Posted on Apr 22, 2025
What factors did you consider when deciding between pursuing retirement and focusing on family (children's relationship with grandparents)?
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I was recently selected for the FAO functional area, as a married captain with our first baby nearly here. I've been in the age-old debate whether to continue service or ETS for several years now but still felt like the Army was the right option.
Preparing for FAO, I see the future of moving every year for the next several years of the training progression and am concerned about the relative instability for my family. I'm also realizing my parents will be in their early 80s when I'm eligible to retire, which causes a lot of sad feelings to realize they may not really know their granddaughter well in their lifetime. I don't have any specific job aspirations outside the Army, particularly that would bring me near to home in the capital region, which is a deterrent from transitioning out right now. I also understand there are FAO job opportunities in that area, where we may be able to see my parents more.
Could someone with the perspective shed light on your decision to stay to retirement or focus on those golden years with the grandparents, and what may be some factors to consider with the decision?
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
Preparing for FAO, I see the future of moving every year for the next several years of the training progression and am concerned about the relative instability for my family. I'm also realizing my parents will be in their early 80s when I'm eligible to retire, which causes a lot of sad feelings to realize they may not really know their granddaughter well in their lifetime. I don't have any specific job aspirations outside the Army, particularly that would bring me near to home in the capital region, which is a deterrent from transitioning out right now. I also understand there are FAO job opportunities in that area, where we may be able to see my parents more.
Could someone with the perspective shed light on your decision to stay to retirement or focus on those golden years with the grandparents, and what may be some factors to consider with the decision?
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
Foreign Area Officer
48X: Foreign Area Officer
Military Career
Infantry
Edited 27 d ago
Posted 28 d ago
Responses: 8
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If you don't follow your heart the family you love will be the ones who suffer.
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My immediate question is whether you're in the legacy (High-3) retirement program, or the new(er) Blended Retirement System.
I opted for the former because after two weeks of meticulous calculations I saw that the pension alone would get me more money in the short and long term. Don't get me wrong though; I like the diversity the BRS offers (and the government matching the monthly percentage into that 401K or at least its equivalent is a very nice touch). The catch is the legacy requires you to make it to your 20-year mark or you get absolutely nothing. In certain circumstances you could get a down payment on your 15-year mark with the premise that you are guaranteed sticking around for the next 7 years or so. BRS however will follow you whether or not you make 20 years.
I'm in a similar boat overall. I despise the lack of being station-stable for my wife and kids (guess I should've joined the Air Force), and my parents are getting up there in age as well. I cannot begin to tell you how wrenching it was seeing my dad so physically feeble when I saw him last year for the first time in several years. Not to mention my folks only met my oldest since she was the one of the three who wasn't born into the military family life, and my wife shares a stereotypical hateful relationship with my parents. I'll send them pictures and various tidbits of what they accomplished, but you and I know it's just not the same.
An officer once told us this wise saying: family is permanent. The military isn't. We all get out eventually, but your family is there for life.
Most importantly: get your wife in on this conversation and decision making! You should have her unwavering support no matter what you opt to do. If you don't have that: reevaluate and approach with another option if you can.
I opted for the former because after two weeks of meticulous calculations I saw that the pension alone would get me more money in the short and long term. Don't get me wrong though; I like the diversity the BRS offers (and the government matching the monthly percentage into that 401K or at least its equivalent is a very nice touch). The catch is the legacy requires you to make it to your 20-year mark or you get absolutely nothing. In certain circumstances you could get a down payment on your 15-year mark with the premise that you are guaranteed sticking around for the next 7 years or so. BRS however will follow you whether or not you make 20 years.
I'm in a similar boat overall. I despise the lack of being station-stable for my wife and kids (guess I should've joined the Air Force), and my parents are getting up there in age as well. I cannot begin to tell you how wrenching it was seeing my dad so physically feeble when I saw him last year for the first time in several years. Not to mention my folks only met my oldest since she was the one of the three who wasn't born into the military family life, and my wife shares a stereotypical hateful relationship with my parents. I'll send them pictures and various tidbits of what they accomplished, but you and I know it's just not the same.
An officer once told us this wise saying: family is permanent. The military isn't. We all get out eventually, but your family is there for life.
Most importantly: get your wife in on this conversation and decision making! You should have her unwavering support no matter what you opt to do. If you don't have that: reevaluate and approach with another option if you can.
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As a CPT, you probably have 7-10 yrs of service. FAO is a great gig that your family would never otherwise get to experience (living abroad, working at embassies, learning new languages and cultures). Look at your long- and short-term goals and ask your wife for her input. That pension and healthcare plan when you retire is worth a mortgage payment and long-term financial stability... but if she isn't on board, it might not be worth it.
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