Military Humor: What Are The Best Pranks That You Have Witnessed?

CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 23:31:42 -0400

While stationed in Hohenfels, Germany, the Passover Season was approaching, so I thought I would amuse myself at the expense of the Chaplain Assistant. I asked him to go to the shoppette or commissary to make sure there were Kosher pork rinds in stock. He returned within 10 minutes saying he could not find any. I inquired if he asked the staff. He replied he had not. He returned to ask. After about 30 minutes he came back saying he would never trust a chaplain again! I asked what happened. He said he went through the snack aisle again, then asked the manager. He said they both looked for 20 minutes until the manager said, "wait a minute, pork rinds can't be kosher!" I laughed so hard that I had tears running down my face!

What was your best prank (hopefully one where no one was hurt)?

Response by SN Greg Wright made Aug 16 at 2015 11:48 PM

SN Greg Wright — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 23:48:26 -0400

The best prank I've been involved in, Major, was, unfortunately, played upon me. I volunteered, upon hearing some CPO's expound upon the need for such, to stand mail buoy watch. And so I did, about 20 minutes later. In full class 4 CBR gear. With a boathook.

Sigh.

Response by SSgt Charles Edwards made Aug 16 at 2015 11:52 PM

SSgt Charles Edwards — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 23:52:16 -0400

During my final winter in the missile field (2003), we were snowed in an extra day. I was working as the seventh man, splitting the day and mid shift while training as a controller. Policy in the field was simple, once off duty, all gear of the relieved shift needs to go back into the ART's quarters. Well, the daytime ART leader left his BDU top draped over a chair in the common area. After the off-duty guys were asleep, the night shift and myself took his top, soaked it in the shower and ran it up the flag pole. The outside temperature was in the teens with a stiff wind blowing throughout the night. I decided I wanted to see the fruits of my labor and crashed on the couch that night. A little before 0600, he came into the common area ready to do changeover. He entered the SCC and came out of it muttering about his shirt and wear it was. He went outside to check the vehicles and at this point, I'm already laughing. He comes back in with his blouse which after six hours flying in the cold wind is stiff as a board. We watched as he struggled to put it on, laughing to the point of tears. Lesson learned: always put your stuff away when you're off duty.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Aug 17 at 2015 12:55 AM

Capt Mark Strobl — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 00:55:15 -0400

Let's see: All new Pvts & PFC's usually got something like this from my Section Leaders:
Can you go to the S-1 Shop and bring back a ID-10-T form?
When you're checking in at Supply, will you bring back spool of flight line and a box of grid squares?
We're having trouble with this vehicle. Please go to get a BT punch?
The list goes on...

Response by PO1 John Miller made Aug 17 at 2015 4:35 AM

PO1 John Miller — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 04:35:59 -0400

I was once told to go get 50 feet of chow line and not to come back to work until I had found it. I had already been around the block once or twice by that point in my career, so I did what any member of the E-4 Mafia would do. I went back to my barracks and took a nap before I came back to work and acted like they had "gotten" me!

Response by SSG Michael Hathaway made Aug 17 at 2015 8:00 AM

SSG Michael Hathaway — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 08:00:41 -0400

The best prank I was ever part of was before I joined the military. I was working as a producer at an interactive company and one of my co-workers was on vacation during one of the rare down-time months we had. Lo and behold, it turns out NOA had some issues with a submission of his and we had to bust our butts to get his project back on track while he was sitting on some beach. It was nothing too serious, just a bit inconvenient for us.
So to kind of get back at him, he took a bit of time the weekend before he came back, he got his electronics out of his cubicle, saran wrapped it up, and then filled it with packing peanuts. Then we sealed up the cubicle by placing some plywood over the top. HAHA. Good thing it was a slow slow day when he came back since he spent most of that day getting giant bags to put the packing peanuts away. For the next month, he would find a peanut here or there in his office that he missed.

Response by CPL Brendan Hayes made Aug 17 at 2015 8:33 AM

CPL Brendan Hayes — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 08:33:32 -0400

Fools' errands abound. Box of grid squares, keys to the impact area, chem-light batteries, etc. I also remember being told that it's ok to call CSMs "Smash" just like it's ok to call 1SGTs "Top." To my misfortune, I used this term on the division CSM during my first FTX. I had to low crawl around our perimeter twice for that poor choice of words. FA battery perimeters are not small.

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made Aug 17 at 2015 9:32 AM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 09:32:03 -0400

My work center was all gathered, we had completed our daily tasking, and so we were waiting to knock off for the day making jokes at each other's expense. One such joke at my expense was a comment about me running slower than old people, well you get the picture. I retorted with yes, but if I catch you in the first three steps you are dead meat. The response to that was you couldn't catch me if I had a naked woman with a cheeseburger strapped to my back. So I jumped at the person. He tried to take off running, I caught him, and his feet ran out from under his top. It looked like a bugs bunny cartoon as his feet ran out from under him. So I picked him up, and put him in the trash can. Just in time for our supervisor to come in and see a head and feet sticking out of the trash can. It was all in good fun, everyone took it as a joke. we had a big laugh about it.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 17 at 2015 9:52 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 09:52:57 -0400

Chaplain, that is HILARIOUS

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 17 at 2015 9:56 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 09:56:23 -0400

The best prank I ever pulled was on a Captain back in 95 or so down at Ft Riley, KS. I was assisting the the medical coverage for this 88M course they were doing down there. So, one morning before all the fun was to begin, we were all (there was a few PFCs, a SPC or 2, a SGT and a SSG). Up comes walking the CPT that was the OIC of the medical staff. Naturally, we all saluted. As she got closer to me, I whispered to her "Ma'am, you need to check your hat. You have your rank on upside down." She gets this stone cold scared look on her face. Slowly takes her cover off, looks at it, and says to me "YOU SHITHEAD" as she slaps me with her cover. Everyone had a damn good laugh.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Aug 17 at 2015 11:59 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 11:59:29 -0400

I think I told this before a while ago on a different thread. We were deployed to Antarctica and we had an XO that more than annoyed anybody within his 10m blast perimeter, including the Skipper. One day I got this idea to get a weather balloon and inflate it in his quarters. So after getting lubed up at the Club and hanging a 5 pack ring on our belts, we got a fork lift, pallet, compressor, etc. and I was lifted up to the second deck outside. As I was setting up, my room mate dentist, showed up dragging an H cylinder of NOX to "help". So we had this whole thing going when the Skipper walked around the corner wanting to know what was going on. Listing on the pallet up there I rendered the salute and said "We're putting a weather balloon into the XO's room". After the "Carry On" we wrapped things up and waited. Word gets around and it was student body right to see the XO go to his room. He charged through the door only to have it reject him back into the passageway. After another failed attempt, he squeezed in and cut the balloon with his Leatherman. Then we heard a loud "plop". He slept a long time and it was one of the most peaceful Sundays in a long time. I drank free at the club for a month.

I did a couple more pranks that netted me drinking free for the rest of the deployment, but that's another story.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 17 at 2015 2:09 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 14:09:50 -0400

I use to send my soldiers flying with MEDEVAC pilots. Of course they loved to hotdog it. One time the story was relayed to me by a pilot they had taken a key out and proclaimed they shutdown the Blackhawk in mid air, to which my two female soldiers screamed like girls lol

Response by CH (CPT) Ephraim Travis made Aug 17 at 2015 6:37 PM

CH (CPT) Ephraim Travis — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 18:37:07 -0400

Sir, as an Orthodox Jewish Chaplain, I greatly appreciate your prank on your CA. Way to keep him sharp.

Response by Maj William Gambrell made Aug 17 at 2015 7:35 PM

Maj William Gambrell — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 19:35:20 -0400

I have pulled quite a few elaborate pranks during my days...many in Afghanistan. But, the simplest one is the one that almost got me in the most trouble. One night a Lt Col and I decided to cut the 1-star Commander's heat up to full blast in his tent while he was sleeping during the summer. Our intent was for him to bring the issue up during the daily morning staff meeting and we would frame somebody else the next day. The 1-star didn't say a word during the staff meeting the next morning. So, the next night we did the same thing thinking he would bring it up if we did it again. And again, the 1-star didn't say a word during the staff meeting. I gave up thinking he didn't care. Two days later the Lt Col decided to turn his heat up before the 1-star entered his tent that night...I wasn't aware he did that. The 1-star left HQ that night and as his exec, I left soon after. I walked out of HQ and the 1-star is storming back towards HQ. He points his finger at me and says "Bill, I want you to find out who is turning up my heat. I am giving them an article 15 and sending them home!!!" The Lt Col and I went in the next day and explained the situation and he fortunately let us off the hook. He thought a disgruntled Capt was doing it.

He is a 3-star now and every time I contact him, he always gripes about the subject...laughing of course.

Response by SGM Steve Wettstein made Aug 17 at 2015 8:26 PM

SGM Steve Wettstein — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 20:26:09 -0400

CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner This will be kind of long. My platoon was in the field prepping for the NTC. We were doing a rock drill on an screening mission we were going to do. Me (PSG) and the PL got a couple of Soldiers to start talking during the drill then raise it into a "fight". The SLs were going ape shit abouth them fighting and wanted to hammer them. The PL stopped the show and explained that we had set it up to show how things can get out of hand if you don't take control right away. I guess this pissed my SLs off because they got me back big time. For the next week or so, they would keep arguing and talking shit during meetings, missions, just about anywhere. It might have been the last night we were out there when one of my TLs came up to me and said something needs to be done because they were talking shit about each other in front of the Joes. I went to find them to tell them to knock the shit off. I found them outside the perimeter starting to get into a fight. One of them was kind of a shit head so I figured maybe the other SL could knock some sense into him. It was dark out so I stayed close by to make sure shit didn't get out of hand. Right when they were going to start throwing down the PL walked up so I had to stop it before he said anything. When I got up to the two SLs, I was separating them and they started laughing and said "got ya". They faked that stuff for over a week because me and the PL did the thing with the two Joes arguing and pushing during the rock drill. I laughed also and then got both of them in head locks at the same time and put their faces in a mud puddle for good measures.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 17 at 2015 8:36 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 20:36:54 -0400

I watched a new engineer standing sound and security watch under instruction be sent down to sound the fallopian tubes in female berthing......he was not happy when he came back up to the main deck...

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 17 at 2015 10:05 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 22:05:57 -0400

I know I've posted in other prank threads, but I've got a few.
Turning off the hot water while soldiers are showering in the shower tent. Splashing a bucket of cold water into the shower stall. Sprayed my team leader down with shaving cream while he was showering. Stacked a few sandbags in front of his door to piss him off once. Locked him out of his own CHU too.
I had a guy drip tabasco sauce on my lips while I was sleeping, of course this woke me up, I grabbed my camel back to get a chug of water, and what would you know, he had generously covered the mouthpiece with tobasco as well! I've also seen a guy get his briefs filled with icy hot.

Outside the service, I pissed my younger brothers off once as a teenager, and they filled the vents in my pick up with sawdust fines. They type of sawdust you get from sanding, or scrape off the bottom of a table saw. It took months for all that to finish blowing into the inside of my truck.
I was working with a guy who started to irritate me a little, so I put a dab of Great Stuff expanding foam on the back of his neck while he wasn't paying attention.

Response by SPC Ken Harper made Aug 19 at 2015 10:13 AM

SPC Ken Harper — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 10:13:35 -0400

While in the USN out on WestPac we got a box and cut a quarter size hole in it and wrote SEA BAT on it. We'd tell passers by that we'd captured a Sea Bat if they wanted to take a look. Every time they'd peek in the hole, one of us would whack their backside with a black metal dustpan and everyone would yell SEA BAT! The victim would realize they'd been had and go off to find another victim for us. One of our own not-so-bright shipmates came in and saw the box and asked about it. We told him we'd found it out on the flight deck and put it in the box. He went over to peek in the hole and got the customary SEA BAT yelled at him. He just looked at us and tried to peek in the hole again, so he got another SEA BAT. He did this 3 times and got SEA BAT all 3 times. Finally he said "If you'd quit hitting me with that dustpan I could see this bat" We all just fell out laughing and let him look in the box. Then he told us the box was empty. Well dang, it must've escaped or something. He was all upset over not getting to see out captured Sea Bat.

Response by SSG Ricardo Marcial made Aug 19 at 2015 9:18 PM

SSG Ricardo Marcial — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 21:18:33 -0400

Location; Gardez, Afghanistan, May 2005
The following scenario took place and the identity of the individual who was the subject of the prank has been change.

May 2005, SFC Joe (replacement and claims to know everything about being infantry). After 2 weeks SFC Joe still is greeting the Afghan Bn Commander with "Shalom", he refers to the BN CO by another LTC's name repeatedly and has dismissed the concept of a "right seat ride" as not being necessary. Because he knows everything about being infantry.

Prank; Individual A as he will be known proceed to Camp Phoenix to clear Afghan pay in preparation to leaving theater. Ind A, stops at the Embroidery shop and orders "F New Guy" name tape for DCU's. Ind A returns to Gardez, to wait out the remaining days and waits for the right moment to strike. One morning, SFC Joe begins his morning routine, starts coffee, and heads to showers. Ind A strikes, switching the name tape and walking out.

SFC Joe, later goes to morning BUB, everyone notices the name but says nothing. Later in the day again, another meeting still has not noticed the name tape. Evening BUB, US LTC running the BUB finally asked SFC Joe, who the F is F New Guy, everyone is laughing, SFC Joe with the silly look on his face looks at his uniform and rips the tape off. Later in the evening, Ind A finds his gears thrown outside of the B-Hut. An epic end to a deployment.

Ind A get email from SFC Joe months later, the shear number of F-Bombs contained in the email only made Ind A laugh.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2015 7:35 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 17 Oct 2015 19:35:42 -0400

Sitting on Op 7 in Graf, Germany at sunrise waiting for the fog to lift so we can start firing, and getting the new privates to call range control to turn on the range fans.

Response by MSgt Marvin Kinderknecht made Jan 3 at 2016 9:01 PM

MSgt Marvin Kinderknecht — Sun, 03 Jan 2016 21:01:51 -0500

Telling a guy to get a "monkey wench".

Response by SSgt Bruce McClelland made May 22 at 2018 12:51 AM

SSgt Bruce McClelland — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:51:36 -0400

Maybe they are kosher because maybe they come beef. Kosher pork rinds are an ox-ymoron.