Over your military career, what was the best joke you ever heard or shared?

PO1 Steven Kuhn — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 04:10:48 -0400

Everyone needs a good laugh now and then. Life, and our jobs in particular, can be serious and everyone can benefit from a good belly laugh. Do you have any you would care to share?

Response by PO3 Shaun Taylor made Oct 24 at 2014 4:19 AM

PO3 Shaun Taylor — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 04:19:25 -0400

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

Response by PO3 Shaun Taylor made Oct 24 at 2014 4:22 AM

PO3 Shaun Taylor — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 04:22:31 -0400

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Response by PO3 Shaun Taylor made Oct 24 at 2014 4:24 AM

PO3 Shaun Taylor — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 04:24:25 -0400

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”

Response by PO3 Shaun Taylor made Oct 24 at 2014 4:27 AM

PO3 Shaun Taylor — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 04:27:28 -0400

One soldiers duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

Response by PO1 Steven Kuhn made Oct 24 at 2014 12:03 PM

PO1 Steven Kuhn — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 12:03:15 -0400

I had a shipmate knick named "Huna" who was the proverbial missing link. All of 6 foot 8 inches tall, yet his knuckles still drug the ground when he walked - no one messed with Huna! Huna love the ladies and figured Uncle Sam would give the necessary penicillin shot for free. One time in Hong Kong, Huna caught something bad that ate Penicillin like Nacho Cheese dip! What Huna had been gifted with swelled up and became gangrenous despite several visits to several different doctors and several different antibiotics. We finally had to helo him off the ship to the hospital where the surgeons reported that immediately the next morning he was scheduled for surgery to remove his gangrenous manhood. Naturally, Huna broke out of jail and naturally I was on shore patrol and had to try and bring this living mutant in! I found him in the same bar he met the ladies in, where he explained how easily he would pound me into the ground if I did not help him find a Chinese doctor who could speak a little English - hoping they had a cure for this specific disease. After hours of searching we found an old Chinese medical practitioner less than half the size of Huna who looked and said "howy (holy) crap! That thing yellow, brown, blue, green, orange....it get hit by bus?" Huna replied angrily that he caught a venereal disease from one of the ladies of the doctors origin and demanded a cure. The Chinese doctor asked if he had seen American doctors and Huna admitted that he had and that they were going to operate to remove his manhood in the morning. The Chinese doctor smiled and said "big shot American doctors always want to do surgery", which encouraged Huna to ask "you mean you don't have to cut it off?" The Chinese doctor happily informed him that surgery was not necessary as what he had would likely fall off in a couple of days all by itself!

Response by SMSgt Thor Merich made Jun 2 at 2016 2:45 PM

SMSgt Thor Merich — Thu, 02 Jun 2016 14:45:11 -0400

What's the difference between an E-2 and a 2nd Lt? The E-2 has been promoted!