Should dependents be mandated to take a class on "you are not your spouse's rank?"

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 21 May 2016 18:21:01 -0400

I've noticed that a lot don't seem to realize their rank isn't theirs to show off. I am curious if any SM has actually told them no they are not or they just spoil them. For those who are high ranking i hope you realize that this lowers the morale of some members when it's something that should be taught the moment they are married. I will never salute your wife lol.

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made May 21 at 2016 7:27 PM

SSG Roger Ayscue — Sat, 21 May 2016 19:27:19 -0400

I think that it should be included in the In Brief for the Family Readiness group. I also think that it may not be the best thing for the Commanders wife to be the Chair person of the FRG. A Private First Class may have a spouse that is way way sharper and a better choice to run the FRG than the Commanders spouse.

I think the ones that should be made to take the mandatory class are the Military Sponsors.

Response by SGM Steve Wettstein made May 21 at 2016 11:27 PM

SGM Steve Wettstein — Sat, 21 May 2016 23:27:41 -0400

This would not happen if the SMs talked with their significant others about trying to use their rank. I did with my wife and kids and never had a problem.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made May 22 at 2016 2:38 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 May 2016 02:38:49 -0400

Dependents cannot be 'mandated' to take any class(es). They are not the ones that signed a contract. However, military members should encourage family members to educate themselves about the ins and outs of the service or speak with their families about staying in their lane. ACS, FRG, Military One Source all provide education opportunities.

Response by SPC Brian Mason made May 22 at 2016 1:46 PM

SPC Brian Mason — Sun, 22 May 2016 13:46:54 -0400

Ha ha ha!!! Most definitively. It's quite immature for a spouse to throw around his or her spouse's rank. They didn't earn it and we don't have to respect it that way. If that spouse is also in the military and has superior rank then that's another matter. I don't care how high up a soldier is, if his or her spouse acts like that, I'm gonna laugh. Then again, I'm a Veteran who's fulfilled his service so I wouldn't have to anyway.
I have seen it happen though at Ft. Drum when I was stationed there. Quite entertaining.

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 1:14 AM

MCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 23 May 2016 01:14:04 -0400

I heard this from a Navy friend:

A new Ship was commissioned, and the CO and his wife wanted to start up a spouse's club. First meeting, the CO's wife was in charge - PURELY to get things going and to chair the thing until a "real" president could be chosen/elected. The CO welcomed everyone, and then asked them all to arrange themselves in rank order.
After 10 minutes of milling about, they finished, and the CO announced - "Bull. _NONE_ of you wear rank, so you are _ALL_ equal in here. Don't forget this, and don't pull any shenanigans."

I have no idea if it's true - but I really hope so!!

Though not in the Coast Guard, I've seen some hair-raising crap from spouses (both genders). Dependas are a horrible thing.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made May 23 at 2016 10:08 AM

Cpl Justin Goolsby — Mon, 23 May 2016 10:08:24 -0400

No, simply because no one would pay attention. If you need a class for this, it is guaranteed that the people who need it most will not be in attendance. As annoying as they can be, they are always an easy source of entertainment when someone puts them back in their place.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2016 5:29 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 10 Nov 2016 17:29:50 -0500

When I start to get involved with a new woman I wait a little while before I mention my involvement in the military. When I do they get a lecture about not being a dependa.

Response by SPC John Decker made Nov 23 at 2017 11:35 AM

SPC John Decker — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 11:35:44 -0500

I was taught that the uniform/rank demanded respect. The person wearing/carrying those things had to earn it. Spouses don't fall into either category.

Response by PO3 Brenton Holbrook made Nov 23 at 2017 2:27 PM

PO3 Brenton Holbrook — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 14:27:58 -0500

One of my auxiliary duty's was the ASF, Auxiliary Security Force. Manning the gate once evening, I was greeted by a vehicle who wouldn't dim their headlights as they approached. When they got close enough, I noticed two things: 1) The front license plate was a NEX spirit store replica "full bird," and the driver was a lady (not in uniform)... I immediately knew something was about to go down... I asked her for her ID and made sure everything was good. I gave it back and said "Thank you ma'am, have a nice night," and proceeded to wave her through. She didn't move. When I repeated myself, she said, "You have to salute me!" Naturally, it was in a condescending tone and pretty nasty in general. So, I got close to the vehicle asked for her ID again. She gave it to me and then I proceeded to explain that her ID was a dependent ID, that she does not warrant a salute, she would not receive one, and that she was clear through the gate. Naturally, I returned her tone with my own nasty version with the most professional voice I could muster at the same time. It was glorious.

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Nov 23 at 2017 4:12 PM

SSG Edward Tilton — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 16:12:10 -0500

And a fit General Officer can walk across the Parking Lot better than a disabled veteran

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Nov 23 at 2017 9:13 PM

SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 21:13:38 -0500

That would be very interesting indeed. Some of the spouses are really arrogant and snotty towards lower ranking troops. That's not right because they are not serving their spouse is.

Peace!

Response by LTC John Griscom made Nov 23 at 2017 9:23 PM

LTC John Griscom — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 21:23:41 -0500

Allegedly, the CG of the post I was stationed at was scheduled to address the Officers Wives Club. When he walked in, he stated that the wives were seated according to rank. After some confusion and re-seating, the wives were settled. CG's comment was to the effect "You ladies have no rank" and walked out.
Apparently, an LTC's wife had bumped the line in the commissary, using her husband's rank to get in front of a young lady. Turns out the young lady was a general's wife.

Response by SFC Greg Bruorton made Nov 23 at 2017 10:08 PM

SFC Greg Bruorton — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 22:08:55 -0500

I think it's a good idea to instruct spouses that they are not entitled the same privileges as their spouse. During my time of service, it was not unusual to have a colonel's wife step to the front of a line at the commissary. My new wife, not accustomed to such behavior, had encountered an event as this and was quick to point out to the woman that she didn't give a damn about her spouse's rank and get to the back of the line. There were no repercussions for me as I was a member of a special unit on post.

Response by Vera Nelson made Nov 23 at 2017 10:23 PM

Vera Nelson — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 22:23:24 -0500

I once had an officers wife demand that I give up my space in a VERY long long LONG line in the commissary to her. I asked why she said my husband is so and so what is your husband rank. I said since neither if them was here and it wasn't a military matter it didn't and neither did she.

Response by SP6 Cole Tierney made Nov 24 at 2017 12:36 PM

SP6 Cole Tierney — Fri, 24 Nov 2017 12:36:26 -0500

No! The chain of command is different at home. lol

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Feb 8 at 2018 10:21 PM

SSG Edward Tilton — Thu, 08 Feb 2018 22:21:24 -0500

They have looked down their noses at my wife for decades. Screw them

Response by TSgt Lindsay Flick Nelson made Feb 12 at 2018 10:38 PM

TSgt Lindsay Flick Nelson — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 22:38:56 -0500

Spouses are required to live up to their spouses ranking standards. But they are not their rank. Being a military spouse is a tough job. Not everyone is up for it. I met many a wife who was fine being friends with me till their husbands became officers. Then I was not good enough or worthy of their time.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2018 8:25 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 04 Nov 2018 08:25:35 -0500

I feel the best time to address this would be when they are put into DEERS. For the ones that abuse this it seems like the only time they might pay attention to this is when they are being explained all the "glorious benefits" of TriCare and on base amenities. Rank is the service members. Spouses deserve the basic respect and courtesy that should be given to all people.