Inviting junior service members over to dinner on Thanksgiving?

SGT Patrick Abrams — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 16:25:52 -0500

So my question to everyone is on hanging out with soliders. As it is thanksgiving and I have single soliders. I invited them over for dinner for thanksgiving. I'm new to the unit and I think they think it's it's a trap as none of them responded. Any thoughts anyone?

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2014 4:37 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 16:37:27 -0500

I think it's very nice of you to invite the troops over for dinner. Don't see any problem at all.

Response by LTC Yinon Weiss made Nov 27 at 2014 5:39 PM

LTC Yinon Weiss — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 17:39:12 -0500

This is something certain leaders in my past units always did for those who could not go home for Thanksgiving, and I think it was a very thoughtful gesture.

It's possible they didn't get the actual message, and it's also possible there is some history at your unit which affects the decision making on this. I think it's fair to ask them after Thanksgiving how they are and how they spent it, in a friendly way. They may shed some light on it, and it would be a good opportunity for you to reinforce that you are there for them.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Nov 27 at 2014 5:45 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 17:45:14 -0500

The offer was a great gesture. I have been kidnapped several times from the barracks and over the years I paid it forward. Sometimes it was a bust, sometimes it was a blast. You established that you are more than a superior, you are a leader.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2014 5:49 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 17:49:53 -0500

SGT Patrick Abrams. You are a good man . . . and this is the right thing to do. You might ask a confidant to suss out why they did not attend . . . perhaps the message could be modified to work for next year.

Response by MSgt Aaron Brite made Nov 27 at 2014 5:50 PM

MSgt Aaron Brite — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 17:50:20 -0500

I think this is an old tradition I was glad for at my first duty station. I have experienced great times and one of the best apple pies EVER at my supervisors home on Thanksgiving. These days though I have seen this to fade and in some units be discouraged as fraternities and assault concerns come to the fore. I fear our paranoia on these topics may weaken the comraderie of the unit and the "responsibility" of NCO'S to our younger enlisted. I hope you do ask those you invited for their thoughts and share their responses with us.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2014 7:50 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 19:50:47 -0500

Great gesture. Not sure why they have not responded but maybe you being a new member of the unit may have something to do with it. I have had my soldiers for 2yrs and not all are coming over for dinner. However, I do have about 20 coming over for dinner. I wondered why they said yes and most were honest. They truly told me that they know I care because I showed it through out my time in the unit.

Response by PO2 Corey Ferretti made Nov 27 at 2014 8:16 PM

PO2 Corey Ferretti — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 20:16:01 -0500

SGT Patrick Abrams My wife and i Never had this problem might be because i was at a small unit at the time. We always had a full house for every holiday we hosted. But it could be because you are new that they did not trust your intentions. You could do game Nights do an open invite for games and appetizers. We did that well before ours holiday parties we did not allow alcohol because that could turn a great thing to sketchy quick. Make sure that they understand that it does not change thinks at work if they are a lower pay grade that at work your are still SGT. Abrams. But my guess for your situation is you being new. Hope this helped you out.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2014 8:20 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 20:20:57 -0500

Well the best NCOs always do that and appreciate you looking out for the junior troops. They may think its a fraternization trap or some would just feel uncomfortable because after all you cant be a friend so to say. The best way this stuff really works is hopefully all the juniors in the barracks are cook with each other and they do their own thing. I once crlebrated at the barracks and all of a sudden there was a cookout and someone beer bonged from the third deck lol just playing but seriously go to the barracks on holidays and spend some time. Key word. RELAX!!!

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Nov 27 at 2014 10:09 PM

CMSgt James Nolan — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 22:09:44 -0500

SGT Patrick Abrams Good job. Don't make a big deal out of the fact that none came, as you are new. You might, as you see them, (not in group) let them know that you hope they had a good holiday.

You have Christmas and New Years coming up, and could make the same offers, for a nice dinner, or on New Years for a "drop in" meal and maybe some football. Those are always popular and with it being less time sensitive, you may get some takers.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2014 10:37 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 22:37:31 -0500

I went to an instructors house for Thanksgiving during OBC as only four of us stayed. It was greatly appreciated. I hope one day to be able to do that for my troops.

Response by LTC Stephen C. made Nov 28 at 2014 1:40 PM

LTC Stephen C. — Fri, 28 Nov 2014 13:40:21 -0500

You did a very nice thing SGT Patrick Abrams and the all the responses I read are spot on. The only other thing I would mention is shame on them for not responding. Common courtesy would dictate at least a "yes" or a "no" from your invited guests. As the others said, though, it'll all work itself out eventually, so don't get too wrapped around the axle about it. Good job.

Response by 1SG Bill Farmerie made Nov 24 at 2016 1:51 PM

1SG Bill Farmerie — Thu, 24 Nov 2016 13:51:39 -0500

Some don't want anyone to know that they have no where else to go. I used to walk through the barracks around 1300 and see if anyone was still there and bring them home for Thanksgiving Dinner. Of course, I had previously invited soldiers, but I knew some wouldn't take me up on it.

Response by SPC John Decker made Nov 24 at 2016 4:08 PM

SPC John Decker — Thu, 24 Nov 2016 16:08:49 -0500

How did you invite them? Was it face to face, or some other general method. Congrats on the invite either way.

Response by PO1 Eric Booker made Nov 24 at 2016 4:50 PM

PO1 Eric Booker — Thu, 24 Nov 2016 16:50:09 -0500

I was married for the entirety of my career. As such, we usually lived either off base in Navy housing or in an apartment. I ALWAYS invited anyone and everyone regardless of rank over if they didn't have anywhere else to go. From E-1's to O-3's...I had them all and the one rule we always agreed on was the "no work" talk. Always a good time, plenty to eat and usually a good football game afterwards. In my position we could always separate pretty easily...I even Elk hunted with a couple of my superior's and a division officer. When the uni's went back on then it was business as usual though.

Response by 1st Lt Padre Dave Poedel made Oct 21 at 2019 12:19 AM

1st Lt Padre Dave Poedel — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 00:19:01 -0400

When I was a young NCO, the wife of a retired Colonel would invite me and my crew on duty for day shift in the Emergency Room to their home for Thanksgiving Dinner every year after I lovingly and compassionately treated their daughter (majorly hot, btw) for a nasty otitis media (middle ear infection) very early in the morning one year. Hey, I was just doing my duty..... Anyway, I never did get a date with her, but one of my men did (too bad about his PCS to Thule, Greenland....). She invited us and we had a wonderful time.

Response by SGT George Heath made Nov 14 at 2019 12:07 PM

SGT George Heath — Thu, 14 Nov 2019 12:07:49 -0500

Just the invite is an act of kindness regardless if they respond or not you reached out at a time if the year when many soldiers separated from any family contacts are subject to depression and the invite alone demonstrates you care