Intel Officer Uses All These Big Words

PO1 John Miller — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 06:20:22 -0400

!!!DUFFEL BLOG ALERT!!!

http://duffelblog.com/EXUEp

RAMSTEIN AB, Germany – Widespread panic occurred this week at 3rd Air Force Headquarters on Ramstein Air Base, Germany, after an intel officer used all these big words during his daily update brief.

Lt. Amit Reddi, an air defense analyst for 3rd Air Force, apparently threw the unit into complete chaos by explaining that “enemy maneuvers were nominal” and “aggregate troop movements indicated an absence of aggressive activity.” Further observations were muddled by the bedlam, but reports are that words such as “amalgamation,” “kinetic,” and “airplane” were among those that caused the worst uproar.

Despite all these big words, panic was held at bay until a member of the staff, an Air Force colonel, tried to repeat one of the big words “just to see how it felt.” At this point, the personnel commander, a former pilot, apparently became so frustrated that he flipped the table, and the flag officers scattered.

“You can’t just walk into a briefing and use big words,” Maj. Christina Burke, the commander’s executive officer, said as she tried to coax Lt. Gen. John Hardy, the 3rd Air Force commander, out of a corner. Burke explained that Hardy, who was desperately clutching a box of crayons during the classified briefing, was apparently unable to unzip his flight suit pocket to access his smartphone so he could “Google it.”

“It’s really my fault,” Burke continued as she bundled the general up in a blankie. “I was going to explain it all to him after I got him his coffee, but he just ran off and started yelling. I should have kept a closer eye on him. Now that he’s all riled up, he’s going to take forever to put down for a nap.”

The base’s air operations center has been on 24-hour alert for six days straight due to the briefing, and the American ambassador to Russia has been recalled. Reddi, the intelligence officer, has received a letter of counseling for his use of all these big words.

!!!DUFFEL BLOG ALERT!!!

The general is all riled up and will be impossible to get down for his nap now.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2015 6:21 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 06:21:05 -0400

Screw Blog

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Aug 3 at 2015 7:42 AM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 07:42:53 -0400

Once more I'm glad this is satire.

Response by SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz made Aug 3 at 2015 7:57 AM

SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 07:57:34 -0400

Morose is my favorite one.

Response by CPO Joseph Grant made Aug 3 at 2015 8:46 AM

CPO Joseph Grant — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 08:46:44 -0400

Seriously, I used the word "imbued" on an evaluation for one of my guys. The DIVO, a mustang no less, said enlisted couldn't understand big words like that. He told me to dumb it down. I worked on my 20 year retirement plan by telling him he was an idiot and an ass.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2015 9:12 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 09:12:53 -0400

The reason Intel Officers use these words is because they don"t know what they're saying either, and don't have the slightest idea about their areas Order of Battle. (That's a joke, son...son that's a joke)

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made Aug 3 at 2015 12:05 PM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 12:05:00 -0400

That is hilarious! I love it! Especially the "now that he's all riled up, he's going to take forever to down for a nap."

Well written satire.

Response by SSgt Khanh Pham made Aug 4 at 2015 1:15 PM

SSgt Khanh Pham — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 13:15:15 -0400

I love reading creative writing, and this one takes the cake. Present a valid point with a great sense of humor.

With military intelligence, there's the science, the planning, the calculation, blah blah blah. When it comes to engagement, where rubber meets the road, it is the individual actions that really matters. It is a strange concept, the opposite of planning (not to counter the argument for planning). People can retreat when they should advance, coverup when they should blow the whistle, die whent hey should live, live when they should die... US have not been tested for a long time. Our next test will be arduous.

People hide their ignorant, I want to say all the time, but we know that is not true. I did it myself, I may do it again. It is an annoying habit, and ridiculously ineffective vs a competitent military mind. I can hypothesize that the reason for the proliferation of bullshit talks/walks in the military is a direct result of incompettent minds becoming the incompetent culture.

Call the bullshit out early and promptly. I was an E5 having to call out bullshit from an E6 and E8 on a daily basis (firewal 5s, when it should be 2-3, and it have gone on for 20 years for both of them), definitely not a fair situation having the senior leadership pawn off their responsibility on me. Tact is not a magic bullet that kills every problem. Military duty doesnt allow room for sweeping shit under the carpet. Dont pass the bullshit. You see it, please clean it up.

Save the younger troops from picking up your slack.

Response by MSgt Bj Jones made Aug 4 at 2015 1:35 PM

MSgt Bj Jones — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 13:35:32 -0400

This is so funny. :D

Response by TSgt Roy Jeffery made Aug 4 at 2015 2:21 PM

TSgt Roy Jeffery — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 14:21:16 -0400

Bwahahahaha

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Aug 4 at 2015 10:05 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 22:05:26 -0400

I always got a kick listening to NASA folks using that term "Nominal" LOL! What does that mean? "Within Parameters" Neither Good nor Bad. I guess Nominal is better than Blowing up though.