Lady Valor: Navy SEAL-turned transgender. Fair for his family?

2014-09-01T13:28:38-04:00

He was part of SEAL Team 6 (aka: Development Group, or DEVGRU, equivalent to Army Delta Force, or SFOD-D), the elite of the elite. Until he 'came out' and went transgender.

He may have accomplished missions while on teams and his views and preferences seemed irrelevant as long as missions were completed, but is it fair to the family that he hurt and practically 'left behind'? How did he get so caught up in 'American Dream' and wouldn't he 'come out' earlier?

PS: I'm NOT here to bash his decision to cross-gender. I'm here to express my disappointment to the family he let down after so many years. What's your take on this?

Please be objective and respectful. And if you decide to down-vote, your explanation will be appreciated.

The link below points to series that will commence on CNN shortly documenting her (formerly HIS) life:
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/us/cnn-films-lady-valor-the-kristin-beck-story

Lady Valor: The Kristin Beck Story - CNN.com

Despite 20 years as a U.S. Navy SEAL, Kristin Beck says her struggle for acceptance as a transgender American represents her most difficult mission.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 1 at 2014 1:41 PM

2014-09-01T13:41:08-04:00

I'm just shocked, personally. I knew a SS recipient at the VFW in Tacoma, WA who went there in a full length cocktail dress and sat right next to his wife. I will say my standard response whenever I feel like I could be ambushed by others......"I'll let God be the judge of other people's actions" and concentrate on my own life.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 1 at 2014 3:21 PM

2014-09-01T15:21:43-04:00

My biggest disappointment with her is letting her family down. It's one thing being single, but when you're married with kids, you better think twice about big decisions like that!

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 1 at 2014 6:06 PM

2014-09-01T18:06:19-04:00

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member. My opinion . . . Oh My Gosh . . . NO!!! . . . It is SO UNFAIR!!!

This is pure political correctness, extremist liberal, pseudoscientific psychology RUN AMOK!!!

There is no mention of any significant attempt to confront his internal psychological demons!!!

This is just a headlong rush to fulfill schizophrenic delusion aided by psych money grubbers!!!

This is a product of pseudoscientific medical / psychological industry profit from poor souls!!!

Something more should have been done to help this combat veteran deal with his issues!!!

Warmest Regards, Sandy

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Sep 1 at 2014 7:40 PM

2014-09-01T19:40:24-04:00

None of us know the psychological drama that folks like this go through so I don't think anyone can or should judge what the "right" time for people like this is to make their decision to come out is. Its got to be an awful dilemma that people with this issue go through so what we see as right or wrong with their decisions and who they may or may not have hurt is irrelevant, IMHO.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 1 at 2014 8:54 PM

2014-09-01T20:54:57-04:00

Many sides to a a person's experience.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 1 at 2014 9:22 PM

2014-09-01T21:22:00-04:00

On this quite touchy subject, I say there isn't any good time in current society to "come out". The USA is still fairly new to the concept that these people are stepping out of the shadows with their heads held high and history has shown darkly that these people aren't treated very well. What I know is that if it's what they feel, if it's what they believe, who am I to judge the life of another? She isn't killing anyone over it, and on a side note I've met a few transgenders since I've been in the navy, and usually they are some of the most down to earth people I've met. They are comfortable with themselves and when others try to bring them down it seems to only empower them to keep on with who they believe they are, not society. They are also much more relaxed more often. That's my take.

But back on subject here I think if that is what she wants to do, then it's her life choice, and people, especially her family, should respect that. If they don't, well last I checked the worst betrayal is turning your back on family.

Response by PO3 John Jeter made Sep 1 at 2014 10:39 PM

2014-09-01T22:39:31-04:00

I don't see where a consensus from anyone outside the family is called for. With all due respect it's none of our business. You say you're not bashing his gender change but you call it a "disappointment" to his family, that they were "let down" by his actions. As a man, he served with honor and integrity. He stood by his unit and his country. I would say he's earned the right to take his own path. I believe it will take every bit as much courage and fortitude to follow that path as his previous choices did. I would say let her go in peace with our gratitude for past services.

Response by CW2 Jonathan Kantor made Sep 2 at 2014 5:44 AM

2014-09-02T05:44:54-04:00

Good for her. I don't think the DoD will allow transgender folks into the military, but I think it is due to costs more than anything else. The cost for drugs is very high (Not to mention the surgical costs). Having recruited, I know they would get turned away at MEPS. Personally, I don't care one way or the other. Everyone who wants to serve should be able to... but the military isn't so fair in that regard.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 2 at 2014 9:24 AM

2014-09-02T09:24:53-04:00

This is never easy, and there's never a good time to 'come out' as transgender. It's a struggle to deal with it in our society, and pressures to conform to gender-based expectations (marry, have a family) are huge.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 2 at 2014 2:12 PM

2014-09-02T14:12:05-04:00

Well it was his decision to come out when he did and for reasons only he/she will only know even if he did decide to publicly share a few of the reasons. It is not our place to pass judgment on him for his decision in his personal life, However we do not know how he got caught up in the "American Dream" but if i were to guess like with any lie you can easily get wrapped up in it and it can become a faulted reality.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 2 at 2014 2:12 PM

2014-09-02T14:12:34-04:00

he is an abomination

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 2 at 2014 3:00 PM

2014-09-02T15:00:53-04:00

Whether this individual "Came out" now vs. later is not the issue. This individual is who they are right now at this moment. We all have our demons, skeletons, monkeys on our backs, etc. pick one. We all have to carry that load and at some point the load is too much. For some it is suicide, for others alcohol, and still others maybe violence. This individual chose to reveal what they believe is their identity right now.

As for the debate regarding the family, I see no difference from this individual changing and becoming someone different from a heterosexual couple growing apart and divorcing. What is the difference?

IMO the right thing to do is to embrace who you are, notify those significant people around you and walk your path. It is probably far healthier for this individual to let the children know and educate them, because the kids will know, the in-laws will know, family and close friends will know. There is no hiding this, people close will know. How much damage gets done by hiding the facts? What do the children learn by watching someone struggle with and try to hide this.

I know from personal experience that holding on to something that eats you up inside is a terrible price to be paid and there does come a reckoning when you finally reach the end of your rope and your spirit is splayed and prostrate before you and there are no more exits.

I neither agree nor disagree with this individuals decision, because it does not impact me and does not involve me. I just hope that sufficient thought was given to do the most responsible thing, which would alleviate the most pain and provide for the most long-term growth.

Response by SPC Tyler Daniels made Sep 2 at 2014 4:57 PM

2014-09-02T16:57:52-04:00

None of our business.

Response by SGT William B. made Sep 4 at 2014 2:11 PM

2014-09-04T14:11:01-04:00

Honestly, he/she served their country with honor. They can do whatever they damn well please.

Response by CPL Leonard Baugh made Sep 5 at 2014 11:18 AM

2014-09-05T11:18:30-04:00

He was caught up in the American Dream. Grew up pledging allegiance to the flag. gave an oath to protect the Constitution for all threats foreign and domestic. What happened is he was told "Boys don't cry." He was told "Serve GOD and Country proudly and valiantly. He was told "to get married and have kids." He shown courage under fire in the service of his country. with one of the elitist military groups of all time. Leave him alone. He s finally free

Response by SSgt Tim Ricci made Sep 5 at 2014 12:09 PM

2014-09-05T12:09:25-04:00

Gotta give the guy credit, he went to a place no Average man could even fathom and the elites that tried had failed. One of the toughest units in the armed forces and this person made it! Do I agree with what he is doing to him/herself? No!! He "manned up" ! He tried to live the life of man obviously with success for some time but, like some poster said in here, we all have our Demons. On a Lighter side, if I did not know she had been a man and certainly a Seal from DEVGRU, I dont think i would want to piss her off!!

Response by PFC Xylar Bermudez made Sep 5 at 2014 7:02 PM

2014-09-05T19:02:58-04:00

Who are we to judge? No one knows the struggles she had to go through and the pressure and fear she must have felt. At the end of the day she fought for this country and that should be what matter. No one is giving up their happiness for her why should she give her for anyone.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2014 9:01 PM

2014-09-07T21:01:20-04:00

I have no opinion on when or how he should have came out. I have read many times here, "Touchy Subject"! Yet it should not be a society touchy subject, as it's a personal and family issue. Fact is, it's no one's business but the people involved ( individual, family, immediate family). However, TV/media and not just liberal, publicizes everything that we don't necessary like or agree with and make it an issue.

I do not believe someone chooses to be gay, lesbian, transgender. Do I like it, approve, disaprove....doesn't matter! Now if I had a son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter that came out one way or the other, then I would have to deal with the situation. What do the neighbors, or anyone else think of feel....I could care less as it no one's business but those of us involved.

I have known and know people who are ...I'll just say different. They are basically good people, I have been able to depend on them, trust them, visit them (vis versa) and yes, in the family. Some of us have delt with it, accepted it for how it is, not what it is. One of the parents has not been able to do so and the relationship is strained! Other than the mother, her life (and the partner she married) live a happy life, much happier than before they tried to keep it in the closet. Growing up together neither of us were aware. It was after we became adults and on our seperate paths in life, that she told me and of her mother's reaction. I told her, she has to let her mother be responsible for her own actions, no one else and to make the most out of her life by being happy. Stop worrying about those who think she is responsible to make them happy. That's what she's done, and finally her and her partner got married across the border from Niagara Falls a few years ago (after being together for over 20 yrs). Both are accomplished professionals in their field as well, own a home, accepted in their neigbhorhood, on the jobs. Enjoying a totally open life! More power and a big "high 5" to them.

Our society has become a society of judging others instead of "judge not, lest ye shall be judged" or as we were told as youngsters, learn to "mind your own damn business"! Do what makes you happy with your life!

Response by PO2 Steven Erickson made Sep 8 at 2014 8:22 AM

2014-09-08T08:22:53-04:00

1. I've never walked a foot - let alone a mile - in this person's shoes. Nothing I could say regarding their decisions can possibly hold any value.
2. My grandma used to say "If if's and but's were candies and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas." When and why this person made which decision is irrelevant to us.
3. SFC Marino is dead on - God is this person's judge. NO ONE ELSE.
4. This person earned the Budweiser - and a spot on DEVGRU. 'nuff said about courage and character.
5. I pray that the way I've treated my wife and children is never brought into the light and feasted upon like a bloated carcass on a mesa.
6. It's a pretty telling view of our culture if THIS is what is considered information worthy of dissemination to tens of millions of us.
7. The slimy so-called "journalist" SOBs that ignored their sense of right-and-wrong (assuming they possess such a thing), and took this story world-wide owe a debt they can never ever hope to repay to those damn'd few (including this SEAL) who went downrange.
8. I pray that God limits the damage done by this disrespectful, demeaning and indefensible media feast on this family's pain.

My 2 cents... and all y'all can keep the change... 7:^[

Response by PO2 Tony Casler made Sep 10 at 2014 10:16 AM

2014-09-10T10:16:07-04:00

None of my business. He kept his personal business to himself and served a full and distinguished career, if he wants to live as a she in retirement then best wishes to her.

Response by LTC Paul Labrador made Sep 10 at 2014 10:27 AM

2014-09-10T10:27:58-04:00

My question is if DADT were repealed before she came out and had the gender re-assignment surgery, would they still let her serve in DEVGRU?

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 1 at 2014 12:48 AM

2014-11-01T00:48:27-04:00

Lets see here

So its pretty obvious this woman did more in her military career then you ever will and you're going to call her "He"? Thats completely disrespectful.

He "went transgender" Hahaha...you're joking right?

You also don't seem to have any of the correct terminology down, I suggest you try to educate yourself first. You can start here, http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/ignore-preferred-gender-pronouns/.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 12 at 2014 6:15 PM

2014-11-12T18:15:50-05:00

This man is certainly not first man to come out as a transgendered individual after many years of marriage and a career in the military. We will never know what makes people tick. But it is obviously a difficult decision in a persons life to change their gender/role. I think men are raised to bury all emotions deep down inside and ignore who they really are. I think he should have told his wife earlier about who he was inside. But men are always ashamed... I respect his service though. I hope his wife and children can continue loving and accepting him over his changes.

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 23 at 2014 1:05 PM

2014-12-23T13:05:56-05:00

I don't see your point more or less, it's rather likely that she was repressing and pushing aside any feelings in that direction for a very long time. There comes a point however where for your own mental and physical health, you cannot continue living a lie. Transitioning doesn't necessarily mean you leave your family behind, some families can and do survive intact, others cannot, just like some families don't survive other serious medical conditions. In the end it's certainly none of our business.

Response by Capt Jeff S. made Mar 11 at 2015 10:50 AM

2015-03-11T10:50:09-04:00

It's not fair to others to misrepresent yourself or withhold something that could later manifest itself and detriment your relationship with them. I'm not saying you have to tell them every sordid detail of your life and all the stupid things you did growing up/earlier in life/on overseas deployments that you will never repeat again (partying, drinking, frat stuff, and the kinds of things that went on in places like PI, etc.), but if it's something that is still nagging you and could affect your relationship, it should be discussed. Especially doubts about your own sexuality. WTFO?

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 11 at 2015 9:16 PM

2015-04-11T21:16:54-04:00

For many of us, coming out is an...intense event. Depending on what environment we were raised in, the area we live in now, and a host of other factors, it could take DECADES just to come to terms with BEING trans*, let alone telling someone else. To be honest, I'm amazed that Miss Beck was able to muster the courage to come out at all, given that SHE was a part of a highly male oriented group.

Also, to the origional poster: it is HIGHLY inappropriate to refer to a transgender person by their "former gender;" it serves as a denial of credibility, a sign that "this person isn't REALLY 'insert gender here'. " Also, for future reference, the neurological pathways of a trans* person are made up in the same manner as their preferred gender(e.g. a trans* woman's brain is wired as that of a cisgendered woman, as opposed to those of hetero- or homosexual men). In other words, SHE wasn't born a man; SHE was born a woman, and suffered from a condition which gave her the BODY of a male.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my ramblings.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Apr 11 at 2015 11:47 PM

2015-04-11T23:47:20-04:00

To say he should have done it differently or came out is an easy response when you take no time to actually educate yourself on the subject matter.

This year is the first time legislature has even been suggested to end the trend of medical treat camps been to reverse gay tendencies. Yes, there are medical and religious camps with the sole purpose of reversing gay.

Considering Kristen left the navy in 2011 and don't ask don't tell wasn't repealed until sept 20 2011 the suggestion of just coming out wasn't really an option.

It is both horrible that he had to live a lie and that his family had to go trough that difficult transition. But he isn't the only one and this can be a learning experience. Kristen is a war hero and even braver for coming out the way she did. Everyone has the right to happiness.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 12 at 2022 8:42 AM

2022-12-12T08:42:26-05:00

And now look at the current situation. Suddenly, 7-8 years later…