Story time. What is the most outlandish attempt to get a badge or medal you've seen?

2015-11-09T02:28:09-05:00

Most of us have seen some pretty *ahem* "creative" stories in order to get a CAB or CIB. Other times, medals are on the line, because they "just don't have that one yet". I have seen a bunch in my time, so I'll share my favorite, and maybe sprinkle in a few more if this discussion catches on like I think it will:

So when I was in Iraq back in 2005, we had a Major who had this bit when we went on a mission. He wanted everyone to stand outside the doors of their M-1114s, all lock and load, and SIMULTANEOUSLY get in and close the doors in unison while he recited his mantra: "Cowboy up, lock and load, Rangers lead the way". I know, I know, terrible. It was even worse when it wasn't good enough and we had to do it again to get it right.
Well, our motor pool and assembly area was on the outer perimeter of the FOB, and once in a while we'd take a little harassing SAF or more commonly, mortar rounds while we were getting ready from some nearby buildings on a hill. Most recently, the week before this fateful mission. So Major H--- goes through the "cowboy up" bit, and right when he gets to "Rangers lead the way" a shot rings out. Everyone takes cover, except a certain Staff Sergeant who saw the whole thing. The team was shouting out checks on each other and trying to get the three D's... while the SSG calmly walks up on MAJ H--- writhing on the ground.
"Are you OK, sir?"
"A...A... I think I shot my foot!" Doofus had ND'd a 9mm round. And he didn't miss.
"MEDIC!"
"Who's hurt?"
"Major H--- has a 9mm diameter wound in his foot!"
"Oh...ooooohhh..."
So the good Major was Medevac'd, just ahead of a vengeful (then) BG Carter Ham looking for blood from the Field Grade who had ND'd a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Lucky for him, he went to Kuwait and later Landstuhl before too much harm could come his way.
A week passes, and I get a phone call from Major H--- from Germany. After pleasantries and inquiring after his health (lots of surgeries to insert pins to fix the broken foot bones) he gets down to the purpose of his call. He wants to know what the status of his Purple Heart was.
"What Purple Heart?" was my incredulous response.
Threats ensue. I think he was hoping the circumstances of his early departure from theater would be kept low key. It was, for the most part. Except for the angry CG. He says "According to AR 600-8-22, you can receive a Purple Heart for friendly fire."
Finishing it for him, I quote "if it is directed at the enemy."
We go back and forth for a bit, then he asks to talk to the commander. Now the commander had a large bite taken out of his behind by the CG just a week earlier, and had just finished the 15-6 on it a couple of days earlier. I walk down the hall and tell him the deal. He says (paraphrased) "You tell Major H--- that not only will I not support it, he is to file for reassignment as soon as he gets back to the states." Sprinkled with cursing, of course.
Since my phone lacked a "hold" button, I had left it off the hook. When I returned, I asked Major H--- of he caught all that.
"Yes", he says, fairly quietly.
Then I said "Look, sir. We both know what is going on here. You want to go home and tell everyone how you got "Shot in Iraq", never mind how that happened." I gave him a piece of my mind and hung up.
Later, the BC wanted to talk about a letter of reprimand, but I'm pretty sure he didn't follow through.

I did have one last laugh, when I suggested to the CSM that he invite Major H--- to the next dining out and present him with an Up-armored Combat Boot with a bulls-eye painted on the top.

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Nov 9 at 2015 2:49 AM

2015-11-09T02:49:53-05:00

Similar....we left late one lovely Iraqi evening to set up a snap TCP along Route Bronze in Al Anbar Province to capture (kill) a HVT in early 2006. We were hit by a suicide VBIED/fuel tanker. The initial blast killed about a dozen IA's. The Scout PSG and I secured the perimeter and pulled in two wounded civilians for medical treatment....our Medical Officer had been on the objective with us and left with the medevac bird to take the civ casualty to Al Asad....later asking for sworn statements to support a BSM V!
Not no, but hell no! You do not receive an award for Valor by leaving your people, that was the last time the medo left with any maneuver element!

Response by SGT William Howell made Nov 9 at 2015 8:26 AM

2015-11-09T08:26:15-05:00

The CAB is not that hard to get. Stand out in the middle of the street in downtown Baghdad for an hour or two. Somebody will give you one.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 9 at 2015 9:39 AM

2015-11-09T09:39:13-05:00

good one 1SG LOL

Response by SSG Paul Flaven made Jun 7 at 2017 11:55 AM

2017-06-07T11:55:34-04:00

Had a Major in Iraq who wrote a dissertation on how he deserved a bronze star and a life-saving medal.

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Oct 15 at 2017 11:16 PM

2017-10-15T23:16:57-04:00

My Unit got to Vietnam in 65 and they had TWO Elderly fixed wing aircraft for the Areal Observers. There was a constant line of Officers trying to get their hours for an Air Medal. I certainly wasn't about to put my butt in one of those klunkers to fly low over the Iron Triangle.
Soon appears at our door a Reserve Colonel wanting to put in his two weeks. Did we ever need that, the appeal of an Air Medal was too much for him. Soon he was flying almost every day. Then one day, while flying low they took some fire. The Colnel hit the trifecta, a Purple Heart, Bronze Star and an Air medal.
The next month some General decided he needed our aircraft more than us

Response by SFC Wayne Theilen made Oct 23 at 2017 12:24 PM

2017-10-23T12:24:15-04:00

Up armored boot. Fuckin A hilarious

Response by SFC Romeo Sirate made Oct 28 at 2017 12:43 AM

2017-10-28T00:43:55-04:00

Admiral Borda was the Navy's Chief Naval Operation Officer when he killed himself after a report came out that one of the distinguished medal he's been wearing was not something he properly earned. They found a letter of apology addressed to all Navy personnel in his office where he committed suicide.

Response by PVT Raymond Lopez made Oct 28 at 2017 11:09 AM

2017-10-28T11:09:17-04:00

John Kerry getting his Silver Star in Vietnam!!!

Response by PFC Elijah Rose made Nov 12 at 2017 5:25 PM

2017-11-12T17:25:35-05:00

After seeing many people join the army simply for social rank and societal recognition I'm thoughly convinced that medals and ribbons are a waste of time.

Response by MSG John Joseph made Nov 12 at 2017 8:53 PM

2017-11-12T20:53:57-05:00

After retirement I was a private contractor in Afghanistan running the QRF at the Embassy in Kabul. One morning we started to receive artillery and mortar rounds in and around the embassy and diplomatic housing. I was running around positioning our forces to prevent an assault and trying to move State Dept employees into safe locations. I must have ran about 6 miles going from location to location checking my men, ensuring positions were manned and overseeing the evacuation of NGO employees. Because there's a large contingent of Military Staff officers assigned at the Embassy, I got to know a few of them. They have their SOP's to follow in case of hostilities and we respected each others roles. The attack was real, lasted a few hours but no injury or loss of life. About 3 weeks go by and this Major shows up in my office with a write up for a BSM with V device and asked if I could add my impute in writing before he turns it in. The BSM was written by him, for him and was full of flaws in accuracy. It stated that he led the safe evacuation of all NGO employees, provided a screening action and establish SBF positions to direct fire if a breech was attempted. Now the embassy has about a million cameras covering every thing from the pool to the guard towers to their bar so nothing is unseen. Last time I ran from one position I seen this major huddled in an underground tunnel with a bunch of USAID people eating MRE's. For validity of his award statement I went back to the footage and seen that he never left the tunnel and remained there the entire time. I asked him if he wanted us to forward the video to the approving authority for his BSM. He laughed it off an left. What a POS.

Response by MSG Dan Castaneda made Jan 16 at 2018 12:12 PM

2018-01-16T12:12:33-05:00

Rangers Lead the Way.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2018 10:21 AM

2018-02-03T10:21:24-05:00

I was up in Tikrit Iraq in 2009 our COL from the 96th sustainment brigade (reserves) and his security detail of has beens and have nots where out everyday looking for a CAB. Come to find out he and his team all claimed they got to wear the 1st CAV patch as their combat patch because the COL reported directly to the 1st CAV. While the rest of the 96th was given the 96th Sustainment Brigade as their combat patch. What a POS to be so ashamed of your own unit that you are the commander of and instead of wearing your own patch as your first combat patch you ever earned and makes up a lame dick excuse to wear a prestigious patch. I also think they all received CABs at some point also because every time we heard about a possible IED him and his team would have to rush out to the sight to "help secure the sight".

Response by MSG David Johnson made Feb 6 at 2018 9:11 PM

2018-02-06T21:11:21-05:00

Being a route clearance task force in Ramadi we were warned about CAB rides by the unit we replaced.
We thought they were just talking things up a bit, making it sound worse than it was.
Nope, it was even worse than what they warned. We would get VIP's from the Army Brigade we were attached to. We worked directly for the Marines, and an Army unit in Ramadi and the Brigade was in Balad, these VIP's would come to Ramadi on the pretext of checking on our welfare, then ask if they can go out on a mission, since they're in the area any way.
It got to the point if an IED went off somewhere on the on the patrol they expected to have a packet pushed up for a CAB for them. An SOP was put into effect that if there was an attack on us, it had to be within a certain distance to a vehicle in order to count for a CAB. If it was an IED we set off it didn't count at all towards a CAB.

I'm sure that everyone of the mechanics, and all TF staff who wanted had the chance to go out on a mission.
Our company alone had about a 55-60% Purple Heart rate, our company commander himself was subjected to 7-8 IED detonations.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2018 10:44 PM

2018-04-16T22:44:26-04:00

I know a Guardsman that was a tank turret mechanic who joined the army and reclassed Infantry with an airborne option and 82nd unit assignment just so he could get an 82nd combat patch in 1989. It took him 18 months but he finally got it. And a CIB. Some guys will do anything!

Response by PO2 Erik Trolenberg made Jul 3 at 2018 9:09 PM

2018-07-03T21:09:33-04:00

Seen a NAM handed out for CD burned second hand porn as moral emprovement while I was deployed.

Response by SSG Timothy Stevenson made Nov 12 at 2018 4:40 PM

2018-11-12T16:40:18-05:00

Serving as a Operations NCO on my last tour in Iraq I had some statements come across my desk that would make a fly vomit.

Response by SPC Elijah J. Henry, MBA made Nov 13 at 2018 6:38 AM

2018-11-13T06:38:42-05:00

There was that 1SG who got an ARCOM for a facebook comment.
I've seen cadre get AAMs every time they win the popularity contest with the students.

Response by LTC John Griscom made Feb 22 at 2019 6:51 PM

2019-02-22T18:51:25-05:00

Had an LT at Long Binh who tried to sell the brass that he had been hit on the head by VC and qualified for the Purple Heart. No one bought his story.

Response by LTC John Griscom made Feb 22 at 2019 6:54 PM

2019-02-22T18:54:49-05:00

Heard some stories about a former senator that make me wonder about his three PHs.

Response by SPC Kevin Ford made Jun 1 at 2019 2:44 PM

2019-06-01T14:44:22-04:00

Great share! Once again proving that no matter where you go, people are people.

Response by PVT Raymond Lopez made Jun 1 at 2019 3:41 PM

2019-06-01T15:41:15-04:00

Does I trying to get my Good Conduct Medal count?

Response by CPT Brad Wilson made Jul 31 at 2019 2:16 AM

2019-07-31T02:16:42-04:00

A mosque next to our Brigade TOC was hit by a rocket and rumor had it that everyone in the TOC was put in for a CAB and most were surprised because the walls of the palace they used were so thick they didn’t even hear the impact