Things you should never say to a military veteran. Do you agree with this article?

2015-12-17T16:32:46-05:00

I have been asked a few of these questions myself. A couple of them I would laugh off, other I think are as personal as asking what my wife looked like naked. Do you guys agree with this list? Would you add to it?

http://www.rantpolitical.com/2015/03/13/things-you-should-never-say-to-a-military-veteran/?utm_campaign=RantLifestyleFB&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral

Things You Should Never Say to a Military Veteran

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Dec 17 at 2015 4:38 PM

2015-12-17T16:38:25-05:00

No. I have not had a problem with any questions...sometimes the question just make it easier for me to realize how uninformed the other person is...all those questions lean toward very uninformed.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Dec 17 at 2015 4:47 PM

2015-12-17T16:47:14-05:00

I think the list was put together by someone trying too hard.

Most of them (all but 3-4) were inane, and really no big deal, and the only 2 that really crossed the line (for me) were:

No. 14: Did any of your buddies die overseas?
No. 2: Did you ever kill anyone?

Everything else was just uninformed/ignorant.I'm not going to be offended by someone being ignorant.

Edit:Spelling

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 17 at 2015 4:58 PM

2015-12-17T16:58:09-05:00

My son deployed and does not have PTSD, I don't believe you have PTSD.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 17 at 2015 5:07 PM

2015-12-17T17:07:25-05:00

I don't like the idea that some people feel that they need to walk on eggshells around a veteran, feel free to ask me any question you want. If you ask me how my wife looks naked I'll simply answer that she looks better than yours.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 17 at 2015 5:10 PM

2015-12-17T17:10:29-05:00

Okay, where did they come up with this list?

Response by PO1 Brian Austin made Dec 17 at 2015 5:30 PM

2015-12-17T17:30:32-05:00

Wholeheartedly agree. Extremely uninformed and ignorant. Personally i have no problem informing and denying ignorance.

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Dec 17 at 2015 5:53 PM

2015-12-17T17:53:46-05:00

Yah, my favorite is when they tell you how they almost joined.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 17 at 2015 6:09 PM

2015-12-17T18:09:07-05:00

I have had a number of people tell me they almost joined. I answer all questions to the best of my ability.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Dec 17 at 2015 6:48 PM

2015-12-17T18:48:54-05:00

"I almost joined." = Conversation killer.

Response by PO3 Brad Phlipot made Dec 17 at 2015 7:44 PM

2015-12-17T19:44:25-05:00

From my position I do not ask these kinds of questions to another Military / Veteran. I have been asked a couple of these and my response is usually politely "That's Personal" and then engage in another conversation. Questions as proposed are just something I do not ask or answer.

Response by COL Jon Thompson made Dec 17 at 2015 8:57 PM

2015-12-17T20:57:02-05:00

I wouldn't be offended by most of these. The questions about buddies dying and did I kill anyone I would are off limits as well as, "I almost joined... ." But the rest would not bother me. We need to have a connection to the people and perhaps they are trying to relate to us. I think if we are so standoffish that we don't want to share our military experiences, we add to the disconnect currently in our society. Some of the funny questions I do get from people is that they think I sit in the E-ring of the Pentagon and know everything that is going on. They will ask me questions that even if I knew the answer, I would not be able to share because of classification.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Dec 18 at 2015 2:19 AM

2015-12-18T02:19:04-05:00

Not particularly. I don't mind anyone asking whatever they wish. When they ask about classified information I tell them that if I answered that question I'd have to kill them; that is usually sufficient to steer the questions elsewhere.

Response by Cpl Mark McMiller made Dec 18 at 2015 5:31 AM

2015-12-18T05:31:28-05:00

The article is stupid. I'm getting tired of all the bullshit political correctness that has a lot of people walking on egg shells in order to not to offend anyone, whether it's the wrong Halloween costume or the wrong questions or whatever. Just because you're offended by something I've done, does not mean I've done anything to offend you. Get a thicker skin; life is just too short.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2015 7:42 AM

2015-12-18T07:42:55-05:00

Yawn ... what? lol

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 18 at 2015 9:53 AM

2015-12-18T09:53:17-05:00

This thread completes the circle.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2015 10:17 AM

2015-12-18T10:17:48-05:00

Everyone is different. You can ask me any question on that list and I'll decide if I want to tell you. It's not going to offend me if you decide to ask questions I don't want to talk about. I have asked similar questions and the worst I've heard anyone say is "none of your business" or "I don't want to talk about it." Very well; moving onto another discussion. I understand its curiosity and I've asked the same questions but just use common sense when approaching a Vet or a Service Member with your questions.

Response by COL Korey Jackson made Dec 18 at 2015 10:44 AM

2015-12-18T10:44:32-05:00

No, I do not agree with this article.

This list, to include the reasons not to say them, is sometimes ridiculous, and beyond inane.

So, at number 1: when or why is a "Thank you for your service" comment to a veteran the wrong thing to do?

That statement, especially when given with a cup of coffee, is more and more meaningful to me.

Like many of the responses before this one, few of these listed statements should be verboten. We can think of worse things to say to a military veteran, and some of our Rallypoint members have had worse things said to them - but most of those inflammatory things should not be posted on-line.

Response by MSG Frederick Pankey made Dec 18 at 2015 11:22 AM

2015-12-18T11:22:58-05:00

I only agree that a few questions on the list should not be asked. If a person comes off as sincere, then I will entertain their questions, if not, I tell them don't ask.

Response by SPC Margaret Higgins made Dec 18 at 2015 11:31 AM

2015-12-18T11:31:45-05:00

Some of the questions on the list, if not all: are unconscionable.
I learned something.
At least one of my brothers was prepared to go to Canada; if he was drafted.
I think the general feeling of my siblings is: "I hate killing; therefore I hate wars.
Nobody hated war and killing when I served; more than I.
I did serve during the tail-end of the Vietnam Era; and during the Cold War.
I am exceedingly cautious when I talk to Veterans at the VA Hospital; especially the ones with PTSD.
However, I am a Soldier; and not a civilian. The Veterans at the VA Hospital, are more apt to open up to me- than to a civilian.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2015 11:47 AM

2015-12-18T11:47:49-05:00

Anytime anyone asked me if I ever killed anyone, I give 'em the Schwarzenegger line from True Lies,

"Yeah, but they were all bad."

Response by SSG Eddye Royal made Dec 18 at 2015 1:29 PM

2015-12-18T13:29:22-05:00

Why are you in a wheelchair, maybe you should have not went and served?

You had a stroke, you don't look like it, your not in a wheelchair and your body's not drawer up like the old people.

Response by SGM Steve Wettstein made Dec 19 at 2015 7:32 AM

2015-12-19T07:32:50-05:00

Did you ever kill anyone should be #1 IMO. When I get asked that, I just want to punch the asker in the face....a couple of times. When people say thank you for your service I just think I didn't do it for you so what the hell are you thanking me for?

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2015 8:46 AM

2015-12-19T08:46:54-05:00

This is stupid. I would hope that veterans wouldn't need trigger warnings or be sensitive about not going to jump school. That's so weak and pathetic. If a veteran is ashamed of their service or regrets not doing something while they were in then that is on them. You shouldn't have to baby a veteran.

Response by SCPO Charles Thomas "Tom" Canterbury made Dec 19 at 2015 10:52 AM

2015-12-19T10:52:17-05:00

Some of those things were dead wrong. Sounds like we are a bunch of psychologically broken crybabies. I have just retired and have moved to a non-military area and have not been asked any of those things...

Response by 1SG Scott Buchanan made Dec 19 at 2015 12:04 PM

2015-12-19T12:04:55-05:00

Ask me anything; if I don't want to answer, I won't. This hands off questioning only goes to further separate us from the civilian population...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2015 12:43 PM

2015-12-19T12:43:21-05:00

Well, I haven't been deployed so I don't consider myself a veteran but I wouldn't be offended by any of these mostly for the reason that a lot of civilians just don't understand that some of the questions in the article are not OK to ask. It seems like it would be common sense to not ask a veteran if they killed anyone but we all know common sense is almost non existent these days.

Response by SGT Jose Perdelia-Torres made Dec 19 at 2015 5:41 PM

2015-12-19T17:41:51-05:00

Got told one on this very website. "Thanks for getting out of the Army."

Response by Cpl Clinton Britt made Dec 20 at 2015 8:59 AM

2015-12-20T08:59:02-05:00

I am sure we have all been asked this, "Have you killed anyone "

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2015 1:31 PM

2015-12-20T13:31:16-05:00

I have only had little kids ask me if I had killed anyone. How many of you have had that happen? Most people with any dignity and who are not alcoholics or hardcore druggies would ask normal questions. Most do not ask the rude rhetorical questions like that. I answer politely and say I was a 'Fobbit' in a BDE TOC as a 1Lt or I did paperwork for projects that make a difference as a CPT. Just supporting the HQ or the FOB in my deployments. Civilians do not know that for every triggger puller Infantry there is a dozen or more personnel who support them.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 21 at 2015 2:08 PM

2015-12-21T14:08:08-05:00

I think if one asks, the servicemember does not have to answer. They can get asked, but answering? that's another thing entirely. I've had some of these asked of me and I just looked at the one asking and didn't say a word at all...they questioner got all quiet like and tried to change the subject, then bought me a beer. So it all turned out ok I guess.

Response by PO3 John Jeter made Dec 21 at 2015 11:05 PM

2015-12-21T23:05:01-05:00

I want ten minutes alone with the idiot that wrote that mess. All I want to bring with me is a whiffle ball bat........

Response by PO1 Glenn Boucher made Dec 22 at 2015 2:14 PM

2015-12-22T14:14:09-05:00

I just wonder if this article is serious or just another satire article. I mean personally I don't really care what someone asks me as its up to me to answer if I want to or not.
When I was asked what I did in the Navy and I tell them I was a cook I still get asked if I was in combat and I just joking say the only thing I was fighting was the chow line.
People assume things all the time because of what they perceive. Just like when I was on a frigate, when talking just in general about family one of my mess cooks asked where my wife was from and when I said the Philippines he immediately assumed she was from Subic. So when I told him that she was in fact from Mindanao he asked what part of Subic was that. Perceptions are a bitch for some people to get past.
I think if your uncomfortable talking to civilians about your service, especially if they get too personal you need to cut the conversation short and move on.

Response by CPT John M. O'Connor made Dec 22 at 2015 6:14 PM

2015-12-22T18:14:32-05:00

There seems to be some questions that common sense would say you never ask. Ignoring those which should be obvious I feel most military members are very tough, very resilient and can use these situations to educate others about sensitivity issues vs. be confrontational.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 23 at 2015 12:55 AM

2015-12-23T00:55:21-05:00

It is what it is! People will ask questions regardless. The best way to handle is take it with a grain of salt. Not everyone knows how we may be feeling. We may feel just fine in answering a question one day, and not fine the next. I have no problem answering questions, if I don't feel comfortable answering at that moment, I respectfully decline to answer. Ask me anything you want any time!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 23 at 2015 4:21 PM

2015-12-23T16:21:00-05:00

The funny thing is the original poster thinks he is right. It is pure irony the thread title is "The thing you should call a veteran" then he proceeds to call me many vitriolic names and vilify me. This is the future of the military in action.

Response by Sgt Sherry Taylor-Bruce made Dec 23 at 2015 6:04 PM

2015-12-23T18:04:38-05:00

I was sitting in my AmVets Post last week having a conversation with a man over the age of 65. He asked what branch of Service my husband was in. He thought I was an Auxiliary member. I said he had been in the Army National guard but I was a member of AmVets because I was in the AirForce. Women have been in the military since WWII, why do people still think it strange that a woman could be in the military?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 23 at 2015 10:29 PM

2015-12-23T22:29:20-05:00

I have been approached by many of my students about no. 2. (have you killed anyone?) thats the worst thing you can say. (But many of these kids lack social skills and manners!) As for the no 1-thanks for your service-- I agree the expression has become overused and trite but it sure beats the Vietnam days, where we were called baby killers! I have been told thanks for your service many times when I wear a uniform, I have also mentioned it to others I see in uniform or recognize as a vet. If I can I try to do something more like buy a drink, but many times its not practical to do an action, other than what I already do which is to volunteer time and donate money to veterans organizations. During San Francisco Fleet Week, I volunteered thru the Navy League and Coast Guard Aux to greet a ship; help at a BBQ and to help with ship tours. Sometimes I would pass a Sailor or Marine and thank them. They may or may not be aware I am volunteering but they always showed appreciation.

Response by PO3 Anthony Walder made Dec 31 at 2015 12:58 PM

2015-12-31T12:58:07-05:00

I really have no problem with people asking me questions about my time. If I think they are someone that is important enough for me to share the info with, I will tell them. There are some things, though, that I just don't discuss, much like my father and his time in Vietnam. Some things get shared, some don't.
Of all the things on that list, the only one that makes me uncomfortable was #1, "thankyou for your service". I may have had some of the less than nice responses, think " well someone had to", as I turn and walk away. I much prefer a simple "Welcome home".

Response by PO2 Nick Burke made Jan 3 at 2016 6:01 PM

2016-01-03T18:01:01-05:00

The List was valid but what is up with the wannabe's in the pictures. Not 1 actual uniform.
THAT is what I found insulting!

Response by COL John Hudson made Jan 23 at 2016 9:08 AM

2016-01-23T09:08:43-05:00

I am and have always been a combat officer (Vietnam 2x / Balkan Conflict 1x / Iraq - 2x). After retirement, I taught school under the Arizona "Guest Teacher Program." I love children, didn't need any $$ and did not want to stay in one classroom teaching one subject (it also got me out of the house). The Guest Teacher Program put me into three school districts, covering 27 separate schools. I thrived on the variety it offered (all ages, all grades, all subjects). Students in higher grades would, inevitably (more than likely due to my mannerisms) figure out I was 'military' and would ask questions...generally and always the hardest one - 'did you kill anybody?' Cringing inwardly, I asked why they were so curious about that particular subject? It was one topic that seemed uppermost in curious young minds to actually have an opportunity to reach out and touch a 'real' veteran of such events. My best answer without senseless posturing or a body count? "Taking the life of another human being is the cruelest, most despicable act one can do to another. In time of war, it's understandable and must be done, but will forever be burned into the synapsis of one's brain." I would share that it wasn't a subject to be taken lightly and I wasn't comfortable discussing it in any more detail than that. I will be frank and advise all Readers out there that I was always deeply troubled by that question but felt my answer would separate their minds from video game fantasy with a glimpse of real-world truth.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 23 at 2016 4:58 PM

2016-01-23T16:58:58-05:00

At times. If the issue is a sensitive one for the individual it is important to be empathetic to the others' feelings and view of the situation.

Response by PO2 Scott Surbrook made Jan 29 at 2016 2:54 PM

2016-01-29T14:54:38-05:00

Stupidity test... if someone says that disabled vets, active,and retired vets do not deserve benefits or compensation because it was their choice to join the military and they knew what they were getting into. That we knew the ultimate cost and consequences of our choices.

Response by Rick Wiseman made Mar 21 at 2016 1:14 PM

2016-03-21T13:14:37-04:00

Ask my old training supervisor that asked me if I wanted to trade a lost book for him spending time with my gf. They still lock the gates at CCEMS. He'll never ask another Veteran a question like that, guaranteed!!!

Response by SMSgt Lawrence McCarter made Jan 19 at 2017 12:31 AM

2017-01-19T00:31:37-05:00

Keep in mind often as a friend of Mine a Lt. Col pointed out in a public speech, many people now may not even know a Veteran, its Your chance to educate them. Go ahead and answer the questions that aren't out of line. In My opinion a little effort to communicate may help paint a more positive picture to someone that just doesn't know. Its also amazing though how little many people do know,You may be a source of information to actually learn something. Flipping out on them sure won't create a good impression, at that moment in time You are the spokesman for things Military. There are of course people out there that aren't worth wasting Your breath talking to, You should know pretty quick if they are or not. Don't presume anything just because its a stupid question in Your mind.

Response by CPT Tzvi Mejer made Jun 12 at 2018 9:56 PM

2018-06-12T21:56:34-04:00

When people start asking questions about my combat experiance, I try to evade the conversation. Combat it is a very personal issue, I did realized early on, that most people cannot begin to understand ( civilians) what is involved in the act of killing and/ or destroying. If the person im talking to is a veteran there is no problem a veteran will understand without going into details, i also feel much more confortable talking to a vet.
This leads me to ask you guys how do you feel when people thank you for your service?
I would like to say that when im asked if i served in the military, and then they thank me for my service ( even when not in the US military) i do get embarrased you see my belief is that serving your country is our duty, right and priviledge to defend and protect our country. So why should anybody thank me for doing my duty and priviledge.
I would like to get some comments , thank you. Tzvi.

Response by SGT Michael Hearn made Dec 19 at 2020 10:33 PM

2020-12-19T22:33:57-05:00

Hello Guys I met my first wife at Ft. Benning a crash course in reality/ If someone asked me that question I would be surprised he didn't know./LOL

Response by SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA made Apr 9 at 2021 5:42 AM

2021-04-09T05:42:13-04:00

My opinion is that we as veterans can use such questions as an opportunity to change the paradigm of civilians impressions about veterans. Embrace it, educate them and be grateful we can represent all veterans in that moment!

Response by SPC Kerry Cooper made Sep 5 at 2021 8:39 PM

2021-09-05T20:39:03-04:00

I'm a Vietnam Veteran and I feel I've heard it all more than once.
1) is it true that weed was growing wild and all you had to do was walk by and pull it up ?
2) did you do drugs, how was the weed ? I heard ordeal you guys stayed high all the time.
3) how many people did you kill ?
4) were the women pretty?
The list is numerous and could go on for miles.