My first child, a son, will be born in November. Can the fathers out there offer your best advice?

2015-09-12T15:43:16-04:00

Due to deployment, Skype may be the closest I get on his birthday. If you could roll back the clock to your first day as a parent, what would you do differently? What "lessons learned" could share to set a brother up for success?

Response by CSM Carl Cunningham made Sep 12 at 2015 3:52 PM

2015-09-12T15:52:41-04:00

Sleep now. Also, follow your gut. You don't have to do everything that other parents are doing. I hated when family specifically would try to tell us what to do...or what they did. And just enjoy it.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Sep 12 at 2015 4:02 PM

2015-09-12T16:02:37-04:00

Don't go crazy on "baby stuff". The baby won't care if everything is designer brands or from the local garage sale. They will outgrow everything very quickly, so Louis Vitton baby shoes are a terrible idea. Buy everything second hand or used (excluding diapers and bottles, of course ;o) ). Get some sleep, be patient, and remember that they will grow amazingly fast, and the hardest part is right up front. Before you know it, they'll be giggling, smiling and cuddling, and those moments are precious beyond words...

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2015 4:18 PM

2015-09-12T16:18:04-04:00

Congratulations..... and... don't let your babies grow up to be... liberals.. hahahah

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Sep 12 at 2015 4:21 PM

2015-09-12T16:21:04-04:00

Invest your time with your son and helping your spouse. She will be going through many hormonal changes and she will need your support. Get up and change the diapers while you are here. It is one of the greatest honors to be a father!

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Sep 12 at 2015 4:22 PM

2015-09-12T16:22:55-04:00

I assisted in the delivery of one son at home while stationed at Fort Benning in 1988 and delivered another son at a birthing center in Bethesda, MD in 1991.
Advice
1st make it clear that you love your wife. Stability in the home is critical to healthy children.
2nd take an interest in your child and communicate to the child. Speak close to the baby while the child is developing is the mothers's womb. This will help the child recognize your voice. If you are deployed you can still ask your wife to place the received near the child in development.
3rd Read stories and tell stories to your child. Don't be surprised when you are asked or expected to read the same story over and over each night. Reading stories to teh child even while they are an infant helps them to recognize you and trust you even more.
4th Play with the child - you and your wife will have different methods of playing with the child - that is a good thing and healthy for the development of the child.
5th when they are young, keep a close watch on them and safeguard your house to prevent injury. When they are teenagers you will want them to communicate with you which won;t come naturally for them. Listening is much more important that correcting them or laying down rules. When they are grown you want them to call you to just talk with you and that they will feel free to discuss whatever is important to them knowing that you won't judge them.
My youngest son is 24 and my oldest nearly 30.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2015 5:13 PM

2015-09-12T17:13:46-04:00

Sir, I watched my son grow up on Skype. There's no way around it - it sucks. However, enjoy the time you get with him. Enjoy the little things and don't turn mountains into mole hills. Take your time, enjoy yourself, laugh a lot, play games, and give consistent answers to things so he knows what to expect.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Sep 12 at 2015 6:00 PM

2015-09-12T18:00:31-04:00

Congratulations.

Remember how you turned out. The good & great things your parents (father) did for you. Emulate the best example you had.

Time is the one resource you can never get back. It's the one thing you will always wish you had more of.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2015 6:44 PM

2015-09-12T18:44:02-04:00

Congrats! Don't treat him like a friend. Treat him like a son. Strict and fair discipline will help keep him out of trouble and when he grows up he will respect you. Trust me though, he will get into trouble, we all did things we weren't proud of, but I'm glad my father disciplined me when I began to go down the wrong path.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2015 6:46 PM

2015-09-12T18:46:01-04:00

Congratulations! If I could role back the clock I would just try to spend more time with my kids. They are all grown up now and time with them is what I miss, except the poopy diapers part. I don't miss those at all.

Response by Sgt Spencer Sikder made Sep 12 at 2015 7:31 PM

2015-09-12T19:31:26-04:00

Congrats! The suggestions herein are spot on. I especially like the comment by LTC Stephen Ford regarding the reading and not to be surprised to read the same thing over and over again. We found a few books our sons liked and read the stories at bed time. It was important to us that my wife or I read their bed time story. Mostly me as I was always at work during the day. After reading the same book over and over again, they began reading the story to me, what a special surprise for me. I also like CPL Kirk Sain comment about not being a friend but a parent. We made that mistake with our first son and didn't repeat it with our twins. Big improvement. When they grow up the friendship will have developed because of the parenting. I didn't see one suggestion and that is to keep the baby on a schedule. And stick to it! It will enable you and your lovely wife the opportunities you need for yourselves. Best of luck to you three!

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2015 8:21 PM

2015-09-12T20:21:18-04:00

Congratulations LTC Private RallyPoint Member! Enjoy the moment and the memories. There is nothing greater or more rewarding then being a father. Guide and nurture them to be the best they can be. Be there to catch them if they fail and help them get back up. It is you're teaching that will direct them in life and to accomplish their goals.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Sep 12 at 2015 8:54 PM

2015-09-12T20:54:23-04:00

Having a child is like combat. There is no way to fully understand it until you experience it, no plan survives first contact, and there is no excuse to not plan and study and prepare nevertheless. I could draw other analogies about limited sleep, the importance of morale and unit cohesion etc.

To prepare: start by reading this, get the book and the DVD following these techniques have yielded nigh on miraculous results for us.
http://www.happiestbaby.com/

This book is a little cheesy on the excessive military cutsey stuff but it does include basic instructions for most everything, and packing lists!
http://www.amazon.com/Commando-Dad-Training-Manual-Fatherhood/dp/ [login to see]

And above all, know your life will never be the same, for the better! There is nothing that makes me happier in the world than singing to my daughter and watching her smile!

Edit: I just re-read the original post. To update to the specific: work with your unit to try to arrange leave to be there for the birth and a week or two postpartum, if not ensure adequate competent support is available for the mother. This will be a significant life event. The need for help can not be overstated.

Colic baby solution - Help your colicky baby

Soothe colic fast . Happiest Baby provides the new revolutionary approach to calm your crying babies in minutes. Try our Books & DVD Excerpts to help colic

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2015 10:39 PM

2015-09-12T22:39:20-04:00

Don't be afraid to hug your boys and tell them that you love them. It's not considered the manliest thing in the world, but I suggest you enjoy those times before they get too old.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made Sep 13 at 2015 1:11 AM

2015-09-13T01:11:04-04:00

One very important word. Patience two more important words about how to see your children Semper Fidelis , always be faithful to them.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Sep 13 at 2015 3:52 AM

2015-09-13T03:52:06-04:00

Enjoy the ride. Understand that sleep will be a rare treat for a long time but it is well worth the ride. Right now I'm enjoying looking at a tall lanky gorgeous looking young lady that is my 11 year old Granddaughter, Hailey along with my other 4 Grandchildren make it well worthwhile for me.

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Sep 13 at 2015 11:33 AM

2015-09-13T11:33:42-04:00

You will experience SO MANY roller-coaster emotions on this ride! Children are a blessing (and at times a curse) that give a lifetime of opportunities to learn, grow, and teach. We had 5 girls before we were blessed with out first son. With a smile, I will say this ... The girls were relatively easy to deal with until they hit the age of 12, then all bets are off - the boys were a handful from the gate. Girls play with a toy until it falls apart and then they are heart broken - boys set out in the first 36 hours to break it and try to figure out WHY it broke. As many have related here, patience is a virtue. Bless you and enjoy your bundle of happiness. Congratulations!

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Sep 13 at 2015 3:06 PM

2015-09-13T15:06:53-04:00

Bed a parent and not a friend to your children

Response by SPC David S. made Sep 13 at 2015 3:29 PM

2015-09-13T15:29:35-04:00

Sir you will be amazed as your paternal instincts kick in - your a natural you just don't know it yet.
Babies are frailly resilient - food, sleep and diapers for the first 3 months then their personalities start to come out. Once they get mobile, 9 months to a year, its another story - they will get into anything they can. Congratulations and enjoy.

Response by Sgt Kelli Mays made Sep 13 at 2015 11:23 PM

2015-09-13T23:23:26-04:00

Congratulations!

Response by COL Charles Williams made Sep 14 at 2015 12:15 AM

2015-09-14T00:15:40-04:00

Yes, do more than expected and necessary. Your wife did the hard part. Don't stop working and helping until to surpass her efforts and contributions.

Response by SFC Joseph Weber made Sep 14 at 2015 7:23 AM

2015-09-14T07:23:45-04:00

Don't let work be an excuse to miss time with them. There is plenty of stuff in the Army we have to do that forces us to miss time with our kids. There are also a lot of things that we could do tomorrow, or have someone else do, or just not do and spend those times with your kids. Coach as many teams as you can.

Response by CMSgt Mark Schubert made Sep 14 at 2015 8:40 AM

2015-09-14T08:40:15-04:00

Remember your marriage comes first. You will raise your children for a season and they will (and should) leave you for their own life - and you will (or should) remain with your wife to grow old and be the example of love for your children and grandchildren.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 14 at 2015 9:02 AM

2015-09-14T09:02:02-04:00

Richard-Right there with you, Brother...my son is due late January.

We've already learned a few things from the experience; like-don't let the granparents to be go nuts on "stuff", and have a financial plan for all the "kit" one has to buy. I'm a minimalist (diapers, baby goo-food and some clean wipes, amirite?)...but I was surprised at the essential items one does need, and the cost included. My wife is an OUTSTANDING "Operations Officer" and has culled our list down to a nice "Sea-Bag". That said, I'd hate to be sourcing the crib, changing table, baby mattress, CLOTHES, DIAPERS, pumps (she's going to be "old-school"), etc. at the last minute.

Most stuff seems to be "common sense", however, I do advise doing some homework on the car seats and cribs...turns out there's some risk factor there, and when it comes to gear, like anything else, there's "good to go" and "garbage". Fortunately, there's a nice price range on the "good" stuff.

Best wishes and good luck!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Sep 16 at 2015 1:53 PM

2015-09-16T13:53:04-04:00

Teach the baby to sleep in his own crib.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2016 7:43 PM

2016-10-01T19:43:49-04:00

Get a lot of sleep before he is born.

Response by Maj John Bell made Oct 1 at 2016 8:56 PM

2016-10-01T20:56:13-04:00

First, congratulations.

_You will always love your son, but on occasion, you may not like him very much. In those moments take a deep breath and focus on the love.

_Never discipline when you are in a heightened state of emotion. Sometimes waiting for the hammer to drop is more excruciating and instructive than the actual drop of the hammer.

_Discipline errors of malice and negligence. Counsel errors of enthusiasm.

_Small corrections early beat the heck out of large corrections late.

_Never make a threat you will not follow through on the first time.

_Never willingly break a promise.

_Praise him when he does well. Lack of praise may suffice when does not do well.

_Teach him to have fun while working hard.

Response by Candy Alkaabi made Oct 2 at 2016 3:53 AM

2016-10-02T03:53:37-04:00

May i give advice as a mother? Don't over pay for things that are designer, buy the cheaper but good quality things. You can get your little one something that is from daddy like a little bear in uniform that has an old patch or other memento attached, also send your child things from the local places, ie a toy or blanket that will last a while, that is if you can get the stuff. Make sure to record videos daily to be saved for your child so they know that daddy did care when he was little. Skype daily so he knows your voice and face. Also make sure to send pretty things to his mother and make sure he sees that no matter what mama comes first and she deserves respect and love. When you are home plan fun things to do, it could be as simple as a walk in the park, going fishing, or a trip to the library. So long as he knows you are there for him he will be fine. Oh and don't fall for the baby food in a jar thing it is cheaper and better to just get a food processor so his mother can make his food for him. :D

Response by MSG Dan Castaneda made Oct 3 at 2016 1:34 PM

2016-10-03T13:34:21-04:00

Mel Gibson said it best in We Were Soldiers. When he was asked about being a Father and a Soldier, he said, " I hope being good at one, makes me better at the other."

I have 4 kids at home, ages 13,10,7, and 2. Without my wife, I could never do it. But being a Dad, is the best duty that I have always had the pleasure of doing. Good luck to you.