Should the Coast Guard be informed of a guardsman's adultery while deployed?

2018-05-03T11:11:45-04:00

My daughter's husband committed adultery on his first deployment on his cutter. The transgression occurred with a civilian during a shore leave. She tried to give him another chance but he kept on communicating with the woman so they are in the process of getting a divorce - he has agreed to the terms and the paperwork is filed with the state. He desires to keep the adultery from them. My daughter tells me that he now appears to be in a relationship with another female guardsman on the cutter - this I believe is rumor at this point. I don't pretend to think that my daughter doesn't share responsibility for her failed marriage to a certain degree, although he is the one that committed the adultery, not her. My question is, should his chain of command be notified of his adultery, and/or the rumor of his relationship on the boat? Admittedly, there's a certain degree of revenge I would be seeking, but I am also concerned that his chain should know about this. Thoughts please, and thanks for y'all's service.

Response by SGT David T. made May 3 at 2018 11:43 AM

2018-05-03T11:43:59-04:00

My policy has always been one of noninterference. As much as I may emotionally want to do something, I can never be sure of the 2nd or 3rd order effects of such an act. I am also not sure if the Coast Guard is subject to the UCMJ or if they even have rules against it. Regardless, it is best to let it go. While I can understand wanting to harm the guy who hurt your daughter, it wont really change anything.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made May 3 at 2018 11:44 AM

2018-05-03T11:44:07-04:00

Two points. And nothing I say condones adultery
To what end do you wish to notify the Coc?
I'm not a lawyer, dont play one on TV and have not lately stayed in a Holiday inn, but from what you have written so far, you have an allegation of adultery only.
adultery is difficult to prove unless caught in the act, proof by way of a child, transmitted dieses that can be tracked to the host, self incrimination or perhaps a preponderance of circumstantial evidence of adultery (caught lying of whereabouts, pictures entering hotel room with female, receipt and video of his purchasing condoms, wife's statement she had tubes tied and as a couple they do not use condoms, txt messages that while not specific to admitting sex they imply such.....)
And of course the CoC will have to consider the source.. a Father...inclined to be motivated to hurt the adulterer (yes I know what i said..lol)

And then there is some self serving reasons to not notify even just an allegation... Will this person be more likely to provide after the divorce as court ordered with his Job in the coast guard, or after involuntary separation?
I'm a Father too two boys and a Grandfather to a boy, a God father to a beautiful young lady, an uncle to three girls and a boy, and father figure to a now adult lady who I care for greatly and would do what any father would.... So I get the desire to make the guy in question pay for his actions to your daughter... The question comes down to, To what end do you notify?

Response by CPT Don Kemp made May 3 at 2018 12:57 PM

2018-05-03T12:57:40-04:00

Our company had a ski trip to Garmisch years ago - for some reason, I didn't go. When they came home, as the story goes, a Sergeant E-5's wife had gotten intoxicated and threw herself at a Staff Sergeant E-6 who willingly "helped her out." It was nasty. I think the E-6 got a company grade Article 15 if I remember correctly. Bad blood between them for sure.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2018 1:11 PM

2018-05-03T13:11:04-04:00

Doug-First, I'm sorry your daughter is going through this and I hope time will heal all wounds.

As to your question; I've never felt that the law or regulations should be used as a "weapon". It's a sad thing to say, but without any discredit to the thousands of service members who ARE loyal to their spouses and children...this is has always been a challenge to families where one spouse may be forward deployed, visiting strange places and being introduced to an artificial "anonymity" abroad. It was for this very reason I never gave any serious consideration to marriage while I was actively serving.

I'd like to say that a "good" Sailor is always a moral one (some of the best I've known were)...but that would be stretching things. Infidelity is a problem found at all ranks, skill sets and all levels of competency. Inevitably, those who repeatedly flirt with disaster get "burned" eventually.

The CoC will have to respond to any information you provide, and this will be doubly disruptive to the command because it came from the private sector. It's not just about potentially losing one crew member to his just comeuppance, but a top-to-bottom event that may result in other people's careers being spotlighted. The higher it goes, the more damage may be done...my advice is to allow his superiors to view these indiscretions for themselves, and deal with them accordingly.

In the meantime; again, I sympathize with your daughter, and as a husband and father...understand where you're coming from.

Response by SGT Joseph Gunderson made May 3 at 2018 2:00 PM

2018-05-03T14:00:12-04:00

I'll be honest; unless this relationship is affecting the mission of the unit they aren't going to care. In addition, just because their relationship obviously didn't work doesn't mean that she needs to go after his career anyways. Grow up and learn to get over crap.

Response by Doug S made May 3 at 2018 4:26 PM

2018-05-03T16:26:41-04:00

Thanks to all for your opinions. While I may kick him in the ***** the next time I see him, I for one won't be getting involved outside of making sure I do what I can to help her on her new path. What she does is up to her. There's a lot I didn't include in this whole saga of course..suffice it to say that he's likely a sociopath and his behavior will continue i'm sure...

Response by SGT Tony Clifford made May 3 at 2018 5:05 PM

2018-05-03T17:05:40-04:00

Sir, I understand your dilemma. While I could definitely see wanting to get revenge, I would leave this to your daughter. I know what she's going through, my 1st wife carried out an affair in my own house while I was in Korea. I just walked away as it seemed healthier than obsessing that she receive comeuppance. Going after the guy's means of supporting himself isn't going to right any wrongs. I am sorry for what your daughter has been through. Hopefully she'll be able to move on without too much pain.

Response by CW3 Kevin Storm made May 3 at 2018 7:35 PM

2018-05-03T19:35:41-04:00

A quick check of adultery and the UCMJ:
Adultery and Article 134 of the UCMJ: Elements

(1) That the accused wrongfully had sexual intercourse with a certain person;

(2) That, at the time, the accused or the other person was married to someone else; and

(3) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.
Burn em!

Response by MSG John Duchesneau made May 3 at 2018 11:47 PM

2018-05-03T23:47:28-04:00

Contact his commanding officer and see what happens.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made May 20 at 2018 5:06 PM

2018-05-20T17:06:26-04:00

Stay out of it.