NCOs - do you "take offense" when a junior officer talks to you like a "buddy"?

2014-08-27T18:14:18-04:00

I've often wondered this. As a CPT with 1 day in service (and maybe up until a few years in service), I would often (and maybe wrongly) be friendly in how I addressed the NCOs who had much more experience than I did at the time. I would (probably wrongly) talk to them like civilians - saying things like "hey, man" when meeting. In my naivety, I thought that was a way to show that I respected them more than my rank, but, in retrospect, I'm wondering if that was actually a discourtesy.
As I've spent more time in service, I've dropped that. But I'm curious as to what NCOs - especially senior NCOs - think about young LTs or CPTs addressing you in such a manner. You have 10-20 yrs in service, the young officer has maybe a year or two. Is it disrespectful for him/her to drop military customs?

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Aug 27 at 2014 6:17 PM

2014-08-27T18:17:01-04:00

Publically or Privately? BIG difference.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2014 6:31 PM

2014-08-27T18:31:43-04:00

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member I was offended. Only after several years working on and off with several officers did I allow them to call me in a similar fashion - and only after they had lowered the barrier to a similar familiarity for me to address them. Many junior officers want to achieve that friendliness / compadre feeling between them and their enlisted leadership. This is a mistake. Always will be for the regular troops. SpecOPs types - meh - different world, no matter how the regular military feels.

In the regular services that separation is necessary - otherwise it will become something you do not want to see or deal with.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2014 6:46 PM

2014-08-27T18:46:18-04:00

Short answer: I don't think I've personally taken it as an insult, but it does catch me off guard. I know it does, because looking at them looking at me, I gave them a weird look when they said it, and they don't do it again, they start addressing me by my rank.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2014 6:55 PM

2014-08-27T18:55:05-04:00

I am not a senior NCO, but I don't see it as offensive. There is a time and place for everything. As long as when it's time to get down to business things are still professional and there is a mutual respect, I don't see a issue. That is also just my personality. I wouldn't feel offended at all.

Response by MSG Wade Huffman made Aug 27 at 2014 7:15 PM

2014-08-27T19:15:15-04:00

Sir, I'm not sure that 'taking offence' would be the correct terminology.
As a senior NCO I have been in similar circumstances and quite frankly, if there is not already a 'trust' built between the Officer and NCO the warning bells start ringing, very loudly; it's an 'unnatural' event for us as NCOs and, for the most part, we will slip into a defensive mode to protect our, and the Officers, professional reputation.
Whether or not it is considered disrespectful would really depend on the NCO, the Officer and the situation. In most cases, I would not have considered it disrespectful, but would consider it unprofessional.
Now, as I alluded to earlier, if there is already a solid relationship between the NCO and Officer (such as a Platoon Leader and Platoon Sergeant, or a section OIC an NCOIC) who have worked together for a period of time, AND it is an informal, relatively private conversation, then naturally, such familiarity would be more appropriate and would be much less likely do draw such a response.
Like so many things military, situation dictates.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2014 7:54 PM

2014-08-27T19:54:54-04:00

This is an interesting question I have asked myself after speaking to my NCOs. I would love to see a lot more E6+ respond to this.

I have been more conscious of my professionalism on a day to day basis lately and often wonder as a LT where the line is drawn when speaking with NCOs.

Response by SGT Richard H. made Aug 27 at 2014 7:56 PM

2014-08-27T19:56:15-04:00

I never had an issue with an Officer that I was FAMILIAR with AND had a professional relationship with calling me by my first name in a private setting, however, I did have a platoon leader once tell me that it was fine to call him by his first name when in private and my response was "I already do...Your first name is Sir."

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2014 10:14 PM

2014-08-27T22:14:08-04:00

I just address all by their rank and name. Can't go wrong with that. I call my PSG Papi. He is a Puerto Rican SFC that I know well. We were both squad leaders in the same company in 2009 in Iraq. I did call my last one by his name. I didn't think much of it. He didn't seem to mind. Or at least he didn't tell me. But if we were in public it was rank and name.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2014 10:38 PM

2014-08-27T22:38:29-04:00

I agree with you MAJ Private RallyPoint Member it can be a sticky thing because as a weather forecaster we had constant contact with pilots and I had Majors and Colonels calling me by my first name, but I would never reciprocate by using their names but there was mutual respect.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 28 at 2014 1:28 AM

2014-08-28T01:28:51-04:00

Well everyone is pretty aware the the National Guard really dont follow quite all the rule and regulations the same as AD does. With that being said it happens probably more than it should but never in places that its completely uncalled for like outside of the unit. I think is just that with us we may get new people every now and then to replace someone that switch units for promotion or someone got out the military. Its also very few that use first names but really common to not address peers and lower ranking by their rank. Also some have know each other for almost their entire time in the military. I know im guilty of it there was two guys in the unit for a while that i went to high school with and so i had known them for a couple years before they even enlisted one of which lived down the same street as me. Then its also that most of us are from the same area or not really far away. As with AD you have people from all over the country and people that PCS all the time so pretty much every couple years you are moving to a new unit. I have been in the same unit since i finished my IET. The only time i was a part of another unit was for deployment and my unit was still lacking on numbers and not needed being we are heavy weapons that we made up our own platoon in the company that only about 20 miles away and only a few went somewheres else. So in saying all that for me no I dont find it disrespectful given who it is and what the situation is. There are even a few times i had to interact with a NCO before i was one outside of a military setting and found it hard to not use the customs and courtesies being for work i was taking a class at a BP facility and the previous Motor Sergeant was the teacher and this was shortly after i found out that he was related to my girlfriend.

Response by 2LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 2 at 2018 5:18 PM

2018-06-02T17:18:55-04:00

There is a time and place for everything. Relationships a built and settings change. At times candidness without formality can be helpful. However it depends on the relationship that is established and the personality of each counterpart.

It is better to ask if you can dial things down rather than to do it without asking I think. An officer asked me while chatting if it was okay to call me my name and I was fine with it. You have to play it out situationally I think. IMO, if an officer is good at his job, builds trust with me, can police himself in a formal setting, and we get along I don’t mind.