What about life in the military weighs/weighed heaviest on your mind?

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 13:43:07 -0500

For me, it is lost time with family that I can never get back. For the first few years on active duty I could just come home and be a part of the family again, but we've grown apart more and more over the years. Nowadays when I visit, it's like I'm talking to strangers.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Mar 3 at 2021 1:50 PM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 13:50:24 -0500

For me it was whether I would be able to stay in after an accident at work left me with two broken feet , I was able to retire from the Guards with 24 years brother TSgt Private RallyPoint Member

Response by Cpl Mark A. Morris made Mar 3 at 2021 1:55 PM

Cpl Mark A. Morris — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 13:55:57 -0500

You could tell them how you feel TSgt. We could all use communication that helps any situation. Humans are much more complicated than we ever knew. My brother went through that very thing.
Best of fortune to you on this issue.
Deployments are a kick in the teeth for relationships. As if no one knows that here.

Response by Maj John Bell made Mar 3 at 2021 2:04 PM

Maj John Bell — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 14:04:49 -0500

All I ever wanted was company command. When I got it I realized all I wanted was to be a platoon leader. No joking. Serious answer. I was never so happy in and with the Marine Corps as when I was a rifle platoon leader.

Response by SFC Melvin Brandenburg made Mar 3 at 2021 2:10 PM

SFC Melvin Brandenburg — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 14:10:19 -0500

Worrying about my wife and children worrying about me on deployment. Not so much homesick but feeling guilty about the suffering my choice to serve inflicted on the ones I loved most. It is one of my greatest regrets.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2021 2:20 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 14:20:53 -0500

Missing important family events was tough for me too. I had a very younger brother who grew up a lot while I was at basic training. Hard missing family events or birthdays, just can't make them up like other things.

Response by CW3 Kevin Storm made Mar 3 at 2021 2:27 PM

CW3 Kevin Storm — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 14:27:18 -0500

I was on active duty from 1982-1992, as a tactical missile crewman. I worked two person operations at the sites I was at. The thought of being one of the people who could start WWIII always weighed heavily on my mind.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2021 2:37 PM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 14:37:34 -0500

That although you may be able to return to your place of entry, you can never really go home.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Mar 3 at 2021 2:44 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 14:44:24 -0500

PTSD. That was the hardest battle in my life. Nothing else comes close.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Mar 3 at 2021 3:42 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 15:42:40 -0500

PCS Assignments vs family. I had a family all through my 22 years in the Air Force (came on active duty with 1 kid and "one in the oven"). Every possible or actual PCS was greatly complicated by family concerns. On more than one occasion, I made career decisions based on what would be best for my family. It always worked out for my career too. A couple of examples:
-We had been at Langley AFB for nearly 4 years. The C-130 Wing there was folding up. Everybody would have to PCS with one of the Squadrons or somewhere else. The particular squadron I was in was being dissolved. I volunteered to be a pilot training instructor. The assignment to Columbus AFB, MS, was good because I was "home for dinner" most every night. With three little kids the family really needed me. It also lead to my attending Air Force Flight Safety Officer School, which then helped me get an assignment to HQ Military Airlift Command. One of the best jobs I ever had.
-Leaving HQ MAC I wanted to go back to flying C-130s. Personnel guy offered C-130 overseas to either Europe or Alaska. After some quick research, we decided on Alaska, mostly because my oldest daughter was in high school and we didn't want her to end up a dorm student in Germany. We loved Alaska. Good schools for the kids at the time. Great flying.

Response by CPO David R. D. made Mar 3 at 2021 4:06 PM

CPO David R. D. — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 16:06:59 -0500

There are positive and negatives about choice. The hardest ones to deal with in the Navy was family separation, and I'm not talking about parents or siblings, but rather wife and children. We are the people today, because of the experiences over time. All of my children, including daughters, were able to accompany me on Tiger Cruises. My daughters got to ride the USS NIMITZ from Oahu to San Diego, because I had a junior female Sailor (E-5) sponsor them. As a CTR, I have just under 9 years on my sea counter, which is a lot for a CTR. Add in an unaccompanied tour to S. Korea and two tours as a geographical bachelor, the time away was significant. I always say, my wife raised our kids. So how has it shaped them?
Growing up, my daughters said they would never marry a military person, which they've been true to. One of my son-in-laws was in and out of the Army before he met my daughter. He has talked about going back in, and my daughter has said, absolutely not, so he hasn't. Thankfully, he has found employment that he is really happy with, so his desire to go back in, is fading. At least he doesn't talk about it. My other daughter, married a computer programmer that works from home, doesn't hardly ever travel, which is a good thing, they are about to have their sixth child.
We have two sons as well, one served in the Marine Corps for one enlistment then got out, the other is a branch manager of a pest control company at the age of 23.
They still talk about places we've lived, people they knew/know and experiences they would have never had, if we had not been a Navy family. But it came at a cost of me being gone, a lot.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2021 5:09 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 17:09:01 -0500

I think that's normal with any job. I think I worked more hours, longer and harder work as a civilian than I ever did in the Army. There were plenty of times away but the military provided me a fairly stable work life and a stable enough financial life to be able to afford to do things like take family vacations

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2021 5:18 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 17:18:40 -0500

Its being half a world away when you learn your child has been injured and you just can't get home fast enough.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2021 7:13 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 19:13:09 -0500

For me, there's two things. One, is the time on my first deployment I almost had to pull the trigger on group of local kids. And the second is making bonds with people you serve with and then as a reality of military life, go years without seeing them even though you'll always consider them family.

Response by Cpl Vic Burk made Mar 3 at 2021 8:21 PM

Cpl Vic Burk — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 20:21:14 -0500

It never bothered me that I left my family for it wasn't much of a family anyways; very dysfunctional. I couldn't wait to get away from home so at the age of seventeen I joined the Marines and never returned. To this day it fifty years later it still doesn't bother me. That's part of the military, being separated from family. You hope that if you do find that special someone and get married they can be with you wherever you get stationed but even that doesn't always work out. I would have hated to be married while in the military!

Response by Wayne Soares made Mar 3 at 2021 9:30 PM

Wayne Soares — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 21:30:44 -0500

Thanks for the question Mason

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Mar 3 at 2021 11:52 PM

CAPT Kevin B. — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 23:52:46 -0500

Getting myself home alive when I was junior. Results in doubt on occasion. Getting others home alive as I promoted up. Then getting my people home alive in turbo mode in my CO jobs. During those high pucker factor periods, you spend a ton of mental energy on making that happen. I don't recommend that as a weight loss program, but it can be a side benefit. Doing it right while getting the mission done has no higher personal reward. Deepest lows are when you fail in that regard, even if the casualty victimized themself through their own stupidity. I received shock treatment as an O-1 as I was carrying my Senior Chief out to Medivac in Antarctica while crying my eyes out. Cried again doing his eulogy in Homeport. I didn't care what people thought. That hardened my focus for the rest of my life.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Mar 4 at 2021 6:34 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Thu, 04 Mar 2021 06:34:20 -0500

Really nothing that weighs on my mind. Every couple of years I made a conscious decision to continue to serve, and when I got married my wife joined in the decision. No regrets.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Mar 4 at 2021 6:36 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Thu, 04 Mar 2021 06:36:20 -0500

Every couple of years I made a conscious decision to re-enlist, once married my wife joined in those decisions. No regrets.

Response by MSgt Ed Larson made Mar 4 at 2021 9:08 AM

MSgt Ed Larson — Thu, 04 Mar 2021 09:08:15 -0500

Senior NCO's and officers treating subordinates like crap.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Mar 4 at 2021 10:32 AM

SFC Casey O'Mally — Thu, 04 Mar 2021 10:32:14 -0500

Loss of innocence.

When I joined the Army, I believed in it. The Army was a force for good, it was a band of brothers, it lived and breathed the Army values (and punished/removed those who didn't), and it fought and won our nation's wars while also holding a high moral standard.

After being fired for reporting a war crime, blackballed for reporting illegal use of funds, thrown under the bus by my peers and leaders (for their errors), witnessing countless hypocritical leaders, having senior leaders who refused to help me with my career because it would make them "look bad" (by losing me from their staff), and being lied to over and over again by my senior leaders, I have no faith left. By the time I was at the 15 year mark, the Army was no longer a career, it was a job - and one I despised.

I love my DD214. I miss NOTHING about the Army. Not a single damned thing.

(Bitter? me? never!)

(All that being said, I try not to let my *personal* experience cloud the advice I give young Soldiers or potential recruits - I am honest, but not bitter. I think; I hope.)