What are my options if my wife's command wont follow AR 608-99?

2018-02-21T21:51:44-05:00

I am retired/disabled U.S. Army veteran and my wife is active duty at Ft. Stewart, GA.

We got married in October 2017 and she left me in November 2017. When she left the apartment, I discovered she had filed 3 police reports against me with Hinesville PD. They were for alleged domestic violence and rape. She blocked my number and I haven't spoken to her since.

I went to the PD and the police told me all police reports were cleared because there was no evidence of any kind to support her claims. They said she had not followed up with any of the reports and would not return her phone calls. They advised me to get a lawyer and to get away from her because it was classic BAH fraud.

I went to her chain of command to obtain financial support and they were extremely hostile and tried to make her the victim in the situation. They made it seem like I was a dirtball trying to get money from her and the reason she left was because she was "abused" and the police reports were "proof" to them.

I told them I had no criminal record, retired from the army and all reports were cleared and I was never arrested or charged with anything. They didn't care and proceeded to act like I was guilty.

Shortly after I left Hinesville and my wife was issued a temporary restraining order without my knowledge. I was never served with an order to appear in court for the permanent restraining order hearing and as a result of this and my wife giving them a false address, I missed the hearing and the judge granted her a 12 month restraining order.

I got word of this a couple days after the decision and called the county clerk and got the hearing rescheduled.

At the hearing the judge dismissed the restraining order due to a complete lack of evidence and recommended we get divorced.

After the hearing I went to the family advocacy center to get some assistance and was escorted off the base and given a permanent bar letter from an MP. On the letter it said I committed the offense of "domestic violence". I asked the MP how can that be without me ever being arrested or convicted and they told me "you'll get past this, good luck to you."

I appealed this decision with the commanding general and I am still awaiting a response...

I then emailed her commander to get her to follow AR 608-99 and to provided him with the proceedings from the county clerk proving that the restraining order had been dismissed.

He replied in an email that there was an acknowledgement that she owes me money and that she will pay me when she gets her pay.

I waited over a month and never received anything. Eventually her commander just stopped responding to my emails and told me that he had "proof" she paid me but refused to provide any. He told me to start a "pay inquiry".

I hired an attorney shortly after this and he wrote a letter to the IG asking for them to look into why her commander isn't complying with AR 608-99. I am still awaiting the response from them.

On Tuesday, Feb 20th, 2018 I received an email from a LTC commander that he had released her of her obligation due to her being the victim of "substantial abuse". He cited the police reports and the restraining order petitions as "evidence".

I emailed him the proceedings from the county clerk proving the restraining order was dismissed and sent him a copy of AR 608-99 where it states that there must be a conviction or a VALID restraining order to grant an exemption from AR 608-99. He has not emailed me back and I am pretty sure I won't hear any response.

I contacted my lawyer and he recommended that he writes another letter to IG citing the regulation and showing proof that the restraining order was dismissed in court. I have all the emails proving I sent this to her command multiple times but it appears her command is choosing to ignore this.

What are my options in this situation? Should I just wait for IG or is there another route I can take? I am honestly ashamed to call myself retired US Army at this point. I have never seen this in my life. Any help or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Response by SGT Joseph Gunderson made Feb 21 at 2018 9:59 PM

2018-02-21T21:59:37-05:00

Okay, the chain of command does not need to enforce financial support of spouses. It is completely at the discretion of the command. Although regulation states that the service member is responsible for providing support, the soldier's command can choose to exempt the service member from thia obligationfor any number of reasons (e.g. suspected abuse, the spouse leaving, potential financial hardship if support is paid out, etc).
I am not going to try to choose either side in this argument, but I serioualy doubt thatgetting a lawyer is going to help you at all. You can attempt to take your spouse to court for support, but you will be a man taking a woman to court for support... Have fun with that kind of battle.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2018 11:17 PM

2018-02-21T23:17:14-05:00

Your congressman and senators are the only options that come to mind.

Response by SFC Christopher Taggart made Feb 21 at 2018 11:41 PM

2018-02-21T23:41:36-05:00

SGT Matt Feed Married in October and she left in November, without properly divorcing you. She sounds like a real "character" and you are probably not the first one, she’s done this to. It’s also a shame that her command is behind her on this...she has probably told her “lies” to her command and they have chosen to believe her and will not listen to your side of the story. If no children are involved, I would take the loss, and run like hell to the opposite side of the country. File with a court for abandonment, which will get you divorced without her signature. You do not need a person like this, who has filed several false claims that you were abusive to her...she is trying to smear your name and make you look like the abusive one. Ever heard of “karma”…‘what goes around, comes around!’

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 22 at 2018 2:50 AM

2018-02-22T02:50:41-05:00

This sounds like pretty classic BAH fraud. You should contact CID on the post in order to have a thorough investigation of the matter.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Feb 22 at 2018 8:51 AM

2018-02-22T08:51:42-05:00

Report the fraud, or potential and file for divorce. None of this is worth your effort. The gains will be overshadowed by bad time spent. There is no good resolution and the BAH is not worth the pain. It will also end the second you are divorced anyway. Get in you car and drive. Thank you for your service.

Response by MSG Dan Castaneda made Feb 22 at 2018 9:07 AM

2018-02-22T09:07:21-05:00

You were married for one month and think she should pay you? There is no difference if it was the other way around. Did she leave you with kids you may of had prior to getting married? Maybe I'm just not understanding why she should pay you. Go get a divorce, and find your own way. If you are retired you should be getting a check from the government.

Response by SSG Dale London made Feb 22 at 2018 9:18 AM

2018-02-22T09:18:08-05:00

Three things come to mind:
1: determine if the money you are likely to get from contesting this will exceed the legal fees. Then, from a point of being informed, make a decision to proceed or to can it. You might want to proceed even if it costs you -- that's up to you to decide.
2: File a formal complaint to the MACOM with a copy to the Army IG and your congressman, citing applicable ARs and all your evidence. Include certified copies of your documentary evidence (never the originals).
3. File your own divorce papers -- this will go a long way to supporting your claim as the injured party.
If you really want to get dirty, file a civil suit against her commanding officer for failing to meet his obligation of caring for a dependent. That will definitely get his attention.
By the way - the divorce papers and a civil suit could be expensive.

Response by SPC David Willis made Feb 22 at 2018 9:39 AM

2018-02-22T09:39:52-05:00

Honestly man it doesn't seem like its worth the fight. If the tables were turned and you were a woman going after a mans money after a month of marriage, Id ask how within such a short time frame she became so dependent on his money that she cant go on without it, yet had the funds to hire a lawyer.

Response by CW3 Kevin Storm made Feb 22 at 2018 9:57 AM

2018-02-22T09:57:46-05:00

Congressional, and take her to civilian court, her games won't fly there.

Response by SGT Eric Davis made Feb 22 at 2018 11:01 AM

2018-02-22T11:01:35-05:00

Well I will say this; just cause you never been arrested or got a criminal record dont mean the crime wasn’t “committed.” Her allegations and proof she files charges or the petition for a restraining order is all proof the require.

Not saying she is right for what she did but this is civil; you and your lawyer need to contact the congressman and senator to try to help get this resolved.

Response by SGT Tony Clifford made Feb 22 at 2018 11:22 AM

2018-02-22T11:22:14-05:00

We really shouldn't give you advice about something that only a lawyer should talk to you about. I suggest you lawyer up and think about the costs of pursuing the action further. Good luck.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Feb 22 at 2018 12:20 PM

2018-02-22T12:20:48-05:00

Maybe elevate it to your congress military rep, or even DA IG.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 22 at 2018 8:05 PM

2018-02-22T20:05:23-05:00

I am not sure that I have a great deal more advice to offer. But you said that you emailed the CG to appeal the bar to post, I would send that email to BG Bernabe, the TF Commander because the CG is deployed, also I wonder if that’s more of a garrison issue, if so I would email COL Wolter.

Response by MSG John Duchesneau made Feb 22 at 2018 11:10 PM

2018-02-22T23:10:24-05:00

See if the police will pursue charges against her for a filing a false police report. The IG should look into it and take some action. If her immediate commander is taking no action, I suggest you contact the first general officer in her chain of command. Remember, boulders have more velocity the higher on the hill they are dropped from.

Response by LTC John Griscom made Feb 23 at 2018 8:53 PM

2018-02-23T20:53:25-05:00

Get another lawyer. he should have told you to take it to court to file for support. That could give you access to her pay. You might also have a case for false charges being made against you.

Response by MSgt Leilani Mariotti made Apr 9 at 2018 12:09 PM

2018-04-09T12:09:34-04:00

You should open this up to your congressman/ or woman. Another avenue to take is get the news involved. Hope that these suggestions will help you in your plight.

Response by SSG Keith Cashion made Sep 8 at 2020 9:34 AM

2020-09-08T09:34:38-04:00

So, you have a spouse who is failing to support you (BAH). So, the Victims Advocate should be working with you, others have stated Congressional and Senate inquiries ( Hell Yes), the entire chain of command's butt hole tightens when they come in.

Additionally get with finance and report you are not being supported by you active duty spouse and you suspect BAH Fraud.
And one last thing...sounds silly, but it's not. Go out to the post website, find the ICE comment tab, and start to make comments on the Units and organizations that have not assisted you with this. The Garrison Commander is required to read and get an answer and respond back to you.

The Military has been jumping through hoops to make sure dependents are taken care of. And until there is a divorce decree, your spouse is responsible.

Response by SSG Paul Headlee made Sep 8 at 2020 10:27 AM

2020-09-08T10:27:20-04:00

I see they've already heard HER side of the story. You need an attorney.