Take needs of the Army assignment or keep my daughter? What to choose.

2016-06-13T14:40:57-04:00

I am faced with going Needs of the Army, or get out. If I go NoA, I lose my daughter. If I get out, I may not be able to support her. The judge presiding over my custody case told me that the only way I will get custody of my daughter is to get stationed at Bragg. But in order to do that, I need Airborne School. I can only get it if I reenlist for it, but HRC Retention is not wanting to play ball. What would you do, RP? Because I don't want to lose my kid, but I also don't want to get out, only to risk not being able to get back in.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 2:44 PM

2016-06-13T14:44:47-04:00

I would not recommend reenlisting simply out of necessity. You should stay in the Army because you want to. I personally got out because it started conflicting with the time I got to spend with my little girls growing up. God, family and then job. There are a million services out there to help veterans find jobs, so I would not sweat being able to find employment on the outside. Why would you lose your daughter, if you don't mind me asking?

Response by SGT John " Mac " McConnell made Jun 13 at 2016 2:46 PM

2016-06-13T14:46:38-04:00

Seek out the Post Chaplain. They can possibly help or send you in the right direction. They are a wealth of information. I hope this helps SPC Private RallyPoint Member

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 2:47 PM

2016-06-13T14:47:01-04:00

That's a very tough decision. Have you talked to your career adviser/counselor in regards to your situation? I for one, would stay in due to benefits and pay. I am a family person as well and it's a main theme within my life but I must do what I have to do have my family prosper. That's my honest opinion.

Find some guidance within your adviser. Check with a detailer and get inputs on how to gain custody of your child and still serve. Research, research, research.

Best of luck to you.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Jun 13 at 2016 2:49 PM

2016-06-13T14:49:15-04:00

Have you requested and been denied a compassionate reassignment?
Hard to believe 18th Airborne Corps, or 82nd Div is not in need of an 11B

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made Jun 13 at 2016 2:51 PM

2016-06-13T14:51:28-04:00

Talk to the 1SG. He might know how to grease the skids.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Jun 13 at 2016 2:54 PM

2016-06-13T14:54:00-04:00

SPC Private RallyPoint Member - Tough spot to be in, brother. But, I have to suggest considering your family first... and I am referring to your daughter. Please keep us posted. Hopefully, SGM Erik Marquez is onto a solution in his suggestion.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 2:54 PM

2016-06-13T14:54:20-04:00

How old is your daughter?

Me personally I would go NoA DEPENDING on the relationship i have with my ex-wife or baby momma. I cant be with my kids and not support them.

Thats a tough choice. HRC cant do NOTHING?

Response by SSG Pete Fleming made Jun 13 at 2016 3:10 PM

2016-06-13T15:10:11-04:00

The first thing is stay in... the economy and job market is bad and you'll need the job. Secondly, after you have exhausted all the proper channels, after you have tried it the right way and given the Army channels the appropriate time to address this. After you have run it up the chain. You have your congressman/woman.

Response by LTC John Mohor made Jun 13 at 2016 3:10 PM

2016-06-13T15:10:13-04:00

As an 11B you could look into NC National Guard positions. If your willing to changw MOS thew Reserves might allow you to serve in an AGR tour(Active Guard and Reserve) The first AGR tour can last up tp 5 years at your first posting. Like the advice of checking with the chaplain I'd look into that further as well.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 3:16 PM

2016-06-13T15:16:31-04:00

Why is this not discrimination? The judge flat out said your military service is why he will not let you have custody? Can you ask for a Guardian Ad Litum ? (spelling sorry)

An independent custody review investigation may help if your state allows them and follows their guidelines.

If you are a sole parent, you can not join Active Duty. Occasionally you can join Reserves.

Response by SGT David T. made Jun 13 at 2016 3:48 PM

2016-06-13T15:48:31-04:00

The Army is temporary, your daughter is permanent. Take what you will from that.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 5:35 PM

2016-06-13T17:35:14-04:00

1. Reconcile with your ex and be smart/adaptable
2. Put Army first since that is your employer and pay the bills
3. Put your daughter first, and take a chance on the outside. There is always good opportunities outside the Army if you are willing to work hard for it. No one owe us a living, and we have to prove our worth to collect that pay check.
4. Be an entrepreneur, start a business so that you do not need a job. Rich Dad Poor Dad is a free podcast.
5. I am sure you have a winning personallity, and get a rich lady to marry you and be successful on relationships this time.

choices are all yours, young man!

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 5:53 PM

2016-06-13T17:53:44-04:00

Keep your baby. No decision.. Keep her! SPC Private RallyPoint Member

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 6:00 PM

2016-06-13T18:00:50-04:00

you need to sit back whats important to you your daughter or the millitary, find something outside that will support her as well as you, its up to you and nobodey here can give you the right choice unless they've walked in your boots

Response by SGT Larry Michael Bleckler II made Jun 13 at 2016 6:01 PM

2016-06-13T18:01:57-04:00

Go to the chaplain explain your situation take assignment and use a power of attorney to give custodianship to parents or a trusted family member. She will live there while you take care of her needs and support money until you come back from your assignment which is temporary. Keep the chain of command informed of all your actions if they have problem keep going until someone listens if they don't want to work with you then your states congressman with fix it for your next vote it worked for me.

Response by Capt Michael Greene made Jun 13 at 2016 6:03 PM

2016-06-13T18:03:52-04:00

You need a better lawyer.
If the worst comes, I would rather be poor together with my child, than be rich without her.
Family first.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 7:15 PM

2016-06-13T19:15:02-04:00

He who wishes to fight must first the cost. I have no idea why being stationed anywhere other than Bragg would lose your daughter, however, I would pick what is in her best interest. Also, if it will create a hardship by not staying at Bragg, such as losing your family, you can leverage a compassionate assignment. It doesn't fit the normal description of what that is, however not knowing more about your particular situation I would recommend talking with your branch directly.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2016 8:09 PM

2016-06-13T20:09:55-04:00

1. Get help
2. seek out your squad leader, ask to speak to top (1SG). Make sure command is aware and ask what resources are available.
3. Talk to chap (Chaplin).
4. Go to mental health- speak to sociologist or counselor to get assistance
5. Go see JAG. Laywer. Pay for Laywer if necessary.
Be keenly aware that there is a gender double standard and sexually prejudicial methodology that many courts have applied to parental rights. Do surrender your dreams or your rights.
And in the interim , for God sake, go to airborne school son and stop being a dirty nasty filthy stinking leg !!! :)
You can do all of this. Organize and make a plan then execute
Airborne!

Response by SSG Derrick L. Lewis MBA, C-HRM made Jun 14 at 2016 7:10 AM

2016-06-14T07:10:13-04:00

SGM Matthew Quick may be able to provide some insight for you SPC Private RallyPoint Member .

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 14 at 2016 1:19 PM

2016-06-14T13:19:25-04:00

Look, I know you love this family but hey you're her family. ...go get your daughter man!

Response by SFC Carlos Gamino made Jun 14 at 2016 4:33 PM

2016-06-14T16:33:47-04:00

Time to man up, what ever it may me. What is your priority andjow are you going to accomplish it

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 14 at 2016 4:39 PM

2016-06-14T16:39:32-04:00

You need to contact your branch manager at hrc and explain your situation. If you are an e4 non promotable then there is a chance hrc will give you airborne school to Fort bragg, but this is only given to lower enlisted. It all depends on your situation and how you explain yourself. The bottom line is that this judge does not run the army or assignments process and he is well outside of his lane telling you that you have to be stationed at Fort bragg. Compassionate will not work because they will only give you 12 months for that assignment and whatever the issue is will have to be corrected by that 12 month mark. Make sure you can get a family care plan at bragg before you.go because if you miss training or missions you can be chaptered for it. I hope this helps.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 14 at 2016 4:44 PM

2016-06-14T16:44:02-04:00

Service members civil relief act, I believe it is federally mandated that you will not loose custody of your child. If you move out of state you will need to set up a temporary custody arrangement for the duration that will allow for summer visitation etc. as the non primary and because you'd be going out of state. If you are currently primary it could possibly work out that you take the child and the other parent take summers etc. See your local JAG and put in a temporary stay in order to allow you time to move it to higher courts if need be.

Response by Sgt Dale Briggs made Jun 14 at 2016 8:33 PM

2016-06-14T20:33:24-04:00

I'd never ever put anything between me and my daughter, he'll no. You'll make it if you get out, family always helps family. Daughter first.

Response by SGT Christopher Premore made Jun 14 at 2016 10:07 PM

2016-06-14T22:07:38-04:00

You don't have to be Airborne to go to Bragg they have a battalion or two of legs there

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2016 1:19 PM

2016-06-15T13:19:17-04:00

This is a hard one. I actually had to make this choice many years ago. I wanted to take my daughter to an overseas assignment and I was going through a court battle at the time. The judge came back with since I was going out of the country it would be better for my daughter to stay with her mother. I couldn't give up my job, so I did the best thing I could I kept in touch with her mother and went to my assignment. This way I still had the money to take care of her, and I could see her from time to time when I was on leave.

Things work out. My daughter and I have a great relationship and she grew up knowing that I love her very much. She is now a RN, and has been one for many years. The decision to leave her was a tough one, but I knew she needed me to not only provide the physical love, but also the financial support.

Hopefully this helps. You make be gone, but your love for her will always be there. Once she is older you will have the chance to explain your decision to her. More importantly say involved in her life no matter what goes on between you and her mother. Do your part.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2016 2:44 PM

2016-06-15T14:44:46-04:00

Maybe think of going with the National Guard. They won't move you out of state and there are AGR, and Federal Technician options.

Response by SSG Brian Kresge made Jun 15 at 2016 10:09 PM

2016-06-15T22:09:44-04:00

Okay, say you do maintain custody, but then can't sustain a family care plan. If you can't deploy, don't stay in. And I'm not trying to be indifferent, I've been a single dad in uniform. Don't squander your time with your kid. Get out. When your situation improves, you remarry, etc. come back in the Guard or Reserves.

Response by SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2016 11:17 PM

2016-06-15T23:17:47-04:00

Walk your daughter to school with a maroon beret soldier

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 7:26 AM

2016-06-16T07:26:41-04:00

PM me. It might be possible to work out a solution, but I need more info. It's a rare day that HRC says no to getting an 11B airborne qualified.
Have you thought about Ranger School? Ranger branch is a bit easier to work with.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 7:36 AM

2016-06-16T07:36:38-04:00

God, Family and Profession in that order. Start preparing to exit the military by going to SFL Tap. Make a few resumes and look for jobs in the place you plan to reside.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 9:09 AM

2016-06-16T09:09:41-04:00

Non Airborne personnel go to Ft Bragg all the time and receive Airborne School after they arrive. Is your CSM involved and your Battalion Commander? Seems like an easy fix. A call to the 82nd G1 SGM could fix this as well. Your CSM and/or your 1SG can fix this if they are aware of the problem.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 9:55 AM

2016-06-16T09:55:25-04:00

I have reenlisted for NOA and nothing major changed. They are not goig to do major changes unless your MOS requires it. There's a small chance something would happen but if it were me I would do what was needed for my family. Talk to retention.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 10:02 AM

2016-06-16T10:02:52-04:00

That's a tough one, another option is talk to your Chain of Command and maybe they can work with HRC to switch your MOS so you can stay in the army. Another option is start going to veterans job fairs and try to secure a job before getting out. Good luck!

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 10:29 AM

2016-06-16T10:29:28-04:00

Not sure the not play ball issue, but the army is temporary and your family is forever.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 12:09 PM

2016-06-16T12:09:18-04:00

I am an HRC Branch Chief (CMF68) and would ask that you contact your assignments manager and explain the circumstances. Army Readiness comes first, then professional development, and then needs of the Family. You would be surprised that we (at HRC) are compassionate and oftentimes, can make all three of these happen. Please send me your concern (Matthew Konopa) on the Army Global and I will assist you if possible.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 12:54 PM

2016-06-16T12:54:38-04:00

The Army is a service that pays you a wage. Don't confuse the needs of the army with the needs of bettering yourself or family. Sometimes the two streams coincide. All the accomplishments and sacrifices you give in service are minimal compared to the impact you could have in your child's future.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 12:55 PM

2016-06-16T12:55:54-04:00

Response by GySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 1:19 PM

2016-06-16T13:19:01-04:00

I would look at going Army Reserve or National Guard then later look at going back active it is easier to go back that way than if you get out hope it all works

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 1:26 PM

2016-06-16T13:26:48-04:00

So when are you going to Airborne School?
It is not really that bad. In my Airborne class we had some that were afraid of heights. They made it through just fine. You are doing all your post out the door checks and insuring all is fine once you exit the aircraft, you do not realize your height for a few seconds. Then your landing procedures start and then you are on the ground. Then you get extra jump pay if you get a airborne slot at your new Bragg PCS duty station.

Response by SSG Andres Guarnizo made Jun 16 at 2016 2:10 PM

2016-06-16T14:10:57-04:00

Your daughter should come first before any career. If your COC, JAG, chaplain, US ARMY cannot or are not willing to help, then its time to move on and seek success elsewhere.

Response by SSG Bill Dukes made Jun 16 at 2016 3:29 PM

2016-06-16T15:29:02-04:00

Your duty station should not influence the judge's decision in this matter. I am sure there is some great advice out there, but you should really seek some legal counsel in this matter. Custody is custody no matter where you live and your enlistment should not influence that as well. That does not sound legal , take some advice from some of the other contributors and lawyer up.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2016 6:57 PM

2016-06-16T18:57:00-04:00

Have you tried request a compassionate reassignment?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 17 at 2016 4:13 PM

2016-06-17T16:13:37-04:00

The Army keeps rolling along like the song says. We all at one point take the uniform off and the people that will be there after the Army is family. To the Army we are just numbers and being loyal to an organization that can give you the boot when they want is not something to be a part off. It used to be a career now its just a job. There are many job opportunities outside the military where you can get paid more. No one that joins the military has the expectation to be rich or upper class because that nearly impossible.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 17 at 2016 6:18 PM

2016-06-17T18:18:14-04:00

There is always HOPE! Just do what is right for her & you. Accept whatever the outcome is, move on & work hard. Trust in him!

Response by SPC Robin Price-Dirks made Jun 20 at 2016 1:00 PM

2016-06-20T13:00:06-04:00

As a parent sometimes you have to make tough decisions. I was given the choice of putting my son up for adoption, aborting my pregnancy, marry someone, or out. Thank God times have changed! NG may be your best bet but keep kicking over rocks till you find a solution you can live with. Not many men will go the tough route to keep their child. I salute you. I will also pray you get to keep your daughter and everything will work out for both of you.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 21 at 2016 8:07 AM

2016-06-21T08:07:45-04:00

Chain of Command & especially your NCO support chain along with JAG should be your primary support outside of Retention's piece of the pie. Also seeing the Chaplain might help both you (personally) and the process of injecting good Soldier/family care into the equation. If remaining RA appears untenable at this time, NG and AR are great options that could work for short or long term, with a path back to AGR or RA when your family situation allows it.

Response by SPC John Lebiecki made Sep 8 at 2016 5:47 PM

2016-09-08T17:47:00-04:00

Keeping it real, brother. The Army is going to move on with or without you. Your daughter is going to follow you to the ends of the Earth if she could.

Family first. You can re-establish your career anywhere you put your mind to.

Response by SSG Bill Dukes made Oct 8 at 2018 9:05 AM

2018-10-08T09:05:29-04:00

Family first !

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 10 at 2020 6:40 AM

2020-03-10T06:40:55-04:00

I hope you chose your child over the Army