Married OR Single: Which has more advantages?

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:42:12 -0400

Is it better/easier to be married, or single in the military. Is it different for enlisted personnel than it is for commissioned folks? If yes, how so? Personal stories are welcome as long as people don't get carried away with wet blanket, sob stories, or rage-style blackout rants.

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made Mar 11 at 2014 10:52 AM

Maj Chris Nelson — Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:52:33 -0400

This is a powder keg waiting to go off! Pay is higher when married due to extra benefits...but bills are higher because spouse likes to spend money also. Less responsibility for deployments etc when single (can pack up and go without much thought), however less support from family (no spouse/kids) so maybe less mail at mail call.... There are risks and benefits of both.

Response by 1SG Jason Fitzpatrick made Mar 11 at 2014 2:28 PM

1SG Jason Fitzpatrick — Tue, 11 Mar 2014 14:28:19 -0400

Marriage to the right person, can't be beat.  When you PCS, you already have your first friend.  You always have someone who will listen to you.  When you are deployed...well leaving sucks, but when you get back, when the single Soldiers are going back to the barracks and making their beds, you are going HOME with the one that waited for you and took care of the kids, dogs, cats,...things while you were gone.  It also forces the Soldier to think of otherr things besides the Military.  Holy Cow First Sergeant, you want your Soldiers to think of other things besides the Military...ABSOLUTELY!  Think of other people whose lives and existence depend on their decsions.  
 
Marrieage to the wrong person...DX them and go to CIF for another one :)

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2014 3:51 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 11 Mar 2014 15:51:05 -0400

I think there are pros and cons to both being married and being single in the military. BLUF: I don't think military service should be a determining factor in getting married or staying single. People need to make that determination based on their love for a significant other and the strength of their relationship.

Being married in the military has its challenges. Deployments, PCSing, long hours, unpredictable schedule, etc. all make it difficult. I have seen marriages that were build on a strong relationship and mutual trust and respect that have lasted through all those challenges. I have also seen many marriages fail because the relationship was not very strong to begin with. One thing we all need to realize, Soldier or civilian, is that we all go through tough times. Being married is about committing to help each other make it through those tough times and grow as both individuals and as a couple.

Another difficulty about being married is trying to balance professional and family obligations. I had a CSM tell me when I was a PFC that family should always come first, but we need our profession to be able to provide for our families.

I do think that there are advantages to being single. You have more flexibility and your responsibilities are not as demanding. The only person directly effected by a PCS or deployment is you. But as a trade off for that increased "freedom" is loneliness. I have been a single Soldier, and can be downright lonely. I don't think that anything can compare to the companionship that a marriage brings. There is a reason married men live longer than single men... Again, my bottom line is that you should choose what is best for you based on you, your significant other, and the strength of your relationship. If you focus on those first, then it will not matter if you are in the military or are a civilian.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2014 7:11 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 07:11:36 -0400

Single!!!!!

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Apr 1 at 2014 7:47 AM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 07:47:57 -0400

I like being married. My wife is my number one battle buddy. When I was single and in the barracks, I was depressed because I hated the barracks; I didn't have anyone to come home too and details just to have details would be passed out to the single soldiers before the married ones. Also, being in the barracks as a single NCO brought to much temptation for Lord knows what.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2014 9:40 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 21:40:11 -0400

Having been both (twice), I think there were more advantages when I was single than being married. Life was a lot less complicated when all I really had to do was take care of myself, my gear, and keep the other slackers in the barracks in line. Don't get me wrong, I love being a family man now, but it's a LOT of work. The days of coming home, kicking off my boots and chilling out are over, but they were great while they lasted. Going through an endless procession of roommates sucked in hindsight and nothing, and I mean nothing, tops walking into my own home and being greeted by my sons. I guess the advantages come down to what you expect to get back out of it. I think too many young soldiers today only see the benefits (BAH, no more barracks), which really aren't benefits when broken down. Getting married while serving is a bold move not just for the soldier, but for the family that has to sacrifice along with the soldier. It isn't easy street, but definitely isn't all that difficult if done for the right reason.

On a personal note, much as I may complain about it to my wife (HH 06), I actually love my honey-do list that she never lets me get caught up on. As much as I haven't been home, it makes me feel like I'm actually a contributor instead of a financier.

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 5 at 2014 11:25 PM

WO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 05 Apr 2014 23:25:03 -0400

Dual military definitely has it's monetary advantages as I have seen with fellow soldiers.

Response by SPC Brian Jones made May 13 at 2014 8:15 AM

SPC Brian Jones — Tue, 13 May 2014 08:15:56 -0400

It all depends on how the person looks at it. If the young enlisted person is focused on the future living in the barracks is the perfect choice, meaning there are no bills what so ever. The cost of this is that he/she lives at the whim of their leadership. After hours "Hey You" details are typically for those that are seen as "stuck " in the barracks that have nothing better to do. People like this however do typically leave the service with a very large nest egg to get started in "real life" or for when they get married.

On the other hand, people like me, always felt as if we were trapped living in the barracks. Having to live by Army standards instead of the standards we saw everyone else living by either in on post housing or off post. I personally lived in Round Rock with a girlfriend and her family which was 45 minutes from Ft. Hood. I received no extra monies for this but I did gain alot better understanding on how to budget my bills and such. I feel that it helped me better prepare myself for life once I got out of the service.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2014 12:35 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 08 Aug 2014 12:35:18 -0400

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1. Male
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4. Employed full-time when you got married

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Army soldiers MUST have been serving on active duty when they got married.

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Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 16 at 2014 12:26 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 16 Oct 2014 12:26:11 -0400

Hi everyone,

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(Please review the criteria carefully and let me know if you have any questions):

1. Male
2. 18-50 years old
3. Currently or previously married
4. Employed full-time when you got married

I am looking for civilians as well as Army soldiers to participate in this study.

NOTE: Army soldiers MUST have been serving on active duty when they got married.

This link will take you to the survey. It should only take you 10-15 minutes to complete. SPREAD THE WORD! Thanks!

https://mspp.co1.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_cOtWClm9JtqMXcx

This study has been reviewed and approved for use by the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology’s Institutional Review Board (MSPP IRB). If you have questions or concerns regarding your rights as a participant in this survey, you may contact the IRB chair, Dr. Edward De Vos, [login to see] , or at [login to see] . You may also report your concerns or complaints via email to [login to see]

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 16 at 2014 12:32 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 16 Oct 2014 12:32:50 -0400

Both have it's pros & cons.
I enjoyed my time when I was single but I love that my husband doesn't kill me in my sleep when I get a little crazy :)

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2014 3:23 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 01 Dec 2014 15:23:00 -0500

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I need participants for my doctoral project research study on the factors that influence the decision to marry. If you meet the following criteria, (AND ONLY IF YOU MEET THE FOLLOWING CRITERIA), you are eligible to participate and be entered into a raffle for one of twenty $15 Visa gift cards

(Please review the criteria carefully and let me know if you have any questions):

1. Male
2. 18-50 years old
3. Currently or previously married
4. Employed full-time when you got married

I am looking for MALE civilians as well as MALE ARMY soldiers to participate in this study.

NOTE: MALE ARMY soldiers MUST have been serving on active duty when they got married.

This link will take you to the survey. It should only take you 10-15 minutes to complete. SPREAD THE WORD! Thanks!

https://mspp.co1.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_cOtWClm9JtqMXcx

This study has been reviewed and approved for use by the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology’s Institutional Review Board (MSPP IRB). If you have questions or concerns regarding your rights as a participant in this survey, you may contact the IRB chair, Dr. Edward De Vos, [login to see] , or at [login to see] . You may also report your concerns or complaints via email to [login to see]

Response by CPL Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2015 8:21 AM

CPL Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 08:21:40 -0500

As mostly everyone has said, there are pros and cons, similar to smokers vs non smokers in the military.

Response by FN Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 5 at 2015 8:06 AM

FN Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Feb 2015 08:06:13 -0500

Married is the way to go, dual military even better. I love coming home to someone who knows and understands what my day was like. I don't have to explain why I can't just come home or why I have to work past normal working hours. It does have its con's though, working hours are different so finding time for each other can be hard. I will go days without seeing my spouse while neither of us are deployed. It can suck. But I'd rather have someone understand why I can't spend time with them, then have someone mad at me and not understand that I can't do anything about it.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 5 at 2015 8:29 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Feb 2015 08:29:36 -0500

For the love of god, SINGLE... My wife is my true match and I would not give her up for anything with the exception of my son but I sometime daydream about being in Iraq and Afghanistan so I won't her bur complain about easy things she can do herself.

Response by MSG Scott Bradley made Sep 20 at 2017 7:03 PM

MSG Scott Bradley — Wed, 20 Sep 2017 19:03:30 -0400

Barracks cleaning parties every Monday evening, CSM /1SG walkthrough every Tuesday morning. “Hey you” duties just for hanging around the dayroom on weekends to go wax and polish the platoon SGTs Office. After final formation married SM’s head home to relax while those living in barracks never get a break...

In recent years we built a little more fairness into the process, but when I was lower enlisted the NCO’s would just grab anyone at anytime - why plan anything when you have a captive workforce, guys use to get up first thing in the morning just to get out of the firing range.