NEEDING HELP

SPC Charles Brown — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 14:43:14 -0400

I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing what other people are telling me. Stupidity rules and according to many I am the king of the idiots. Yes, I too am one of those who considers myself stupid. I offer no excuses nor will I make apologies for how I am. To my detractors here on RP here is your chance to gang up and "get even".

Ok, sorry cut myself off too short here. Further explanation follows:

Basically what I am after is a way to stop seeing the stupidity that reflects back to me from my mirror. Should I take the mirror down, or accept the fact that what other see in me is the truth?

Open to suggestions.

Response by Cpl Dennis F. made Sep 5 at 2014 2:50 PM

Cpl Dennis F. — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 14:50:55 -0400

Huh?????

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 5 at 2014 2:52 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 14:52:09 -0400

I'm with Cpl Dennis F. Huh?????

Response by SGT Richard H. made Sep 5 at 2014 2:54 PM

SGT Richard H. — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 14:54:57 -0400

I'm not entirely sure where you're going with this, SPC Charles Brown, but I haven't seen anything to make me think "wow, this guy's stupid". What gives?

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 5 at 2014 2:55 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 14:55:18 -0400

SPC Charles Brown SFC Mark Merino Let them try Charles. You have allies and you who they are not.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 5 at 2014 3:01 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:01:55 -0400

Hey, look em dead in the eyes and say, maybe I am, but what are you gonna do about it? This is me, this is the best me, and I ain't here to make you happy. You don't owe anything to anyone but yourself and your family. Screw em.

Response by Cpl Dennis F. made Sep 5 at 2014 3:02 PM

Cpl Dennis F. — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:02:56 -0400

Still Huh?????

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 5 at 2014 3:10 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:10:56 -0400

You are the only one that can bring you down. SSG V. Michelle Woods doesn't let that stop her.

Response by Cpl Dennis F. made Sep 5 at 2014 3:11 PM

Cpl Dennis F. — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:11:27 -0400

Should have taken the blue pill.......or is that......the red pill!

Response by SSG V. Michelle Woods made Sep 5 at 2014 3:14 PM

SSG V. Michelle Woods — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:14:13 -0400

ANYWAY! Please ignore CPT Private RallyPoint Member. Some people (AHEM!) are just jackasses and we have to deal with them. I don't think you're a jackass Charles :)

Response by LTC Paul Labrador made Sep 5 at 2014 3:16 PM

LTC Paul Labrador — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:16:52 -0400

None of us are perfect. Accept your flaws as part of you and work to improve them....but that does not mean you are worthless. I would be more worried if you thought you walked on water and didn't see flaws when you looked in the mirror.

Response by PO1 Shannon Drosdak made Sep 5 at 2014 3:31 PM

PO1 Shannon Drosdak — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:31:17 -0400

Never judge yourself off of what others tell you. If I had done that I would not have a BA or be working on my MA. I have strived to prove people wrong and have succeeded in doing so. I may have to work a little harder than some (I have learning, memory and attention span issues due to head injuries) but my success is due to me never giving up, never listening to those that have told me "you can't, you don't have what it takes". I got to where I am today because of me, no one else. I am sorry you have to deal with such cruel people, their insecurities show by how they treat you.

Response by SFC William Swartz Jr made Sep 5 at 2014 3:45 PM

SFC William Swartz Jr — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 15:45:51 -0400

SPC Charles Brown brother, we are always hardest on ourselves. Do not let the comments or actions of others affect how you see yourself, I for one have never seen any reason to view you as "stupid" for any comment or response on this site. I went through a 3-year period of self-loathing when I was a recruiter back in the '90s because I wasn't that good and let the comments of the leadership affect how I thought of myself, until one day I sat down and looked back at what I had done over the 8 years of my career prior to recruiting (via my "I love me book") and saw that I was not the piece of excrement that the command seemed to view me, I was just placed in a situation that I could not control and my "mentors" didn't seem to care that I should have not been kept as a recruiter but rather sent back to the "Big Army". Try to remember WHO YOU ARE and let the assumptions of others fall away like water off a duck's back!! Also, remember that you have a lot of brothers and sisters on here that do not see you as stupid, but as a valuable member and asset to this fine brother/sisterhood!!

Response by Cpl Dennis F. made Sep 5 at 2014 4:22 PM

Cpl Dennis F. — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 16:22:52 -0400

In all seriousness, I would truly like to know what your question is seeking. I have had times when I asked for help and no one seemed to hear. It is a frustrating position to be in. Mssg me off list if necessary. Regards, Dennis

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made Sep 5 at 2014 4:44 PM

Maj Chris Nelson — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 16:44:06 -0400

It sounds to me like you have a self confidence issue and not a stupidity issue. There are people in the world that have a significant issue with intelligence (that would basically fall into the stupidity catagory) or people that repeatedly do stupid things. Self confidence or lack of, is the ability to see yourself being successful or not. There is no one magic pill for that. One of the things you can do is create a list....what ARE you good at? EVERYONE can do at least 1-2 things well! Then create a list of a few things that you wish you could do better or you feel NEED to improve. Then work on those! Accept that not everyone can be the superstar every day.... If looking in the mirror and seeing your faults is an actual thing instead of a metaphore, then YES, take down the mirror! You have better things to be concerned about then you identfying your faults. You know them. Don't focus on them. Others can not see them unless you show them.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 5 at 2014 5:24 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 17:24:21 -0400

Charles, wipe the steam from the mirror. What you see is skewed and distorted. Every single one of us feels like a huge disappointment from time to time. Those feelings don't make you stupid-they make you empathetic and capable of understanding things on a level that many, many people can't reach.
I am one of those folks that when I'm happy, I'm truly, genuinely happy. But when I'm not...I'm numb or absolutely hurt.
Lots of times, there is no middle ground. I'm 34 years old and have never figured out a "solution" to this dilemma, I have accepted it. I have accepted that I have the ability to see things from many different sides, because I can relate to emotional extremes.
Think of it more as a positive than a negative. It hurts quite a lot, many times, but without it, we would be shallow and one-dimensional.
You are simply nowhere in the realm of "stupid". On the contrary, you are extremely intelligent, and here is where the conflict lies.

Response by MSgt Keith Hebert made Sep 5 at 2014 5:25 PM

MSgt Keith Hebert — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 17:25:20 -0400

SPC Charles Brown dude do not the let the opinions of others detract from where you have been and where you are going.
I might disagree with some of your comments but In noway are you an a idiot. You have a heart for veterans, and for people in general, and I only know you through RP..
So stop being so hard on yourself, look around at the people in your life that you care about and the ones that care about you and that is what truly matters

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Sep 5 at 2014 8:15 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 20:15:07 -0400

Charles, there are plenty of days I wish I didn't have to see myself in the mirror. The truth is what YOU see in the mirror. Some days that truth is harder to see than others, but we need to use what we see on those days to make ourselves better in our own view. I lost my job last week and every day I look and just see "LOSER". But then stare back and remind myself I was laid off, and a new job will becoming soon (HOPEFULLY!). I started going to the gym again, I TRY to keep a PMA and turn the loser into a winner every day. Its tough but I've got to keep going. Hopefully you're doing the same!

Response by SPC Kurt Weiland made Sep 5 at 2014 8:27 PM

SPC Kurt Weiland — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 20:27:50 -0400

We all have worth. Why do you think you're stupid? Are others telling you this and you're buying into it? If that's the case, don't listen Brother. If it's not, and it's your belief, take stock in the positive good things you've accomplished. I'm not the brightest bulb either, but hey. It works for me. I actually embrace it when I do something stupid. We are all going to make mistakes. It doesn't mean we are stupid as much as we can do stupid things sometimes. At least you know you have faults, the ones to worry about don't think they do and think it's everyone else.

Response by SSG Pete Fleming made Sep 6 at 2014 12:29 AM

SSG Pete Fleming — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 00:29:20 -0400

CPL Charles Brown, we here are a family and yes there are those who will say "you poor thing" others will say "quit your whining". There are many a good support avenue if you wish follow through... and I am not talking about professionals where you sit on a coach and pay out to the solve your own problems while some quack says "uh huh" every so often.

We all have issues and things... I don't know your whole story. What I would recommend is forget all this psychoanalysis stuff. Find a VFW or other organization like perhaps Rally Point surround yourself with like minded people who can understand. (Maybe not your exact issue but experiences which brought you to this point).

I would also recommend getting out and not looking at the guy in the mirror, you seem to give him have too much control. Instead take control and find something, anything you enjoy (and can afford to do... no not drinking).

Next put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and write a book... even if it is for you and you alone. Write out what your thinking just do it free form. Perhaps you will end up telling a story or perhaps you'll release your inner thoughts.

By, reaching out and posting on here you have taken the first step to moving forward. That in itself proves you are not stupid... You can write to me anytime or if you wish we can speak on Skype... either way hang in there.

Response by CW2 Joseph Evans made Sep 6 at 2014 12:40 AM

CW2 Joseph Evans — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 00:40:45 -0400

Charles,

The mirror is not a friendly face most of the time. We are our own worst critics. For me, I stop and take a look and go..

"It's ok to make mistakes, things happen. Today you learned something that doesn't work, tomorrow you will try something different, and it will be ok if you fail tomorrow too, as long as you do not make the same mistake you made today. This is all good, because as long as you are trying, you will eventually succeed."

Response by SSG Pete Fleming made Sep 6 at 2014 12:55 AM

SSG Pete Fleming — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 00:55:18 -0400

Here this is worth the read...

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/ [login to see] 0 [login to see] 0-career-curveballs-no-longer-a-soldier

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 6 at 2014 7:30 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 07:30:11 -0400

Please, please... Leave 'stupid is as stupid does' with Forrest Gump! I had to learn it, AND STILL learning how!!! When I say you're not alone here feeling like this, I totally mean it. I heard this the other day driving to work on Steve Harvey morning show that shook my foundation on how to set sights on the bright future and get past those a-holes that call you with unproductive labels:

Your life is a road. Your body is a car. YOU are the driver. You CANNOT drive forward looking in the rear view mirror. That mirror is there to ensure you may pass and merge in front of those a-holes.

FURTHERMORE... Rear view mirror is small, requiring only a short glance. Through it you see your past that is getting further away from you until it's totally over the hill.

Your windshield is LARGE. Through it you see a broad future, you use it to navigate with care, and get to destinations of your choice.

Now get behind the wheel and start driving! And all those idiots who play name calling are just images on your rear view mirror, or soon to be in that mirror.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 6 at 2014 8:16 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 08:16:23 -0400

CPL Brown,

You are not stupid. Instead of looking in the mirror, look at the positive impact you have on those around you.

SFC Chris Smith hit the nail on the head. Volunteer work and putting your focus on helping others will change your perspective dramatically. Volunteermatch.org is a good place to start.

http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/index.jsp?l=Klamath+Falls%2C+OR%2C+United+States&k=&pi_ad_id= [login to see] 7&gclid=CO-gwPbFzMACFahj7AodH2cAVQ

Klamath Falls Volunteer Opportunities

Volunteer Opportunities within 20 miles of Klamath Falls, OR, USA

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 6 at 2014 8:18 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 08:18:30 -0400

The scariest realization about a mirror is that it is just a reflective piece of glass. It makes no judgments, pronouncements, or assumptions - those all come from you.

"It is looking in the mirror is the problem. I used to be sure of myself, now all is see is the village idiot." - YOU are changing what you see.

I am not the best person to advise you. As much as I know what I have told you is true, I have not been able to change the narrative for myself. I know there is a disconnect between what I see and what people say to me. People are trying to be helpful, as we are trying to be here, but it really takes more than that. Let me know if you figure it out. We could all use a boost.

Response by LTC Hillary Luton made Sep 6 at 2014 8:22 AM

LTC Hillary Luton — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 08:22:51 -0400

Uhhhhh NO! First of all, why are you basing your view of yourself on other's opinions? I can tell from two seconds of reading your post that you are far from stupid. Stop worrying about what the world thinks of you. Its not important.

Also, start focusing on other people. What I'm trying to say is, when we spend more time focusing on helping others, the person in the mirror really starts to change.

There have been times in my life I did not like the person I had become. Usually it was because I was focused too much on myself and my own problems. I would turn angry and bitter. I don't like that person. So I would make a conscious effort to change. I stopped focusing on me and started focusing on others and how I could help them and make their lives better. In so doing, my own life improved.

I don't mean to make this sound "oh so easy". Its not. It takes a lot of effort.

Of course, there is always the stubborn side of me, which is probably what got me as far as I did in the Army. Its the side that comes out every time someone tells me I can't do something, like make it through a course. At which I reply, "OH really!? Watch me!"

Remember one thing, they thought Einstein was stupid as a child.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 6 at 2014 10:39 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 10:39:50 -0400

Dont worry about what other people think, they are going to think it anyway.

Response by Col Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 6 at 2014 1:05 PM

Col Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 13:05:55 -0400

CPL Charles Brown, You are NOT stupid! The fact that you are humble enough to be vulnerable to open yourself up for advice proves that. Do we make mistakes, hell yeah. I have probably made more than my share during my lifetime. It's not about making mistakes, but more about learning from them and moving on. Also, it sounds like you may need to change your circle of "friends" if that's what they are saying. True friends value their relationship with you and help build you up instead of tearing you down.
Lastly, thank you for sharing your struggles, that says a lot about your heart and integrity to push on!

Response by PO2 Steven Erickson made Sep 6 at 2014 1:14 PM

PO2 Steven Erickson — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 13:14:28 -0400

CPL, when you look in mirror, remember one thing... the image is a CREATED image and a REFLECTION. It is NOT WHO YOU ARE! We look at ourselves through the filters of what we've done, what we've been told, and what we believe. Two of those things we cannot change. What we've done is history, and cannot be changed. Don't waste ANY time on regret and the "if only" thoughts. Do not let the past affect your heart / mind today. The second thing we can't change is what we've been told. Do NOT measure yourself by what people have told you or said about you. Their words may hurt and beat you up, but they are only words from another flawed human.

The one thing we can change is what we believe. And belief in ourselves - or lack thereof - is the foundation that life is built upon. In Naval Nuclear Power School, I had a Senior Chief tell me (after I tubed a test) that a mistake doesn't make you stupid. Ten mistakes don't make you stupid. In fact, there is NO number of mistakes that make you stupid... UNLESS you fail to learn from those mistakes.

Do you make the same mistake more than once? Is it REALLY the same mistake? If you learn from your mistakes, you are NOT stupid... Thomas Edison once said that he didn't fail to make a light bulb 999 times. He found 999 ways to NOT make a light bulb. As long as you learn from your mistakes, and don't make them twice, you will succeed - as long as you don't quit.

You are a corporal in the US Army. You have demonstrated that you have skills, and you have been found worthy. Only YOUR beliefs can stop you.

In my current life, I've worked many years with SEALs and other SOF operators. You know what the biggest difference is between them and the rest of us? They BELIEVE that they CAN and WILL accomplish the mission. They cannot comprehend the concept of quitting before the mission is accomplished.

Start telling the man in the mirror the same thing. Today. And start asking why you make any particular mistake, and DON'T start/stop with "Because I'm stupid."

EM2/SS, USS Permit, SSN-594 (86-89)

Response by PFC Dave Liter made Sep 7 at 2014 7:49 PM

PFC Dave Liter — Sun, 07 Sep 2014 19:49:34 -0400

When others put you down it is only because they have a low view of themselves and they just want to feel that they are better than you. Keep your head above all that exhaust and keep a clear view forward into your future.

Response by SSG Pete Fleming made Sep 9 at 2014 1:06 AM

SSG Pete Fleming — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 01:06:46 -0400

CPL Charles Brown, you doing any better since you made this post?

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Sep 9 at 2014 2:12 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 14:12:51 -0400

I am the dumbest smart person you will ever meet. Do you care to disagree? All I have to do is present my first wife and you'll feel a whole lot smarter. How could he have married someone who sent him two "Dear Johns", one while in Infantry School and the other during his tour in Vietnam. Go ahead. Laugh. You're not all that stupid, now are you?

Believe me, that's not the end of my stupidity. Yet, somehow I've been able to muddle through more than 71 years of life and find happiness. If I can do it, so can you. The trick is to be open to learning from your mistakes. Don't repeat the same ones. That's boring. There are plenty of other mistakes out there waiting for you to learn from.

Just never give up. Giving up is the ultimate stupidity, the one from which you don't learn and you can never recover.

Response by SSG William Patton made Sep 9 at 2014 3:47 PM

SSG William Patton — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 15:47:38 -0400

Charles, you must learn to accept that face in the mirror, warts and all, and live with him. None of us are without imperfections, and we must learn to accept those imperfections. I look at mine as a challenge to overcome and I do not let what others think affect me. Screw em if they don't like what they see, that is there problem. I only have to make one person happy and that is me. If I am happy and comfortable with what looks back at me in the mirror, then others will benefit in the long run. You need to look at your attributes, and you have many, and build on them. Only you know what makes you happy and only you can use your strengths to overcome your shortcomings. You can do it, I know you can.

Response by PO1 John Pokrzywa made Nov 9 at 2014 10:57 PM

PO1 John Pokrzywa — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 22:57:19 -0500

Brother, I had a mirror like that once, but great thing about mirrors, you can get new ones. Stuff happens and we're all fallible. Don't let a faulty mirror get you down.

Response by CPL Rick Stasny made Nov 9 at 2014 10:57 PM

CPL Rick Stasny — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 22:57:51 -0500

There are better days ahead brother, and there is not one of us that has never been in a rut and doubts the path that they have chosen. The true mark of a man, is after he stumbled how he overcomes, and looks back to learn from the struggles life throws our way. Just from one Corporal to another.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 1:50 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 01:50:27 -0500

Everyone needs help from time to time but I think an answer to your question might be a hobby away from politics and Social Sites. Believe or not my friend, you are good people. One of my dearest friends here and as I said, get away from the rut and do something positive. The VA has tournaments in sports and you can also connect with some of the local charity works and Meetup groups.

I used to volunteer with the Shriners and there you get an adequate dose of perspective. Beats medications and you actually make a difference. Then you can help veterans or advocate for them. If they are homeless you have a great opportunity to get them going where they need to go and probably the pinnacle of causes, seeing we are veterans.

Finally, you have the people here if you decided not to leave the house. But trust me, force yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Take an assertiveness course, a VA class of most kinds and you can buy books to help you communicate assertiveness in a positive way as opposed to the lethargy and hopelessness in buying into that you are no good or any of that kind of talk.

SPC Charles Brown CPT Aaron Kletzing SFC Mark Merino PV2 Private RallyPoint Member MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca SSG V. Michelle Woods SGT Private RallyPoint Member So many fine people and one thing that I think is lacking is actual contact and fellowship. Otherwise we become isolated and lonely and why when you are good and have fine people looking out for you.

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Nov 10 at 2014 7:07 AM

CPT Richard Riley — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 07:07:31 -0500

SPC Charles Brown Charles - we've had multiple exchanges here. I have never left any conversation or exchange with the impression that you are stupid. You tend to be the 'clown' but that has nothing to do with stupid.

I would evaluate what is being said & from whom. Friends tend to give advice because it is a learning experience or a way to improve your situation ... friends don't tear the house down just because they can.

You know the person you are inside. Realizing that, work to be who you want to be. The only person who has to accept that unequivocally is you. Why I missed this conversation earlier I don't know, but as always message or holler at me if you need to.

Response by PFC Dave Liter made Nov 10 at 2014 12:25 PM

PFC Dave Liter — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 12:25:25 -0500

What others see depends on their self worth. If they don't like what they see they cut others. When I look in the mirror I see a guy that has been able to live many lives in one. I have been lucky to do many things in life. I didn't tie myself to one thing. I would master one thing then move on. I have done everything from working while in school as a janitor to growing huge crystals for use in communications. I worked in a feed lot and Now I build custom decks and do remodeling. I have not been to space or been a Police Officer, but I have had the honor of saving no less than two dozen peoples lives as a civilian. I have shared my insights with my children and their friends. It is what you leave behind that truly counts. Not just as you die but as you pass thru life.