Is it okay to sacrifice days off away from family and friends for your career?

SFC Nikhil Kumra — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 19:28:50 -0400

Just wanted to gather some thoughts.

Say you're a top performer in every sense of the word, and you are being looked at for promotion. Of course extra tasks get sent down to you. When these extra tasks take away scheduled days off, but you know that you're in a good position that would benefit you and your family's future, is it okay to sacrifice that day or so away unexpectantly?

At what point is it not okay?

Just as a point of clarification, for me, the additional career involvement pertains to my civilian career, but I am definitely interested in all points of view, and believe that the military point of view actually holds more solid answers as it is a struggle between "duty" and family essentially...

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Aug 3 at 2015 7:37 PM

CAPT Kevin B. — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 19:37:06 -0400

Sure but within limits. Overall, the bosses will notice your extra effort, but they'll also notice abandonment of your family too. Middle grades don't understand that God, Country, and Family is what sustains the Mils. Honoring all makes you a more complete soldier. You'll be surprised at how much more effective you are when you do.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Aug 3 at 2015 7:37 PM

Capt Seid Waddell — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 19:37:07 -0400

If you value your career, it is a thing you have to do.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2015 8:48 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 20:48:46 -0400

it's difficult to balance work and family. I always thought work came first, especially since the promotions kept coming. I kept promising next week-end. Before I knew it, the kids were grown and I missed out on a lot. Like I said, balancing work and family is difficult, but you HAVE to do it. Good Luck!

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Aug 3 at 2015 9:21 PM

CSM Charles Hayden — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 21:21:41 -0400

SFC Nikhil Kumra, Yes, duty and challenge can come before the family; IF you have a capable, supportive wife that accepts your dedication! Even then; unless you are extremely dedicated to that lovely wife and family in every spare moment - there will be problems! Too many men are carried away by the aforesaid challenges and do not save enough energy/desire to properly maintain and support the wife and children. Military Reserve programs are littered w/ SMs who cannot let go, even after leaving AD and continue to seek as many challenges as if they had remained on AD!

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Aug 3 at 2015 10:56 PM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 22:56:17 -0400

It's a fine line but promotions equal a better quality of life for the family.

Response by COL Charles Williams made Aug 4 at 2015 12:30 AM

COL Charles Williams — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 00:30:16 -0400

SFC Nikhil Kumra That, my friend, depends. It is all about balance. The trick of being successful, is finding the balance or the sweet spot. You most certainly have to focus on your mission and your troops if you want to be a great leader, but you also need to ensure your family is a priority too. It is a conundrum. When I was a SGT, LT, CPT, I did it too much; focused on the Army and at times neglected my family. As a grew more experienced (post company command) and more mature, I realized several things. (1) When my days in the Army were done, I would still have my family, and wanted that. I wanted that for all my troops as well. Many lose their families in the military, because of the military. Many times it is because they could not find the balance point. (2) I also realized if I died tomorrow, the only ones who would really miss me... long term, would be my family. The Army is designed to replace us all. Balance is a challenge, but it matters, and it is the key.

As a Battalion/Brigade Commander, my goals were simple:
1. Model a balanced lifestyle - I worked for many bossed who did not...
2. Make a difference everyday.
3. Leave the organization better than I found it.

Response by Cpl Jeff N. made Aug 4 at 2015 6:18 AM

Cpl Jeff N. — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 06:18:47 -0400

To move up/forward in corporate America there is an expectation that you will work longer hours and use more of your time on work related activities. It is, ultimately, up to you how much you are willing to give and what the trade offs are.

As a few have mentioned it is all about a good work life balance. Almost any successful person in the business world has given up time off for work activities. You have to draw the lines that make sense for you. I don't know your situation at work or at home but any job that is putting a strain on your time with family on a regular basis might be a problem.

I say this as a 28 year employee with fortune a 100 corporation. I have had to put in loads of extra hours of work, travel, time away etc. but I have drawn lines. I wasn't as savvy about that 10-15 years ago as I am now. If you have kids at home, time with them is important to them. You've likely heard the mantra about quality time not quantity. I would say that is misguided.

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Aug 4 at 2015 8:56 AM

COL Mikel J. Burroughs — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 08:56:29 -0400

SFC Nikhil Kumra That is a personal decision that you have to way based on your family situation. For some the answer is "yes" and others its "no!" You have to access your own personal life and family to make sure that is part of the overall career plan and family plan. Not an easy decision for some.

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made Aug 4 at 2015 9:36 AM

Maj Chris Nelson — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 09:36:04 -0400

My PERSONAL take on this: NO. The military is a creature that will suck you up and spit you out IF you let it. If you give up free time/family time, it will quickly become EXPECTED. This beast will suck you dry if you let it. Sometimes, you may have no choice, BUT I would not make it a regular thing. With that being said, if your goal is to make E-9 or General Officer, you may have to play that game, but just know that your family life may suffer.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2015 12:42 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 12:42:22 -0400

It cost me dearly, SFC Nikhil Kumra.
I would caution you. Extra tasks are often assigned as a way to exploit a hard-charger. The price is high with your family, but the more insidious threat is that everyone else in the team "gets theirs" while all of those extra duties become yours.
You will burn out; they will get over.
No one wins.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 5 at 2015 12:40 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Aug 2015 00:40:31 -0400

The short answer is of course it's ok....no one is going to stop you.

The long answer is if you do it too much....there will be no one there to stop you.

Find a balance....remember Service Before Self not In Spite of Self.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 6 at 2015 11:00 AM

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 11:00:20 -0400

Something my old boss taught me was, never take work home with you, there will always be more waiting for you on Monday. His reasoning was, if you can't finish your work within the duty day, you have poor time management skills. At that point you can think back to where you wasted some time; whether it was laughing with co-workers, smoking, running a personal errand, or taking a few extra minutes at lunch. I'll never sacrifice my time with my family for work, it almost cost me my marriage. Never again, write me up. I can't serve my country if I can't take care of my family.

Response by MSG Floyd Williams made Aug 6 at 2015 12:14 PM

MSG Floyd Williams — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 12:14:22 -0400

Sacrifice is a high cost for advancement, but you need to set a boundary that wouldn't have an negative affect on your family.

Response by LTC John Shaw made Aug 6 at 2015 12:23 PM

LTC John Shaw — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 12:23:55 -0400

SFC Nikhil Kumra I have found work/life balance is a fictional creature, like a unicorn. You will have times that work dominants either civilian or reserve or both at the same time and you will have the occasional break. Verizon expects for many items 24x7, Army Reserve expects the role covered 24x7, but will only pay for a few days a month.
As long as my wife and I are on the same page, I am all good. I need to spend focused time with each of my four children, we are good. It is when I can't communicate and can't sync when it all goes bad. (Like a deployment.)
Then I must allow recovery time before the work is dominant again.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 6 at 2015 12:49 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 12:49:20 -0400

The point where it is not okay is when you no longer have balance in your life.
A good example is GEN Petraeus. Good leader, worked hard, but lacked 'something' that led to some mistakes. Having balance between work, family and self, in my opinion, could have prevented that mistake.

And then there is also burn out. You want to look forward to coming to work/PT everyday. When you resent it, your performance and attitude lets everyone know.

A third good reason to not do it is that you start a habit where you do all the work and others, who are getting a paycheck too, no longer do the full scope of their duties.

Response by SPC Margaret Higgins made Aug 6 at 2015 2:16 PM

SPC Margaret Higgins — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 14:16:04 -0400

What a Soldier you Are; SFC Nikhil Kumra! I Applaud you.
In your case, it is Absolutely okay to take days off for your career. However, please fully explain your situation, in Detail; to your family members and friends: WHY you are taking days off away from your family and friends: YOU are a TOP PERFORMER AND YOU ARE SERIOUSLY BEING LOOKED AT FOR PROMOTION. AND IF YOU ARE PROMOTED, YOU WILL BE FIRST SERGEANT....ASSISTING THE COMPANY COMMANDER!!! If they know Anything about the military, (Army) they will understand. If not, explain it to them.
CONGRATULATIONS, SERGEANT! AND MANY PRAYERS.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 6 at 2015 2:31 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 14:31:03 -0400

Never.

Just my personal view on the subject...

20+ years down the road when you retire, is it your family or your career that's going to be there at your side? Is it your career that's going to pull you through the bad times or is it your family.

Never sacrifice family for getting ahead in your career. You'll regret it and have nothing to show for it in the end.

Response by SFC William Swartz Jr made Aug 6 at 2015 2:36 PM

SFC William Swartz Jr — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 14:36:47 -0400

I always tried to NEVER sacrifice my time off for my career...if what needed to be done couldn't be accomplished that week, I will begin again on Monday. There were too many days while on Recruiting, to include Christmas time, as well as deployments and field training that took me away from family and friends that I wanted as much time off with them as I could get away with!!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 6 at 2015 4:36 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 16:36:03 -0400

I had a policy of don't abuse the studs. I aint fair and others need to be given the opportunity to take on tasks. Sorry for your situation. I would approach leadership.

Response by LTC Bink Romanick made Aug 6 at 2015 4:43 PM

LTC Bink Romanick — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 16:43:42 -0400

I did for years, soon times during IG prep I didn't see home in the daylight for 6 weeks.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Aug 6 at 2015 5:59 PM

SFC Stephen King — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 17:59:12 -0400

I will ask you this is important or urgent. A mentor of mine provided me this simple mantra. example your Son is playing in a championship Football game no guarantee they get there again and you have ppt presentation that needs to be completed by Monday. Game time

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 7 at 2015 4:27 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 04:27:24 -0400

SFC Nikhil Kumra,

The military already demands the bulk of our time and energy. The last time I saw my son he had just turned three, and he'll be four before I get home. It's screwing with his development, and it's running my wife down. I know you guys have years downrange, and you understand how hard it is at home.

When I'm CONUS, if it's after 1700 it's family time or I'm at least on my way out the door. Unless a Soldier is in danger or our equipment is on fire, I'm not available. My family already pays enough of a price for my profession.

You have one life, one family, and only one shot to get it right. Do you think the Army is ever going to run out of work for you to do? Do you really think you'll ever be caught up? Do you really think you can sit in front of your computer pounding out NCOERs or training schedules and be a good spouse and parent? The answer is "No". When you're at work, stay busy and knock it out. When you're at home, truly be at home.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Aug 7 at 2015 5:02 AM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 05:02:05 -0400

I already fed two marriages to the Army....

If there's one thing every single Soldier has in common, from the best of us to the worst of us, the Army WILL be getting rid of us. Whether it's ETS, chapter, retirement, med board, etc... You WILL be replaced by a younger version. What will you have to show for it? A pretty wall display and memorabilia is small comfort when you're lonely. In the end, your family is all you have. Take care of them. To the Army, you're a replaceable asset. But to your family, you may be the world. Don't hurt them for a faceless machine that cares not one whit for you...

Response by COL Jeff Williams made Aug 7 at 2015 6:58 AM

COL Jeff Williams — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 06:58:09 -0400

You have to weigh how much these tasks really matter. Missing a day with your family is one you cannot get back. You will find if you do it once, you will keep doing it and then you will be living the life of the Harry Chapin song Cat's in the Cradle

Response by TSgt Kevin Buccola made Aug 7 at 2015 12:01 PM

TSgt Kevin Buccola — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 12:01:48 -0400

it depends on if you are only doing it for promotion or awards. If that is the case then don't do it...Family life is longer than your career in the service.

I've said this in the past - THE MISSION COMES FIRST. with that said it needs to be mission critical.

As a person that never turned down a task, job or deployment in 20 years I can say it did hurt my family and not just immediate family but entire family. Today I work 60+ hours a week but i am home more. There is not recognition or promotions with what I do. I do what I do for self satisfaction.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 7 at 2015 12:32 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 12:32:39 -0400

SFC Nikhil Kumra I am a firm believer in having a well balanced home/work life. The military requires a lot of give and take with families already. There was one point in my career where the only time I saw my child was when I would wake them up in the morning and take them to daycare. By the time I got home they were already in bed. I quickly realized that even though I was home I was missing out on everything and once gone you can never get that time back. Off days are not just for the member but for their families as well. I promised my family that I would maintain a better home/work balance because even though I was TELLING them they were the most important thing in my life, my ACTIONS were saying my job was. When it is all said and done, what is TRULY more important? Family or advancement? Sometimes we just have to learn to say no or offer the opportunity to someone that needs or wants it too.

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Aug 7 at 2015 1:53 PM

SGT Michael Glenn — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 13:53:54 -0400

No it is not ok to sacrifice days off for any reason and how dare someone ask you to do such a foolhardy thing !!!! I mean ...cmon !!! you're just a soldier Right???, A soldier who is paid 24/7/365, gets some of the best medical care this nation now has, hell you even get all kinds of tax breaks to include free housing in most cases and lets not forget free meals!! You bring the arrogant SOB who is telling you that if you want to go further in your career that you have to do these terrible things and I will personally square them away... The nerve !!!!!

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Aug 7 at 2015 2:07 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 14:07:35 -0400

SFC Nikhil Kumra, Hmm three divorces, then having to re establish father to children relationships just some food for thought.

Response by 1SG Trina Hines, M. Ed. made Aug 7 at 2015 5:09 PM

1SG Trina Hines, M. Ed. — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 17:09:30 -0400

It depends. The word sacrifice does not mean required, so I would caution you to be really mindful. At what point are you not willing to sacrifice your family for your career or at what point are you willing to sacrifice for your career? My point is balance is important. You can make promotion without sacrificing your family; yet, if your marriage(or family) becomes a casualty you can know in your heart you were doing your best for your family because you weighed out pros and cons before making decisions to take on extra tasks on scheduled days off.

Response by TSgt Melissa Post made Aug 7 at 2015 11:01 PM

TSgt Melissa Post — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 23:01:00 -0400

Well I do recognize you probably have more wisdom in the military lifestyle than I do having been in longer. However, we all join knowing that we will be sacrificing many things. Unfortunately time with family and friends is one of those sacrifices. Not only that but those who marry into the military should know what they are getting into before saying "I do". Too many times have I seen marriages break up because the wife couldn't handle this, that, or the other. (usually these things are just everyday sacrifices and tasks of life for the rest of us.) I have read a few of the other posts here and some of them say "Don't do it!!" This is really something that you and your spouse should definitely sit down and discuss at a very long length. Some marriages could handle the extensive responsibilities and requirements of higher promotions while others might be stretched beyond their breaking point. As another member here mentioned, balance. Nothing worth doing or having ever came easily. But not everything that is difficult is worth having. Determining if it is really worth having is up to those who it will affect. Hope this helps you, sir.

Response by MSG(P) Rafael Aguilera made Aug 7 at 2015 11:58 PM

MSG(P) Rafael Aguilera — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 23:58:14 -0400

Family time is invaluable. However, sacrificing time away from is a reality we all face. The key component to this is LINES OF COMMUNICATION. When I have explained the WHY and anticipated time line that the chaos will occur; my family has supported me. Early in my career, I just did what I wanted for my career progression - did not sit well with House Hold 6. Communication is the key.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2015 8:41 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 08:41:38 -0400

It may not be only detrimental to your family but too yourself. Your morale and well being may suffer and it may turn in to disgust with your job. And in the end you may lose both. Balance what is best for your career and your family. Every family is different and only you can figure out the parameters that justify the end means. Sit down with your family and discus what is best. The military will suck up what ever you give and never look back. Good luck.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Aug 8 at 2015 8:46 AM

PO1 John Miller — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 08:46:11 -0400

The way I always looked at it was like this: The Navy already took up the majority of my time. I was damned if they were going to take away my days off on a regular basis as well. Sure there were times when I had no choice but to come in on my off time but I never let it become a habit.

Response by PO2 Steven Erickson made Aug 8 at 2015 10:43 AM

PO2 Steven Erickson — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 10:43:47 -0400

I'm a consultant. I'm on the road 60% of the time. If I got paid per "Frequent Traveler" points and status levels, I'd be asking Bill Gates to sell me his assets.

Is is OK?
NO!!!!!

Is it required?
Yes.

We all make choices based on what we believe is necessary. I've talked this over many times with my wife (she's the BEST) and my children (I can't say they're the best, 'cuz they may read this, and then I've lost all power over them... he he he).

I have 5 or 6 more years of this, then all my debts are paid off, and I can fold chalupas at Taco Hell, or squirt Arby Sauce on faux-roast beef sandwiches. Until then... I hope my wife and children understand MY rationalization for my absence.

Someday, I hope to attempt to try to fill in the gaping holes I've left in my relationships with the ones I love.

Response by LTC Paul Heinlein made Aug 8 at 2015 12:51 PM

LTC Paul Heinlein — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 12:51:31 -0400

I was told a story from a friend that kind of answers this question.
As a young CPT, he just PCS'd to Germany. He happened to be in the bar area of the on Post restaurant. A Colonel was having a retirement party. While at that bar the retiring Colonel came up to the young CPT and said hello. He then engaged the CPT in a short conversation. He pointed to the Legion of Merit award that had just been pinned on his chest. He told the CPT he had given his life to the Army and this is all he had to show for it. He lost his wife (divorce) and he didn't even know where or what his kids were doing. He then walked away and said as he was leaving, "don't do what I did"!

Response by SMSgt Thor Merich made Aug 8 at 2015 6:27 PM

SMSgt Thor Merich — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 18:27:31 -0400

It can be done, however there is a careful balance. I had to juggle two careers, my civilian job and my Air Force career, as well as my job as father and husband. You need to understand that priorities will change. Sometimes a family event takes precedent over work. Important events for the kids, sports, school plays, awards, etc. should be more important than work. I am a work hard, play hard kind of individual, so I give a 100% at work and at home. However, there are times when you need to say no, whether it be work or home. I try to remember one thing though, when I am old and grey and I need help wiping my nose, work will NOT be there to help me. Family will.

Response by MSgt Darum Danford made Aug 8 at 2015 8:19 PM

MSgt Darum Danford — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 20:19:10 -0400

If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have:

Worked 16 hour days;
Made my career ambitions more important than my family;
Allowed supervisors to feed me every additional duty possible;
Skipped my kids stuff just to get "one more thing" done;
Ate lunch at my desk; lost leave; went to work when I was on leave, ect...

It's impossible to predict the future but know this, the military will chew you up and spit you out if you let it. The military, as an institution, does not care whether you stay or go but at the end of the day it's your family who will be there regardless of how your career ends, not Uncle Sam.

There will always be work to do and tomorrow there will certainly be more. Striking a work/life balance is very important because although your family may understand now, being the sacrifice for your success may run long in the tooth for them. Pick your battles and what is important for you to accomplish the mission and be successful at work and at home.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2015 8:56 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 20:56:47 -0400

Sacrifice? never got the opportunity to sacrifice a day off. that would require the option being given to me. I have had to work many, MANY days where I should not have been, but I never had the option, it was always command directed. However, I am also consistently in the units where I have a lot to do, and must take leave just to make a PHA appointment. I once, during clearing, went to the post library to get my clearing papers signed/stamped and saw a whole ton of Soldiers (varying ranks) just hanging out in there. It pissed me off, because in the 11 years I have been in the army, I have never had a moment to spare on trivial things like doing nothing.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2015 10:29 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 22:29:38 -0400

Whew...tough question actually. First response is OF COURSE, it is the nature of the beast. We had training the other day at my recruiting station and one of the speakers told us, "give the monster his cookie and he will leave you alone." I like...no LOVE the saying, and will use it pretty frequently. THIS BEING SAID, I have to caveat to this. What are talking about exactly. When I was at my last duty station I was the Platoon Sergeant, so me not going home until 1900-2000 was frequent if not routine. THEN, I had to go STRAIGHT to the books because I am bettering myself and eventually my career (when my NCOER reflects that I got my Bachelors and thus setting the example). So I was sacrificing a LOT of family time for my career. The unexpected times, they are going to come up, we all know that, the monster is ALWAYS hungry and we have the cookies that it wants.
When does it NOT become ok? When there is no real reason for it. When you do not NEED to be there. When you are there for NO REASON. When you are CHOOSING to be there and there is no requirement for it. This being said, there have been many times that we have been brought in for no real reason to do things. We accomplished all of the tasks that needed to be done. We cleared the "to do list" and we still are brought in. We still do it, because we have to. However it is because we HAVE to. When we are CHOOSING it, and there is no need, no benefit to the family, the company or ourselves, then we have to re-evaluate.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 9 at 2015 1:50 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Aug 2015 01:50:01 -0400

No. Your family will suffer, you will miss seeing your children grow up, by the time you realize this they will be a year or two away from graduating high school and you will wonder what happened to all that time, you will wish for a closer relationship with them. Your career is not worth the memories and relationships you have with your family.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 9 at 2015 5:12 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Aug 2015 17:12:44 -0400

In life we must have balance. I mean balance in all things, work, play, family, Church and the list goes on. There will be moments when you are called upon to complete some work at some unexpected times, and that is ok. Just don't make this the norm. Promotions come from on high and not from man. Remember this if you don't make your family feel that they are important in your life don't be surprise when you start receiving the same treatment.

Keep the balance and you will be fine.

Response by SSgt James Bingham made Aug 10 at 2015 3:25 AM

SSgt James Bingham — Mon, 10 Aug 2015 03:25:28 -0400

Many have already said it on here but in case it hasn't set in. I know a couple that are willing to make those sacrifices together in their careers. However, they do not have children yet. My personal opinion is: do you want to sacrifice times you could be making memories or spending time together for the sake of advancing ahead of schedule or above others? How would it make you feel? Just because it is your career does not mean your family is not involved in that career. It affects them just as much as it affects you. Also, the further you advance means the more responsibilities you get which in turn means more time at work or stress at work. So, you pump in extra time or effort just to receive more work. It's almost looking at it like a ponzei scheme. Pump in money just to get money you already put in. Tread carefully when it comes to sacrificing personal time and family time to advance. Some people lose themselves and forget who's at home supporting them.

Response by SSG Robert Webster made Aug 10 at 2015 12:03 PM

SSG Robert Webster — Mon, 10 Aug 2015 12:03:58 -0400

My first question, when you say "scheduled days off", are these paid days off, vacation days, or are you getting proper overtime pay for this work? Then I could give a better answer.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 10 at 2015 7:28 PM

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 10 Aug 2015 19:28:26 -0400

You have a work schedule (civilian) and a duty schedule. You need to develop a family schedule. Like a lot of the old timers here, I came close to missing out on a lot of things. Fortunately, for me anyway, I saw the writing on the wall one day and told my supervisor where he could go with the extra tasker (actually suggested a up and coming NCO). Several have said it's about balance and that is absolutely true.

Not saying to dump all the extras, but schedule them around your other scheduled activities and that includes that time with family. BTW, the family schedule could simply be we are going to stay home and watch tv or play a game, they care about the TIME with you. not the activity. Good Luck.

Response by SFC Traveling Citizen made Aug 11 at 2015 1:45 AM

SFC Traveling Citizen — Tue, 11 Aug 2015 01:45:36 -0400

You only have one life to live so "NO", at the end all you have is family enjoy the time you have with your loved ones.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 11 at 2015 3:21 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 11 Aug 2015 03:21:02 -0400

I'm a strong believer in family time and getting that downtime to unwind and expecially if they have children.. I fill like a soldier is only at his or her best when they have their families full support so when the family is unhappy the soldier is unhappy and you will definitely see it in the soldier performance.but to be in a position to get that promotion is great but that soldier needs to find the line between home and their career there's an old saying I heard once ...
(Happy wife, Happy life )
It's amazing when you accomplish something
But there is nothing like sharing that accomplishment and celebrating it with someone else.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 20 at 2015 2:26 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Aug 2015 14:26:08 -0400

The most interesting way to see this is to attend a post retirement ceremony. Invariably, you will see an O5 or O6, standing on the stage alone, a professional smile as the announcer states he will retire to his home state of X. A few minutes later you will see a SSG with his wife, 3 kids and the biggest smiles you will ever see. The announcer will say that SSG X and his family will retire in the state of Y.

Which Soldier had the better career?

The point is you will determine where to draw the line, we all have different points, our families have different tolerances and the natural ebb and flow of life will impact it as well. If you don't know where your own line is you should take a hard look at yourself and figure it out as quickly as possible. Understand where your spouse's line is as well so you can push or back off as needed.

It's not a science and takes some work but it must happen. Balance doesn't mean 50/50, it means knowing where the lines are and keeping them both in perspective.

Response by SGM James Pepple made Aug 27 at 2015 1:43 PM

SGM James Pepple — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 13:43:03 -0400

To survive work makes money, money buys essentials(food, water, clothing, medicine) men are more likely to put business first where on the other hand women are more likely to put family first it's in our DNA. You as an individual male or female must weigh all the variables out between work and family. There are time in a child's development that it is essential both parents be involved and every child develops as an independent but after DNA and birth we all are subjected to life's (people, places, things, and events) all building blocks inti the development from birth through juvenile, and teen into adults. So anything a parent can do to keep their developing adult from doing stupid dangerous things teaching respect the better adult they will develop into. So when they actually become a working cell in society they too make it better so we all prosper, not like criminals destroying society from with-in.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2016 12:47 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 12:47:51 -0400

It is ok, just as long as you keep a balance. As a Soldier, you will be called away to attend schools and things like that to better your chances for promotion.

You have to make sure you educate your family on why you must attend these schools and things like that. The more they understand the easier it will be.

Response by CPO Amb. Terry Earthwind Nichols made Jun 15 at 2016 8:28 PM

CPO Amb. Terry Earthwind Nichols — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 20:28:54 -0400

My once wife knew she was marrying a career sailor. Never a question that came up...

Response by Joanne Maresca made Jun 9 at 2017 3:59 PM

Joanne Maresca — Fri, 09 Jun 2017 15:59:50 -0400

It is a fine line in my opinion. Work life balance is important from not only a family perspective but a career perspective as well. I speak with candidates every day who tell me they work 50-80 hours per week, and they are burning out. Yes, working that hard got you to where you are but now they just cannot perform. Time away from work is important if we like it or not.

There are times where you got to do what you've got to do. I do it myself, but you need to learn how to balance.

Response by SSgt Boyd Welch made Jul 27 at 2017 1:07 PM

SSgt Boyd Welch — Thu, 27 Jul 2017 13:07:30 -0400

Eventually it catches up with you. "20% of the people do 80% of the work..." If you are a superior performer who always meets your deadlines, you just placed a target on your back. Some managers are lazy and find it easier to dump more work on the star athlete than take the time to coach and mold those of less skill. Robbing your family for your career(other than a reasonable amount of overflow) is a good way not to have a relationship with your significant other or children. Some of us had to learn the hard way.....