- actually I have yet to see a successful one last long term. You make too many connection on emotionally, not during, but after. That where you tend to open your heart (and where people accidently fall into love with their "friends")

I feel like if you want to play around... go for it.. but be single. Then go do what you want. Don't cheat. Don't Open a marriage- it won't work in the long run.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 28 at 2015 11:10 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:10:41 -0400

Very enticing question! The social media age can definitely put a damper on monogamy with easy access to anyone out there. IMHO, it comes down to your beliefs and values system. I was raised to believe that monogamy was "right" so I follow it. I don't think I could handle more than 1 partner. I won't pretend to understand polygamy so I won't say its right or wrong - it's what those people involved in that kind of relationship choose.

If I tried to understand it, I would liken it to having multiple children - you don't love any of them any more or less, you give them equal time and do all you can for them. You don't tend to have multiple children if you feel you can't deal with the trials and tribulations of having them, so I would assume one wouldn't have multiple partners if the same were true.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made May 28 at 2015 11:13 AM

LCpl Mark Lefler — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:13:24 -0400

I think monogamy works for most couples still. Though that I guess would depend if you consider looking at porn cheating. Personally I can't think of a single couple that I know that are not monogamous.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made May 28 at 2015 11:21 AM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:21:34 -0400

It can work and have a place if that is what the couple wants and works at.

Response by LTC Paul Labrador made May 28 at 2015 11:55 AM

LTC Paul Labrador — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:55:23 -0400

People who are intent on cheating on a spouse is going to find a way to cheat regardless of the internet. It may have made the choices and methods more varied, but the internet doesn't "cause" it.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 28 at 2015 12:12 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 28 May 2015 12:12:05 -0400

I guess it comes down to the purpose these people got married. Did they get married to get out of the dorms/barracks? Did they want the extra BAH? Was it because they were in love and both parties are better off together( they make each other better-the real reason to get married)?

Like anything else its all what you want it to be. I don't like to share, and what I expect from my wife I expect from myself.

Its all on the person(s)

Response by 1LT Nick Kidwell made May 28 at 2015 12:17 PM

1LT Nick Kidwell — Thu, 28 May 2015 12:17:07 -0400

I met my wife of 10 years (and counting) using social media and digital communication, and we are both 100% committed to a lasting monogamous relationship.

The internet is like any other tool: there's more than one way to use it, and not all uses are right or safe.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 5 at 2015 3:16 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 15:16:10 -0400

Monogamy is possible if the minds of both participants are girded with the right info. Pride and insecurity are destroying marriages.

Response by SSG Michael Eastes made Oct 2 at 2017 2:38 AM

SSG Michael Eastes — Mon, 02 Oct 2017 02:38:42 -0400

My brothers and I were raised in a family that believed in traditional marriage. AFAIK, my parents generation (7 couples total) had only one divorce. Marriage was/is for life. The 3 of us all are in long, healthy marriages. My wife and I have 45 years together. A good marriage takes a lot of work, many compromises, and the mutual agreement not to give up. In our case, strong Christian faith has been a huge factor. None of the "open" marriages that we have observed over the years have survived - I don't think that humans are designed that way.