Posted on Dec 8, 2017
Is there a way for my girlfriend (the mother of my son) to go with me to a duty station without being married?
5.74K
23
31
0
0
0
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for awhile and I’m working on re-enlisting. We have a kid together so is there a way she could come with me to a duty station without being married yet?
Posted in these groups: 
Relocation
Relocation
Posted 7 y ago
Responses: 9
3
3
0
I don't understand the concept of "having a kid together' but not married - can you enlighten me with the thought process? Why not just marry her?
(3)
(0)
CMSgt Mark Schubert
SPC Kevin Jobe - Isn't creating a family (having a kid with someone) a much "bigger" decision than getting married - it involves more people (you, your partner and the child) where marriage is just between 2 people - so I'm still having a hard time with the logic and the statement - "Because I don’t believe you should get married just because of a kid. " (and I'm being totally serious - I'm not "bashing" you, judging you, or anything of the sort - I'm simply trying to understand the logic behind all this and why it's so prevalent?)
>I haven’t married her because we aren’t ready for that step
To me - having a kid is a MUCH bigger step than getting married? And furthermore, having a kid WITHOUT having a wife leads to unhappy kids for sure! (there is a LOT of evidence of this - kids from unmarried parents are much more susceptible to drugs, alcohol abuse, and jail for instance) So what your saying is - (and correct me if I'm wrong) - It's OK to have kids without being married! And, by more than 1 woman since that decision (to get married) should not be made before having kids?
>I haven’t married her because we aren’t ready for that step
To me - having a kid is a MUCH bigger step than getting married? And furthermore, having a kid WITHOUT having a wife leads to unhappy kids for sure! (there is a LOT of evidence of this - kids from unmarried parents are much more susceptible to drugs, alcohol abuse, and jail for instance) So what your saying is - (and correct me if I'm wrong) - It's OK to have kids without being married! And, by more than 1 woman since that decision (to get married) should not be made before having kids?
(1)
(0)
SPC David Willis
SPC Kevin Jobe - Don't apologize, its literally no ones right, regardless of rank to tell you how to keep your personal life in order so long as the decisions you're making aren't hindering your performance at work, or landing yourself in legal issues.
(1)
(0)
SPC Kevin Jobe
Us having a kid together was an accident but both of us are taking full responsibility. And what I’m getting at is that I would rather him have 2 sets of parents that get along and truly love each other rather than 2 parents that can’t hardly stand each other. Reguardless of how you try eventually the kid will see through the false happiness
(1)
(0)
CMSgt Mark Schubert
SPC Kevin Jobe -
"Accident"? Uh, I think I understand a little bit now? That was no "accident"? :-)
In any case,
>I would rather him have 2 sets of parents that get along and truly love each other rather than 2 parents that can’t hardly stand each other
I'd rather have him have 1 set of parents who love each other (which is why I think it's more important to get married first!?)
So I guess I still don't really understand.
"Accident"? Uh, I think I understand a little bit now? That was no "accident"? :-)
In any case,
>I would rather him have 2 sets of parents that get along and truly love each other rather than 2 parents that can’t hardly stand each other
I'd rather have him have 1 set of parents who love each other (which is why I think it's more important to get married first!?)
So I guess I still don't really understand.
(0)
(0)
2
2
0
First of all its your personal decision to bring someone into this world and your decision to not be married as long as you're being responsible and raising the kid to be a productive member of society ignore everyone else telling you how to live your personal life at the end of the day no matter what rank the person telling you otherwise holds you do you when it comes to your family. Now the military wont move your gf, but if you have documents showing that YOU have sole custody of the child and not your gf they will give you BAH and BAS, but only for the child, they wont recognize the gf as a dependent. Whether or not that's feasible or if your gf would be willing to sign those rights away to you is a different story. The easiest and quickest way to make it happen is to get married, however that is your choice to make.
(2)
(0)
MAJ (Join to see)
Key point is you need to be the legal guardian with 50% or more custody rights in order to get out of the barracks.
(1)
(0)
SPC David Willis
MAJ (Join to see) - Correct, I was wondering though if you're living with the mother full time anyway is it possible to really have 50% custody since you would both be with the kid full time, or is that a semantic the Army wouldn't care about as long as its on paper?
(0)
(0)
MAJ (Join to see)
He'll need a document to get the kid enrolled in Deers, Birth certificate will work for healthcare, not so much for BAH.
(1)
(0)
0
0
0
NO,NO,NO. Bottom line unless you pay for her move yourself out of pocket and find her a place to live out of your own pocket. Uncle Sam will work with you when you have a spouse, not with a shack job, or baby momma. You do know, that even sharing a child together she is not eligible for any medical help either.
(0)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google