Is is appropriate for the Military to interfere with personnel's personal life and marraige, or should they mind their business?

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 20:14:31 -0500

All too often a Military spouse can give a call to a Chain of Command no matter how ridiculous the complaint the Chain of Command reacts. A text message deemed inappropriate by a spouse call 1SG, stayed out too late calls 1SG, got upset about something call 1SG. On the otherside of the equation, you can catch your spouse with a line of people outside to have sex with, who can you call, or what can you do. Your wife leaves home and doesn't come back for a week who can you call? My problem is if the Military is going to empower a spouse than there needs to be something in place for soldiers. The Army's fix all is to move the soldier into the barracks while he still pays the bills of where his/her spouse is residing. Is that fair? Could this be the reason so many Military couples divorce?

Response by SGT Jim Z. made Feb 16 at 2015 8:19 PM

SGT Jim Z. — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 20:19:24 -0500

Not sure how to answer that but I can understand your frustration. However, I think the 1SG needs to take each call on case by case basis and if it is the same spouse maybe have the FRG leader intervene. A spouse should not be that big of an impact on a unit.

Response by SPC Angel Guma made Feb 16 at 2015 9:05 PM

SPC Angel Guma — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 21:05:21 -0500

Exactly right on all accounts. But you know what? The Army will always interfere. You can't legislate or mandate common sense and maturity. Either someone has this or they don't, no amount of stripes or officer's bars will change that. And neither will time in grade.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 16 at 2015 9:08 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 21:08:50 -0500

SFC Private RallyPoint Member A USAF NCO got into trouble because his wife falsely accused him for hitting her. The wife cheated on him (multiple occasions with multiple guys). She took off halfway across the country for some guy with his kids. The CoC basically stood on the spouse's side. Basically, he couldn't divorce her fast enough. He lost half of his retirement PLUS child support and alimony. This problem doesn't only happen in the Army.

Yes, we should provide resources to make a military family healthy and happy. Should the CoC intervene and inject its 2 cents? In my opinion, no.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2015 4:43 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 04:43:01 -0500

Unfortunately military members get the short stick in some cases.

It is the military member that is in contract with the government/military, not the spouse. The spouse is under not obligation to remain faithful or not do drugs.

As a leader, you have the power to advise the service member in what actions to take.

We (as a nation) have not gotten to know who we marry before 'jumping in'. We have also lost the mindset of commitment being forever. Courtship has been lost to speed dating and online match making. Divorce is a signature on a piece of paper - easy way out, no real commitment. As leaders and military members, we need to get to know a person before marriage. Not every person can handle the stress of military life.

Response by SFC William Swartz Jr made Feb 21 at 2015 10:40 AM

SFC William Swartz Jr — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 10:40:21 -0500

Unfortunately the spouses do not fall under UCCMJ like those wearing the uniform do, and the benefit of the doubt will almost always go to the spouse until such time as evidence is found supporting the servicemember's claim, and even then their is nothing that can be done outside of possibly barring the spouse from coming on post or removing the family from post housing and even then it will be held against the servicemember. It's one of those things one deals with for the sake of serving this country, is it right, not at all, but unfortunately that's the way it is.....

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2015 11:20 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 11:20:31 -0500

In my first two commands I would tell spouses and parents who would call to complain about my Soldiers that 'I train and develop good Soldiers, not husbands and fathers.' If a Soldier's professional work was being affected by his personal issues, we would intervene, but other than that, we left his husbandly and fatherly duties to his upbringing.
If the spouse is cheating or bat-shit crazy, we wouldn't be marriage counselors, but we would recommend and assist setting them up with marriage counseling through Military OneSource or ACS.
Don't get me wrong, if the Soldier was neglecting his wife/children where he was withholding money, food, etc, then we would intervene, but for the most part, we try to leave personal lives alone.

Response by SPC Stewart Smith made Feb 21 at 2015 12:41 PM

SPC Stewart Smith — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 12:41:02 -0500

I think the CoC should stay out of personnel's personal lives.

Here in the civilian world if an angry girlfriend called my boss then my boss would tell her he doesn't care and to keep drama outside of work.
I think the army should be the same way. Keep your drama out of work.

If you catch your significant other sleeping around, you know what you can do? Get a divorce. It's that simple. Gather whatever evidence you can and go see a lawyer.

Response by CPT Aaron Kletzing made Feb 24 at 2015 12:51 PM

CPT Aaron Kletzing — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 12:51:21 -0500

People who argue that the COC should "stay out of their subordinates' lives completely" can't turn around and scream "why didn't the COC do something?!" when a terrible incident occurs. It's a case by case basis. You only truly understand when you are in that leadership role.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Feb 25 at 2015 8:36 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Wed, 25 Feb 2015 20:36:44 -0500

I'd say just don't get married. Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.