What advice would you have for a single father considering re-enlisting for Germany?

2021-06-19T16:46:28-04:00

I have 13 months left in the Army. I am a single dad of 2 (6b 5g) I have sole custody, I am thinking of ETSing and going to law school or reenlist for Germany as my last contract so I can get to be around the world more. I have been to Germany and Romania for a 9 month rotation without my kids.

How would it be for a single father like myself in Germany? Any advise from anyone that has experience in my situation? or have been a leader of a person like myself overseas?
Any advise would be welcomed

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 20 at 2021 1:37 PM

2021-06-20T13:37:41-04:00

Your children would suffer if you chose to do this. If you are the sole parent in their life then you need to do what's best for them, which means leaving the military. I am not an anti-military service person. I'm not hating on the Army. I'm recognizing a simple truth, that being the life of a soldier is not the best life to raise a child in. Without a mother to balance out the care you inherently cannot provide by virtue of having to be a soldier then they will not have the best you can provide for them. You can go visit Germany later in life if you want the worldliness, but don't make your children suffer for it by going now.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 20 at 2021 2:18 PM

2021-06-20T14:18:02-04:00

I, as a single parent (mom), would not go overseas but I doubt her EFMP would be accepted anyway. It's already hard enough to get family to come help me out being four states away. If I was overseas and something happened and I need help - it would be even harder to get someone there quickly. This is just my POV - and mine is different as my daughter has special medical needs.

If you've already been to Germany once you have seen other parts of the world. If that's your sole reason to go to Germany - I don't know about that.

Every decision I've made in my career in the last 7 years is for what benefits my daughter. Sadly yes that stalled my career. I had to defer SLC 3 times because of her serious medical issues and was on a compassionate reassignment due to her issues. I don't regret choosing her first because she's my world.

Honestly if she didn't have all her issues, I'd have been out 7 years ago. I honestly don't know what it would be like overseas as I haven't done that and I really wouldn't if I could in my opinion.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 20 at 2021 2:47 PM

2021-06-20T14:47:16-04:00

I will agree with both SFC F and SGT R. I think if it was one it would be a bit easier but two it’s a bit harder. I have an old Soldier who did it with one child but honestly she set up a great support system for herself out there so it made it easier. I am also single father of one daughter 7 years old and even stateside I’m greatful to have her mother in the picture so I’m able to coparent to do my job in the Army. Possible ideas for you is to stateside or get out and go reserves / NG while going to school. At the end of the day this is your choice I just hope you do what’s best for for you and your kids.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 20 at 2021 3:02 PM

2021-06-20T15:02:32-04:00

I don't have advice, only questions.
Are you considering an accompanied tour? And if so, how to you figure your family care plan in Germany will work out?
If you are considering a 1 year unaccompanied, then I am only wondering why?
You already saw Europe for 9 months, another year away from your kids will just be more of the same.
OK, maybe a little advice:
If you are considering law school as a career path, and only considering a reenlistment for OCONUS as a farewell tour, skip it. Start law school next year, get started on your career earlier, get to the point in that career where you can travel on your own time and terms earlier.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 20 at 2021 4:06 PM

2021-06-20T16:06:19-04:00

I have had soldiers in the Reserves that are single parents who are at their wits end, and I'm painted into a corner in how I have to confront them with their situation. I couldn't imagine the complexities added with Active Duty only to be compounded with Overseas Assignment.

1) It is possible? I presume it is. You'll need a lot of family support.
2) Is the cost worth it to make it work for an E5 career you intend not to pursue to retirement and take an entirely different career path with Law School? That's for you to figure out.

It's sounding to me like you want to have another life adventure and like just about everyone in the world finds gets complicated with kids.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 20 at 2021 5:41 PM

2021-06-20T17:41:08-04:00

OCONUS tours require command sponsorship. If I was a commander I would not grant it due to the issues you could face. Im sure you already have a Family Care Plan. Now consider how that Family Care Plan would look overseas. Who will watch the kids if you have to go away? 9 month deployment, 2 week training events, would you send your kids back to the States? Make them uproot their life again in an already difficult time dad is away? Would family in the States pause their life for up to 9 months to come live with your kids? What kind of financial strain would that out on you?
These are hard questions, Im not asking to be an asshole, these have to have answers before you sign re-enlistment papers. These are answers a commander will want before they sign a command sponsorship 4187.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 20 at 2021 8:05 PM

2021-06-20T20:05:21-04:00

I'm going to go a little different than everyone else here.
I have been a single parent overseas. Your success, and your ability to stay in the Army, depends on your family care plan. I was in a unit that I had to do very little TDY, or that it was optional.

If you go to Germany and its a unit that goes to the field frequently, you need to find a family care plan person who can take your kids for a month or two at a time. Think about the logistics. You are asking a family - a military family who has kids of their own - to add your two kids into their car pool. If you ask a family with one kid, you have a family of five in a car when you are gone. Any family with two kids who doesn't have a third seat car is out of the question. Or an older couple, that's also another option. Your family care plan is everything when it comes to your choice to go to Europe; if you don't establish one you may be separated immediately when you arrive.

The other issue is the unit you join may be gone for a month or a few days. You won't have an issue finding a similar on post who was a single parent and willing to help for a few days. But when you are gone for a month or more it's hard to find someone who will watch your kids and put up with their issues while you are gone for months on end. It all comes down to can you establish a solid family care plan. If I hadn't had great neighbors where I lived my kids never could have come to live with me.

As for your ETS strategy, your primary job is to support your kids. If you can support your kids and go to law school, then that's great. Being a lawyer is not the high end, high paying job the movies make it out to so you need to have a solid financial strategy. If you have a good plan, go for it; but don't expect your GI Bill to cover all your financial issues. If this is your dream there are several ARNG states that will cover your TA to go to school to become a JAG as long as you serve with them. Some states will even pay for multiple graduate degrees.

My suggestion is that you figure out your family care plan first, and if you can't make that work then figure out the finances of making it work with your kids. Maybe that means staying enlisted till you can go to law school on the side an direct commission into the JAG after passing the bar on your own. You wouldn't be the first person to do it.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Jun 21 at 2021 4:16 PM

2021-06-21T16:16:35-04:00

I was a single dad OCONUS - but it was Hawaii. Even then, the ONLY way I was able to meet both my childcare and Army duties was through a live-in Nanny.
Obviously, not all situations are equal, but if I had not had THAT level of support, I could have never made it work. Even then, I felt that I wasn't doing enough for my kid, because I spent too much time at work. But one does what one must to meet priorities and fulfill obligations. You just have to ask yourself what your priorities are, and what obligations you have committed yourself to.