Professional development scenario - Unruly spouse at a Unit Ball. Are you Sergeant Morales or Sergeant Audie Murphy material?

2015-11-21T23:48:46-05:00

We are getting to that time of year, when many units will have the unit ball/formal before the end of the year. So how do you handle an unruly spouse? Here's the scenario:

This is a formal event. the receiving line is complete, ladies have been seated, colors have been posted, toast's completed, some early entertainment complete, dinner served to most of the tables, when.....

The spouse of one of the commanders in attendance approaches and addresses a General Officer early in the evening with anger over the seating arrangements and said she felt slighted as to where she and her husband were sitting. He thanked her for her concern and continued his conversation (he was the guest speaker, not the host).

About an hour later, they were introducing the guest speaker (the same General Officer) - she interrupts the introduction and purposely walks behind the podium and states loudly enough for everyone to hear "Thanks for your concern" and stomps off, standing at the door looking at the General with a scowl......you can hear a pin drop.........what do you do?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 22 at 2015 12:26 AM

2015-11-22T00:26:21-05:00

CSM Michael J. Uhlig You have a great way of coming up with very hard leadership questions. First as a SSG I do my best not to be in the same room as a any General Officer. I would hope that someone in that Generals staff or the General himself would do something but I know that is not in your event. If she was across the room from me I would stay in my seat and not disturb the event more then it was. If she was standing near me I would stay in my seat and ask her to have a seat so we could listen to the General speak. To me this really sound like a No win situation for the soldiers attending that event. I would love to hear some other ideas from the other members.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 22 at 2015 12:27 AM

2015-11-22T00:27:50-05:00

If I am the GO guest speaker, I guess I would just do my speech since I would know the host would certainly address this. If I were the host, I would call for a brief break in the program.........people to use the latrines, smoke break, etc........and then pull the spouse and her husband and find out what is going on and why they feel slighted. Would try to explain that the seating arrangement was carefully thought out to ensure everyone had a seat and that spouses were sat together, etc. etc. etc., and if the spouse still had an issue or was going to continue to disrespect the activities and the husband was not or could not help her calm down then both commander and his wife would be asked to leave and not return.

Response by SPC(P) Jay Heenan made Nov 22 at 2015 12:52 AM

2015-11-22T00:52:28-05:00

Look under the table for the commander and tell him to go take care of his wife...

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Nov 22 at 2015 1:06 AM

2015-11-22T01:06:58-05:00

Feel sorry for the husband whose career just went down the drain. The most important choice any of us make is in the selection of our spouse. This commander made a bad choice.

Response by Sgt Ed Padget made Nov 22 at 2015 1:27 AM

2015-11-22T01:27:22-05:00

Watch your career go down in a firey ball! I would imagine that most officers and their spouses who attended these galas know how to act. They understand there is a time and place for everything. If my spouse did that, I'd be extremely embarrassed and even more disappointed. First thing Monday morning I'd start polishing up the ol resume'.

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Nov 22 at 2015 9:39 AM

2015-11-22T09:39:05-05:00

CSM Michael J. Uhlig Great story for you. My second wife got drunk at my retirement ball in front of my daughters, her parents, my parents, and about 250 guests that came to pay me tribute for my 37 years of service. I divorced her right afterwards! NO KIDDING!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 22 at 2015 10:04 AM

2015-11-22T10:04:39-05:00

1. IF I was the GO. I would have a short pause for the cause invite the spouse and her husband to the very front, dead center of the podium with 2 chairs.

2. If I was the MC/Adjutant. I would have identified this LONG before said incident, and taken appropriate action with either A. The husband of the spouse(along with host). B. Dealt directly with spouse and politely explain to her the seating arrangements(with husband present)

3. If I was the CSM. First I would recharge my glass. Take a long drink to regain my composure, then do my best to get the spouse AND husband out the door as quickly as possible so as not to disrupt the event(why let the event get ruined/disrupted by one person)

4. If I was the husband. Head for the bar.

5. If I was the young Soldier present. Given current technology. Break out phone, video event, and plaster it all over the Internet.

Now options 1,4, and 5 are all tongue in cheek. 2 and 3 are as close as possible to correcting the situation as best as possible without disrupting event for all.

Thanks CSM Michael J. Uhlig We have our unit ball coming up in a couple of weeks. It's Co level, but I can think of 3-4 spouse that would actually be capable of doing something like this....

Response by Sgt Spencer Sikder made Nov 22 at 2015 10:29 AM

2015-11-22T10:29:21-05:00

Given the number of deployments our young military has had to endure, the strains are not just on the warrior, but also the spouse left behind to maintain the homefront. I believe any CO would understand that the spouse had an emotional breakdown. If the CO was worth his/her salt, I would expect that there would be some sort of communication broadcast unit wide about family support group not to long after the event.

As for the story, I think some humorous come back that would get the crowd to laugh would have caused the spouse to storm out and enable the speaker to continue with the presentation. Of course I would have expected the husband to follow his wife out the door to support her. And would have expected senior officers' wives out there as well to help her with this breakdown.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Nov 22 at 2015 12:58 PM

2015-11-22T12:58:41-05:00

Rely on my character strength ease the situation and give my speech

Response by SGT Shannon Wasielewski made Nov 22 at 2015 3:09 PM

2015-11-22T15:09:03-05:00

I was married to the Army when I earned my induction into the Sergeant Morales Club. If the Army wanted me to have a spouse they would have issued her to me. If the Commander had been in the same situation he could have turned her in as defective and requested a new issuance.

Response by MSgt Curtis Ellis made Nov 22 at 2015 4:06 PM

2015-11-22T16:06:40-05:00

Her husband should have squashed that some time ago... It should have never even gotten to that point...

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 22 at 2015 6:01 PM

2015-11-22T18:01:47-05:00

Is this for reals?

Response by Sgt David G Duchesneau made Nov 22 at 2015 6:17 PM

2015-11-22T18:17:21-05:00

Well, she's standing at the right place, at the door. Now it's time she gets escorted out and hopefully the door won't hit her in the ass on the way out!

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Nov 22 at 2015 7:20 PM

2015-11-22T19:20:08-05:00

If I was the General Officer (GO) at the podium I would take in it all in stride CSM Michael J. Uhlig.
I expect that when the "spouse of one of the commanders" addressed the GO the host was within earshot of the conversation.
I expect the "spouse of one of the commanders" is very familiar with protocol and knew where he and her husband should have been seated.
If I were the husband of the woman who loudly stated "Thanks for your concern" and stomped off, standing at the door looking at the General with a scowl" I would certainly peak with my wife about the incident in private. I would make every eort to formally apologise to the GO without blaming my wife.

Response by Cpl Shane Cunningham made Nov 22 at 2015 7:39 PM

2015-11-22T19:39:47-05:00

I'd laugh and escort here to the room and get the real party started! Shit happens, have fun!

Response by SFC James Pritchert made Nov 22 at 2015 8:29 PM

2015-11-22T20:29:49-05:00

Military social events are a scripted and rarefied atmosphere. Once out of the military all of this disappears. A decent husband would excuse himself and escort his wife home. A decent General would treat is as an anomaly and include it in a future speech as an anecdote.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 22 at 2015 9:17 PM

2015-11-22T21:17:59-05:00

I would weep for the husband's career and marriage. Obviously both are going down the drain.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 22 at 2015 9:25 PM

2015-11-22T21:25:20-05:00

I would say I am sorry for my wife's behavior, she is from Russian and drank too much vodka, I will slap her until next year, and thank you for not squashing my career like a bug.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 23 at 2015 1:50 AM

2015-11-23T01:50:13-05:00

CSM Michael J. Uhlig I would have gotten the Sergeant at Arms and helped escort her and her husband off the property. Interestingly enough, I read this post to my wife (my company FRG advisor) and her reply was: "find her husband and tell him he has one minute to get her off the property before the MPs (or police if off post) are called."

Response by Cpl Tou Lee Yang made Nov 23 at 2015 4:39 AM

2015-11-23T04:39:53-05:00

Very easy for people to condemn the husband. What can a husband do with a spouse who wears the pants in the house? Basically nothing! No matter how a husband approach the situation, his spouse will cause a scene which undoubtedly would place him in a grim situation. Either choke her ass and be put up for office hour or let her display her talent as a bitchy wife. Either way, the husband lose. Remember, all she needs to do is call the CO and accused her husband of abuse and his career is basically over.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 23 at 2015 4:29 PM

2015-11-23T16:29:55-05:00

I've always been informed that the service members are responsible for their guests' actions when attending the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. I've seen my fair share of outbursts and dramatic happenings once the bar starts serving these last 15 years that I've attended, but I've seldom heard about any formal disciplinary action after the fact. How the service member responds to the incident should be taken in account. Since the guest addressed the General Officer twice without being escorted out, I assume, the service member is at fault. I was in a lesser yet similar situation when a guest of mine became drunk, distracting and beligerant (after the ceremony). I know it is hard to tell at the MC Birthday Ball, since most are intoxicated, but as soon as I realized that there may be an issue, I escorted them back to their room. Luckily, the hotel was on site and I got to return to my group.

Response by SPC David S. made Nov 23 at 2015 4:32 PM

2015-11-23T16:32:45-05:00

Handel it with wit and humor.

"Can someone please help the nice lady find some grid squares?" - a nice way of saying get her the hell out of there.

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

Response by MAJ Alvin B. made Nov 23 at 2015 5:35 PM

2015-11-23T17:35:52-05:00

If I am the GO, be gracious and let the unit address it. The evening should not be ruined for all by the actions of one. There could be any number of root causes for the out burst, however, now is not the time to seek them. The searing is unlikely to be change at the last second. From the scenario it is unclear as to the location of the spouse (commander), deployed perhaps? As to the actions right before I speak, it would depend,-- something to help disarm the situation.if possible.

I have attended hundreds of these functions, and have on occasion herd grumbling over seating arrangements, they all,occurred while looking at the seating chart, not in the room.

Now here are some real world examples that have happened:

The spouse of the guest speaker becomes noticeably tipsy while sitting at the head table prior to the guest speakers presentation at the event.

Spouses who rearrange the place cards to sit with friends or to find better seats at the event.

Response by CH (CPT) Ephraim Travis made Nov 23 at 2015 6:34 PM

2015-11-23T18:34:19-05:00

CSM, just send the Chaplain.

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Nov 23 at 2015 6:34 PM

2015-11-23T18:34:22-05:00

CSM you could wait until the senior enlisted takes the lead and tries to change the course of the ball with some light hearted banter, while the Soldier gets his wife out of town and his retirement/ETS/PCS/resignation (anything to get himself and his family away from his current unit) paperwork in, or you could take the bull by the horns and do it yourself. It doesn't(shouldn't be) have to be offensive but something along a service joke (INF vs CAV or MP would be a good start), or a Cowboys joke (everybody hates them), something like this to steer the crowd into another thought process would be what I'd think would be a possible solution. Once the wife is removed, the GO could again take the podium in peace and speak his mind, maybe even piggyback off some of your jokes to get it moving (I hope he isn't a member of any MOS' I mentioned).

Response by LTC Bink Romanick made Nov 23 at 2015 6:41 PM

2015-11-23T18:41:35-05:00

CSM Michael J. Uhlig unfortunately I'd laugh.

Response by LTC Bink Romanick made Nov 23 at 2015 6:46 PM

2015-11-23T18:46:21-05:00

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 23 at 2015 7:09 PM

2015-11-23T19:09:19-05:00

I would start the applause. What one individual does to bring it down can be easily brought back up by the group in solidarity. Also she deserves to have the s#!? embarrassed out of her.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Nov 23 at 2015 10:07 PM

2015-11-23T22:07:39-05:00

CSM Michael J. Uhlig My wife once asked an assistant Division Cdr why he was wearing Civies at a function. Thereafter, she was limited to two each, Black Russian cocktails.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 24 at 2015 7:48 AM

2015-11-24T07:48:47-05:00

I was never able to attend a function like this (the closest I've come is an AUSA dinner, or a Christmas party for my old Guard unit).

It's hard to say what I'd do in this situation. My wife would never act this way (we married slightly "later" than is normal for enlisted folk), and she'd developed an identity outside of military spouse that she was already pretty comfortable with. She simply took little to no interest in things military, and only went to an FRG meeting because I made her go because 1SG made me go. Suffering together builds character.

But assuming she did do something like this, and assuming I survived the heart attack I would've suffered as a young E-5, I would've escorted her out and asked her privately why she confronted a GO and put my career at risk. I would've explained how that behavior can affect my chances for any favorable personnel action down the line. It's entirely possible for a spouse to simply not understand how much power a GO can hold over one's career. Or to understand that silly things like a moment of impropriety can destroy careers.

Interesting question. Sad that people can't behave themselves in public, and sad that spouses feel that they have to squabble with the military over status that was earned by the service member they married.

Response by SSG Duane Tyler made Nov 24 at 2015 9:17 AM

2015-11-24T09:17:22-05:00

CSM Michael J. Uhlig, I don't know what my professional mentality would have been if I had made it to the rank of CSM/SGM but I have been told that I am a people person. (still being told this 5 yrs after retirement) I think I would have, slyly, excused myself and given a "head nod" to that CDR for him to follow me into the area where is wife was. Once out there and I had them both together I would have asked the spouse how could I make things better and would try to accommodate her........ if I could. If I couldn't then the "ball" is in the CDR's court because he has a decision to make. If he chooses to leave then I would, absolutely, make sure he was able to drive or find them both a ride home. If he refused the ride home, if there is evidence he is drunk, I would get the BN CDR involved immediately.

If I were that CDR I WOULD HAVE BEEN HOT!!!! At this point it shouldn't matter what your rank is. THAT IS STILL MY WOMAN!!! Yes I would have been embarrassed but I would have followed her outside and tried to talk her down while the GO was speaking. After the GO's speech and my spouse was calm I would escort my spouse back to our table and salvaged what was left of my dignity for that night and finished making the best of it. If that didn't work then it is definitely time to leave.

Now as a witness to this scene, after pissing myself from all the hysteria, I would immediately start writing down jokes at my table to tell on that following Monday. I'M JUST THAT TYPE OF GUY!!! LMAO I am quite sure that I would not be alone in this task! Great story CSM

Response by SSG Scott Burk made Nov 24 at 2015 10:18 AM

2015-11-24T10:18:43-05:00

I was always amused at the wives who thought they held the rank of their husbands and thought they were due special treatment and consideration. I always treated the civilian wives with the same courtesy, whether their husband was a Private or a Colonel.

Response by SPC Christopher Perrien made Nov 24 at 2015 10:51 AM

2015-11-24T10:51:15-05:00

Let it go. There are obviously other issues at play. Perhaps bring up with spouse's husband about marriage or psychiatric counseling If that person is in your chain.

If host I would finish the intro, and then attempt to get woman out of speaking area , and ask of the problem again , note the oversight, and then let it go.

Response by SSG John Caples made Nov 24 at 2015 11:21 AM

2015-11-24T11:21:39-05:00

Apologize for my spouses behavior and to the General officer and staff and wives of the staff and will politely leave. Report to my command next working morning to apologize to them

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 24 at 2015 4:35 PM

2015-11-24T16:35:10-05:00

Me.....I"d laugh my ass off and praise God, Allah, Buddha, whomever that i'm no longer active duty and the super or shirt in that unit.

Response by SFC Kevin Cornett made Nov 24 at 2015 8:02 PM

2015-11-24T20:02:04-05:00

Drink beer and watch the fireworks. That's my course of action.

Response by SGT William Howell made Nov 25 at 2015 6:31 AM

2015-11-25T06:31:29-05:00

If that was my wife, she would not see anybody in the unit for about a week. Then just out of the left eye.

Response by SGT Robert Deem made Nov 25 at 2015 9:55 AM

2015-11-25T09:55:37-05:00

I only attended a few military balls in the short time I was active duty and never witnessed anything quite this interesting. I did see a fully black-out drunk Brigade Commander carried out to his truck by two of his Battalion Commanders, tossed unceremoniously into the bed (mess blues and all) and driven home.

After I got out, I went to work for DoD and had the privilege of attending the annual Firefighter's Ball every year. I can't think of a single year where something crazy didn't happen. Everything from spouses getting drunk and getting into fist fights, to a probationary firefighter questioning the manhood of the Fire Chief - to his face! Honestly, I only continued to attend out of shear curiosity.

Now, as the spouse of an active duty military officer, I am very sensitive to this issue. I fully understand that my public behavior, even in a non-military setting, can have career implications for my wife. It's not about impressing her superiors. My behavior, for better or worse, has an effect on how her subordinates see her professionally - and therefore impacts on her ability to lead them. More importantly still, it serves as an example to their spouses and dependent family members. Since disruptive and unruly spouses can make life difficult for military members, my example can potentially impact even the performance of her subordinates. So, my take on this scenario is that the intervention should have happened a long time ago, when this senior commander was still a JO. Some senior officer's spouse(s) should have shown her by now how to handle situations like these.(e.g. Take your concerns to the FRG/Spouses Club leader or Ombudsman, preferably well before the event, and NEVER directly confront an active duty member - you don't wear the rank!)

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2015 10:05 AM

2015-12-04T10:05:12-05:00

Assuming the General is already at the podium, I'd say he controls the room with some witty humor such as "believe it or not, I get the same look from my wife often and hope that after my speech I don't get it from all of you, so just in case ...I will apologize to you , and all of you up front". If I'm the senior NCO in the room and the Commander who is the spouse doesn't get up on his own accord, I would stand and calmly walk to the commander and quietly ask that he escort his spouse to an area where it would not ruin the venue for the others in attendance as it appears he has a rough night ahead of him. Ignoring such incidents do not make them go away, lowering your response to an equally hostile or juvenile manner is without class; and humor bridges many awkward gaps in uncomfortable situations. (PS: I'm SGT Morales & Audie Murphy member/no honorary BS either). Great question, definitely tests the courage and problem solving skills of the leader.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 4 at 2015 1:58 PM

2015-12-04T13:58:19-05:00

How was it settled?

Response by SSgt Terry P. made Dec 4 at 2015 2:06 PM

2015-12-04T14:06:57-05:00

CSM Michael J. Uhlig If i am the speaker--Say"You are welcome ,Ma'am." and begin my speech.

Response by CPT Bruce Dow made Oct 8 at 2017 6:09 PM

2017-10-08T18:09:15-04:00

Divorce her...

Response by Maj Tim Rogers made Oct 8 at 2017 6:15 PM

2017-10-08T18:15:38-04:00

Assuming she isn't a Servicemember herself, there's not much that can be done...officially, anyway. She shouldn't be surprised if she isn't invited to other events, and if she is, if she's seated even further from the center of things.

Response by Maj John Bell made Oct 8 at 2017 9:26 PM

2017-10-08T21:26:12-04:00

I would make damn sure she kept on going out that door and if it was on base, I'd have her escorted off.

My mother was a dyed in the wool hippie. At a dinner for all the Midshipman from my USNA Company who went Marine Corps, she cut off a toast from a proud father of one of my friends and offered a toast of her own. "The world would be better if you all were becoming garbage men." My father (who had already divorced her, years before) escorted her to the door of the restaurant and gave the Maitre'D a fifty to make sure she did not make it back inside. Unfortunately, I couldn't write it off to intoxication, she was stone cold sober.

Response by CPL Jay Strickland made Oct 9 at 2017 3:35 PM

2017-10-09T15:35:32-04:00

See if there is a Jag officer present to help with the divorce filings

Response by MSG James Hughs made Sep 26 at 2018 12:56 PM

2018-09-26T12:56:10-04:00

FIRST What I would do would depend on who I was.....If I were her husband......it would never of happened..... I would never have married a self centered bitch like that.....BUT if I did have that problem..... I take charge....SHE WAITS IN THE LOBBY or some other separate area while I render the appropriate apologies.... then I take her ass home and educate her ass

Response by PO3 Leroy Leftwich made Sep 26 at 2018 1:41 PM

2018-09-26T13:41:42-04:00

That would be the last time she went to anything. If she were my wife. The cardinal sin. Don’t do it.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Sep 26 at 2018 6:11 PM

2018-09-26T18:11:44-04:00

Tell the husband to take her home. She is a time bomb.

Response by 1SG Rick Seekman made Sep 26 at 2018 6:21 PM

2018-09-26T18:21:08-04:00

Thats what happens when wives become Spoiled and entitled..counsel the military remember!

Response by SGT James Taylor made Sep 26 at 2018 6:31 PM

2018-09-26T18:31:30-04:00

"Honey, have a Snickers. You're not you when you're hungry."

Response by SGT Peter Gallagher made Sep 26 at 2018 8:29 PM

2018-09-26T20:29:50-04:00

Tell her husband to start working on his resume or divorce papers. If he can't control his spouse, he can't run a Company or Battalion.

Response by SSG Kenny Gomillion made Sep 26 at 2018 9:02 PM

2018-09-26T21:02:18-04:00

Tell Michelle Obama to tell his wife to sit down or leave

Response by CPT Don Kemp made Sep 26 at 2018 9:05 PM

2018-09-26T21:05:38-04:00

Prepare your resume.

Response by LTC Charles "Pappy" Patchin made Sep 26 at 2018 9:36 PM

2018-09-26T21:36:46-04:00

Unless she was exceedingly rich I would obtain statements from all present regarding her bizarre behavior to be used in her committal hearing and divorce proceedings.

Response by CPO Blake Hartle made Sep 26 at 2018 10:27 PM

2018-09-26T22:27:12-04:00

Entitlement gone afray. Kick her out

Response by PO3 Scott Schuler made Sep 27 at 2018 6:25 PM

2018-09-27T18:25:32-04:00

Visions of the beginning scene from 'in harm's way' begin playing in my head.

Response by PO2 Nasser Montes made Sep 27 at 2018 10:32 PM

2018-09-27T22:32:16-04:00

Wow!!!! That’s embarrassing!!

Response by CPT Jeff Robinette made Sep 28 at 2018 6:13 AM

2018-09-28T06:13:44-04:00

Upfront I would ask if this Lady was drinking. My second quesrion; why didn't her husband, a unit Commander, take her home after the first incident?
There is a dynamic here that is not readily apparent.
Since she was behind the dais there is a presumption that her husband is a senior commander. Given that, it would be safe to assert that she is of an age where Alzhiemer's may be rearing its ugly head.
I am the primary care giver for my Mother. She does have significant Dementia. While she remains good natured for the most part her demeanor can change in an instant. She can be helpful and good natured one moment and tell me to go to Hell in an instant.

Response by SFC Matt Lowe made Sep 28 at 2018 4:27 PM

2018-09-28T16:27:56-04:00

Not sure I have have a role as an attending senior NCO. However, if it’s my CO’s spouse, I approach him an ask how I can assist in some way. My wife has a psychology degree and might employ her as well. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy.

Response by LCpl Darrell J. Farley Jr. made Sep 29 at 2018 7:29 PM

2018-09-29T19:29:20-04:00

Laugh at her dumb ass and pity her husband!!!

Response by SGT Jack Stevens made Sep 29 at 2018 9:44 PM

2018-09-29T21:44:56-04:00

This is when the FRG women step in. And escort the woman to the ladies room. As for the the officer, you can't really hold him accountable.

Response by SSG Erik McKinster made Sep 30 at 2018 8:43 PM

2018-09-30T20:43:56-04:00

File for divorce and start buying warm clothing for my new post in the coldest fucking duty station known to man?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2018 9:06 PM

2018-09-30T21:06:21-04:00

The GO should look directly at her, smile, and say, "you're welcome." Then he should go into his speech, once the laughter dies down."

The husband should get his wife out of the room as quickly as possible, which shouldn't be a problem if the gag provokes laughter.

Response by CPL Tom Liston made Oct 1 at 2018 7:07 AM

2018-10-01T07:07:52-04:00

Pray for her husband. Because he has to live with this BITCH.

Response by LTC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2018 8:59 AM

2018-10-01T08:59:34-04:00

Having been in the military for 23 years and married for 20, I can’t even fathom having my wife act in such a childish and low class fashion. But I’ll take a stab at it. The GO should have smelled trouble when the spouse approached him at the table to complain about something he had nothing to do with and notified the host. The host should have pulled the commander aside and spoken with him at that point. Barring that, the best course of action for the GO at this point would be to ignore the outburst and continue on unless he is witty enough to make a joke out of it without looking like he is having a laugh at her expense (not an easy task). The host at this point needs to deescalate the situation by removing the commander and his spouse from the ball as quietly and discreetly as possible. Any other action needs to be done away from the event.

Response by Margaret Charlesworth made Oct 1 at 2018 11:04 AM

2018-10-01T11:04:25-04:00

I am the spouse (one & only) of a retired 0-6. Throughout my husband’s 24-year career, I was very aware that any courtesy extended to me was out of respect for him. I did not wear the rank, he did. All spouses need to recognize that and behave accordingly.

Response by CSM Andrew Perrault made Oct 1 at 2018 3:24 PM

2018-10-01T15:24:25-04:00

It should of never gotten that far the husband should of nipped that in the bud when she approached the general the first time. If I was the GO I'd be asking why didn't anyone tell me there was a grog bowl?

Response by SFC Martin Reddy made Oct 1 at 2018 3:38 PM

2018-10-01T15:38:29-04:00

Alcoholism

Response by Cpl Scot Stromsness made Oct 1 at 2018 4:20 PM

2018-10-01T16:20:25-04:00

Ship her and her husband off to a remote duty station.

Response by SSgt Scotty Marks made Oct 1 at 2018 4:42 PM

2018-10-01T16:42:25-04:00

I would laugh hysterically! Unless it was my wife.

Response by PO1 Michael Bruner made Oct 1 at 2018 10:11 PM

2018-10-01T22:11:26-04:00

No class at all.

Response by Cpl Douglas Loven made Oct 2 at 2018 2:02 AM

2018-10-02T02:02:39-04:00

What would I do? watch while eating popcorn.

Response by Cpl Douglas Loven made Oct 2 at 2018 2:31 AM

2018-10-02T02:31:36-04:00

The craziest thing I witnessed was during my 1st birthday ball in the Marines I was at my MOS school where this Sgt painted up his face and was low crawling across the dance floor. Later if any one mentioned it him presence he murdered them. 3 years later I'm at a secondary MOS school and he was there. We, (the Sgt mentioned, myself and a handful of other younger marines were bullshitting) I turned to his and hey Sgt remember when you low crawled on the dance floor. He got all mad. Everyone else laughed their asses off.

Response by Jerry Rivas made Oct 2 at 2018 6:47 AM

2018-10-02T06:47:19-04:00

Have anpther drink and ignore her.

Response by SFC William Stephens A. Jr., 3 MSM, JSCM made Oct 2 at 2018 8:30 AM

2018-10-02T08:30:51-04:00

That Bitch would be gone!

Response by MSgt J D McKee made Oct 29 at 2018 9:21 AM

2018-10-29T09:21:58-04:00

I don't know if this is actually true but here is what I overheard during DS. To be clear, I actually overheard this spoken of but I didn't see the event. In a tent MWR had set up at Taif AFB KSA where they would play movies, had coffee and the like, I had dropped in for some coffee. I heard two members talking about their friend that had received a VHS tape from his wife, played it on the player there in the tent on a previous night. Because it was the only player available. It was a porno, and one couldn't see the faces of the participants until after the act was over, then his wife faced the camera and told him by name she wanted a divorce...

What scum some people are. As I said, no proof. But the guys were talking about a friend, didn't know anyone else could overhear, so I believe it was true. One can only hope the tape became evidence in a favorable-to-the-member divorce trial as soon as he got back.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Nov 17 at 2018 10:22 AM

2018-11-17T10:22:04-05:00

I get up from my seat, pretend to be in charge of some facet of the event, escort the lady out to "address her concerns." Then, once we are out of sight/sound, I ask her what her problem is, who she is there with, calm her down, and get someone to get the husband. They aren't going back in. I stay with her until they leave.

Hey, it gets me out of a ball I didn't want to be at in the first place while still doing "the right thing."

Response by PO1 Robert George made Nov 17 at 2018 9:43 PM

2018-11-17T21:43:10-05:00

I've noticed spouses tend to 'wear' the service members' rank/rate a lot harder than the member does, especially in the wardroom. Being a Commanders wife she should have been well aware of protocol and proper behavior. Should also have been aware that her actions not only reflect on her but on her husband. Personally, I would have collared her, drug her outside, and, to use a quaint Navy expression, jerked a knot in her ass.

My 2nd ex(didn't learn my lesson the 1st time!)had several screws loose and on a regular basis I made sure she understood her behavior reflected on me and I wasn't putting up with any foolishness on her part. When our kids got older I explained the facts of life in the military to them also.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 26 at 2018 11:10 AM

2018-11-26T11:10:45-05:00

Apologize to everyone. State to the crowd that you thought that she had been taking her meds as prescribed but obviously you were incorrect. Take her home and don't kill her. Consider whether or not you are going to keep on putting up with this kind of sh*t (no way that this is the first time). If yes, never ever take her to to another military social function. Using a formal card (engraved is best under these circumstances) send a written apology to the general and to your commander. If either the general's or commander's spouse were also present, send separate cards to them as well. If she is not already seeing one, I recommend psychoanalysis and meds from a Champus psychiatrist Failing that, request a combat tour for your family member spouse.

Response by 1SG Ernest Stull made Dec 3 at 2018 8:59 AM

2018-12-03T08:59:31-05:00

I would stand up and apologize to everyone and take my spouse home.

Response by SGT Jim Wiseman made Dec 21 at 2018 10:42 PM

2018-12-21T22:42:09-05:00

In the moment? Hopefully someone has a witty comment to break tension, especially the GO, again hopefully, showing grace and aplomb in tough situations for which he may or may not have a reputation that helped to make his career. Away from the event, afterwards: speak with the Commander and find out what the issue may be, unless she's generally known to have issues. Although having served more recently at an "advanced age" (I joined when I was 37 and was a buck PVT... "Fuzzy"), I consider myself more "old-school" minded as far as military. While there may be no "proper lines" to go through for disciplining spouses (that I'm aware of), it's up to the SM to advise their spouses on proper etiquette and behavior, especially in public. FRG's may not have may not be as emphasized or utilized as they once were, but as prominent as a commander's wife should know those expectations or be instructed in them by (I hesitate to use this term) "senior officer wives." We all realize that may be another aspect of the problem, that the spouse may feel as if her husband's rank is also her own and that she's being disrespected in some way.

Response by SFC Dave Parker made Dec 30 at 2018 7:43 PM

2018-12-30T19:43:29-05:00

The unit commander might require that soldier to provide evidence of his wife having attended and completed some sort of AA or other addiction rehab before her being allowed at any other functions with her spouse.

Response by SSG Paul Carrier made Dec 30 at 2018 9:34 PM

2018-12-30T21:34:41-05:00

Make popcorn ?

Response by Sgt Heriberto Salinas made Jan 5 at 2019 6:53 PM

2019-01-05T18:53:49-05:00

I am 54 years old, and have never been married. Yes yes, I know. You think I'm some kind of genius, but I'm not. Ok, so I am. Now a day's you can't put women in there place, especially after they've consumed all kinds of alcohol. It's probably harder to put your husband in his place for you gay men. I don't know. Alcohol has a way making people stupid.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2019 12:47 PM

2019-01-19T12:47:48-05:00

Laugh and be thankful it wasn’t my wife hahahahaha!!!!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 25 at 2019 11:21 AM

2019-01-25T11:21:46-05:00

Wave goodbye to the spruce and drive on with the night.

Response by CW4 Craig Urban made Feb 14 at 2019 11:16 PM

2019-02-14T23:16:11-05:00

I was number 2 at the 7th army NCO academy as a sp/4. Plus German sports medal as a CW2. Had a SGM say you cannot make E7. He was full of crap.

Response by TSgt Lars Eilenfeld made Mar 6 at 2019 5:19 PM

2019-03-06T17:19:05-05:00

Take your wife home immediately, then act like a man and take charge, if your going to be a Beta then get out of the military, we need people with backbones

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2019 10:00 AM

2019-03-11T10:00:36-04:00

Pick her up and set her outside and tell her she's not welcome back.

Response by SPC Robin Price-Dirks made Mar 13 at 2019 9:43 AM

2019-03-13T09:43:51-04:00

Some people have no class. I have seen women who were military leeches. I have also seen women like this tank their spouses careers just out of spite and I just don't understand it. Guys with 2 years or so to retirement losing everything. How low will these "spouses" sink to hurt a person?

Response by CWO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 14 at 2019 6:17 PM

2019-03-14T18:17:42-04:00

Wow. Seriously, did that really happened? Had it been my wife, it would have been a hasty retreat from the event with spouse in tow to prevent further embarrassment to myself and every other attendee. Followed by a thousand apologies up the chain the next day. That would be almost unforgiveable. Most certainly, at the very least, the last military event (including Mandatory Family Fun Day) she ever attended. I would (almost) rather deal with an infidelity than a personal embarrassment like that. Since your scenario specified a commander (you didn't state if it actually happened or not, but I could believe it has at some point) as a Platoon Commander at many balls, and functions, I may well have just stroked out and died on the floor. My problem solved...

Response by SGT Jonathan Persons made Mar 15 at 2019 8:07 PM

2019-03-15T20:07:11-04:00

I had something close to this happen. I was NG and being held over on title 10 orders at a WTU due to injuries downrange.

I had a necessary surgery for my injury and while on con leave my squad leader notified me that I got orders to return to M day status dated about 2 weeks after con leave ended. Sqd leader told me not to worry and went to my commander, who agreed with her that the orders needed to be deleted, and while the chain of command was working with HRC on the issue, my wife took it upon herself to show up at the WTU Bn Cdr's office and lost her ever loving mind at him and Bn CSM.

Needless to say, when I returned from con leave, I had an interesting conversation with Bn Cdr and CSM. I then went home and had another conversation with the wife. I would like to say that she absorbed some of what I said, but she hasn't.

Response by SFC Wayne Theilen made Mar 19 at 2019 9:15 PM

2019-03-19T21:15:14-04:00

I’m a Cav Tanker. Probably would have farted really loud

Response by TSgt Robert Hayes made Mar 29 at 2019 3:14 PM

2019-03-29T15:14:49-04:00

While she stands at the door you get up, walk over to the door and close it. Nuff said

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2019 3:15 PM

2019-04-20T15:15:35-04:00

Apologize first to the General, then the audience, excuse myself and her for the evening, catch up to her, head home, and have a frank and earnest discussion about her actions.
Within the next few days, issues a formal written apology.
And I'm guessing, enter marriage counseling.

Response by PVT Allen Meissner made Apr 21 at 2019 5:40 PM

2019-04-21T17:40:17-04:00

I thought Audie Murphy received a battlefield commission to second lieutenant , or was that artistic liberty taken by the film makers ?

Response by SFC Mark Klaers made Apr 22 at 2019 5:21 AM

2019-04-22T05:21:28-04:00

I've got to believe this wasn't a "one off". This spouse has a record of bad behavior, I'm sure.

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 22 at 2019 10:41 AM

2019-04-22T10:41:05-04:00

Get her some mental health help and support her recovery.

Response by SSG Charlie Davis made Apr 24 at 2019 12:14 AM

2019-04-24T00:14:01-04:00

I think I would have stopped her half way to the door and remarked loudly, "I didn't know it was called, 'Concern' now! Thanks for coming and well, here's the twenty-bucks you wanted for the 'concern' (stuff it in her hand) it wasn't really that good anyway and it sure wasn't twenty bucks worth. . . "

Response by CW4 Steven Bowyer made May 17 at 2019 3:44 PM

2019-05-17T15:44:26-04:00

The husband (commander) should have taken the wife out after the first incident. If not seen, then for sure after the second incident, with apologies sent after. On this note, upon returning from Iraq and at a Ball for a Brigade sized unit, I was appalled at the behavior of the enlisted tables. It appeared that none of the senior NCO leadership had prepped the soldiers and junior NCO's with information concerning proper etiquette for Dining-In's, etc. The tables were loud and carried on while the GO guest speaker was speaking and needed correcting. I believe that all soldiers and their spouses should receive proper instructions on receiving lines and etiquette prior to attending any such event. I know that my wife and I received such a class and practical exercise at Ft. Rucker in 1982. The smoking lamp gets lit soon enough and everyone has a chance to let their hair down when appropriate.

Response by SGT Kurt Neumann made May 21 at 2019 9:29 PM

2019-05-21T21:29:28-04:00

Good luck with #3

Response by BG Jim Drago made Jun 21 at 2019 9:21 PM

2019-06-21T21:21:22-04:00

Just sitting here shaking my head wondering what happened. I guess coming from the “O” club I-bar had strippers generation (but the NCO club was even more fun!) puts a very different view of what is and isn’t acceptable at a formal events. Old time...

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 26 at 2019 1:05 PM

2019-06-26T13:05:08-04:00

I would immediately take the wife home.

Response by SPC Maria LaMont made Jun 26 at 2019 8:32 PM

2019-06-26T20:32:56-04:00

Clearly not an infantry ball. Lol!

Response by 1SG James Kelly made Jun 28 at 2019 8:44 PM

2019-06-28T20:44:36-04:00

My She was the class half of the act.
She had just a touch of
Not too much of
just enough of
class.
And She was beautiful too.

Reminds me of that old joke:
Who was that lady I saw you with?
That was no lady, that was my wife.

It would not be my problem.

Response by SFC Rollie Hubbard made Jun 29 at 2019 9:27 AM

2019-06-29T09:27:54-04:00

Explain things to husband and wife that he had nothing to do with the hosting duties and the seating arrangments.

Response by SFC Rollie Hubbard made Jun 29 at 2019 9:31 AM

2019-06-29T09:31:18-04:00

Explain that while he was the guest speaker he had nothing to do with the hosting duties and seating arrangments and explain that what she did was to embarrass herself and her husband in front of all the guest.

Response by COL Kasey Warner made Jun 29 at 2019 8:54 PM

2019-06-29T20:54:00-04:00

If I was the General, I would say, "You are welcome," smile, and then stand silent until the woman leaves the room. The spouse of the offensive woman knows the woman best; if he knows he can escort her away from the scene without it becoming physical and without escalating the situation, he should do so. There should be an adjutant, emcee, or other person in charge of the event; that person should request the maitre'd, head waiter, or other facility authority to remove the disturbance as any other disturbance. Finally, if none of the above result in the woman leaving and she is just at the door scowling, the General should ignore her and proceed with the speech. If she continues to interrupt, the 3 or 4 senior female officers or NCOs present should take it upon themselves to politely escort the woman outside.

Response by PO1 Tom Follis made Jun 29 at 2019 10:41 PM

2019-06-29T22:41:44-04:00

I think, had I been the Commanding Officer, I would waited until the next working day and made it policy that, as long as I’m in charge of the rodeo, we have just recently seen the last Ball where alcohol WAS permitted.

Response by 1SG Clifford Barnes made Jun 30 at 2019 11:55 AM

2019-06-30T11:55:11-04:00

You escort the Soldier spouse out of the Ball and do not let them back in

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 30 at 2019 12:59 PM

2019-06-30T12:59:55-04:00

A post CSM told me sometimes a person needs to ditch the spouse if they want to have a career.

Response by SGT Charles Bartell made Jun 30 at 2019 8:00 PM

2019-06-30T20:00:19-04:00

It sounds like she was used to being the head of the officers' spouse club, Along with with family support group And getting her way all the time.
I bet she claims her husbands rank as well.

Response by 1SG Garry Murdock made Jul 1 at 2019 5:57 AM

2019-07-01T05:57:15-04:00

Go over to the Soldier that brought her, and excuse them as a couple from the ball. They explain to the pair the next day in the office what took place last evening and is very unacceptable. And that they were no longer allowed as a couple together to any formal gatherings.

Response by SMSgt Sheila Berg made Jul 1 at 2019 5:49 PM

2019-07-01T17:49:31-04:00

Dismiss the dependent and Sponsor immediately.

Response by GySgt Thomas Vick made Jul 7 at 2019 1:44 PM

2019-07-07T13:44:40-04:00

Apologize, take her home, try to teach her manners, and hope that you can move on with your career.

Response by PO1 Steven Bridge made Jul 8 at 2019 4:13 PM

2019-07-08T16:13:35-04:00

Sounds like a question Keanu Reaves would post... 'What do you do?'

Response by 1SG Michael Farrell made Jul 14 at 2019 3:17 AM

2019-07-14T03:17:30-04:00

Well, life can really suck when someone who doesn't know what they're talking about and gets that kind of nonsense happening. And, the General probably thought it was funny because he knew that officer's rater and senior rater would probably chat with him...Like it or not, our families reflect on us, especially if we're a senior NCO or Officer.

Response by CW3 Susan Burkholder made Jul 15 at 2019 4:53 PM

2019-07-15T16:53:39-04:00

Well, I don't quite know what you mean by should we respond like Morales or Murphy? But I am familiar with how Mark Twain would respond. That's where I would look for advice. "Never argue with a fool, onlookers will not be able to tell the difference."

Response by SPC Brian Bay made Jul 30 at 2019 3:25 PM

2019-07-30T15:25:51-04:00

Not my monkey, not my football, not my dog & pony show....lol

Response by SFC David Reid, M.S, PHR, SHRM-CP, DTM made Aug 2 at 2019 1:26 PM

2019-08-02T13:26:36-04:00

Pray!

Response by Maj Steven Parks made Aug 3 at 2019 11:06 PM

2019-08-03T23:06:57-04:00

The host or the officer in charge should have someone escort her and her husband out. Have the serviceman's commanding officer talk to the serviceman the next day and discuss the situation. I am sure it was an embarassment to her husband so not much could really be done but I feel the course that I stated above would be the best thing to do.

Response by SMSgt Sheila Berg made Aug 4 at 2019 7:44 PM

2019-08-04T19:44:03-04:00

The ranking officer should have approached the Officer and request they leave. The spouse may have "sunk" her husband's carrier. They used to have spouse classes on behavior, and promoting the Officer's career. I'm was an Army brat and remember my mother attending such a program.

Response by SGT Rosi Teresi made Aug 4 at 2019 11:12 PM

2019-08-04T23:12:58-04:00

Give her a WTF look and charlie mike

Response by SGT Rosi Teresi made Aug 4 at 2019 11:16 PM

2019-08-04T23:16:12-04:00

give her a WTF look and charlie mike

Response by SGT Rosi Teresi made Aug 4 at 2019 11:30 PM

2019-08-04T23:30:10-04:00

Lord, I can't believe all you people just losin your minds over something that don't mean nothin. The most I would do is an eye roll and shake my head. So she embarrassed herself, so what. Who cares. She made an ass of herself and y'all jumpin off a cliff about it. Ridiculous, just ridiculous.

Response by SGT Timothy McCann made Aug 5 at 2019 3:26 PM

2019-08-05T15:26:22-04:00

CSM - who is the "you" in this Scenario? Is this your spouse or are are you an observer, CO or senior of the offending spouse's partner?

Response by Douglas Sheley made Aug 7 at 2019 11:09 PM

2019-08-07T23:09:04-04:00

The GO should've gave her better seats.....a table for two, directly in front of the stage and facing the audience.

Response by SGT Clayton Magee made Aug 11 at 2019 9:50 PM

2019-08-11T21:50:54-04:00

Leave the table and take her home. If possible return yourself to the event.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 12 at 2019 1:26 AM

2019-08-12T01:26:47-04:00

I’d just have her escorted out of the place. The spouses husband should have intervened. I guess this ended his career real quick.

Response by MAJ Mark Steskal made Aug 26 at 2019 11:52 AM

2019-08-26T11:52:45-04:00

It depends upon who you are. If you are her spouse, you do the honorable sepuku. Thankfully that has not been me, never even close. How did the spouse ever get the idea that she was somehow entitled and therefore felt slighted? There was a song in the 1960's by Jimmy Soul; "If You Wanna Be Happy," that addresses a fallacy that many have about courtship.
I have a friend (former Marine of course) who bought a Lamborghini when he was younger because of its value as eye candy and as a status symbol. He tells me that it was the most uncomfortable, temperamental, expensive ride he has ever owned. But it looked good. He loves his mid-60's T-bird; big and comfy, slow and well behaved.

Response by SGT Matthew Howell made Sep 6 at 2019 3:25 PM

2019-09-06T15:25:42-04:00

My wife loved to cause scenes in public, I guess she thought people would be sympathetic. I divorced her ass and haven’t spoken to her since.

Response by 1SG Cj Grisham made Sep 7 at 2019 1:38 AM

2019-09-07T01:38:53-04:00

Resist the urge to bust out laughing! But seriously, you escort her out and make clear she is no longer permitted at unit events. The exchange was between the two of them and she made it a public spectacle. I hope she was grounded and got a spanking when she got home.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Sep 7 at 2019 5:33 AM

2019-09-07T05:33:16-04:00

Take my spouse home. Clearly she's had too many. She needs treatment and the answer is
"treatment and sobriety" or divorce.

Response by LTC Reginald Brown made Sep 7 at 2019 10:11 PM

2019-09-07T22:11:23-04:00

Interesting scenario; I like SFC James Pritchert's comment for the immediate action needed. But do what we are trained to do: use foresight to plan, prepare and rehearse long before the event. Of course, few plans survive contact with the enemy. We need to have branches and sequels for when the enemy votes to change the planned for situations.

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Sep 8 at 2019 5:20 AM

2019-09-08T05:20:57-04:00

Uhh...wow....

Response by 1SG Frank Boynton made Sep 8 at 2019 10:22 AM

2019-09-08T10:22:32-04:00

Formals are part of your training, especially for Senior NCO's and all Officers. It's highly likely the Captain's commander is definitely going to have a discussion with him about his wife's conduct. My recommendation is that she doesn't return to another formal affair until she can control herself. I think the Captain needs to make a formal apology up the chain of command. Unfortunately, I've seen similar behavior from field grade officer's wives at formal balls who get sloppy drunk and create a scene. In one instance the Commander (Major General) of the 3rd COSCOM, had the LTC's escort his wife home. Not sure what happened after that, but she never went to another formal function.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Sep 8 at 2019 1:29 PM

2019-09-08T13:29:47-04:00

I had the Ft Riley post CSM tell me sometimes a soldier needs to kick the spouse to the curb if they want a career.

Response by CSM George Reeve made Sep 8 at 2019 9:58 PM

2019-09-08T21:58:56-04:00

I certainly wouldn't divorce her for just 1 incident, after all you must have married her for somegood reason.
If she has a drinking problem get her help, if it's married problems get counciling. Sounds to me you could use some counciling yourself.

CSM(R) George Reeve

Response by SGM Harvey Boone made Sep 9 at 2019 2:11 PM

2019-09-09T14:11:22-04:00

Drinking No there is a way around it I served in the navy and we all know how navy fellows Drink As well as Years in the Army I never drank in either nor did I smoke All you have to do is decline. Then there is no problem and if your dependents have a problem them you should handle it There are ways some easy some extreme . I never had but two serious problems in my career and I did a Barney Fife nipped them in the Bud and using commonsense.

Response by MSG Brenda Neal made Sep 10 at 2019 6:38 AM

2019-09-10T06:38:55-04:00

At the moment the spouse expressed her concern the speaker should have informed the officer in charge and it could have been dealt with immediately. Her condition accessed and if drunk be escorted from the event. If not drunk, escorted from the event if anger persisted. Problem solved before it had the chance to escalate.

Response by SSG William Bruno made Sep 11 at 2019 3:45 PM

2019-09-11T15:45:05-04:00

1. You the spouse should send written or typed letters to the host and the guest, followed immediately by telephone calls.
2. Seek help for your spouse. I am sure Colonel Burroughs did more than just the divorce afterwards. Divorce only comes after other avenues of approach have been exhausted. Talk to your physician or clergy member. Chances are s/he has many resources to help.

Response by CPT Lawrence Cichelli made Sep 13 at 2019 11:59 AM

2019-09-13T11:59:55-04:00

Thank God I never had that problem, married a great woman. But if it did happen, we'd be out of there right then and there and headed to divorce court. We are responsible for our spouses actions.

Response by FN Mike Coughlin made Sep 24 at 2019 10:40 PM

2019-09-24T22:40:32-04:00

Who's ever wife she was the gentleman should have had a commanding hold on her. She obviously voice their discontent once was out of line, and then continued her rant later on. I can only imagine her rant was going at her table. She should have been dismissed from this venue earlier on.

Response by CPO Arthur Weinberger made Oct 19 at 2019 5:12 PM

2019-10-19T17:12:59-04:00

CSM Uhlig; shame it took you so long to find out about your wife's alcohol problem

Response by PO1 Sharon Anderson made Nov 20 at 2019 5:51 AM

2019-11-20T05:51:40-05:00

Could it be that they are having problems with their marriage. Spouse is always the one blamed for actions, but sometimes it is the other that is inflaming the situation. You don't know what the husband said, or anything, what she did is wrong in so many ways and if I had been the General I would have made a joke about too much fun being had...it would lighten the mood...

Response by MSgt Jesse Tiede made Nov 21 at 2019 2:58 PM

2019-11-21T14:58:11-05:00

First of all, SHAME ON YOU, for "raising" a military wife such as the one described! I have never, nor will I ever, understand why Commanders, Chiefs, whomever, have allowed their spouse to act up in Public, especially at a Unit Event, or even when getting stopped by the Base Police, for whatever rules infractions they are guilty of! The "WIFE", and the "KID(S)" are NOT the military one! They DO NOT get the Rank and Privileges of the Sponsor, even though that Sponsor allows them to do what they want, all in the hopes of a little peace and quiet at home! I don't know how many times I have had Mrs. "COLONEL" Somebody try to read me out due to their, or their kids, misbehaving!
Oh, back on track... if you can't control the monster you have made, then leave her (him, if applicable!) at home for your Official Functions.
And, that brings up another sore spot... if regs don't ALLOW you to be friends with your personnel, then why in hell do you insist on socializing with them, especially by making it a Mandatory Formation!? And, who really NEEDS to have an "O" Club, "NCO" Club, "Enlisted" Club, whatever, and attach requirements to join and support such clubs, and encourage the voluntary participation in same, in order to get the Performance Report Endorsements from the Base Big Boys, or Girls, that are so desperately necessary for promotion? And THEN, the Base Cops sit outside in the parking lot, and ruin your career because you imbibed a bit too much, simply because your alcoholic Supervisor insisted you have another beer with him, or her!
Don't get me wrong, I think there is a definite need for someplace on base where you can go and blow off steam generated by too many Chiefs, and not enough Indians, all telling you conflicting instructions, and with a deadline that's virtually impossible to meet! This is especially true at some Overseas locations and even in CONUS, where you are on a Remote Assignment! But, not every Base needs All ranks Clubs, and for damned sure they don't need Golf courses located adjacent to the Base Firing Range!
Ok, back to the original topic... IMHO, the husband has created this monster, and, since he can't control her, he deserves all the Sh_t details the General and his staff are sure to throw at him! Honestly, teach your family how to behave, when you are an O-1, and they should be able to behave in Public when you are an O-6 or better...
(I KNOW I have beaten several 'Sacred Cows' in my little soliloquy. I actually enjoyed almost every minute of the 20+ years I was in uniform. But, as you can probably guess, there were a few things that were not digestible to me. I'm not talking about the assignments to crap holes all over the world, or the 12 hour shifts that are REALLY 14 hour shifts, or the paychecks so small (back in the day!), that I was eligible for Food Stamps, even when I was an E-5! I'm not even talking about all the SELF-Inflicted ORIs, and MEIs, and other Mandatory Operational Exercises, where I had to virtually LIVE in a Chem Suit, and couldn't even go Off Base to attend my church, because we were expecting the Horn to go off at any second! No, all those things are to be expected as part of the Military Experience!) But, the things I visited above are NOT necessary, nor should they be! IMHO, that is, and a big part of why I only stayed for 20 years, rather than the 30+ I fully expected to stay for! Ok, I'm a Big Boy, and I'm ready for the Rebuttals...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 21 at 2019 8:37 PM

2019-11-21T20:37:25-05:00

There is nothing you as the individual can do. She is going to walk off or get kicked out. The commander is responsible for his wife. All the crowd would do by chiming in would be adding to the scene. The venue will handle an unruly guest.

Response by PO2 Ron Staggs made Nov 22 at 2019 8:48 AM

2019-11-22T08:48:42-05:00

You ask, "what do you do "? Who am I? The host? The guest speaker? Someone at the ball?
If a spouse ( male or female) is acting out, at a function. In the way that you've mentioned. Actions should be directed to toward continuing the function, as planned.
Most likely this couple has marital challenges that are now showing up in subtle ways in public. Smile, get on with the function. If it then becomes necessary to confront an individual in any way , this should be done, out of the room, in a manor, not affecting the Ball.

Response by SSgt Paul Millard made Nov 22 at 2019 10:11 AM

2019-11-22T10:11:46-05:00

As the Husband, make a very quick public apology for the interruption and escort spouse to the door. Send her home and remain at the dinner and try to get a moment to privately apologize to the guest speaker and the host and other commanders in the area.

As non spouse- standby and leave the the topic out of the remaining nights conversations, politely refuse to discuss anyone trying to further a discussion on the topic

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 23 at 2019 7:38 PM

2019-11-23T19:38:45-05:00

Unfortunately, you have a decsion to make. You can either give some constructive criticism off line or you can just endure it. This happens more often than you think on the civilian side as well. Usually it's with the younger couples. I give the spouse points for trying to right a perceived wrong but I'm willing to bet she acts out like this everywhere. It's easysy to ruin a career with that sort of support from home.

Response by PO2 Amanda Morgan made Nov 26 at 2019 7:55 AM

2019-11-26T07:55:45-05:00

Excuse myself to go laugh in the ladies room

Response by CDR William Kempner made Nov 26 at 2019 8:38 AM

2019-11-26T08:38:51-05:00

The Host/MC should have gone up to her and quietly told her to stop, or leave with escort if necessary. I was the President of the Mess for a USN/NRA function that was guested by a number of very fine Army people. Our Guest Speaker-a Navy Rear Admiral- INSULTED The Army as part of his remarks. (His old lady must have run off with a 2LT or something!) I was LIVID. Even though I was a LCDR, I was the POM, and after his remarks, I got up and APOLOGIZED to our Army guests for his rude and inconsiderate remarks., and changed the subject for closing remarks. But afterwards , we sought each other out (he didn't like that I apologized for him!!) -AND I RIPPED HIM A NEW ASSHOLE!! "WHO THE F--K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, coming into MY MESS, and insulting MY GUESTS?? YOU ARE A GUEST HERE, AND I DON'T GIVE A S##T WHAT RANK YOU ARE-YOU ABANDONED IT WHEN YOU INSULTED MY GUESTS!! AND EMBARRASSED ME! YOU ARE WAY OUT OF LINE!!" He stormed off. Good riddance Several people saw the exchange, and to a man/person, they were supportive. And nothing happened to me. Sadly, though, the attendance by our Army brethren fell off, and we were never able to restore it.

Response by SSgt Daniel d'Errico made Nov 26 at 2019 1:29 PM

2019-11-26T13:29:33-05:00

Stand up raise your glass and clearly say, " here, here!".

Response by PO1 Aaron Baltosser made Nov 27 at 2019 8:54 AM

2019-11-27T08:54:42-05:00

I would lose brownie points with that spouse on the spot reminding her of her place' in the 'event, as well as reminding her she was dependent on someone else to even have access to the event. I know the conversation would go poorly after, but I would sleep well that night after the on the spot correction was delivered.

Response by MSgt Joseph Holness made Nov 28 at 2019 11:05 AM

2019-11-28T11:05:16-05:00

".you can hear a pin drop.........what do you do?"...…….I would calmly say..."And that ladies & gentlemen is what would you would call a Seinfeld Moment.

Response by SPC Vanessa Perkins made Nov 28 at 2019 4:44 PM

2019-11-28T16:44:27-05:00

Take her in the bathroom and listen to her concerns while politely explaining military customs and traditions.

Response by Col James Cooke made Dec 1 at 2019 7:59 PM

2019-12-01T19:59:04-05:00

Indeed, what does one do? My suggestion is to do nothing. Technically the irate lady is a civilian. This is a social faux pas and is no reflection on the GI's capability or performance - at least logically. It would be good if his peers would give sympathetic support to this poor man. And HIS commander need to say, very privately, "This does not affect our relationship."
Personally, I feel sorry and embarrassed for the military member. And, forever afterward, everyone will know to stand well clear of the Dragon Lady, whether at a formal event or at the PX.

Response by SMSgt Bob Wilson made Dec 23 at 2019 11:55 AM

2019-12-23T11:55:35-05:00

Simple, don't take her to any other functions. Why? Explain to her that your career is over because of her actions. Remember, you are the person with rank, she needs to understand she is only your wife.

Response by CMSgt Marshall Ray made Dec 26 at 2019 9:44 PM

2019-12-26T21:44:11-05:00

Continue the program

Response by CW2 Matt Baum made Jan 2 at 2020 10:37 AM

2020-01-02T10:37:32-05:00

Last I knew, you could also be charged with "Failure to Control Dependents" under the UCMJ. I learned that one during my first marriage...didn't get charged, but got threatened. My (then) wife caught my Lt out at a bar and threatened to bounce her head off the sidewalk. Not a good look for anything involving professionalism.

Response by SSG Tom Montgomery made Jan 5 at 2020 8:40 PM

2020-01-05T20:40:33-05:00

The husband should immediately escort his wife home and discuss the value of patience, respect, dignity and humility. She should also be reminded who is the officer and who is a guest. Even though it shouldn't, this could affect his career and daily interactions with others at the ball. You can't unsee or unhear rude behavior.

Response by CAPT Hiram Patterson made Jan 10 at 2020 12:01 PM

2020-01-10T12:01:23-05:00

Carry on as if nothing happened and probably listen to the fallout gossip!

Response by SPC Chris Ison made Jan 28 at 2020 2:49 PM

2020-01-28T14:49:44-05:00

Nothing.

You handle this AFTER the ball, in closed quarters with the spouse and the Husband in attendance and you remind the spouse that her behavior reflects very poorly on her, her husband, and the command, and that if something like this ever happens again it will be reflected in the spouses OER. It will be labeled as "failure to maintain discipline in the home."

It would also be pertinent for the command letter to remind spouses THEY HAVE NO FUCKING RANK OR PRIVILEGE WITHIN THE COMMAND STRUCTURE.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 29 at 2020 3:37 PM

2020-01-29T15:37:59-05:00

Have my goon squad of lower enlisted roll her and her husbands sorry asses in the parking lot. She should have chickity-checked herself before she wrecked herself.

More seriously, I'd let her husband know that he needs to get his wife in check, or she won't be welcome at future events.

Response by SSG Derek Dimond made Jan 30 at 2020 9:31 AM

2020-01-30T09:31:41-05:00

Smile and make a quick comment asking if the hostess/ host can take this lady in account. Then go into my speak.

Response by SSG David Kaelin made Feb 1 at 2020 2:27 PM

2020-02-01T14:27:09-05:00

I laugh.

Response by MSgt Michael Cronin made Feb 3 at 2020 12:24 AM

2020-02-03T00:24:11-05:00

Dump her, she does not deserve to be married to you!

Response by SGT Patrick Gaebelein made Feb 3 at 2020 9:53 AM

2020-02-03T09:53:07-05:00

I was at a dining-in in Korea, First Tank...
Sorta of a similar situation, sans the spouse.

It was my platoon leader who got unruly.

While the brigade commander was giving his speech.

I was about to go into protective mode and take him away when the brigade sergeant major places his hand on my shoulder and whisper menacingly in my ear, “go and take care of your lieutenant, sergeant!”

I did.

All ended well.

Response by LCDR Robert Russnogle made Feb 3 at 2020 4:10 PM

2020-02-03T16:10:46-05:00

If your spouse, take her home. The idiocy has already happened - can't take it back. Might have monitored her drinking more closely but, again, that has already happened

Response by SSG Gregg Mourizen made Feb 3 at 2020 9:01 PM

2020-02-03T21:01:27-05:00

I can't speak for a military ball, but We had something like this happen in an emergency room. The Generals wife( not the post commanders, not that it makes a difference), came in with a cold. She got very irate, when she was told she would have to wait. They had Trauma patients and a cardiac patient, that took priority. She became irate and belligerent, and started screaming and yelling at anyone who would listen. She ended up calling her husband, who then made a call... You know how the story goes. The entire ER staff got wrote up and reprimanded that night for following procedure. It is amazing what some people do with their perceived power.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Feb 5 at 2020 8:07 PM

2020-02-05T20:07:24-05:00

I am going on a tangent here. I regret marrying my ex. Before I divorced her she had stopped cleaning or cooking. She got a DUI on post and the post commander was my senior rater. When I got her van back from the DUI accident, I watched as she purposely crashed the van into a neighbors parked car. She tried to push me down the stairs and threw drinking glasses at me that would crash on the kitchen floor. She was a horrible horrible person.

Response by SSG Jess Peters made Feb 6 at 2020 9:50 PM

2020-02-06T21:50:03-05:00

Take her home, return as soon as possible.

Response by SGT Joseph Dutton made Mar 1 at 2020 1:04 AM

2020-03-01T01:04:15-05:00

That's why I never attend these events. If required then I show up and leave ASAP. Why because someone is going to show their ass or try and hit on someone. All drama because someone thinks they are better and above anyone else no matter their rank or their spouses rank.

Response by SFC Tracy Scott made Mar 1 at 2020 7:50 AM

2020-03-01T07:50:49-05:00

With a smile and comment to the fact, of I believe your uber is here!

Response by MSgt Jesse Tiede made Mar 1 at 2020 7:13 PM

2020-03-01T19:13:28-05:00

Why are careers dependent on archaic, outdated, and totally unnecessary functions where those who normally wouldn't give you the time of day, now expect you to entertain them with tales of daring do? Some things are better left to die off, and be forgotten in time. Official Functions are just such things... as are "O" Clubs, NCO Clubs, and All Ranks Clubs... Just my two cents worth...

Response by MSgt Jesse Tiede made Mar 1 at 2020 7:48 PM

2020-03-01T19:48:22-05:00

Damn, am I glad I don't have to get involved with this stuff, anymore...

Response by MGySgt William Simon made Mar 2 at 2020 7:31 PM

2020-03-02T19:31:25-05:00

At that time I would have closed the door with her out side the hall. I would have my wife or an other person speak to her........ Have her husband come out if she would not com down............. If she keep it up I would have her removed............ The General handled the right way......

Response by CPT Wayne Price made Mar 2 at 2020 9:53 PM

2020-03-02T21:53:07-05:00

Divorce her and try to get her into treatment, which she is likely to leave. CPT WaynePrice

Response by Shannan Fraser made Mar 3 at 2020 11:36 AM

2020-03-03T11:36:49-05:00

Wow! Once everyone has caught their breath, hopefully that lady's husband will escourt her to their room, or home if close enough. I know some Officers Spouses can be difficult, but it has been my experience to give them all teh benefit of the doubt at least once.

Response by LCpl Sandy Moran made Mar 8 at 2020 2:20 PM

2020-03-08T14:20:30-04:00

Frst the Gen. should have excused himself from the conversation then address the lady's concern, explaining the seating and gone back to his conversation. So she wouldn't feel slighted. And after she did what she did the husband should get up after the speech and say loud enough to be heard by others and say " hemorrhoids" and take her home. Sometimes a joke kills the tension in the room.

Response by GySgt John Hudson made Mar 29 at 2020 7:32 PM

2020-03-29T19:32:26-04:00

Simple... Ignore her and continue on with the speech... She obviously felt that she was more important than everyone else there.. I would simply say, "Whatever is your concern is not of my concern at this moment. You may file a grievance with the appropriate psychologist at your expense!" Everyone was there to enjoy themselves except for her.

Response by 1LT Peter Duston made Mar 29 at 2020 10:25 PM

2020-03-29T22:25:51-04:00

A certain legendary LTC with whom I was acquainted was reportedly so drunk at a dining-in that he fell on the Commander's wife's tiny dog from the table that he was standing on, killing the dog. Honest! It's supposed to be true. It was quite a few years ago.

Response by SSG Michael Doolittle made Mar 30 at 2020 1:51 AM

2020-03-30T01:51:16-04:00

DENY KNOWING HER

Response by MSgt Earl Hinchey made Apr 17 at 2020 12:15 PM

2020-04-17T12:15:58-04:00

Mam, if you're unhappy with your seating you can leave.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2020 6:58 PM

2020-04-29T18:58:01-04:00

Spouses (and children) are not members of the military and CANNOT be treated as such. She is out of line (I don't care if she was intentionally slighted), and her husband needs to be "asked" to take her home. While spouses and children are not military members, when attending formal events their conduct needs to match the occasion. She, however, does NOT represent her spouse, and no backlash should befall the soldier. She represents her own person and her own choices. During the next work day the soldier should be asked about the spouse and guidance given in the event resources for support, or even mentorship from a senior spouse, are asked for/required. The situation then is over and dealt with assuming it doesn't happen again.

Have some grace for spouses (and children). Mentorship from a more experienced spouse should be a resource. But that comes down to community. Does the command make mentorship and family a priority? None of us was issued a spouse or kids, yet a lot of us have them. How commands lead with regard to that makes a huge difference. And when all is "good" at home, soldiers/sailors/airmen/marines/coasties all do their jobs better! They're happier and more productive at work.

Response by MAJ Will Sullivan made May 1 at 2020 11:03 PM

2020-05-01T23:03:58-04:00

Nothing except get some popcorn and watch the encore of a meltdown. Not my circus. Her Commander husband should be doing something if he can convince her. Hopefully, get her to leave early before they get asked to leave.

Response by SFC Stephen Atchley made May 4 at 2020 7:27 AM

2020-05-04T07:27:10-04:00

Come on, Rally Point! Stop regurgitating these ancient threads.

Response by LTC John Bush made May 4 at 2020 9:07 AM

2020-05-04T09:07:04-04:00

Her husband has a problem and has some choices to make. Nothing much to be done at the time except suggesting to the husband that he take her home. Obviously this is evidence of bigger problems outside of the event and are primarily a domestic issue possibly medical. Tread softly

Response by MAJ Hugh Blanchard made May 11 at 2020 3:17 PM

2020-05-11T15:17:56-04:00

Whoever escorted her to this event should join her at the exit door and take her home as quickly and quietly as possible. Have seen similar outbursts at a couple of unit functions, mostly created by some perceived slight and fueled by alcohol. Just quietly get her out of there, deal with the aftermath after everyone sobers up.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 29 at 2020 7:22 PM

2020-05-29T19:22:30-04:00

Not my spouse, not my issue. Just roll my eyes, keep my mouth shut and let her spouse deal with it behind closed doors.
If in the role of higher unit commander I would schedule a nice informal office call for said officer and spouse to calmly discuss said conduct and how embarrassing it was to the unit as a whole. And also remind said spouse that they play a subtle role in the future career of their service member as memories tend to be long and unforgettable, especially amongst other spouses.
The whole "control your spouse" routine may have worked some 50 years or more ago, but now we have spouses that are more than just wives and mothers who, in some instances hold civilian government positions higher than the service member.

Response by CW2 Thomas Herrlich made Aug 8 at 2020 10:09 PM

2020-08-08T22:09:06-04:00

"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others."

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 21 at 2020 4:03 PM

2020-08-21T16:03:04-04:00

Certainly embarrassing for her everybody especially the husband. The question doesn't tell you which role you're in. Hiwever SFC Pritchert as a great answer for the speaker and for the husband. As the host, best to go to the Commander of he doesnt do anthing.