Military Brotherhood: More Than Blood

SGT Joseph Gunderson — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 09:30:28 -0400

Prior to military service, I did not have the greatest family life. I was fifteen years old when I was kicked out of my house by my newly married mother and from that point on, it was a rough road. For the next three years, I would live with a few different friends until I finally found a home with my friend Jacob and his mother, where I stayed until I graduated and enlisted in 2007. After enlisting, the word “family” gained an entirely different meaning to me.

For many of us, even those who didn’t have to endure the kind of upbringing that I did, the military became a kind of family that we could all learn to depend on. There is a brotherhood, whose seed is sown in our hearts during basic training, and it is watered and nurtured as time goes on. Constant training rotations, details, and deployments allow this kinship to grow and soon it is undeniable. It’s a force as strong as any, able to grant strength in times of need, and it brings us back to our feet when we stumble.

Many times, I found myself leaning on my military family. I married young, as many new and inexperienced privates do. She was my high school sweetheart, but even that fact didn’t help. During my first deployment, she had an affair and became pregnant; I was made aware of this fact only weeks after returning home. It is difficult when you are 19 years of age, just returning from Iraq, and coming home to find that the woman that you loved couldn’t wait for you. My peers and seniors didn’t allow me to dwell on that though. They took care of me, offering kind words and assistance where I needed it.

Years later, I remarried. I know what many of you are thinking, “Did you not learn the first time, guy?!” Of course not! I suppose I was a glutton for punishment. It lasted for a while though. We made it through the NTC rotation, a deployment, and a PCS to Fort Carson afterwards. Together, we had a beautiful baby girl and it seemed as though things were going well. I suppose everyone sees where this is going. It wasn’t fine. In the months after my re-deployment and subsequent PCS, I had changed. My wife noticed that I had become emotionally distant. Instead of focusing on my family, I dove head first into work and would spend long days working, often finding reasons to stay late. We had a huge fight one day in July of 2012 because I had volunteered for a shift on CQ so that one of the other NCOs could spend time with his wife. When I returned home from that 24 hour duty, my apartment was nearly empty, many of my belongings gone, my daughter’s room was bare, and my wife and daughter were nowhere to be found. I called a fellow NCO friend of mine at the troop after a few moments of staring in disbelief at my home. I can remember exactly how the conversation went:

“Dude,” I said.

“Yeah? What’s up Gunney?” he answered.

“My wife is gone.”

“Okay, so you have some peace and quiet. Didn’t you just get off CQ? Get some sleep, man.”

“No,” I explained. “She’s gone. My apartment is empty. She is gone. She took Zoie.”

“Bro,” I could tell he was taken aback at my explanation. “Stay there.”

He hung up that phone and I sat down on my couch trying to keep myself from completely breaking down. Within less than an hour, nearly all of the NCOs from my platoon had shown up at my apartment. The first sergeant had told them to take the day and make sure that I was taken care of. They arrived with a few dishes because I didn’t have any now. One of them brought me blankets and sheets because my wife had taken ours. Later in the day, they all brought me out to the bar and we sat and had drinks. They had me talk about everything and anything to get my mind off of what had just happened to me. Of course, some of them brought up valid points. They said that they could tell that things were going badly in my marriage by some of the conversations that they overheard at work while I was on the phone with my wife; I had to agree, there were times that I was angry on the phone. All in all, these guys kept me from losing my mind during that time. They kept me straight and let it be known that they were there for me. The next day at work we stood around smoking and one of them walked up and said, “So Gunney. I understand that we can’t poke jokes about your situation for a bit, but how long should we give you before we do?” The question caught me off guard, but something about it made me laugh and I shook my head. “Give me two weeks to grieve, man. Two weeks and y’all can start in with the jokes.” Everyone in the circle nodded and agreed to give me two weeks. As sure as the sun will rise, two weeks later, the same guy walked up and asked if it had been the full two weeks. I nodded and laughed and the jokes rolled in. I know that it sounds horrible to say that, but something about the situation made light of the events that had occurred. There is something to be said about using humor to get over something so emotional and, by God, those guys got me through it.

Fast forward a few years and I was medically retired from the Army, back in Kansas where I had graduated high school, and hanging around the same people that I had been when I was young. It was the perfect storm to bring me down to one of the lowest points in my life. I began drinking more heavily than I ever had. I also began doing all kinds of drugs. I don’t know if I was trying to kill myself, trying to numb some kind of emotional pain, or trying to feel some sort of rush, but it wasn’t doing any of those things. I started a new job, and things were going well... until November of 2015. I had taken off work for Veterans Day, because if there was one day a year that I was going to take off, it was going to be Veterans Day. I went out to the bar to have a couple of beers that night, but what actually occurred still scares me to this day. I arrived at the bar early, around 8pm, and had only planned to have a couple drinks before going home and getting some sleep because I did have to work the following day. I remember having two beers. I awoke two days later, had slept through the entire Friday that I was supposed to work, and most of that Saturday. I didn’t know what had happened the night that I went to the bar and I had no clue how I had slept through an entire day and a half afterwards. From people who had seen me that night, I later found out that I had gone to a few different places. I wasn’t my regular self and I guess I had knocked back far more than only the two beers that I remembered. I got scared and anxious and began to feel like somehow my world was just spiraling out of control. I called the local VA hospital for help, but I was just told to make an appointment. I was running out of options and so I contacted a few old Army buddies of mine just to talk. After hearing what was going on, two of them picked up and headed out. One came from Denver and the other came from Central Texas; combined they traveled over 1000 miles just to spend some time with me and make sure that I was okay. It meant the world to me that they did that. The picture that accompanies this piece is actually of the night that they arrived. Following that weekend, one of them told me to move out to Denver and stay with him and his girlfriend just to take some time to get myself back on track. Thanksgiving was that week and I wanted to spend it with family, so they both left, but the weekend following Thanksgiving, my friend drove all the way back from Denver to help me load my things and we drove back to his home. To this day I believe that he quite literally saved my life.

In the years since, I have found myself in some low points. I see my VA therapist regularly and take my prescribed medications for the most part on a regular schedule, but there is something to be said about being able to call my brothers-in-arms when I am in a really dark spot. There is nothing like knowing that there is someone there that cares that much, who has been there with you, knows what you have been through, and can really relate to the struggles that you are fighting through. It is something that, at least for me, I cannot get from my family, or a therapist, or any hotline. It is something that can only be provided by my military family. I lean on them and, when necessary, they lean on me. Just recently, I had a friend who was going through a rough time and nearly went over the edge, but, thanks to our close knit group, we were able to help. I believe that there is nothing like what we veterans have anywhere else in society. We are a special group of individuals. We have been a part of something greater and have learned the meaning of the word ‘duty’. It is our duty to one another to help those of us in our darkest of hours because family does not stop at who we share blood with, but includes those who we have shed our blood with.

Response by SPC Margaret Higgins made Sep 6 at 2017 9:33 AM

SPC Margaret Higgins — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 09:33:35 -0400

SGT Joseph Gunderson: Sergeant, I did not have a good family life either. After I joined the military: I felt like I truly Had a family. -Sincerely, Margaret

Response by Capt Cotesworth H. made Sep 6 at 2017 6:12 PM

Capt Cotesworth H. — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 18:12:10 -0400

well written piece buddy. one for all, all for one

Response by SPC Justin Edwards made Sep 6 at 2017 10:44 PM

SPC Justin Edwards — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 22:44:07 -0400

Wow...just wow, Brother. Thank you for taking the time to post this...I took the time to read it, and I'm glad I did. I needed to hear a positive, albeit trudgingly on-going, outcome from the darkness we've experienced. Im in the darkest of it now, but just started climbing my way out. You helped, so thank you.

Response by SPC Tom DeSmet made Sep 10 at 2017 11:00 PM

SPC Tom DeSmet — Sun, 10 Sep 2017 23:00:16 -0400

Well written piece, and sharing it is bound to have a positive influence on those who need to hear it. Wish you had a larger platform as alot of good can come from it.
After my 8 years in the Army, I suddenly felt extreme loneliness. You don't ever have everything in common with others as you do when you're in the military. You are so fortunate to have the buddies you've got! And as a result we are fortunate you chose to share your story. God bless and thank you for serving our country!

Response by PO2 Jeff Blakely made Sep 11 at 2017 4:37 AM

PO2 Jeff Blakely — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:37:34 -0400

It's been 30 years since I went to boot in San Diego, and to this day I still feel closer to my former shipmates than I do to any civilian friend I have made. I also automatically feel a bond with every Veteran that I meet which goes above and beyond any feelings I might develop for non-veterans.

Thank you for your post. It helps to know that there are others out there that feel the same as I.

Response by MSG Laura Washington made Sep 11 at 2017 5:38 AM

MSG Laura Washington — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 05:38:07 -0400

SGT Joseph Gunderson Well said. We share a special bond with our fellow Service Members, not just the ones we serve with, but also the ones we share the uniform with. I value the individuals I have met and stayed in touch with. I am thankful to those who have stood by my side. Thank you for sharing.

Response by SPC Dwight Turner made Sep 28 at 2017 4:48 PM

SPC Dwight Turner — Thu, 28 Sep 2017 16:48:30 -0400

wow gosh i know lifes rough no matter still serving or not time catches up to us your story touched me in alot of ways i wish i knew how to contact some old fellow soldiers i served with !!!! thats family to me i was raised in foster home in st.louis at age of 3 time passed by i never knew my sister or brothers i got lucky they loved me and took in 5 other boys !!! she had her handsfull dont think she didnt hehehe a redhead but stern and loving mother reminds me of drill sergeant !!! yikes did i say that?? i hope mine doesnt see it hehehe he taught discipline an respect we all loved him what a leader he was too but growing up i was blessed i had alot of chances seeing great ball player in st. louis yep cardinals i still to this day enjoy the game its changed i know thats to be expected um having served in germany for year and a half i still love to go back but they deactivated 7th corp to afganahstan i think though 5th corps still there times i wished i stayed in i did 18yrs 3 active 15yrs reserve all as a cook never knew how much i'd miss it the troops mostly sure backbone of army times have passed by i still think about alot i met gawd from the unit times i wish i knew how to search for them it might help me brighten my day some
may peace and love be with us all for those still serving keep up good job be proud of yourself most of all you have 2 familys one you married or if single mom and dad if your lucky but most of all unit your assigned to there your family you'll never forget them till its to late times i wished i kept in touch with mine bless you all.

Response by Chef Benson K Saenger made Sep 29 at 2017 1:44 PM

Chef Benson K Saenger — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 13:44:23 -0400

Loyalty makes you family
Blood makes you related!!!!!

Response by SFC Jim Ruether made Sep 29 at 2017 6:06 PM

SFC Jim Ruether — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 18:06:51 -0400

Sometimes telling your story is therapy itself. Sharing your burden will make it lighter and easier to handle. I will pray for all of you to find the strength in friends, family and your military family too. Don't give up! God Bless you all and thanks for serving our country!

Response by LTC Stephen C. made Sep 29 at 2017 6:22 PM

LTC Stephen C. — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 18:22:04 -0400

I'm sorry for all these dark days through which you have lived, and I hope you feel like you're headed toward brighter days. It seems so.
Your last sentence is most profound, and really says it all. Thank you, SGT Joseph Gunderson.

Response by Mark Heick made Sep 29 at 2017 6:48 PM

Mark Heick — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 18:48:49 -0400

SGT Joseph Gunderson I admire your courage to share this insight into your personal life as I am sure anyone who is going through a rough patch can draw some encouragement to reach out.

I would agree with your statement that there isn't a brotherhood that is a match in the civilian world, such as the one you described.

Hope you are doing well.

Response by SSgt Boyd Herrst made Sep 30 at 2017 6:34 AM

SSgt Boyd Herrst — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:34:42 -0400

It's s'thing that happens, you never think or hope it happens to you and how you will deal with it. Having comrades that will be there for you and help you get over the bumps and dips in the road really helps. And above all keeping faith with the big guy upstairs can help a lot too!
Stay safe and press forward, Comrade !

Response by SPC Dwight Turner made Sep 30 at 2017 2:07 PM

SPC Dwight Turner — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 14:07:11 -0400

amen to that theres nothing like military family

Response by SPC Thanh Nguyen made Oct 1 at 2017 12:13 PM

SPC Thanh Nguyen — Sun, 01 Oct 2017 12:13:44 -0400

Thanks for sharing! To some extent, all of us that served go through certain stages and cycles. But having a tight knit group of guys to lean on definitely help.

Response by Wanda Afualo-Carey made Oct 6 at 2017 9:05 AM

Wanda Afualo-Carey — Fri, 06 Oct 2017 09:05:43 -0400

SGT Joseph Gunderson Wow!!! I happened across this post by accident this morning. I work at the Denver VA & can tell you that your story is not unlike many I have heard from the men & women I have been honored to care for on a day to day basis. Thank God for your true & awesome mates who have rallied around you in your time of need & may we all be blessed to have such amazing people in our lives like that & to be that to someone else. Power on Sir & may life bring you all nothing but love & goodness going forward! (It won't I'm afraid... life sucks at times... but may there be awesome moments of joy & clarity mingled in there Sir!) Much respect & gratitude to you for your service & also to all of your comrades! You're all heroes & heroines to me!

Response by LCpl Donald Faucett made Oct 6 at 2017 2:02 PM

LCpl Donald Faucett — Fri, 06 Oct 2017 14:02:48 -0400

Many can relate, my DI told me that, I was never promised a rose garden my bother. We all had transitions to adjust to. We are the lucky ones. Too many are not here today to tell their story. We all have one thing in common. The price of it was tough. I don't regret ever joining the Marines. It was no free ride. 40 years later, I still bare the costs. It's part of the suck.

Response by SPC John E. Osman III made Oct 11 at 2017 12:19 AM

SPC John E. Osman III — Wed, 11 Oct 2017 00:19:11 -0400

I agree, the value of our service connections are way to underrated, ... even those of us that have served years apart, have (for the most part), the ability to understand what another vet is going through, ... between that rock, & a hard spot, is where I have found my niche, ... and am now comfortable there, ...

Response by PVT Raymond Lopez made Nov 12 at 2017 9:46 PM

PVT Raymond Lopez — Sun, 12 Nov 2017 21:46:31 -0500

Welcome to the Family you finally understand what I learned in 1964 your adopted family beats the Hell out your natural family just ask my wife. They take better care of her than her own sister.

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Nov 17 at 2017 4:54 PM

SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter — Fri, 17 Nov 2017 16:54:56 -0500

My brother to my left my brother to my right from all different backgrounds, races and religions. Together we stand together we fight. No military branch of service is better than the Airmen, Soldiers, Marines, Navy or Coast Guard that serves in them. The Brothers and Sisters that proudly serve makes those institutions what they are! What a joy it is to be apart of one these great institutions where friendship are made for life.

Peace!

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Nov 18 at 2017 9:58 PM

SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter — Sat, 18 Nov 2017 21:58:14 -0500

I say Veterans first and no-one should forget that if there is room for others so be it but absolutely Veterans first that's my opinion.

Let's honor those that are serving and those that have served. With Veterans Day behind us now. We should never forget about those that are wearing or have worn a military uniform.

We all have made many sacrifices and many of us have put our lives on the line to assure and protect the freedoms that we have. We deserve to recognized for our commitment to serving this country 365 days a year not just on Veterans Day.

It means something to be a Military member and a Veteran. Many in our society are clueless to that. I served with some very brave men and women. Many of them we are still close friends to this very day. Despite some off the hardships and deployments overseas several times. If I could
do it again I'll do it with absolutely no regrets whatsoever with a smile on my face.

Despite many efforts by politicians for several decades to place the issues facing Veterans on the back burner. We must hold them accountable and let them know it is absolutely unacceptable and we will not go down without a heck of a fight because that's what we do..

So I would like to say to all past, present and future men and women in uniform thank you and may God bless you and your families. As the saying goes we my not know them all but we owe them all.

Peace

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Nov 19 at 2017 1:45 PM

SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter — Sun, 19 Nov 2017 13:45:35 -0500

Each morning when we rise we should give thanks for the light, for our life and for the strength that allowed us to wake up. All the things that we have that unfortunately many take for granted our food, a roof over our head a few dollars in our pocket or the bank. We should always be grateful and thankful. We should remember and be thankful for all the wonderful people in our lives past and present who has made a positive difference. Let's also be thankful for the times we made mistakes and learned a valuable lesson from them I have many of those. It's all good all the time even when it may seem to be bad. We must see the light illuminating at the end of the tunnel and press on and never give up.

I am a dreamer who have seen some of my dreams come true. We as individuals must always remember we have within us the strength, patience and the passion to reach for the stars and make a positive difference somehow in this world the smallest sense of compassion and kindness matters.

Peace!

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Nov 20 at 2017 11:04 AM

SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 11:04:35 -0500

It's about working together and depending on each other as a team member despite all that BS which is irrelevant: their political party, religion or there ethnicity.

Teamwork and togetherness is an important aspect of life. It unites us, makes us feel comfortable, it gives us a sense of belonging. It is a wonderful feeling knowing that my sister or brother got by back if we were to die on the battle field and we want be left behind. If you want to go far go in it as a team. It seems to amaze me how a bunch of folks from all over the country different backgrounds religion etc. can come together and amass a superb fighting team that’s what the military and having a sense of pride does to us.

Peace!

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Nov 20 at 2017 11:47 AM

SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 11:47:43 -0500

Military brotherhood like none other!

Response by SPC Nanette Porter made Jan 3 at 2018 6:59 PM

SPC Nanette Porter — Wed, 03 Jan 2018 18:59:21 -0500

I agree with you on so many levels. I can relate in many ways as well.

Response by SSG David Palomarez made Jan 12 at 2018 7:09 PM

SSG David Palomarez — Fri, 12 Jan 2018 19:09:32 -0500

We got your 6 brother

Response by SPC Mike Lake made Feb 5 at 2018 9:07 AM

SPC Mike Lake — Mon, 05 Feb 2018 09:07:48 -0500

Awesome read had a great time with my brothers we all met at all American week this past may at ft Bragg the bond of brotherhood tho we haven't seen each other in almost 20 yrs that bond is still stronger than ever

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Mar 25 at 2018 9:56 AM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 09:56:55 -0400

Great picture share Joseph, thank you, and you're right, it is a great family to have.

Response by Kat Morris made Mar 8 at 2019 11:38 AM

Kat Morris — Fri, 08 Mar 2019 11:38:18 -0500

I was typing in brotherhood of soldiers to get some insight into the closeness that comes from "being in the trenches" or surviving something with people in someone else's words. I'm so glad I read your story. I have tears in my eyes, and I don't even know you - I'm so glad you have this kind of family to rely on! Thanks for sharing.

Response by SPC John Jeffery made Dec 28 at 2019 4:27 PM

SPC John Jeffery — Sat, 28 Dec 2019 16:27:38 -0500

I was with a reserve Engineer Battalionin Milwaukee with a SFC Gunderson. Any relation?