Scenario Question: Soldier says he's separating and wants help getting his stuff out before wife comes home from work? Action taken?

2014-05-10T21:26:12-04:00

I want to start a series of scenario based questions that you think could or have actually happened. This is great development for officers and enlisted. If you want to start one I recommend starting off as I did with "scenario question" so they can easily be found. Also tagging them that way.
Also comment on this one as if the guy was one of your peers and not your Soldier.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made May 10 at 2014 9:53 PM

2014-05-10T21:53:27-04:00

I say if you can spare a few people, send him home with them and help him move. I think the faster he gets out and avoids what could become a very tense situation, the better. I would not want a pissed off spouse to make some bullshit claim while they where the only two in the house together.

One of my fellow E-6s in my office just had to deal with this situation. It was determined that unless he had one of the Chiefs with him, he was not allowed to see his soon-to-be ex-wife.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 2:55 AM

2014-05-11T02:55:36-04:00

It is a very touchy subject only having one side of the story. With that said if it can be spared always help your troop out if possible.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 4:13 AM

2014-05-11T04:13:34-04:00

These are rough situations to deal with...a lot of variables(who brought what into the marriage, what state laws apply, where are they in legal process, is there custody issues of children, etc...). I'd give my peer the time off to deal with a personal issue if the mission allows. Same as I would if he needed time to take his car to the repair shop.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 4:26 AM

2014-05-11T04:26:08-04:00

As others have shared, 1) we don't know the whole story (but do we need to?), and 2) the situation gets touchy.

I had the opposite situation where the spouse took stuff out of the house, the Soldier reported it as stolen (they weren't divorced), and the police had the moving van held for him to identify his property. A BIG issue is when does the assistance to the Soldier cross the line and make the unit/command involved. I say to allow the Soldier reasonable time to deal with any domestic, personal issue (vehicle repair, home flooding, etc.), be consistent in your judgment, and be as supporting as you can be. This will install trust and respect within the ranks without opening the door for un-needed investigations.

Response by MAJ Bryan Zeski made May 11 at 2014 5:54 AM

2014-05-11T05:54:08-04:00

The process should be supervised by at least a Senior NCO so that if the wife DOES come home in the process, it remains professional and doesn't turn into a brawl - and so that the Soldier will have someone with some rank to bolster the truth of the story if it turns into a "he said," "she said."

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 9:36 AM

2014-05-11T09:36:53-04:00

SSG Burns,

Before I answer the survey: Is this soldier separating from the Army or from his wife?

Response by CPT Aaron Kletzing made May 11 at 2014 10:10 AM

2014-05-11T10:10:15-04:00

This is a delicate situation -- and one where I would pull aside the Senior NCO of our unit and talk with him/her offline about it.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 3:49 PM

2014-05-11T15:49:41-04:00

Thanks SSG Burns for the info. My vote would be "Give the soldier time to pack on his own."

I wouldn't want to get other people involved in his affairs. Now if he had friends who happened to be off at the same time and were willing to help, that would be fine.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 4:40 PM

2014-05-11T16:40:00-04:00

I would give the Soldier time to go talk with a lawyer that could advise him on the appropriate actions that the law would allow.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 5:21 PM

2014-05-11T17:21:55-04:00

We actually had a young female Soldier who was in an abusive relationship back at Ft Bragg. Our entire platoon went to her apartment with our trucks (yes, we all had one), loaded up her stuff, and moved her out. He showed up about half way through the process, never said a word.

I don't know if we were legally right or wrong. But as Brothers in Arms, I feel that we did the right thing that day.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made May 11 at 2014 5:41 PM

2014-05-11T17:41:59-04:00

Use it as an opportunity to insect the Soldier's new living arrangements and assess the conditions.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 12 at 2014 3:36 AM

2014-05-12T03:36:11-04:00

I would consult with law enforcement and have them present. Just a squad of Soldiers would intimidate and will only harm this Soldiers chances if anything goes to court.

Response by SFC Stephen P. made May 12 at 2014 3:55 PM

2014-05-12T15:55:52-04:00

Step 1: Brief the soldier on the wonders of the interlocutory order.
Step 2: Obtain a copy of the soldier's hand receipt, CIF record, and clothing record.
Step 3: help the soldier secure any issued equipment.
Step 4: while I'm there, I may as well conduct a brief health and welfare inspection and assist the soldier in documenting any high value items.
Step 5: refer the soldier to competent legal and financial advisers.

I will not aid in removing what is likely to be considered jointly owned property from their marital home.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made May 13 at 2014 9:53 AM

2014-05-13T09:53:35-04:00

I gotta F250 and a cooler!

Response by MSG Brad Sand made May 15 at 2014 10:32 AM

2014-05-15T10:32:08-04:00

First, if this is my soldier, I pray I would have already been aware of this and started working with him well before it reached this point. Second, there is lots of help trained to aid this soldier and his wife. Third, why would the soldier be moving out?

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 15 at 2014 5:48 PM

2014-05-15T17:48:12-04:00

Without further information I would say from my own personal perspective the best course of action would be to allow the soldier, mission allowing, time to move his stuff out. Doing so in a big group could lead to more issues then it solves. Who knows what they are taking and who it the property owner, hurts them in court and if legal action occurs it doesn't just involved your soldier now, it involves half your platoon. I would though make sure he has a place to stay, a warm meal and someone to talk with during this hard time. I would encourage him to seek counseling, legal advice through jag, and if there are more details/situational factors to other appropriate army programs and services. I would support him and encourage him to make the right decisions.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 10:28 AM

2014-07-15T10:28:05-04:00

Have a chat with him to see if he's hard-set on separation or just an emotional build-up first.

Also I don't understand, SSG Robert Burns, you want me to comment as if he was one of my peers, so the options to 'give the Soldier time to go pack his stuff on his own' and 'don't let the Soldier go and tell him to take care of it on his own time' do not seem to apply then, right?

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 12:49 AM

2014-07-23T00:49:27-04:00

My Commander and 1SG helped me plot a scheme to get away from my first husband, back in the day. If they had not, I wouldn't be alive today.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 7 at 2014 10:58 PM

2014-08-07T22:58:28-04:00

I was a poor 22 year old PVT when I showed up late to formation one morning. My Commander called me to the side and asked me to pull down the collar of my BDU blouse...exposing to him, the horrible black bruises around my neck.
With the his help, and the assistant of my Chain, I was able to get myself and my son away from a brute who was intent on murdering us.
If you have doubts about helping a soldier in a domestic situation, think about this. None of us knows what goes on behind closed doors. Assume nothing and take your responsibilities seriously, and trust me...you may have saved a soldier's life.