Military divorces are slightly higher than the average population. Why do you think this is so?

2016-05-23T11:16:41-04:00

Response by SSG Pete Fleming made May 23 at 2016 11:18 AM

2016-05-23T11:18:52-04:00

All of the above

Response by SPC Rory J. Mattheisen made May 23 at 2016 11:21 AM

2016-05-23T11:21:06-04:00

Honestly, I believe it is a mixture of mutually beneficial marriages, and an attitude of "if it doesn't work we can get divorced." Marriage is no longer respected or honored by Americans.

Response by Alan K. made May 23 at 2016 11:21 AM

2016-05-23T11:21:10-04:00

Everything affects a Marriage, It's what you do with it that defines your moral character and ultimately your priorities in such matters....I isn't easy, Period. that's why through good times and bad is in most vows I would imagine.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 11:21 AM

2016-05-23T11:21:48-04:00

All of the above. The OPTEMPO of many units keep troops either deployed or in the field preparing for a deployment. Without a strong marriage, that stress can tear families apart.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 11:22 AM

2016-05-23T11:22:27-04:00

I think it is amazing and a tribute to the quality of the men and women in the military AND their spouses that it is only slightly higher.

Response by SSG Derek Scheller made May 23 at 2016 11:25 AM

2016-05-23T11:25:50-04:00

I definitely say all of it. Not being in a combat MOS I have never seen Combat but I can attest to Lack of Family Support and how hard Deployments are on a marriage. I know for a fact that if I were deployed half as much as some of the infantry guys I know, there is a good chance my wife would have left me. It is hard on her and our kids me being gone. If its not school, its the field, if its not the field, its deployment. I know some people are going to say that I have no room to talk and being that I am currently on my first deployment, I have not been out of country much, but my sons are already asking for me to get a new job. My wife is struggling to maintain a home with 4 boys there. I think it would have been easier if we had time to acclamate to the area and had time for us to make friends and get to know people. However, when you move 20 hours away from family and your spouse leaves 2 weeks after moving into your house, that can't be easy on any relationship let alone the kids that just had to move away from their friends, school, and family.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made May 23 at 2016 11:34 AM

2016-05-23T11:34:04-04:00

Distance does not make the heart grow fonder (another urban legend debunked). Also, there's the issue of money. Financial difficulties strain any marriage, military or civilian. They seem more prevalent in military occupations.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made May 23 at 2016 11:47 AM

2016-05-23T11:47:47-04:00

Biggest issue I've seen is infidelity. People just don't understand what commitment means anymore. It's harder on military personnel because then the couples could be apart anywhere from 6 months to a year or even more. Not trying to justify it, I just understand what drives people to cheat.

Response by SFC Joseph McCausland made May 23 at 2016 12:03 PM

2016-05-23T12:03:23-04:00

Stress * Separation....

Response by SPC David S. made May 23 at 2016 12:21 PM

2016-05-23T12:21:48-04:00

There are a number of things - maturity, supersymmetry via a disciplined individual and a anarchist individual (strippers and other wild child's looking for structure - military order looking to cut lose), deployment (mate isn't in love just infatuation), the illusion that military men and women are a good catch (career, money, benefits void of any negative behaviors like excessive drinking). However one could argue since the civilian population has 50% sucess rate - the military does better despite all the negative aspects associated with military service.

http://www.alternet.org/story/140007/ex-stripper_army_wife_talks_military_marriages,_war,_ptsd,_and_secret_shoe_phones

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 12:30 PM

2016-05-23T12:30:36-04:00

It's a hard life. Military members get married to young.

Response by SGT David T. made May 23 at 2016 12:52 PM

2016-05-23T12:52:35-04:00

What I've seen most was military folks just marrying the first person that comes along. I think if they were a bit more selective in who they marry, things would be very different. One would think this is based on youth, but I have seen it with older Soldiers too.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made May 23 at 2016 1:15 PM

2016-05-23T13:15:08-04:00

Separation does not always make the heart grow fonder. Three men on my crew got "Dear John" letters from their wives during my one year tour.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 1:43 PM

2016-05-23T13:43:06-04:00

I got married at 20 years old I joined the military after a few years and have deployed twice about to go again. It is easy to say that people where to young or that deployments are hard on a marriage. But I personally belive it is because soliders like to use those things as an excuse. They just don't get the thrill they used to from this woman and they dont care enought to fight for the relationship. Marriage is tough there is no dought about it and not all couples make it. But remember it is never just one thing that kills a marriage, they may contribute but its not all the militaries fault.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 1:51 PM

2016-05-23T13:51:28-04:00

"all of the above" should be an option. I blame Jody..... ;)

I got married at 21, had 2 kids by 24. was TDY 6-7 months every year. No one bothered to tell us about any of the programs available to help young families. That said, we are going on year #32, so it is possible

Response by MSG Pat Colby made May 23 at 2016 2:13 PM

2016-05-23T14:13:11-04:00

I knew quite a few folks that simply got married for the extra money and to get out of the barracks. Sad fact is, those in the barracks were a "captive audience" when the last minute shit details came up.

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made May 23 at 2016 2:32 PM

2016-05-23T14:32:00-04:00

SP5 Mark Kuzinski For some it can be a combination of all of the above in your survey. Deployments can put a strain in a marriage - my second wife turned to alcohol and that caused our divorce; lack of family support (depending the age of the military member and just being married - this can be a strain when trying to connect with lifer military members and their families - especially true for National Guard and Reserve units where family members can be states away from the home unit during a deployment; PTSD/TBI and severely disabled veteran's family can be virtually torn apart by the effects of PTSD/TBI/MST and severe debilitating injuries; and definitely the age of the marriage (the first I was married was 19 years ol and our first assignment was in Europe for three years) real eye opener for both. Then there are all the traditional reasons on top of these: Infidelity, abuse, bad temper, jealously, drug abuse, gambling problems, and the list goes on. Therefore, on top of the normal reasons for divorce we in the military have a those SP5 Mark Kuzinski mentioned in his survey on top if it! Just my opinion based on two failed marriages while serving 37 years in the military.

Response by SSG Bethany Viglietta made May 23 at 2016 2:38 PM

2016-05-23T14:38:29-04:00

All of the above, but I think an issue that isn't listed on here as well. The military does not really provide an opportunity for you to live with your significant other before making the big jump into marriage. It doesn't have to do as much with age, but maybe the quickness in which people get married. They get married because they are joining, PCSing, deploying, want to live together, and they will try to work out the details later. They are not afforded the time necessary to spend with their spouse getting to know them and often change without growing together due to different experiences and time apart.

Response by SSgt Dan Montague made May 23 at 2016 2:47 PM

2016-05-23T14:47:50-04:00

I would have to say, deployments, training and most are married at a very young age.

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made May 23 at 2016 2:52 PM

2016-05-23T14:52:37-04:00

The military isn't for everyone and marrying into the military is even harder to adjust to. Even if you were married before entering the military, the ability of 2 people to make the adjustment is tough. All the answers in the survey probably have some impact, but bottom line, military life is not civilian life and it is probably harder to make that adjustment. It takes a special type of spouse to put up with the demands of the military and for all of you who have stuck it out I salute you.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made May 23 at 2016 3:03 PM

2016-05-23T15:03:35-04:00

Average Age of Military member (28~) versus Average Age of Population.

Much higher "risk group."

It's not that we are "younger" at time of marriage, it's more that we are comparing two different groups. It would be like trying to compare divorce rates of 20-40 year olds (that's assuming "most" did 20 years) vs 20-80 year olds.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 3:57 PM

2016-05-23T15:57:27-04:00

I can definately tell you from experience on this one, kids are young, they think, ah, it's the military, 'we'll be ok..' what's a couple of years?...he/she's doing it for country, pride, etc, I can be a good spouse and support him/her, I'm excited about his/her joining, I can meet new friends, I LOVE to travel... NOT knowing that said soldier deploys constantly, no, you cannot join them on a hardship tour, no,you cannot join them in afghanistan nor iraq...they cannot tell you where they're going/nor when they'll come back...(this is dependent of course on their MOS obvously); Unless you were RAISED in a military family, you really don't know about what's going on with him/herr...and then, still, maybe not. Now, there are SOME marriages that DO work out with spouse being military, BUT, those are RARE.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made May 23 at 2016 4:21 PM

2016-05-23T16:21:48-04:00

In my case, my first wife was adulterous SP5 Mark Kuzinski. I went into the hospital in May 1995 for a cardiac-catheterization and was served with a no-contact order for my wife and sons [aged 4 to 9 at that point]. I think she expected me to die. My father died in October of that year from a heart attack three years after a heart transplant. That wife divorced me in September 1996 and remained and divorced twice after that.
Thankfully after grieving properly after three years I was introduced to my current wife at church as a surprise which had been coordinated months before at a church conference in New Orleans. That another story. My wife stayed with me throughout my mitral valve surgery with complications at Walter Reed Army medical center throughout most of March 2003.

Response by MSgt Mike (Lobo VNV Original) Morrow made May 23 at 2016 7:06 PM

2016-05-23T19:06:35-04:00

All of these can be a contributing factor, the one for me was not being able to confide in my wife due to security reasons, she couldn't get it through her head that I could not tell her everything I was doing or involved in.

Response by SGM Joel Cook made May 24 at 2016 5:20 AM

2016-05-24T05:20:54-04:00

From my personal experience it is many times caused by separation of families for whatever reason such as Combat Deployments, deployment to areas where spouses or children are not allowed or supported, overseas deployments to overseas areas where one spouse feels out of their area of comfort. After six or more months of separation unfortunately one or both spouses seek solace in the arms of another person.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made May 24 at 2016 9:15 AM

2016-05-24T09:15:04-04:00

Marriage is hard under any circumstances...and that's when it doesn't have to compete with a career that demands total focus, dedication and sacrifice...at twenty.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made May 24 at 2016 9:30 AM

2016-05-24T09:30:28-04:00

My nephew is currently going through a divorce and he's USMC. Married very young (he was 20 she was 18 or 19). She turned out to be a very crazy female. The dependapotmous type; accusing him of infidelity, enough to where she called his command twice accusing him. She also called the command upset at the fact he had to remain on base rather than come home for the holidays. Seriously?! Now that my nephew has proclaimed, signed and presented her with divorce papers, she's sitting on them and has refused to talk to the in-laws.

My buddy who was USAF got married at a young age and his wife lied, cheated and stole (went to jail for it too) and now that he's out of the AF (because she wanted him out) he's miserable after 10 years of being married to her. Friends have tried to assist but he is very stubborn. He wants a divorce but he's just lazy.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 24 at 2016 10:18 AM

2016-05-24T10:18:36-04:00

I think all of these are accurate but I think the biggest thing is that spouses don't really know what they are getting into (this could be said for service members too). Trying to raise a family or nurture a marriage is hard, but it is so much harder when your job requires you to do things that sabotage your relationships: i.e. confidentiality, lack of emotional or physical availability, a lack of job stability for the spouse because of changes in duty stations, etc.

Response by LCpl Tad Cunningham made May 24 at 2016 11:43 AM

2016-05-24T11:43:03-04:00

I think it's a lot of these young Marines and young soldiers marry the first female they can. They marry for their perception of love. Not actual love. You aren't shown love while being lower enlisted, and you're normally pretty far from your family, so you look for love wherever you can. You think you've found it, you get married, then you and your spouse both quickly realize that you don't actually love each other.

Response by SCPO Jason McLaughlin made May 24 at 2016 12:09 PM

2016-05-24T12:09:39-04:00

The prevalent philosophy of "What happens on deployment stay on deployment!" speaks volumes as to why divorce rates are high in the military.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 24 at 2016 1:17 PM

2016-05-24T13:17:32-04:00

Marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons and marrying someone and not fully bringing them online with all it takes to be a military spouse. It probably took two or three years of marriage for my wife to fully understand what all it takes to be a military spouse but almost 20 years later she still puts up with me. Thank goodness.

Response by SFC William Swartz Jr made May 24 at 2016 2:48 PM

2016-05-24T14:48:37-04:00

I think that it is a combination platter of all the factors listed, on the whole, more than most civilian marriages ever have to face.

Response by COL Charles Williams made May 25 at 2016 12:24 AM

2016-05-25T00:24:21-04:00

Let's see, optempo, long hours, family separation, deployments...

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made May 25 at 2016 10:26 AM

2016-05-25T10:26:49-04:00

Most solider get married to move out of the barrack's. Barrack's life isn't peachy, very very sloppy live conditions. The other reason is the constant training and all the last minute details
and you just have some high ranking personal that just don't want to go home. Time management and what's important need to be learn, not what you thinks important.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made May 25 at 2016 4:05 PM

2016-05-25T16:05:46-04:00

They either marry for the extra money or they marry each other shortly after joining(dual mil couples) or shortly after one of the finishes boot camp(mil-civ couple). I usually tell them to wait after the first deployment before ultimately deciding to get married. Also, if there's any doubt in your mind, don't do it.

Response by LCpl John Lewis made May 25 at 2016 5:22 PM

2016-05-25T17:22:27-04:00

The military is an all demanding career,odd hours and deployments,the psychological adjustment esp if an NCO and above of giving orders and instructions all day and coming home to a family that is'nt as compliant as your troops.

Response by 1SG Carlos E Bonet made May 25 at 2016 8:26 PM

2016-05-25T20:26:58-04:00

very true, the military prepares the individual to become a soldier, marine, sailor, airman, but the system does not prepared the other half to become the spouse of a service man. Depending on the mos and age of the individual, the experience has the potential to be overwhelming with a divorce as the end result.

Response by A1C Jeff D. made May 26 at 2016 12:15 AM

2016-05-26T00:15:24-04:00

All the above. A military career destroys the dream of a career for the spouse. That one seems to be forgotten to people who do not marry other military people.

Response by SGT Justin Singleton made May 26 at 2016 2:25 PM

2016-05-26T14:25:41-04:00

combat deployment affect Family members just as I do soldiers.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2016 4:47 AM

2016-05-27T04:47:02-04:00

Stress, distance, youth, money or lack thereof.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2016 11:13 AM

2016-05-27T11:13:07-04:00

I would say from my experience I would say it was the lack of family support. Now with me saying that let me explain. I myself am lucky to be married to my wife for 13 years and have been with her for 16. What I am talking about is when I was a kid and I saw my father be married and divorced a few times and lose other relationships because of the military lifestyle at the time. Family support programs really didn't exist at the time. This was a different time and era I will admit it is different now for sure. The last piece of advice I can share on this is Marriage is the toughest job you will ever have it is a balancing act at best.

Response by PO2 Robin Hites-Smith made Aug 3 at 2016 6:03 PM

2016-08-03T18:03:36-04:00

separation stress and then the homecoming it is all rose and hearts and then daily reality hits home...adjustment periods for both the departure and return of the military member cause undo stress for everyone involved.

Response by Cpl Brian Johnston made Nov 25 at 2016 2:17 AM

2016-11-25T02:17:03-05:00

At one time, if you were enlisted, you had to be at least a SSgt to get married, and get the COs permission, at least that's what I've been told.

As we used to hear in the Crotch, "If the Marines wanted you to have a wife, they would issue you one!"

Response by Cpl Carlos Fernandez made Dec 8 at 2016 2:00 PM

2016-12-08T14:00:20-05:00

I just think we choose the wrong partners.

Response by CPT Stephen Hogan made Jan 21 at 2017 11:12 AM

2017-01-21T11:12:04-05:00

Long periods of separation