Veteran Stereotypes that I've faced...have you encountered the same?

2015-06-05T10:10:05-04:00

I know that there are a lot of different stereotypes about veterans, and that most of them are crap, but has any one else run into the situation where someone (always another soldier) says "Wow. You don't look like a veteran." Um. What exactly did you expect a veteran to look like? I mean, I can understand sitting outside waiting on the bus or something I could be a civilian just catching a ride, but this has occurred more than once inside the hospital when I'm there for physical therapy or to see my neurologist. I just always feel like I should say "Nope! I'm just sitting in the waiting room to take advantage of the shitty coffee and bitchy patients!" Is it bc I'm young, or female, or don't look crazy? No, I don't have PTSD. I haven't seen combat of any sort, nor would I ever claim to have seen it, but that doesn't mean I'm not a veteran..... I'm not at the VA just for the fun of it, believe me.

Anyone else run into issues like this in their daily lives?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2015 10:12 AM

2015-06-05T10:12:47-04:00

Opinions... Everyone has them. Don't worry about it at all and do your thing. It won't be the last time someone opens their mouth and inserts foot.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2015 10:14 AM

2015-06-05T10:14:17-04:00

Depends on who it's coming from. If it's an older gentleman who's been out a LONG time, then "bc I'm young, or female, or don't look crazy" is probably as good of a reason as you're going to get. The veterans they're used to seeing and you are very different.

However, I find myself expecting younger SMs and veterans to look and carry themselves a certain way. Sometimes, it easy easy to spot a veteran at Walmart (and not just because he/she wears their boots too much). A lot of us don't fit that preconception and go by unnoticed- until we step into a VA clinic. Does this make any sense?

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2015 10:14 AM

2015-06-05T10:14:44-04:00

Honestly, NO.

It might be your good looks. I think it's really just a compliment from the males. "Wow! You are too pretty to have been in the military." That type of thing. Just brush it off. :-)

Response by SP5 Joel O'Brien made Jun 5 at 2015 10:27 AM

2015-06-05T10:27:28-04:00

Not only do I get the "You don't look like a veteran" line, once in a while it's,
"YOU were in the Military?!" I suppose I just don't have the appearance that some folks equate with veteran status. (Whatever that is.)

Response by MCPO Brian Legg made Jun 5 at 2015 10:48 AM

2015-06-05T10:48:57-04:00

My favorite has been "you look too young to have retired from the military". Granted I left at my 20 year mark, but I have college-aged children. I feel ancient! :0

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2015 10:58 AM

2015-06-05T10:58:03-04:00

Preach sister. When I got out in 04 and went to college nobody believed that I just left the Marines.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Jun 5 at 2015 11:04 AM

2015-06-05T11:04:30-04:00

From silly villains (civilians) I always get "Do you have PTSD?"

At the VA I go to there are a bunch of senior citizens and I always get "You're too young to have been in the Navy for 20 years!" I guess the fact that I have gray hair and am 41 years old aren't enough clues.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Jun 5 at 2015 11:11 AM

2015-06-05T11:11:18-04:00

I often wear a ball cap when I'm out and about, because I live in Arizona and it's very hot here. I usually wear my "Dysfunctional Veteran" or "US Navy Retired" hats. People often come up to me: "You're a vet?" What I want to say: "No, I'm just wearing this hat so people will think I'm a vet, @$$hole." What I actually say is something like "Yes Sir/Ma'am."

Response by PV2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2015 11:14 AM

2015-06-05T11:14:53-04:00

At least they aren't asking about your spouse being in the military. I used to get that a lot before I lost weight. Now at 46, I have people thinking I'm 36, but I'm okay with that! Thank you for your service Sister!

Response by Cpl Paul Smith made Jun 5 at 2015 11:22 AM

2015-06-05T11:22:27-04:00

I can't read the other comments, newbie on deck. However, I don't believe they mean it with disrespect, I think they are referring to how beautiful you are and that they don't see a lot of young beautiful Army veterans. Which isn't really true, I have done contract work at at several VA hospitals and have seen many young and beautiful veterans. But, I would believe that is what the discussion is about. We don't have a certain "look" as a vet. Some like to adorn themselves with vests filled with patches and branch related pins and others with caps. To look at me, you may not immediately think, "hey, that guy's a Marine vet. " That's ok.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2015 11:36 AM

2015-06-05T11:36:12-04:00

Something. Like that "No, you look to young" -"Asian people don't join the military"

Response by SPC David S. made Jun 5 at 2015 11:51 AM

2015-06-05T11:51:13-04:00

I think those that do make such comments are just expecting Janet Reno and are yet pleasantly surprised to find out that you're a trooper. Girls that like guns - nothing better.

Response by SrA Edward Vong made Jun 5 at 2015 12:01 PM

2015-06-05T12:01:58-04:00

Not so much veteran, but usually when people see me, they wouldn't have known that I served or was serving because of what I look like. They expected me to be someone who works in finance or an engineer, then I tell them I load bombs on jets and they're like whaaaaa?

Response by LTC Paul Labrador made Jun 5 at 2015 12:23 PM

2015-06-05T12:23:40-04:00

There is archetype of what a "vet" should look like and it's fed directly by Hollywood: PTSD addled, non-functioning vet who was destroyed by war. This is your Rambo archetype.

Response by CPL Brendan Hayes made Jun 5 at 2015 12:31 PM

2015-06-05T12:31:28-04:00

Beside the doubts due to my obvious natural beauty ;)

I have a lot of people who act surprised when they find out that I'm a veteran. Part of it is my appearance (beard, longer hair, clothing, and for some reason tattoos throw them off too). Part of it has something to do with my choice of music (I'm a Deadhead and Phish phan). Part of it has to do with the fact that I'm a teacher with a master's degree and some (very little at this point) post graduate work.

All of this flies in the face of the "traditional" veteran (except maybe the tattoos). The general understanding is that there is no way a well educated hippie teacher could have served.

The implied stereotype is that veterans are uneducated meatheads who have no career options open due to obvious psychological issues.

We all know that this sterotype is misguided and more than a little sinister, but it also seem to be the expectation from civilians/non-veterans.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Jun 5 at 2015 12:43 PM

2015-06-05T12:43:39-04:00

If it is happening at the VA, my guess...and only a guess...is that you are a lot younger than most of the people there. Of course the gender just goes to reinforce the age but how did you get on RP PFC Courtney Hilliard you have to be a veteran to be on this site, you look too young and you're a female?

Response by SFC Robert Wheeler made Jun 5 at 2015 12:51 PM

2015-06-05T12:51:47-04:00

I think it is a case of good old American sexism at play. How can a "nice girl" ever join the military?

Response by 1LT Kathleen Heisler made Jun 5 at 2015 1:23 PM

2015-06-05T13:23:58-04:00

Response by 1LT Kathleen Heisler made Jun 5 at 2015 1:31 PM

2015-06-05T13:31:33-04:00

I have had the same comments directed at myself. When I was active duty people were supprised that I was a Female MP because they had not seen them. My active duty time women were only 3-5%of the fighting force. Minnesota just recently started issuing woman veteran license plates. I have seen different reactions to it

Response by Cpl Samantha Purucker made Jun 5 at 2015 3:38 PM

2015-06-05T15:38:00-04:00

my favorite was the person that told me I was lying because the Marines don't allow women in their ranks.

Response by MSgt Jamie Lyons made Jun 5 at 2015 8:19 PM

2015-06-05T20:19:55-04:00

I just tell people I put the sticks in corn dogs....

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 6 at 2015 11:40 AM

2015-06-06T11:40:05-04:00

The PTSD assumption is the worst thing. Second would be the awkward shock people have if they found out you have done more than one or two trips. Hollywood feeds the stereotype though.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 6 at 2015 11:45 AM

2015-06-06T11:45:54-04:00

Probably because the other vets they have seen are grumpy, disgruntled, and mouthy turds. So when they see someone acting civilized they are shocked. Again, the 1% ruin it for the other 99%.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2015 1:59 PM

2015-06-07T13:59:02-04:00

You know I feel you (not literally) PFC Courtney Hilliard, because being a sex object dimishes us both. I am sad. lol

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2015 2:03 PM

2015-06-07T14:03:36-04:00

I take not looking like a veteran as a compliment. To the public, we are usually thought of differently, so I feel like it reinforces our image as just fellow human beings and Americans. We truly are just a volunteer service made up of regular people.

Response by SPC Sheila Kensinger-Clark made Jun 7 at 2015 4:18 PM

2015-06-07T16:18:41-04:00

Get that on a regular basis. Over the past 26 years, I've heard "There were never women in the Army like you when I was in" and "You're too pretty to be a soldier" or they ask about my (then) husband. I'll never forget my daughters responding to someone thanking their father for his service on Veteran's Day (while I stood silently)... they both proclaimed "What about my mom... she was a soldier?" LOL I usually reply with something about "not sporting the haircut." Humor always lightens those moments. :-)

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2015 4:30 PM

2015-06-07T16:30:10-04:00

Usually people back home tell me not to freak out in crowded places and not to fight anyone when we go out at night. It gets old. The only thing I really feel like I fall under is the guy that can't put up with stupid stuff from civilians asking stupid questions. I have to work on my patience with that.

Response by SPC Johnny Velazquez, PhD made Jun 7 at 2015 6:05 PM

2015-06-07T18:05:23-04:00

The only thing that has been asked of me, being that I'm a veteran is the following.." So did you kill anyone, and how did it feel.? Kill? When I ask them why such questions, their stupid responses have always been, "Well, didn't you kill any one in Vie Nam?' When I tell them I served I Germany, they don't tend to believe me. Truthfully, I feel for the brothers who served in Nam. Another one is one I really hate. They'll ask whether or not I was drafted. I tell them that I was, but then re-enlisted. They usually ask why I would do that. I usually shut them down, when I tell them, that I did it, because they needed someone to defend their cowardly behinds. my advice to Courtney, is to asks them to describe what a Veteran should look like, and go her merry way. I thank her for her service.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2015 6:15 PM

2015-06-07T18:15:39-04:00

PFC Courtney Hilliard, just blow it off. I know it pisses you off. It would PO anyone. I'm turning 70 this month. I look younger, but when I was in my twenties, I was carded a lot. At first it was fun to pop out my ID. After a while it got pretty old. In fact, after I got back to Oakland, after Vietnam, me and a buddy went to town to eat and have a beer. That was the first of many times I was carded. I was in uniform too. So, anyway, either tell them to FO,or ignore them. Be thankful you look young. It ain't always gonna be that way, I promise.
Thank you for serving.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2015 6:25 PM

2015-06-07T18:25:46-04:00

Judging by your picture, well... everyone knows that "young and pretty" girls have options in life, and you would not need to be in the military. Why on Earth you'd do something like that puzzles people-- the implication being that military service is for people with no where else to go, nothing else to do, or no options/future, etc. I get people telling me, "You're smart enough, you shouldn't be wasting time in the Army"-- what, the military is just the dumping ground of society's idiots? I've met some sorry individuals in every walk of life... and truly outstanding ones, too-- including in the military.

A lot of people think that success means making a lot of money and being popular/glamorous. It's hard for them to understand that military service (indeed, a lot of "service to society" callings such as police, EMT, and so on) can be the successful and fulfilling thing it is on its own, and the need to roll around in money or popularity all Scrooge McDuck style just isn't on everyone's radar.

Response by CPT Don Cox made Jun 7 at 2015 6:29 PM

2015-06-07T18:29:37-04:00

It's your youthful appearance and I am sure the fact that you are female has something to do with it. I am an old fart so I never run into that. But I would not take offense to it. Just tell them that yes you are and I learned to love my country at a very early age!!!!!

Thank you for your service Courtney!!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2015 6:40 PM

2015-06-07T18:40:01-04:00

PFC Courtney Hilliard I have severe depression and PTSD. The sixth floor at the VA I go to is for mental health. My wife and I got on an elevator and some jerk asked me if I was a vet. I told him yes, then he said, and you go to the sixth floor. He said but you look so normal. My wife told him yes, because at this point I was about to lose it. After she told him yes, I told him he wouldn't want to be around me when I don't take my meds. And I meant it.

Response by SFC Terry Murphy made Jun 7 at 2015 6:58 PM

2015-06-07T18:58:45-04:00

Don't worry about it! Just let it go on over. You know what you are. What is worse, is when I run into a person that claims they were not only a vet, but an Army Ranger qualified, Special Forces, Navy Seal, and that he was in Viet Nam and is 52 years old (do the math, he was less than 10)!

Response by SGT Suraj Dave made Jun 7 at 2015 7:18 PM

2015-06-07T19:18:05-04:00

The whole "Broken" PTSD stereotype. (Not admitting I have PTSD, which is also something you shouldn't ever admit to either IMO). You can have PTSD and be a sociable person with friends, healthy relationships, and a job.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2015 8:35 PM

2015-06-07T20:35:24-04:00

PFC Courtney Hilliard, I think it's because you're pretty, young, and female. (Nice profile pic, by the way!) SGT Private RallyPoint Member addressed the pretty part, and others have probably addressed the young part, but I'll touch on that.

When I started out in the military, I looked like I was about 14. For the first ten or fifteen years of my career, people always thought I was too young for this or that. Sometimes I felt that looking so young cramped my style and made others treat me like a lightweight.

I like Sgt Fulgham - Blais's advice: Let those comments roll off. Time will march on, and there will come a day when you will long for the good old days when everybody was telling you you looked too young to be a veteran.

Two related posts:

https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/how-old-do-you-picture-yourself-to-be

https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/i-d-like-to-get-an-idea-of-the-age-of-folks-who-are-active-on-rallypoint-how-old-are-you

How old do you picture yourself to be? | RallyPoint

[~347395:CW5 Scott Montgomery] brought up a great question but I wanted to put a spin on it...how old do you see yourself? My wife and I had an interesting conversation a few weeks ago where I admitted that when I think about myself or picture myself I still see myself in my late 20s. Not exactly accurate so maybe I need to edit my vision of myself! Do you often see yourself as being part of one group or identifying with a certain age or...

Response by SSG Keven Lahde made Jun 8 at 2015 12:01 AM

2015-06-08T00:01:24-04:00

PFC Courtney Hilliard Don't worry about it. You deserve to be called a Veteran just like the rest of us. Like you said, not like you are going to the VA for the hell of it. Just brush it off and keep your head up!!!

Response by SPC Anne Miller made Jun 8 at 2015 7:47 AM

2015-06-08T07:47:53-04:00

I actually had people telling I was delusional for thinking I had been in the Army. It was beyond their capacity to believe. They almost had me convinced. That is why I was so glad to be able to get on RallyPoint and reclaim my military memories as being valid.

Response by LCpl Craig D. Pfautz made Jun 8 at 2015 10:09 AM

2015-06-08T10:09:49-04:00

EVERY GODDAM DAY, JUST TRYING 2 GET VETERAN DISCOUNT AT HOME DEPOT.
THEY WANT ME 2 BRING A COPY OF MY DD 214, EVERYTIME I GO THERE, U DONT LOOK LIKE A VET..
OH I DONT, EXCUSE ME.

Response by SGT Lawrence Corser made Jun 8 at 2015 4:17 PM

2015-06-08T16:17:32-04:00

People assume were all super crazy, I wear a long beard and wear my shemag still so they also assume I might be homeless.

Response by Sgt Sherry Taylor-Bruce made Jun 8 at 2015 4:43 PM

2015-06-08T16:43:49-04:00

Since I am new to the VA healthcare system even though I served in the Air Force in the eighties I do get asked if I'm waiting for someone in the waiting rooms at the VA clinics.

In retrospect I was told many times while I was active duty "you don't look like you're in the Air Force". I would usually reply and what should I look like? The stereotypical word 'Butch' came to mind back then.

Now I'm considering purchasing a black ball cap with the words Air Force Veteran on it so I look like the others at the VA clinics.

Response by SSgt Charles Edwards made Jun 9 at 2015 2:07 PM

2015-06-09T14:07:12-04:00

I really haven't had any issue with this and nobody even knows I served unless I bring up a life lesson from my time in service. I think that maybe the role of the female veteran has grown exponentially based on the attention from the GWoT. Now, more than ever, women are being put in harm's way. As a result, you're probably going to see more women at the VA hospital. I would imagine that those who look at you and are surprised that you're a vet are those cantankerous old fats (God love them) from the previous conflicts. Notably from WWII-Vietnam, who haven't really interacted with women in an operations setting. I think as time goes by, veterans will be identified without regard to appearance, gender or service. Of course, that is my opinion.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 9 at 2015 4:05 PM

2015-06-09T16:05:05-04:00

Response by Capt Jeff S. made Jun 10 at 2015 1:04 AM

2015-06-10T01:04:30-04:00

The stereotypes were worse when I joined than when I got out. Vietnam was fresh in people's minds and those in the military were viewed as losers by an ungrateful and unappreciative public. Now, I hear "Thanks for your service" all the time. People are surprised to hear that I've been retired for 15 years. I haven't really run into any folks that are hostile or degrading toward the military since I left college back in '89.

Response by CPL Norma Brown made Jun 10 at 2015 7:47 AM

2015-06-10T07:47:31-04:00

With my service being so long ago (over 20 years) people don't think I have veteran time either.... I just shrug it off and go with it....

Occasionally I have had to pull out the good ole' DD214 to prove it....

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2015 8:56 AM

2015-06-10T08:56:15-04:00

After several hours of marches and formations in the sun in Class A's or blazers (which I had on this year in the parade) on a hot day with one older veteran already removed for heat exhaustion, we ended up at Town Hall for lunch. A woman had three melting ice cream sandwiches left and I requested one. She said, "We usually keep these for veterans." I was hot and dehydrated and determined to have my ice cream sandwich!

Response by SGT Loren Hammons made Jun 10 at 2015 2:15 PM

2015-06-10T14:15:04-04:00

Just from the photo would say that whoever said that did not mean it negatively and trying to pay you an awkward compliment. Some of us veterans are down right ugly and people have a formed picture in their head of all these older people with funny hats on at a political event. These are times when it is good to point out that the military has changed and that Women are as capable of serving just as well as men.

Response by SPC Thomas Susdorf made Jun 11 at 2015 10:13 AM

2015-06-11T10:13:10-04:00

The same issue exists at the service organizations. A lot of times when I go there, it seems unwelcoming because of my age

Response by SFC John Scanlon made Jun 12 at 2015 10:46 AM

2015-06-12T10:46:18-04:00

Haven't run into that yet, probably because of where I am at, Clarksville, TN. But when I go to PA I most likely will. I remember how they were towards Army Soldiers when I was a recruiter there in 01. Plus how I was handled when I went down there for a house. Nothing said but suspicious looks.

Response by SCPO Lee Pradia made Jun 12 at 2015 11:04 AM

2015-06-12T11:04:15-04:00

When I've been identified as a veteran, the next question I get is, Have you been in combat? I hate that, they make it seem like it's a rite of passage or something. I just tell them that it's not something that I brag about and discuss with anyone.

Response by MSgt Jim Wolverton made Jun 13 at 2015 5:29 PM

2015-06-13T17:29:43-04:00

Personally, civilians don't deserve to even ponder my veteran status so I don't for one second consider anything they have to say. Sounds harsh but unless you served, you have no voice.

Response by SGT Anthony Rossi made Jun 15 at 2015 1:06 AM

2015-06-15T01:06:23-04:00

This is a reality. My wife is also a veteran and when people ask us, "How did you guys meet?" We respond, "We met in the Army, we were both soldiers at the same time." They look at my wife, Who is always found in very "lady like" attire and are at a loss for words. Somehow our society has labeled the idea of a female soldier as being ultra rugged or extremely masculine in nature. I don't understand why our culture portrays that a woman must act masculine in order to have mental toughness.

Response by LT Garth Young (Ret) made Jun 18 at 2015 12:28 PM

2015-06-18T12:28:35-04:00

Recently asked a gal out on a date....she replied, "don't date military guys....too rigid". I replied...."that's like me calling all blondes ..........". She was a blonde. I didn't get the date.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made Jun 18 at 2015 2:10 PM

2015-06-18T14:10:50-04:00

I encounter them every time I read a post by a vet group on facebook.

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Jun 21 at 2015 9:03 AM

2015-06-21T09:03:07-04:00

Stereotypes have a funny way of backfiring on those who infer them. In your particular case, it may be a compliment to your age and appearance. All to often people have no real idea of what (who) a veteran is, much less anything about them. Every veteran is unique to their situation and most often no two are alike. It's hard to consider that it could be a feeble attempt at conversation since it is often embraced as a spite, so just brush it off and move on. It's not worth your time to worry about.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 21 at 2015 9:08 AM

2015-06-21T09:08:00-04:00

Just a week ago I left an American Legion and a young man who was outside smoking looked at me and my Vietnam Era had and said You can' t be a veteran.

I still have no idea why he thought that. Perhaps he thought that because I wear E-7 stripes and Captain's bars along with both Army and Air Force insignia that I was a stolen valor type.

Response by Sgt Dennis Blume made Oct 21 at 2015 5:39 PM

2015-10-21T17:39:07-04:00

Unfortunately some people have blinders on. Their mindset is still in the 40's & 50's!

Response by 1SG Michael Farrell made Mar 26 at 2016 6:09 PM

2016-03-26T18:09:35-04:00

Men do have lousy pickup lines a good deal of the time; I always did. So, I tend to agree in this case with SGT Fulgham. But you know, people have all sorts of weird ideas based solely on watching movies and hearing war stories. I'm cursed by looking young for my very old age, for example. So, when I put on my diamonds the first time, people wondered how I could have been so young and have diamonds. I was in my mid-30s. Now that's the norm, then maybe no so much, but I looked like I was in my 20s. So, just say thanks. Or, "no, not really." And, bring a book to the VA or a tablet. Get well, and have a great life. You got hurt and you earned everything you got.

Response by SSG Edward Joy made Oct 30 at 2016 11:09 PM

2016-10-30T23:09:05-04:00

PTSD is the inability of any individual, to cope with, or witnessing sustained human trauma, we find it in Soldiers, Fire Fighters, Police Officers, and EMT's and Paramedics. Death and trama have been around for as long as there have been humans. Just remember one thing. We are all going to die some day. (some sooner than others) deal with it and do the BEST that you can.