Retired E8-E9, should your status be used as a bully platform?

2018-10-28T09:29:01-04:00

Do you feel that your service and retired status should give you influence and/or favor in how your child is treated within his unit? Should he be treated special in any different manner as long as he is properly cared for and the orders he is given is lawful, moral and ethical. Is you child so super more important to you that I should not enforce the standard to him?

Should your child get a pass from being forward deployed into the fight zone as an infantry soldier because of your past service? And that service you did never placed you into harms way?

Oh and then when you are pushing this type of narrative, you deem your child should not only be released from deployment, but that he receive a letter of recommendation for that same child to be on Officer candidate.

Response by MAJ Bryan Zeski made Oct 28 at 2018 9:32 AM

2018-10-28T09:32:06-04:00

I feel like you know the answers to all of these questions already.

One thing is add is that most infantry folks that I worked with WANTED to deploy and would be pretty upset of someone tried to screw that up for them.

Response by SMSgt Will Bynum made Oct 28 at 2018 9:35 AM

2018-10-28T09:35:24-04:00

No way in H.E. double hockey stick

Response by SPC Bryan Chomas made Oct 28 at 2018 9:42 AM

2018-10-28T09:42:18-04:00

I’d want my child to thrive and be put to the test with his fellow warriors...my son is 5 months old, and I often wonder how his mother especially would handle it. Obviously I’d never want the unthinkable to happen....but is it wrong that id WANT him in the suck?

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2018 10:06 AM

2018-10-28T10:06:56-04:00

Does this truly require a response?

Luckily, I know my children were raised right, and would never even think of trying to get some kind of favorable treatment like this.
They are proud of me, and I of them. What makes me proud is what they earn, not what they were given.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Oct 28 at 2018 10:18 AM

2018-10-28T10:18:44-04:00

NO- He's a grown man now, let him make his own way in his own world!

Response by MSgt John Taylor made Oct 28 at 2018 10:24 AM

2018-10-28T10:24:20-04:00

Then why would you let your kid enlist in the first place?

Response by PVT Mark Zehner made Oct 28 at 2018 10:26 AM

2018-10-28T10:26:38-04:00

No but I'm glad my kids didn't choose to follow my path less worries on this Dad!

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2018 11:08 AM

2018-10-28T11:08:55-04:00

Appears directed at someone in particular, but the answer is no, retired or still on AD. No draft, so don't know what that's about.

Response by SMSgt Tony Barnes made Oct 28 at 2018 11:09 AM

2018-10-28T11:09:45-04:00

Nope...daddy master sergeant or daddy SGM needs to just be daddy and hush. Leave the ego at the door.

Response by CW5 Jack Cardwell made Oct 28 at 2018 12:05 PM

2018-10-28T12:05:04-04:00

Let the child make their own way !

Response by SSG Jeffrey Leake made Oct 28 at 2018 12:10 PM

2018-10-28T12:10:15-04:00

No preferential treatment. A parents rank should have absolutely no influence on their child's career. They should be deployed just like any other Joe. My father was a retired Regimental Sergeant Major from the 10th Marines. Retired after 32 years and knew a lot of people. He let me go about my career with no interference. I would go to him for advice, but that was the extent to which it went.

Response by SGT Joseph Gunderson made Oct 28 at 2018 12:34 PM

2018-10-28T12:34:05-04:00

Frankly, if I were put in a position in which a retired SM attempted to influence anything having to do with their child's career, I would tell them outright to fuck off.

Response by MSG Danny Mathers made Oct 28 at 2018 12:59 PM

2018-10-28T12:59:41-04:00

No, I don't think so. Your children should and will follow their own path. My father never interfered in my decision to go into the army instead of the navy or coast guard. My son initially wanted to go into the army back in 2010. He asked me what I thought and I said do what do best. He went into IT Tech school and has done very well. I have had army brats in the past and both were nothing but trouble even when their fathers, a 1SG & SGM paid me a visit and had prayer serve with them. Both ended up with a AR15 and a stack of formal counseling statemenbts and were chaptered out. I also had a couple of Soldiers that had prior service fathers that became outstanding SNCOs. Had my children went into the service, I would not us my formetr rank or influence to affect their status. I would not currently recommend service to anyone due to the current social experiments of army doctrine as well as the political correctness authority.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2018 2:57 PM

2018-10-28T14:57:10-04:00

Sht! I do not know how this person (E8,E9) raised their kid, but if I called my father and cried about having to deploy in my first unit, he would not of called, he would of drove there, kicked my ass, and through me on the first plane leaving himself. Maybe daddy (E8,E9) should step back and not try to influence anything, in most cases that just causes resentment among peers and eventually he gets put into his place like "I do not give a rats ars who your daddy is, go clean the latrine, sweep, mob, and take the trash out Mr. Daddies boy since doing your job is to scary for you". And his career has already started off as a little cry baby anyway so good luck the rest of the way.

Response by CPL Peter King made Oct 28 at 2018 2:59 PM

2018-10-28T14:59:42-04:00

No. The child joined of their free will, they don’t get special privileges.

The commander is responsible for ensuring no one is put in this situation.

Response by SMSgt Tom Burns made Oct 28 at 2018 4:20 PM

2018-10-28T16:20:46-04:00

No being retire gives you no right to interfere with your son or daughter that voluntarily went in the service.

Response by A1C Lexas Granger made Oct 28 at 2018 5:13 PM

2018-10-28T17:13:21-04:00

I know I’m no E-8 or E-9 or above. However; I will answer this respectfully.

I feel this entire read is very offensive towards any of your peers or your seniors. As such I feel you very well could have put this across a lot better.

It doesn’t make it right to use any title/rank as a means to support your child who has decided to enter the military as a means to accelerate their career. I feel this is fraternization in the highest degree and should be handled as such. Just because their child has decided to go into the military doesn’t mean they need to influence their enlistment/commission in any way. Their child chose to enter the military to make their mark - LET THEM.

Respectfully yours,

Not an E-8 or above nobody. Lol

Response by LTC Trent Klug made Oct 28 at 2018 5:54 PM

2018-10-28T17:54:48-04:00

I have never had any retired senior enlisted interfere in any way. I have had one retired commissioned officer from a different service try. Try being the operative word.

Short story: In Boot Camp, one of the recruit's dad was a Marine Colonel (still serving). To his credit, the recruit never thought about invoking Dad's name. But we knew about him.

Night before graduation, we were told no showers. The recruit was caught taking one early that morning and was fired from being a Squad Leader.

Graduation is complete and we meet the Colonel. He's in civilian clothes (he wanted it to be his son's day) and asks about his son being in the last rank, instead of up front. When he found out, he went right to the Drill Instructors...and thanked them...for doing the right thing (minus the NJP). Then he told his son how lucky he was not to be facing "office hours"

Response by PO1 John Johnson made Oct 28 at 2018 6:16 PM

2018-10-28T18:16:51-04:00

As an E-8, I'm pretty sure you already know what to do. Have you sighted in on the retiree yet? Hopefully, this problem is not rolling downhill from your chain of command, if so then you're caught between a rock and another rock.

Response by SSG Brian G. made Oct 28 at 2018 7:27 PM

2018-10-28T19:27:49-04:00

1) The E-8/E-9 are RETIRED. Note the caps. Means they got out of the service after a long and distinguished career and aside from cracking jokes and telling tales about the 'good ole days' and possibly being a goto for advice, have jack all to say to anyone in command authority over their child. Period. Full stop.

2) The CHILD signed the dotted line, raised their hand and swore an oath. They get treated no different than any other child that did the same. Full stop.

3) ANY retired E-8/E-9 that interferes in their child's development/training/deployment/correction as an adult member of the military needs to be corrected on the spot and does not deserve the respect that goes with that rank or years.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Oct 28 at 2018 7:37 PM

2018-10-28T19:37:14-04:00

Im hoping all of those are rhetorical questions as the answers are obvious and not really up for discussion.

Response by Maj John Bell made Oct 28 at 2018 7:51 PM

2018-10-28T19:51:59-04:00

I was on the opposite side of the spectrum. I was everything a applicant to the service academies was supposed to be, except I was reckless. Brought home by law enforcement a lot; not for illegal things, but dangerous "what could go wrong" stupid things. And I would not walk away from a fight, no matter how bad the odds, and lost way more of those fights than I won. Plus I had a serious problem with authority, I was always looking to embarrass whoever was in charge.

My Dad was a Navy Flag Officer and told the Navy Blue and Gold officer not to waste his time because I was "a walking Bad Conduct or Dishonorable Discharge." Don't get me wrong, Dad and I had a great relationship, he just thought the military and I would get along like nitro-glycerin and vibration. He even sent a letter to my states service academy applicant interview board saying I wouldn't make it through Plebe Summer, let alone Plebe year. Dad wasn't against his boys serving in the military, he was Gung Ho about my brother serving, but he thought a tour in the military would leave me unemployable.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2018 9:12 PM

2018-10-28T21:12:56-04:00

That’s a hard no 1SG. I just got done chaptering an individual last week who’s father is a CSM.

Just because you share the same name as someone who’s done great things doesn’t mean you can get a pass for being a megaturd.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2018 9:15 PM

2018-10-28T21:15:54-04:00

Seems like a rhetorical question, as I have never had a RETIRED E8 or E9 in my rating chain, just as I have never had a RETIRED O5 or O6 in my rating chain.
I will thank a retiree for their service, but I will not entertain their unsolicited input on how to conduct unit business.

Response by MSG Frank Kapaun made Oct 28 at 2018 11:36 PM

2018-10-28T23:36:23-04:00

It is the army, where all animals are created equal, some are just more equal than others.

Response by SMSgt Keith Klug made Oct 29 at 2018 7:14 AM

2018-10-29T07:14:00-04:00

WOW!!! I loved the fact that I earned my way up the ranks and through my own career. Evidently this E-8/E-9 is a Helicopter parent. He needs to let his son fall and pick himself up. But then you can tell by his action that daddy has been there to run interference for him his whole life. I guess WOW!! just kind of sums up everything that is wrong with this person.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 29 at 2018 10:58 AM

2018-10-29T10:58:07-04:00

1SG Private RallyPoint Member - Top, this posted/message seams to be targeted at a RallyPoint member. To which you had and have the ability to message privately. Not for his sake, more so for your Soldier, his son’s sake. By you calling him out publicly like this, you are also calling out a subordinate soldier in your Chain of Command publicly, as well. Which if true, is quite on-becoming, and you are not thinking of the posible reaction of his fellow soldiers in your ranks. You commented about a bully platform coming from a retired soldier, how about the bully platform of your Unit’s First Sergeant?

Response by CSM Richard StCyr made Oct 29 at 2018 11:56 AM

2018-10-29T11:56:47-04:00

The answers are all obvious.... NO. Sounds like someone peed in Tops Wheaties.

My oldest son and I deployed to Iraq on the same rotation in 2003, he was with the Field Artillery out of Sill and I had the 62nd Engineers out of Hood. I knew and had served with his NCO Support channel from 1SG to BDE CSM and he would tell me that they used to tell him that if he didn't keep his nose clean they'd call me. Kind of the reverse of what you describe.
Later in 05-07 I was in Iraq again and he went to Afghanistan, I'd get e-mails from friends in the Infantry and Artillery that they had run into him and a SITREP. Never felt compelled to stick my nose in anyone's business and he never complained about his units.

Response by SPC Anthony Kueneman made Oct 29 at 2018 6:14 PM

2018-10-29T18:14:11-04:00

Really? Is this question coming from a parent or a senior NCO that wants validation for telling a retired E9 to fuck off? Hahaha enlisted make their own way... leave the "who you know" bullshit to the officers.

Response by 1SG Robert (Bob) Conte made Oct 30 at 2018 2:24 AM

2018-10-30T02:24:35-04:00

Hell no it shouldn't!! I'll tell you one thing thou, I any E-8 or E-9 ever tried to pull his rank on me in my company AO he would be in for one hell-of-a surprise. We would go head to head toe to toe over this!

Response by SSG Marshall Paul made Oct 31 at 2018 2:29 PM

2018-10-31T14:29:45-04:00

Wow, that question-rant begs an explanation of the story behind it. From the way it was phrased, I suspect you handled it with professionalism and integrity.

Response by SSG Dennis O'Connor Jr. made Nov 4 at 2018 10:30 AM

2018-11-04T10:30:08-05:00

Never ran into that sort of issue until I went on Drill Sergeant duty. Occasionally we would get phone calls from both active duty and retired senior NCOs whose sons were going through basic training. They would normally state they were going to be on post for an unrelated duty but were wanting to "stop by and observe training". They were all given the same response that no one was allowed to observe training. The majority were understanding and accepting of the fact. A few wanted to push the issue and were given the name and number of our BN Commander. I don't recall him ever accommodating them either.

Response by SFC Michael Woody made Nov 7 at 2018 9:17 AM

2018-11-07T09:17:01-05:00

I'm familiar to this situation as I was a military brat that joined the Army. My father was an Infantry Officer, by way of OCS, and was a former NCO, E-6. An Airborne Ranger and former Mechanized Infantry Company Commander, I truly wished he'd show me favor by alerting his Infantry and Ranger network I was in the service. Joining the strange world of the Army was weird because I was always around it but never invested in it. However, I am a retired Army Ranger, E-7, and never received any such privileges. Some of my friends received great officer appointments and assignments based on legacy, I always thought it unfair. I don't think a parents service should be officially recognized as an advantage to a child of a service member. What's the point of having members in the military if they can be exempt from combat, deployments, other situations because of family legacy. That would only destroy the legacy. I am biased because I never received any special treatment as I sent to combat several times, was deployed in miserable places, and fought fairly for every promotion.

Response by SGT Ernest Huerta made Nov 9 at 2018 11:40 AM

2018-11-09T11:40:07-05:00

Sounds like NEPOTISM.

Response by CSM Danny S. made Nov 10 at 2018 10:38 AM

2018-11-10T10:38:58-05:00

Retired is not a rank and being a previous Sr NCO this person should understand this. I would tell him to write his Congressman and don't discuss this with me again. This person must not understand how much harder life will be for the child as well. Once everyone finds out about this crap everyone looks at him/her differently.

Response by LTC Gary Earls made Nov 10 at 2018 10:57 AM

2018-11-10T10:57:26-05:00

No. I graduated from Infantry OCS with the son of a four star general. He told his son that he was on his own and not to depend on his Dad's rank to get him out of any situations. John went though Airborne School and was sent to Vietnam and served with the 82nd, which was his father's old unit. Unfortunately John died in a sky diving accident.

Response by SSG Robert Perrotto made Nov 10 at 2018 11:18 AM

2018-11-10T11:18:25-05:00

well, this is....Interesting. it is obviously a fellow RP member. but that is irrelevant. The answer is quite obvious, absolutely not. You do not piss in anothers yard, ever. second, they are retired, as in, no longer holding an active rank in the military, so, that former NCO can pound sand. You 1SG, are in charge of personnel for your company, and as such, have the special trust and confidence of the nation to prepare your troops to fight and win on the battlefield. If that means the retiree's son has to deploy, then that is what is going to happen. To the Senior NCO Retiree, thank you for your service, but do not meddle in anothers chicken coop, as you know damn well how you would react if an outside SNCO got all up in your business.

Response by SMSgt Lawrence McCarter made Nov 10 at 2018 12:45 PM

2018-11-10T12:45:28-05:00

In the first place that would be completely improper in My opinion and any show of special treatment or favors based on Who You know never has and never will sit well with Me. I wouldn't lower Myself to using undue influence on anybody's assignment for special treatment or lack the ethics to tell Me that is wrong. I would never have wanted anyone I knew trying to influence anything like that for Me and no one ever has and I wouldn't do it either. Be it employment or Military service Your offspring need to be able to stand on their own two feet and in no way are You doing them a favor in the long run. I also feel that undue influence attempt would do more harm than good. I'm not interest in who You know or what influence You think You have and as far as I'm concerned that is a strike against You to think You can force Your way into special treatment that way. I would expect that child to show proper respect for those assigned over Him and obey their orders without any debate, don't expect any special treatment or consideration and work as part of the team He is a member of. It is His or Her own performance I'll use as a measure as to their worth as a complete team player on their own individual effort and result of their own work not any outside attempts at pressure. If I don't feel someone deserves a recommendation they won't get it, only that individual can earn that endorsement !

Response by MSgt Steve Sweeney made Nov 10 at 2018 1:05 PM

2018-11-10T13:05:59-05:00

Is this a rhetorical question?

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 10 at 2018 1:52 PM

2018-11-10T13:52:42-05:00

I would not condone an unfair advantage to a soldier.

Response by SSG Jessica Bautista made Nov 11 at 2018 1:10 PM

2018-11-11T13:10:28-05:00

I'd love to know the outcome of this. Personally, my own father is too passive-aggressive to outright meddle, but he did try to influence my decisions by nagging at me a lot.

Response by MSG Dan Foster made Nov 12 at 2018 8:07 AM

2018-11-12T08:07:19-05:00

ANY retired service member attempting to impose their prior service and/or rank to influence lawful decisions for a family member currently serving needs to first, get their head out of their ass and second, realize the time to influence family members is before they make the commitment. My grandson, a senior in High School is contemplating military service. My job is to ensure he gets the facts, help him achieve the highest possible scores on test and ensure his decision is made with eyes wide open. At this point helping him obtain information and asking questions he may not ask is my duty as a grandfather. If he makes the decision to enlist my advice will be to prepare to “suck it up”. This reminds of parents who say they support military service but not for their children.

Response by SrA John Monette made Nov 12 at 2018 3:57 PM

2018-11-12T15:57:53-05:00

simple answer 1st Sgt. Boyd: NO

Response by SGT Ernest Huerta made Nov 12 at 2018 4:00 PM

2018-11-12T16:00:17-05:00

Personally I believe every person entering the military should be treated fairly and the same. It shouldn't take a Drill SGT long to determine the strengths/weaknesses of the recruits in his platoon.
A number of years ago there were incidents in the Officer Corps where parental meddling caused BIG
problems for the officers involved and their service branch. A number of years ago a young female 1LT was selected to be the first female pilot trained to fly the B-52 bomber. Her future career might have included STARS had she not let her ego and a swelled head trip her up. She developed a close, personal relationship with a male civilian who worked for the AF at her base. Okay, so-what!? The
guy was married to a female enlisted member at the same base. The EM first told her husband and
then the Pilot to END IT! The female Pilot wouldn't give IT UP. It was on record the APs were called
to the Pilot's quarters over domestic disturbances (between Pilot & Civ.). The female EM tried to keep the problem "In family". She wanted the relationship ended but didn't want anyone's career hurt. The Pilot and Civ. must have swallowed magnets. They couldn't/wouldn't stay away from each other!
The EM finally went to her Senior NCO. This is when things heated up. The Pilot case went to a Courts Martial and her Dear Old Dad, a retired AF COL stood behind her by hiring lawyers. It went
to the female pilot. It ended when the Sec. of the AF (a female) had to step in. Can't remember the
type of Discharge the Pilot finally accepted but it wasn't Honorable. The Navy has had problems also.

Response by SP5 Rick Dalton made Nov 12 at 2018 6:15 PM

2018-11-12T18:15:36-05:00

No, just no!

Response by MCPO Liz Donlevy made Nov 14 at 2018 10:06 AM

2018-11-14T10:06:24-05:00

No, no and no. From my point of view they are already under enough pressure not to screw up. Personally I know my Son would not have it, even thought having served for 30 years I know my way around the system very well. Sad to say, I've seen many counterparts trying to influence the system in their kids behalf, both in the enlisted and particularly officer side. Their parents actions caused more problems than helped the junior service member as eventually the word gets out regarding the special treatment if any.

Response by SFC Jesus Chargualaf made Nov 20 at 2018 1:10 PM

2018-11-20T13:10:24-05:00

Never, should that be the case... what you earn is yours alone... your offspring has to earn theirs!

Response by SGT John Smith made Nov 29 at 2018 12:14 PM

2018-11-29T12:14:36-05:00

Stay out of ur child life, let them make their own way and find their own path whether military or civilian. It's not ur job to micro manage their lives. Ur child and his, or grandchild needs to find their path through all of the clutter in life's journey!

Response by MSG James Douglas made Dec 7 at 2018 10:32 AM

2018-12-07T10:32:50-05:00

Of course all of your questions are rhetorical and don't really need an answer but here goes nonetheless. My stepson and daughter in law are both in the military and if anything, I'm probably harder on them than their own unit. Not so much directly implied but I believe they are given "special" treatment because of my (R) status. I ensure that they know that they have to work harder than their fellow Soldier's to get to where they want to be. Nothing is going to be handed to you.......

Response by Rhonda Hanson made Dec 29 at 2018 12:32 AM

2018-12-29T00:32:39-05:00

Wow! I couldn’t imagine asking for a favor for my son! And he’d be truly p.o.’d if I did! My husband and son are both active duty, they both have the mindset that they are here to protect this great nation. Neither one of them want special treatment.

Response by COL Jon Lopey made Jan 17 at 2019 11:27 AM

2019-01-17T11:27:11-05:00

1SG: I don't think anyone should get a pass for being the son or daughter of a service member. We do the right thing regardless of our affiliations. Professional courtesies are sometimes extended and there is nothing wrong with that as long as special favor is not extended or implied in those interchanges. Thanks for the interesting question. COL L

Response by SSG Randall Ford made Jan 20 at 2019 4:27 AM

2019-01-20T04:27:18-05:00

No preferences at all to be allowed for any of them no matter who. That goes for E or O grades and polititions. No deferents unless medically warrented. That even goes for the draft to include the ladies. In fact have a mandatory active duty requirement in place. I could go on and on but no time or space to put it all down. All officers should do at least a minimum four years as an enlisted and no special anything except be considered only after the fours being at having reached E5 and genuinely rated superior with no blind eyes to pass by during consideration and performance

Response by SGT Glenn E Moody made Jan 23 at 2019 12:14 AM

2019-01-23T00:14:25-05:00

nope everyone has to earn their own way & respect of his/her follows that he or she serves with. doesn't matter what his or her Grand farther or farther did in service to our country. not everyone can fill the shoe's of the farther. or some can fill them better. but no one should get treated for his Farther's deed's or misdeed's

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 8 at 2019 12:55 PM

2019-02-08T12:55:55-05:00

I served with a guy who’s father is a 3 star. Our leadership would use it to bully him

Response by SSG Paul Headlee made Jul 24 at 2020 9:56 PM

2020-07-24T21:56:15-04:00

Way to absolutely destroy any modicum of credibility one may have scraped together over the years!