OFF DUTY, do you still act like a soldier or like a regular civilian?

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 09:23:25 -0400

I'm not talking about conducting yourself with respect or acting like an idiot whenever off duty (I believe you have to conduct yourself with maturity and be responsible regardless of military service or not). What I mean is if you still act or do stuff as if you were still wearing the uniform?
For example:
I see allot of people that "run" they're house like it was the military. They refer to they're spouses as they're CO's, or punish they're kids by doing push ups or stuff like that.

Whenever I'm off work I like to "forget" that I'm a soldier. First of all, in my house, my wife is my wife, not my CO, not my 1SG or anything like that. And if anyone ever tells her something like that, she will stop them right then and there, she doesn't like it AT ALL. I don't run my house or treat my kids like they're in "boot camp". I don't speak military "lingo" in my house (no "roger", "tracking", or none of that). Maybe since we speak spanish in my house, maybe that helps with avoiding the "lingo" lol. My wife doesn't wear ANYTHING that has ANY reference to the military, no "Army wife" stuff or ACU pattern crap, and she definitely doesn't wear any of my clothes. And I don't wear ANYTHING regarding the military when I'm in civilian clothes.
I like to separate my work, from my private life (I'm an EXTREMELY private person). Since I'm Active Duty, joined the military pretty "late" (I was turning 26 when I joined) I guess I cherish my civilian life too much to mix it with my military side.

How do you guys do? Do you separate military from regular life? Or not?

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 30 at 2014 9:29 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 09:29:18 -0400

I would not refer to my wife to be by any rank or title for sure. I also would not treat my kids as though they are Soldiers (in terms of corrective training), but they will show respect to others as well as myself and their mother. My house is clean and orderly, but that has little to do with the military, but more to do with my up bringing. I don't wear uniform item other than maybe my PT shorts when working out or running, outside of work.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jul 30 at 2014 9:39 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 09:39:43 -0400

I definitely do not go to those types of measures. I often use what I have learned and apply it where needed to the current situation but not overtly. The inside of my house generally looks like the a$$ end of training exercise until the weekend when we all square it away. My military side does come out here & there. I will give my kids a "front & center" on occasion after calling them too many times to do a chore. I keep my watch set on the 24hr clock which my wife and kids have fun with but always interpret it to civilian time.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 30 at 2014 10:18 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 10:18:53 -0400

I want to say I act as a soldier during my off time. Only in the aspect that I am polite and Knows how to respect people. Im not running threw the streets yelling profanity either! But the fact is when you're off duty, you're OFF DUTY! You are supose to be in a more relaxed enviroment to help take away the stress of the day! And that the reality of it! I've taken the important aspects of being a soldier and fused that into my "Civilian" Lifestyle. Does that make sense?

Response by MSG Wade Huffman made Jul 30 at 2014 11:55 AM

MSG Wade Huffman — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:55:56 -0400

While it is true that after spending the vast majority of my life in uniform many things have become 'ingrained' into my life, however, if it were to the degree that you presented, I am quite sure my wife would have made sure I didn't live to tell about it! I would say that is a very extreme example! LOL!

Response by PFC Zanie Young made Jul 30 at 2014 12:11 PM

PFC Zanie Young — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:11:11 -0400

That one's easy... A responsible civilian. Although I drunk too much, I would not talk shop, if you know what I mean...

Response by SSG Ed Mikus made Jul 30 at 2014 1:28 PM

SSG Ed Mikus — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:28:50 -0400

I pick and choose what pieces i keep when off duty, my kids do pushups and stand at parade rest in the corner, but my wife is the Queen not the CO, i don't really use military lingo at work much less at home. my kids do pick up trash in the yard twice a week and my wife inspects their rooms worse than a drill sgt. im sure theres more but that sums up my philosophy.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 30 at 2014 6:23 PM

CW2 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 18:23:29 -0400

When I'm not at work, I'm not at work. After COB, barring some kind of emergency requiring my immediate attention, I go back to being regular old James.

Response by SGT Frank Leonardo made Jul 30 at 2014 7:07 PM

SGT Frank Leonardo — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 19:07:39 -0400

You conduct yourself as a professional at all times no matter when you are serving. In uniform or in civy attire is the way I was told because you are always a soldier at all times even off duty.

Response by MAJ(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 30 at 2014 7:11 PM

MAJ(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 19:11:24 -0400

I prefer to keep my work life separate from my home life. We generally don't talk about work at home and we spend a good deal of time with non-military friends. My daughter isn't really old enough to gain any value out of any military customs, courtesies, or punishment. Even when she is, I'll probably stay away from anything beyond Sir and Ma'am. I don't judge people who do, but it isn't for me.

About the only military thing I do outside of the gates is professional reading and research. Even then, I generally try to approach professional development from a decidedly non-military angle. For me, doctrine and military history only see the light of day in the office or field. I generally stick to academic readings, business books, and civilian journals at home. I try to keep these things separated for balance not only in my life but in my development. With any luck, I'll live long enough to hang up the uniform and find another path. I believe and hope this approach will help my family and myself transition to another life in the distant future.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 1 at 2014 9:58 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 09:58:42 -0400

I gotta make something clear. I know in the military, everyone says "we gotta keep our military bearings", "we are soldiers 24/7 therefore gotta behave like one" or you have to be professional 24/7". I think that's one of the most dumbest things I've ever heard. Why? Because I didn't need the military to teach me how to be respectful and know how to behave and conduct myself as an adult. Whenever someone tells me that I have to be professional at all times because I'm a soldier 24/7, it kind of offends me because I'm a professional 24/7 not because I'm a soldier, but because that's how I was raised. I've always behaved myself in public and I've been an adult and a professional way before I joined the Army.
I guess that mostly would apply to 18 or 19 year old kids that finally left mom and dad's house and join the Army and think that it's a big frat house. But I don't know, it still bothers me.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2014 11:18 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 03 Aug 2014 11:18:41 -0400

Those who say we are on duty 24/7 have it a little twisted. Sure we are on a potential recall 24/7 but there is a time and place for parade rest and there is a time and a place to let your hair down, so to speak. If you attempt military life 24 hours a day you will shun those around you, military too who just want to be human when out of the ACUs. Quickest way to burn out or mental break down is to try and hold the military persona 24/7. Remember the military machine is stocked with people first, not Soldiers.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2014 12:14 PM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 03 Aug 2014 12:14:24 -0400

If someone calls my wife "Mrs. Chief", she will correct them. She'll say "I'm Mrs. Walker, not Mrs. Chief. My husband is in the Army, I'm not."

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2014 3:21 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 03 Aug 2014 15:21:08 -0400

I routinely tell people that when I'm not on duty, I'm not "MAJ Jean," but "Ryan." This has been important in several ways:
-- I am active in several civilian groups where many members are current/former military, and my status in that group may have no connection to my service.
-- I work as a civilian in a military environment, in which case going by my rank would be severely out of place.
-- I am married to another Service Member, a Staff Sergeant; the demarcation helps prevent her being seen/treated differently by people in her unit.
-- I maintain active friendships with people I knew before the service, who are also in the military and of sometimes extreme rank differences; the clean break makes that easier to maintain.

That said, I've rolled quite a few elements of military life back in, but in a modified form:
-- I joke about reporting to "Household 6."
-- I've taught my kids three commands: Attention, Parade-Rest and Post. They know to follow them, and it comes in handy when they start acting up in public.
-- I teach lessons learned from Combatives to others in my private life for basic self-defense.

Response by SGT Joseph Smith made Aug 3 at 2014 3:31 PM

SGT Joseph Smith — Sun, 03 Aug 2014 15:31:03 -0400

Personally, I keep them separate as possible--[Military time] [Personal time]: I'm also single, so there isn't a set structure within my home as I return from base--well, besides game gind nights.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 23 at 2014 11:26 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 23 Aug 2014 23:26:35 -0400

I sometimes slip and say Sir/Ma'am when addressing NCOs above me because I've said it so much over the course of the month dealing with civilians and then immediately apologize and correct myself.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 21 at 2014 2:16 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 21 Sep 2014 14:16:54 -0400

That whole "move with a purpose" thing is forever programmed into me. My other half is absolutely amazed at how quickly I can get in and out of Walmart. I guess part of that is being aware of my surroundings and having learned to read crowds overseas.

When I'm at my civilian job there are certain words and phrases I find myself using:

Trackin'
Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
Shift to the left or right (when speaking of times changing)

Oh, I almost forgot eating fast. My S/O always tells me no one is trying to steal my food, they all have their own.

Smoking fast too. I can smoke 3 cigarettes in the time it takes the average civilian smoker to smoke one lol.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 21 at 2014 5:41 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Sun, 21 Sep 2014 17:41:13 -0400

I learned a great deal about LDRSHIP growing up, but my Army service really solidified it. I will always be a soldier, even if I can't continue wearing the uniform as one.

Response by SPC David Hannaman made Sep 25 at 2014 12:58 PM

SPC David Hannaman — Thu, 25 Sep 2014 12:58:01 -0400

The short 5 years I spent in the Army had a profound impact on me as a person, 20 years after ETS there are still things in my daily life that I know came from my time there. That's not unique to the Army though... My wife was born in El Salvador and I can tell were she learned certain words by the accent when she says them. For instance most she learned in California, but she defiantly learned about Kaafee (coffee) in New York.

That said, if we're walking though a parking lot and my kids are playing with their phone not paying attention to traffic they'll hear me say "Get your head on a swivel", and if they're dragging their feet going out the door I'll say "Move like you have a purpose in life"

Referring to my wife by a military rank? Uh... No... she has not earned any such rank, and I would have to bust her back to PV1 for lack of military bearing! #Scarcasm

I find it offensive to see someone wearing a uniform incorrectly or parts of a uniform mixed with civilian clothes, but I will admit that when my son and I go play paintball I dig out the old BDU's.

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Dec 17 at 2014 3:26 PM

SGT Michael Glenn — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 15:26:24 -0500

I am a bit of both I believe, I still have a very authoritarian approach on many things and get beat down a lot by my kids who werent even born while I was active duty.They are my equalizer so to speak and I am learning many valuable lessons from them to help me adapt to actually thinking like a civilian again on certain issues, point in case, I stopped dropping quarters on their beds while they were at position of at ease when I came home one day to an empty jar of quarters and found candy wrappers scattered across the house form the candy they had bought with those quarters. My beloved whistle that I woke them up with went through a few transitional phases, they thought that Tabasco applied to the mouth piece would silence us, it finally met its match when super glue was poured into it RIP little buddy !!! Sock issues were next, apparently they got tired of me dumping their sock draws because of non conformance to canoeing them because I went to get a pair of mine only to realize that superglue was used yet again as well as throwing one away leaving me with mismatched socks all the time. Their mom showed them how to short sheet a bed too...imagine that !!!!

Response by SSG Corry Struve made Jan 11 at 2015 1:20 AM

SSG Corry Struve — Sun, 11 Jan 2015 01:20:46 -0500

The only thing I use when off duty is military time. I am in the military not my family. We as soldiers are disiplined and trained for combat. That is why I wouldn't use any military lingo or any type of military discipline in my civilian lifestyle. I'm raising my children up to be hard working and responsible, not soldiers!

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 30 at 2015 12:41 AM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 30 Jan 2015 00:41:58 -0500

SGT Private RallyPoint Member, I've been out for 13 years (!) and, with the exception of PT, I STILL pretty much live like I'm still in (I was Army before I was Navy). I never looked at the military as just a job, but more of a way of life.

I grew up with a retired AF Major, was in Boy Scouts led by veterans, and did high school JROTC, so maybe for me, military life WAS "regular" life.

Response by SPC Randy Torgerson made Oct 14 at 2019 12:36 PM

SPC Randy Torgerson — Mon, 14 Oct 2019 12:36:16 -0400

I've been out of the service for many many years, however I still use some language because it is stamped in my mind. For example, I still use military time, say things like "copy that". The confidence I have learned in the military still shows sometimes when I talk with clients or testify in court. Its been very beneficial in those circumstances. But I would never run my house like I was in uniform. In fact, I'm probably more lenient at home because I get enough of it in other places....