Should women in the military seek out other women as mentors to gain career advice?

2013-09-27T11:32:12-04:00

The topic of women in leadership roles has received a great deal of visibility since Sheryl Sandberg published her book "Lean In". Does this concept translate to military service? If so, are there any recommended measures that could build a great network?

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Sep 27 at 2013 4:25 PM

2013-09-27T16:25:53-04:00

Lt Col Cashin- Great topic. What does the 'Lean-In' book say about this unique mentor mentee relationship? Any interesting high points that can be relayed to the female military professional? Any social media groups out there that might good resources?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 27 at 2013 6:52 PM

2013-09-27T18:52:31-04:00

<p>I definitely think it's helpful Ma'am.  For me, it's encouraging to see E7s females being competent in the rank I want to obtain, not to mention great to bounce things and gain a different perspective, if needed.  It also provides me glimpses into what my jobs and responsibilities could be futuristically.  </p><p> </p><p>Rally Point is a great networking, Q&A, and etc site. I've recently come across a few Facebook pages specifically geared towards certain MOSs, towards the NCO channels, and etc.  Perhaps that could be a start....</p><p> </p><p>Thank you </p><p> </p><p>SSG B</p>

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 27 at 2013 9:54 PM

2013-09-27T21:54:19-04:00

Great question!! Yes, Lean In does discuss the concept of mentorship, but not in the classic sense. The book suggests multiple mentors could be used for multiple purposes. (a mentor for education, for career development, etc) I've also heard a "sponsor" would be great to meet specific networking needs...introducing a menthe/protege to key contacts.

The Lean In foundation (LeanIn.org) has also constructed a great curriculum designed to help small groups, or circles, to meet, network and share personal stories. The resources available are really amazing, and can be tailored to your group's specific needs, i.e. negotiating a wage wouldn't be necessary in military culture.

Mightybell...a brand new social networking site of a different sort. Super for closed groups to chat, post documents, plan meetings, and more.

And I'm always available to answer questions if anyone is interested to hear more.

Finally, the Lean In book is just like any other book, it has some great answers, and some answers not everyone may agree with. Just take what you need, make it your own, and run with it. :)

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2013 12:38 PM

2013-09-28T12:38:40-04:00

I believe they should. I am a young SSG who only has six years in the Army. There are quite a few things I needed to seek mentorship on. I have two other mentors who are male but it wasn't until I had a senior female NCO take me under her wing that I really gained the most knowledge. It's confidence knowing that a senior female is in your corner backing you. 

Response by SSG Jim Handy made Sep 28 at 2013 3:21 PM

2013-09-28T15:21:36-04:00

No. They should seek out other SUCCESSFUL SOLDIERS, regardless of their gender. There will never be full equality for women in the military as long as they are classified separately. They need to be soldiers, period. Not women soldiers. 

Response by CMC Robert Young made Nov 16 at 2013 1:13 PM

2013-11-16T13:13:59-05:00

Ma'am, this has been a topic of conversation among our senior enlisted workforce recently. During visits with the crew, a common theme from the first term female members was the lack of a focused resource that addresses female specific mentoring. I think it would be an awesome idea, and have asked several of our senior enlisted female members to volunteer to take the point. The unit is working to develop a pool of senior female service members who would engage our junior members early and often to help them successfully navigate what remains a predominately male environment/culture. The response from both groups, senior and junior, has been very positive. My hope is that it will bear good fruit for us all in terms of strengthening the workforce.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 21 at 2013 12:17 AM

2013-11-21T00:17:20-05:00

I served for 4 years. Unfortunately, I didn't have the female role models that I desperately needed or wanted.<div><br></div><div>There were a few women that I could look up to, but those few ladies were few and far between. I was a young, single sailor, who didn't have the positive female influences at a crucial time <span style="font-size: 13px;">in my life. Hence why I "only" did 4 years. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: 13px;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 13px;">I'll admit, I shot myself in the foot. I was that loudmouth 19 year old who said I was only doing my 4 and getting out. But the navy didn't try to re-recruit me. The took my words as golden, and stopped investing in me. I asked for special training schools, I asked and sought out any opportunity I could, and was faced with door slam after door slam.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: 13px;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 13px;">With limited positive female influence in my chain of command, I eventually started going through the motions - did what I had to do to finish my contract honorably and got the hell out.</span></div><div><br></div><div>I separated 10 years ago. This spring I joined Kappa Epsilon Psi Military Sorority, Inc. The purpose? Honoring, Uniting and Mentoring female service members. I may not be active duty anymore, but any positive influence I can be to other female service members is a big deal to me.</div><div><br></div><div>I absolutely believe that women service members should have positive female mentors from within the ranks. I don't, however, think that all ladies are courageous enough to seek out that mentorship. As such, I think it's a responsibility of higher ranking and long time service female service members to take the opportunity to get to know the younger service members as they are able to, and provide that unofficial mentorship.</div>

Response by Cpl Ray Fernandez made Nov 21 at 2013 12:34 AM

2013-11-21T00:34:01-05:00

To answer the question presented, I say yes. Some of the best lessons come from making mistakes, and the absolute best lessons come from learning from other people's mistakes. So by that logic mentoring and sharing your own personal experiences from your career with other women should be a great way to help women in the military advance. I don't think that only women would benefit from mentoring. With the shift towards increasing the roles of women in the military, I believe even males would gain from mentoring from female leaders considering that some men may soon have to deal with women in their units for the first time in their careers. For the most part the only time I had any units with women in them was at my MOS school. I was fortunate though to have had a sister who enlisted years before I did into the Marine Corps (after the end of her enlistment she drove me to meet with a recruiter).

To start building a network to empower women, I honestly feel you're taking a big step here on Rallypoint, where you can reach out towards other female service members and start pooling and sharing knowledge and experience even by simply starting this discussion.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Nov 21 at 2013 7:51 AM

2013-11-21T07:51:05-05:00

I'm inclined to think they should seek out succesful mentors in related career paths, regardless of gender. I'd suggest that qualifications are more important than plumbing.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 21 at 2013 8:52 AM

2013-11-21T08:52:54-05:00

Ma'am <br><br>My CO who is a woman made an interesting point during a discussion on this topic.<br><br>If the problem is with the "good ol' boys club' Maybe women should seek out male mentors to help them break into the club. <br><br>I thought it was an interesting take on the subject.<br>

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 21 at 2013 5:42 PM

2013-11-21T17:42:45-05:00

Sheryl Sandberg: This Is The Most 'Gratifying' Thing I've Ever Done

After reading Lean In military women created a support group that is helping them combat bias in the workplace.

Response by PFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 21 at 2013 6:20 PM

2013-11-21T18:20:06-05:00

I am one of only a handful of females in my squadron mam...the only female medic... and to be honest I always find myself wishing there was a female there to mentor me and guide me. I am not saying a male can not mentor me because the NCOs I have now are outstanding, but I think it's only natural for me to want that female perspective.

Response by MSgt Matthew Gaudu made Nov 22 at 2013 12:25 PM

2013-11-22T12:25:50-05:00

I think you shouldn't limit yourself to just females. Experience is experience, no matter who supplies the information. Getting knowledge from a superior female can give you an inside track on what that person did, but it might not work for you. I would think just talking to whomever in your career path should do you justice.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 22 at 2013 12:58 PM

2013-11-22T12:58:03-05:00

Ma'am,

Choosing a good mentor
should not be a decision made based on gender but on professional qualifications. The mentee should ask himself; what is the mentor
candidate doing or what has the mentor candidate done that aligns with my professional
interests and needs. The good thing
about this is that, based on your questions, you can have more than one
mentor. Gender, however, should be irrelevant
but it can be dependent on the mentee’s preferences. Other times you can have someone voluntarily wanting
to be your mentor. I for one, will
always welcome good advice.

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 23 at 2013 4:02 AM

2013-11-23T04:02:13-05:00

<div>Thanks for posting, great question.  This concept can and must be translated to the military.  Women need to find female mentors, and even if more senior mentors are available, we should also develop peer networks such as the Circles described in Leanin.Org and Mitghtybell.com.  There are challenges unique to us and sometimes it is incredibly helpful to share with someone who can relate.  There are times when we endure a situation and then when we finally share it with other females, we learn it's not "just us."  In a positive, professional environment we can troubleshoot and figure out how to overcome challenges together.  The Lean In discussion throughout the country is empowering, taking it to the military is useful.  Sometimes we get so fixed on equal opportunity that we don't even want to talk about gender.  I'm truly grateful for the equal wage I get, but we must acknowledge our differences and biases and discuss how to enhance the strengths and overcome the issues.  Then we can all accomplish the mission in the most effective manner.</div><div><br></div><div>Mentoring can be a challenge to the military overall; certain career fields are more conducive to mentoring than others.  I wholeheartedly agree that women should also have male mentors as well and there should be programs to help encourage mentorship.  There are additional challenges to males mentoring females and sometimes the road taken is avoidance; however, it can and should be done.  If you are male and you've gone out of your way to professionally mentor females in your unit or elsewhere - a big thank you and kudos.  Even my own career, I never fully understood mentorship; therefore I was not good with getting mentors until recently.  Now, I am reaching out to many, male/female and mentor/mentee. Simply making connections and learning/sharing where I can.  I am also learning about the power of discussions, one can get mentored specifically for their career path; however, sometimes simply addressing topics and general challenges is very useful as well.</div><div><br></div><div>At the RKB in Quantico, VA, HQ for the MCIOs such as OSI, NCIS, CID (DSS & DIA too), there is an informal group that meets once a month on Fridays, called "Female First Friday." The intent of F3 is to provide a positive, professional, interactive environment in which personnel can network, mentor, and discuss issues that affect women. These meetings are open to women and men who are interested in promoting diversity, and supporting the careers of women in the RKB. Anyone who would like to become more familiar with these issues, or who supports the professional progression, enhancement and retention of women, are always welcome to attend.</div><div><br></div><div>Groups like this, the one in Jordan (we call it Wingwoman Wednesday, meet every other Wednesday) have theme based discussions.  A few of the topics are Work/Life Balance  (or out here Finding Balance in the Deployed Environment), Mentors & Sponsors, and Managing Difficult Conversations.  These are topics useful to anyone; yet, there are some gender specific quirks we can address in these forums.  If more groups like these form elsewhere, in the starfish fashion (as mentioned w/the Ft Hood network, "The Starfish and the Spider" By Ori Brafman and Rod Beckstrom, I'm listening to it now), everyone (male & female) in the military, careers, units, and families will all benefit.  </div>

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 23 at 2013 4:43 AM

2013-11-23T04:43:05-05:00

<font color="#000000" size="3" face="Times New Roman">

</font><p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style='font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";'><font size="3"><font color="#000000">This is
pretty much up my alley ma'am. I am a vehicle mechanic and at home station as
well as deployment only once have I met another female mechanic. The first year
and a half at my home station females were only in the admin side of my shop
but no actual mechanics. Being in a deployed location and working majority of
my 6 months as the only female in a shop of +30 is ok but I always looked for
that female companionship. I have more male mentors because that is what my
career field is made most of. It's refreshing to see the different leadership
styles even within leaders of both sexes. Individually we tend to choose what
to take from our mentors and what not to. It betters you as a leader when it comes to that day. I don't
get to know a male mentor on a personal level as I would a female. It's to
protect the working environment so that there are no rumors spreading just
because we are acquaintances of the opposite sex. I feel more attached to the
women in my career field especially if they know wrenching like I do. We have
more in common; more to relate to, and beyond work, more to discuss personally
that a male supervisor may not want to know. Overall, I believe it depends on
your career field and the choices your supervision decides to lead/mentor you.
But you always need some form of a positive companion. If not we
don't feel associated with the group and some may slip into depression especially on
deployments.</font></font></span></p>

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 11 at 2013 2:53 PM

2013-12-11T14:53:22-05:00

Absolutely, everyone should find at LEAST a few good female mentors! Women can face different challanges than men (not harder or easier, just different) and women leaders can shine light on alternative and lesser-understood viewpoints, and after 12 years I think I have seen it all. I am so happy to find good mentors and so happy when junior NCOs/Soldiers of either gender seek my advice and mentorship, not only because it makes me feel good about the job I am doing, but because I want to help as many people I can to grow without making the same mistakes I have made.

Response by SGT Aja Johnson made Dec 12 at 2013 7:30 PM

2013-12-12T19:30:25-05:00

Yes! In the Engineer world, there are hardly any females and even less female NCOs. I came up in a platoon with NO female leadership and there was only ONE female NCO in the entire company. I had no guidance other than this NCO. I was in a line unit at Ft. Benning, and never interacted with any of the other companies in the Battalion. <div><br></div><div>Now at JBLM, I am in an HHC company, there are a lot of female NCOs but none in my MOS or the Engineer branch. I am the only one. My section is ALL NCOs but like I said, I'm the only one. I always need help making sure my uniform looks squared away and of course the males have an issue with helping. The female NCOs obviously know more about the female part of AR 670-1, it helps to seek out that female leadership. It also helps out to seek out the female leadership that have accomplished a whole lot in their careers, like Audie Murphy Club Boards, Drill Sergeant School, and other career progressing training.</div><div><br></div><div> A lot of female soldiers walk around untouched by on the spot corrections because of lack of female NCOs around. I would like the mentorship of a female NCO, especially now that I AM a female NCO. I cant lead unless I have the mentorship of a female NCO. I have GREAT mentorship job wise from my NCOIC who is a stern and knowledgeable man, but he is exactly that, a MAN. He admits he doesn't know everything but he tries his best.</div>

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 13 at 2013 7:24 PM

2013-12-13T19:24:55-05:00

Its good to have a mentor of the same gender. And if possible of the same MOS. When that is possible, and that mentor is credible, great things open up for that junior Soldier. We often strave away from that mentor that will show us and tell us what right looks like be it male or female. And sometimes its because that Senior is going above and beyond. so you have to ask yourself how far are you willing to go to get what you need to be successful.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 23 at 2013 4:35 PM

2013-12-23T16:35:39-05:00

Awesome question....yes yes yes!  It wasn't until I was a SFC that I found a strong and professional female mentor.  CSM Sheehan at the time was XVIII ABC NCOA Commandant.  She taught me so much.  How to conduct myself at all times.  How to use facts instead of emotions to make decisions.  When I met her I knew immediately what type of Senior NCO I wanted to be.  I strive everyday to be like her.  It was powerful.  <div><br></div><div>So in answer to your question, yes I think we all need to seek out these women, if for nothing else than to show us what is in the realm of possible.</div>

Response by SFC James Baber made Jan 11 at 2014 10:46 PM

2014-01-11T22:46:09-05:00

I think this is a good thread for those we are trying to get to join can see the substance of some things we discuss between us as current and former military, soft spoken as well as informational and mentoring types of postings.

We also have fun at times while remaining professional.

Response by LT Jessica Kellogg made Jan 31 at 2014 7:12 PM

2014-01-31T19:12:12-05:00

Not exclusively, but yes, there are some things I think would be more helpful to discuss with another female. For example, talking about how having kids would impact my career. Yes, kids impact the fathers life too, but it may be more beneficial to talk to another female who has balanced family and work.

Or hair. Done incorrectly, and wearing your hair in a bun all day can hurt. It can help to have another female show you the tips and tricks of how to out your hair up in such a way that you're not messing with it or it's not falling out of regs all day.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 9:09 AM

2014-02-03T09:09:33-05:00

Ma'am, I think it is hard to find good mentors period. I have had 2 great mentors in my entire 15+ years. Thank you CSM Rickey Davis and SGM Scott Brown! In my career field it seems to be that most female senior NCO's are catty with other females and don't appreciate the fact that you want to look up to them. There aren't many females to begin with. I have looked at them and told myself that they are who I DON'T want to be like. Although I do believe there to be great female leaders, I have not had the good grace of meeting any that are willing to mentor.

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2014 3:02 PM

2014-02-04T15:02:20-05:00

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http://www.melodyhmitchell.com/blog/

Blog (Views are Mine)

I am dedicating this post and the two to follow in a 3-Part series “Out of Comfort Zone Connections” to all of the wonderful relationships I formed during this deployment. It takes effort to get out o...

Response by PV2 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2014 4:16 PM

2014-02-04T16:16:06-05:00

Ma'am, great discussion!

I have only been serving for a little over a year now, however I have some insight I would love to share. During my transition from civilian to soldier I have had the pleasure of meeting some great NCO's and a few not so great, of both genders of course. During AIT I had three female NCO's and two male NCO's, though they were all great at upholding standards and setting the example, I never felt obligated to run specifically to a certain gender for mentoring. Perhaps being raised with five brothers has caused me to see and think on both sides of the spectrum, therefore making it easier for me to confide in both genders? Or perhaps it's the fact that as junior enlisted, I feel as though I should be able to talk to my senior NCO's(male or female) about any questions I might have regarding my unit, regulations, career, or whatever else I might conjure up. Either way, I feel it is now a responsibility for senior NCO's of both genders to set the example and uphold standards for both male and female junior enlisted. In my current unit, I do not have a female NCO in my direct chain of command however my NCO's have proved they can deal with issues both male and female related as they have adapted to the changes. They have studied the regulations, they have set the standard for their soldiers, and they continuously enforce that standard regardless of gender. I don't feel as though gender should matter when it comes to choosing a mentor, a great leader is a great leader.

"The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership."

-Colin Powell

Response by Col Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 3 at 2014 1:13 PM

2014-07-03T13:13:35-04:00

IMHO mentoring has nothing to do with gender. I have had great mentoring from both male and female AD members. I think that a mentee needs to take initiative to seek out a mentor regardless of the gender. And a great mentor worth their weight in gold with provide the same great leadership development and mentoring to all mentees! How do I know this? I am a male nurse in a predominantly female career field.

Response by CW5 Sam R. Baker made Jul 3 at 2014 1:18 PM

2014-07-03T13:18:03-04:00

Yes......

Response by Pvt Michael Todd made Nov 21 at 2021 8:14 PM

2021-11-21T20:14:43-05:00

Yes, men are pigs by nature and sex is always an issue to be honest. If a man says he has no thoughts of an attractive coworker and sex he's lying to you and himself.

Response by PO2 Charity Keller made Dec 25 at 2021 4:21 PM

2021-12-25T16:21:02-05:00

To a point Yes. Some women have nothing but negative feedback to give, then there are other women who are G.I. Jane, what a person needs is someone with a blended mix of both these people. Also just because you’re a woman does not mean you cannot have a mentor that is a man. What people need to look for in a mentor is someone who has been around, serve their country proudly, loves their family, and knows how to balance all of it. There are some women out there we fall back on their gender to get others to do their work and then there are some that are too stubborn to accept help when it is offered. So I still stand by my point but whoever is your mentor needs to have a good balance of all aspects of military life.