Is it foolish for a mother to leave the military with 13y 5 m because I want to spend more time with my children as they grow up?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:01:22 -0500

Response by SPC Diana D. made Nov 8 at 2017 1:06 PM

SPC Diana D. — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:06:38 -0500

SSG Private RallyPoint Member Depends on a lot of things, are you married, do you have income to leave the military, how many years in service you have? I left the military because they wanted me to deploy to Germany but I was a single mother and I could not take my children with me. I would of had to live without them for 18 months and I was not willing to do that.
You need to do what you feel is right for your family. You will have to keep us up to date about what you decide.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 8 at 2017 1:07 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:07:03 -0500

That's a decision only you can make. I'll tell you this though. My dad had 13 years in the Navy, came home on leave one time and my mom was holding one of my older brothers when he came through the door. She asked him, "Where's Daddy?" and my brother pointed at a picture with Dad standing right there in front of him. Dad was up for reenlistment. He went back to the ship, said "I'm done," and never regretted it for a moment.

Response by SFC Everett Oliver made Nov 8 at 2017 1:11 PM

SFC Everett Oliver — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:11:35 -0500

We can all feel sympathetic for you with this question. It is a question many have had to make. Unfortunately you and only you can make the decision for yourself.... No matter what any of us have gone through, no matter what we decided, you are the only person who knows you and your situation and feelings. I can only wish for you that you make the right decision for a happy life for you and your Children... I will say that 6 1/2 years is almost short time...

Response by SFC Jim Ruether made Nov 8 at 2017 1:17 PM

SFC Jim Ruether — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:17:51 -0500

I thought about this many times during my enlistment and its a tough one. If you have family or friends nearby to watch your children when you are deployed or on missions and they can take up the slack when you are gone the retirement benefits are worth it to stick around.
This is my humble opinion. You look young and have a whole life to look forwards to with an Army pension coming in you can find other employment and live quite well on both.

I would just make sure when you are with your children it is quality time and you do things with them that demonstrate your love for them and explain why its necessary to be away sometimes.

Have you had any face to face time with them to ask them what they would like to see you do? I don't think it can hurt if you do. I did 21 yrs and am glad I did as my VSO is asking me to submit my paperwork now for my retirement benefits and medical coverage.

Good Luck Sgt. Roberts

Response by MSgt Bruce Cooper made Nov 8 at 2017 1:27 PM

MSgt Bruce Cooper — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:27:57 -0500

I spent 9.5 years in the Army, got out for 4 years, then finished up in the air guard with a total of 24 years 9 months. I was able to spend time with my family during crucial times, and went back in to finish up. I'll be able to start drawing my pension in about 4 years. Only you can make your decision. This was the option that I took.

Response by MSgt Danny Hope made Nov 8 at 2017 1:34 PM

MSgt Danny Hope — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:34:15 -0500

That's a lot of vested time to give up, but the reserves or a govy position will accept it.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Nov 8 at 2017 1:42 PM

SGT Dave Tracy — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:42:16 -0500

Every situation is different. The military is a big commitment...so are kids! I can understand wanting to get some guidance on this; just don't let anyone push you toward any decision. Even if its sometimes easier to let yourself be persuaded (or support a preliminary decision already made).

The only two pieces of advice I have are these:
1. Do not rush into any decisions yet! Take a step back, and a deep breath. Regardless of why you have arrived at this fork in the road, take a moment to analyze the situation from as many perspectives as you can think of. Pro & con the hell out of this.
2. Depending on their maturity level, talk to your kids. Give them some time to think things over and see how they feel.

In the end, you do what you feel you have to do.

In whatever you decide, I wish you luck!

Response by PO1 Don Gulizia made Nov 8 at 2017 1:53 PM

PO1 Don Gulizia — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 13:53:43 -0500

Only you can make the decision on what is more important to you. In my case, I spent 20 years in the Navy and didn't take the "toughest" assignments. It cost me advancement to senior enlisted ranks, but it afforded me more time with my family. That was the trade off and was right for me. You can also "split the difference" and go reserves. Just don't let anyone tell you what is best for you. You know.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Nov 8 at 2017 2:19 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 14:19:17 -0500

Every situation is different. You need to do what’s best for your kids and you. If you want to continue to earn your retirement, consider transfer to Reserve Component. You’ll only need about 7 good years to earn 20 year retirement.

Having said that, every time I made a decision for my family it worked out very well.

Response by GySgt Charles O'Connell made Nov 8 at 2017 2:32 PM

GySgt Charles O'Connell — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 14:32:58 -0500

Think long and hard, cause once its over its over. More time spent with the kids, yeah that's a good thing, but kids grow up, they have their own interests that don't involve Mom and Dad. Are you ready to call all stop to what I'm assuming is a positive career? Is it foolish? Only you can answer that. Fair winds and following seas.

Response by Col Jim Harmon made Nov 8 at 2017 2:41 PM

Col Jim Harmon — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 14:41:03 -0500

The only person who can really answer that question is you.

Your answer will be based on what is most important to you personally. As a mother, you obviously place great importance on your children. I read below where you are a dual income military family, so your children's medical & dental needs are already covered. So if you can financially afford it, then Carpe Diem!! Move forward smartly and never regret your decision to invest time in the most important thing in your life (your children).

My own daughter is coming off of active duty for the very same reason. She was put into a position of having to chose between her career and her family. She chose with her heart. It was tough on her, as I am sure this is tough on you. But for her, the family came first and she is walking away from a very promising career because it isn't as important to her as her family.

Best of luck!

Response by LT Brad McInnis made Nov 8 at 2017 3:13 PM

LT Brad McInnis — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 15:13:46 -0500

I have had this talk with a number of my sailors in my time. My advice to them was always the same: Take the time to be with your family if you feel that is the right thing to do for you and them. No one else can make that decision, but you and yours.

What I will add, is don't let that time in service go to waste. The Post Office does a very good job of hiring vets, and your time counter keeps rolling. If that doesn't work, most city gov'ts have a program where you are credited federal service time. Best of luck to you SSG Private RallyPoint Member

Response by CSM David Heidke made Nov 8 at 2017 3:58 PM

CSM David Heidke — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 15:58:04 -0500

It's a lot of points. 13 years is very valuable toward retirement. The reserve system would be able to salvage this value and you could do 7 years of weekends and retire very well.

Response by PO3 Donald Murphy made Nov 8 at 2017 4:21 PM

PO3 Donald Murphy — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 16:21:08 -0500

Everyone's situation is different. I was an Air Force brat growing up. Dad did two - **TWO!** - year long deployments (unaccompanied) to Saudi Arabia. In addition to a Thailand jaunt during Vietnam. So I grew up in the military lifestyle of "needs of the military come first." If your kids are okay with it, if grandma and grandpa are okay with a babysitting field trip every now and then...

Then I would say stay in. My sisters and I enjoyed the thrill of not knowing where we'd be at the end of 3 years. I still remember dad coming home and saying "we're going to Europe" and us all being mega excited. None of us three are any worse for the wear from a military lifestyle. Now having said that, as a sailor, I had no family infrastructure close by (or even in the same hemisphere!) when I got married, so my wife and I decided not to have children while I was on sea duty.

Response by Sgt Kelli Mays made Nov 8 at 2017 4:21 PM

Sgt Kelli Mays — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 16:21:42 -0500

SSG Private RallyPoint Member Absolutely NOT! You can finish your time in the reserves to get your benefits...Teenagers these days get into so much stuff/trouble...Too many parents DO NOT pay attention to their kids...especially Teens...If you have a good relationship with your child I would say...think twice before getting out, but if you are not close to your child...I would say...get out and spend all of the time you can...because once they are grown...they are out of the door... If they are younger kids....this is when they need their MOM the most...and if you can afford to pay your bills and get out...I would say do it...younger kids need more one on one time with their parents, but especially their mom. Just my two cents.

Response by SSG Ernest Gonzales made Nov 8 at 2017 4:54 PM

SSG Ernest Gonzales — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 16:54:04 -0500

I think it is only foolish to not really think about the future and do the best you can for your kids...if that includes leaving the military, then so be it. After 13 years in, you have a lot of transitioning to do back to the civilian world, keep that in mind. Best of luck

Response by PV2 Glen Lewis made Nov 8 at 2017 5:13 PM

PV2 Glen Lewis — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 17:13:54 -0500

No and I don't think your children would feel that it was either.

Response by MSG Andrew White made Nov 8 at 2017 6:40 PM

MSG Andrew White — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 18:40:00 -0500

I PRAY THAT THE DECISION YOU MAKE WILL BENEFIT YOU AND THE KIDS!!! ONLY YOU KNOW THE RIGHT DECISION!!! GOOD LUCK!!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 8 at 2017 8:34 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 20:34:25 -0500

Thanks for the response. I pray that all will work out as well.

Response by SP5 Mark Kuzinski made Nov 8 at 2017 9:47 PM

SP5 Mark Kuzinski — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 21:47:09 -0500

Your kids are #1 and you can always join the reserves. Your kids need you!

Response by SFC Christopher Taggart made Nov 8 at 2017 10:52 PM

SFC Christopher Taggart — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 22:52:39 -0500

"Is it foolish for a mother to leave the military with 13 yrs., 5 months, because she wants to spend more time with her children as they grow up?"...sorry, I just had to correct your question. To answer your question, in theory, it couldn't be any harder than when a civilian mother leaves work for a few years, then returns to the workforce again. But for prior service personnel, I would have to say, yes, it's tougher to leave active duty, then try to get back in. The only option you would have is, join the Army Reserves or National Guard in your state.

Response by Maj John Bell made Nov 8 at 2017 11:49 PM

Maj John Bell — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 23:49:30 -0500

Of all the reasons I have heard to leave the military, your strikes me as theMOST intelligent and well thought out reason I have ever heard.

Response by SFC Joseph Weber made Nov 8 at 2017 11:53 PM

SFC Joseph Weber — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 23:53:36 -0500

Not at all foolish for a mother or a father. It's all past for me now but if I did it again I might make different choices. You can never get those days back.

Response by SCPO Jason McLaughlin made Nov 9 at 2017 7:02 AM

SCPO Jason McLaughlin — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 07:02:48 -0500

The more time with your children will cost you at least $1 million real dollars ($25,000 per year x 40 years) and $48 a month Tricare Prime for your family (worth about 800-1200 a month), your kids educational benefits, lots of other stuff.

You need to weigh you options.

Response by SGT Joe Downs made Nov 9 at 2017 9:01 AM

SGT Joe Downs — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 09:01:53 -0500

Embrace your children when you can, keep them informed as to what, why, where, how, and the reason for your "career", instill in them the sense of Duty, Honor, Respect, Loyalty, and staying the course in the face of separation and hardships. Difficult times don't last, and problems present opportunities for growth and understanding. Weathering life's many storms allows us to enjoy the beauty of the rainbow, and rest in the calmness. You must determine if this investment for your future will provide the necessary security for you beyond these initial moments of strain. Our children will grow and someday strike out toward their own goals, remembering the guidance we provided. Balancing the needs of our children, our and their desires and providing for the here and now while planning for the future is at best difficult. I will not say foolish, or self-serving but I would take a moment to consider your prior efforts and the "stock" you own currently with an eye toward future outlays and securing your lives beyond the here and now. In the absence of knowing the total dynamics of the family, their thoughts, desires, dreams and goals and if you have opportunities awaiting that are more rewarding, I can only say to use your wisdom and skills to determine what may be best for all. It all works better when we help each other. Sharing the burdens make for light work indeed.

Response by LCDR Jayne Garland made Nov 9 at 2017 10:10 AM

LCDR Jayne Garland — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 10:10:33 -0500

NO! If that is your priority, do it. But, if possible, stay connected in a way that allows you to keep accruing credit toward your retirement. You will never be sorry about doing that. Good luck to you!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 9 at 2017 11:04 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 11:04:50 -0500

Go reserves or national guard and get your 20 years. Thank you for your service.

Response by SGT Carissa Lara, RCS made Nov 9 at 2017 1:23 PM

SGT Carissa Lara, RCS — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 13:23:19 -0500

I left the military at 11 y 5 m then did a 2 more years in the Reserves before I called it quits. It's about priorities. My heart was no longer in the Army. I refused to be one of the bitter NCOs who don't want to be there but are riding out their time until they hit 20. Meanwhile, they are not taking care of soldiers and making everyone else miserable.
My husband and I were both active duty and it was rough on our family. We had a long talk about things and decided it would be best for me to get out while he stayed in. I have no regrets because I had already prepared myself for life after the Army. Everyone said I was crazy and my career counselor gave me many horror stories about soldiers who got out and regretted it. At the end of the day you have to do what's best for you and yours no matter what everyone else's opinion is.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made Nov 9 at 2017 4:01 PM

SSG Trevor S. — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 16:01:31 -0500

I've been mulling this over. It's my opinion that you should stay in and retire if you have that opportunity. Here is why:
1. You can serve the time required to transfer GI Bill benefits to your children. Education costs are outrageous, and this will give your children a boost as they start their lives.
2. Pay for positions on the outside tend to be on the low end of the pay scale for exiting Enlisted Members.
3. The flexibility that comes with having very affordable Tri Care health insurance gives you an option to turn down company insurance plans and keep more of your pay in your wallet.
4. You will have the time to plan your transition and secure the education and certifications that make #2 and #3 moot points.

Response by MSG Roger Arnott made Nov 9 at 2017 4:34 PM

MSG Roger Arnott — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 16:34:14 -0500

4.5 years more and you'll have Tri-Care insurance plus extra money or you could transfer to a Guard or Reserve Unit and get the benefits and still spend more time with your children. You would just have to wait longer for the benefits.

Response by PO1 Donald Hammond made Nov 9 at 2017 7:16 PM

PO1 Donald Hammond — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 19:16:43 -0500

Absolutely not! Foolish that is. You have your priorities straight in my book. Family first. Get a GS position, buy back your military time (goes towards retirement) and take care of your family. I got out at 12 years 9 months because I hadn't seen my family very much during the previous 3 years and the Navy wasn't going to let me see them for the next 2 years. My family came first.