My Story of Hope: I am a Suicide Survivor and Mental Health Warrior | Part 1

CW4 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 May 2021 09:33:17 -0400

Take a moment of silence for yourself right now. Block out the rest of the world and really focus on the silence. It is not very often that an article begins with a request for silence. It is uncomfortable. It is forced and sometimes the silence is ironically deafening. We often don’t know what to do with silence because we are forced to be alone with ourselves and thoughts which can be daunting.

September 11, 2001, silenced America. There have been very few times in history that the nation felt so defeated that it stopped, even for just a moment. But on that September morning, for a moment, as one nation we all stood still watching the tragic events unfold before us in disbelief. Then came September 12th, and then the 13th. Weeks and months kept rolling by and like always; time went on. The memory of the attacks slowly faded into history but never faded in our memories. But for some Americans, like me, that day lives on forever inside.

I was at the Pentagon that day when the senseless attack changed the course of history forever. I was a soldier and saw first-hand the destruction it caused; both in front of us as a nation and behind the scenes. 9-11 changed my life. It sent me on a path of self-destruction and depression. I lost all of my hope. Post-traumatic stress silenced me.

How could this be I wondered. I am a United States soldier, an Officer! I can’t feel this way. I am strong. I can overcome anything. Any obstacle that had been thrown my way before 9-11 I was able to burst through and come out on the other side.

I was wrong. My PTSD was stronger than me. And it beat me. In December 2002, I laid on a couch dying by my own hand. Then I woke up in the hospital...

If you or someone you know is struggling, please get help now. Tell a loved one. Tell a friend. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: [login to see] . If you prefer to talk online, visit the veteran crisis line here: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/get-help/military-crisis-line

military-crisis-line

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made May 3 at 2021 9:35 AM

Lt Col Charlie Brown — Mon, 03 May 2021 09:35:58 -0400

Thank you for sharing your story. And I, for one, am glad you lived to do so. If you need help reach out!

Response by CPT David Gowel made May 3 at 2021 9:44 AM

CPT David Gowel — Mon, 03 May 2021 09:44:52 -0400

CW4 Private RallyPoint Member Thank you for sharing your story of hope. "I laid on a couch dying by my own hand," is a courageous statement to make, especially while still on active duty. I hope your story helps others share their challenges before they find themselves too overwhelmed to get the help they need, especially when that help is so readily available.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made May 3 at 2021 10:17 AM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Mon, 03 May 2021 10:17:11 -0400

Excellent share CW4 Private RallyPoint Member

Response by SSG Paul Headlee made May 3 at 2021 11:06 AM

SSG Paul Headlee — Mon, 03 May 2021 11:06:01 -0400

I'm glad you're still with us! I've know a couple of soldiers who killed themselves. Aside from not being particularly good for them, the rest of us were left wondering what if we'd just listened or said the right thing.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made May 3 at 2021 11:18 AM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 03 May 2021 11:18:07 -0400

I know of a PTSD Paper for healing if you want to read it.

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made May 3 at 2021 2:49 PM

Capt Brandon Charters — Mon, 03 May 2021 14:49:16 -0400

I'm honored to know your story, CW4 Private RallyPoint Member. It's incredible you are here and helping other veterans know that it can get better. Thank you for all you do.

Response by 1LT Voyle Smith made May 3 at 2021 4:04 PM

1LT Voyle Smith — Mon, 03 May 2021 16:04:55 -0400

Thanks for sharing your story, Chief. It takes guts to do that and you’re probably reaching someone now who needs to know your story.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made May 3 at 2021 4:17 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 03 May 2021 16:17:49 -0400

You are very important to the community. Sometimes the hurt is infinite. Your empathy, compassion, and wisdom sigificant. Your leadership is to help people cross the finish line is paramount. True leaders are like the 160th pilots. They will move heaven and earth to bring you back safely. They will never leave anyone behind.

Response by 1LT Tori Johnson made May 3 at 2021 8:03 PM

1LT Tori Johnson — Mon, 03 May 2021 20:03:01 -0400

Thank you for sharing you story. I’m so lucky to know so happy that you’re here with us.

Response by SGT Ed Matyjasik made May 4 at 2021 4:21 PM

SGT Ed Matyjasik — Tue, 04 May 2021 16:21:20 -0400

I am glad you are still with us. I knew a fellow Vietnam combat veteran that took his life. It is very important to reach out for help.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made May 4 at 2021 4:37 PM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 May 2021 16:37:58 -0400

Semper Fi

Response by Cpl Vic Burk made May 11 at 2021 8:04 PM

Cpl Vic Burk — Tue, 11 May 2021 20:04:37 -0400

It's hard to ask for help because we feel if we do, we are weak. Sometimes we have to just say, weak or not, I need someone NOW because I matter. Like most, at some time or another in their life they wish they were dead, or never born. It takes a brave person so ask for that help. If I ever got that low I would hope that I had the sense to make the call or head the V. A. Emergency room. Thank you for your story!

Response by 1LT Voyle Smith made May 12 at 2021 10:52 AM

1LT Voyle Smith — Wed, 12 May 2021 10:52:03 -0400

Thanks for sharing that. It took unusual courage to tell us your story. I have only known one person who committed suicide and one who attempted it. I don’t understand the desire to take one’s own life. But maybe I haven’t been paying attention to what’s going on around me.

Response by Cpl Vic Burk made May 12 at 2021 7:36 PM

Cpl Vic Burk — Wed, 12 May 2021 19:36:19 -0400

I don't want to hijack your thread but my brother, a Vietnam vet, attempted suicide on his 40th birthday. He turned to alcohol to deal with his PTSD. His attempt was unsuccessful but it left him paralyzed. He shot himself in the back of the head. I didn't live near him to see what was going on to get him the help he needed. He lived another thirteen year in agony. RIP Cpl. Roy Burk, USMC.

Response by SSgt Warren Henthorn made Jun 17 at 2021 4:37 PM

SSgt Warren Henthorn — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 16:37:07 -0400

Lost my son to suicide in Iraq in 2005. His chain of command he was having problems with his second tour and did nothing to help, I served in 1967-71 and we took care of our soldiers much better than now and we were draftees, something is wrong now.