What are some methods/ways you integrate yourself back home into your family routines and relationships after deployment?

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 08:47:59 -0500

Knowing challenge awaits us that are married when coming home, we must counter them and may need to provide great advice for our Soldiers. For my wife and I, we always work on date nights and quality/family time. Knowing I'll be home soon, I've come up with ideas to slowly get back into things that I know we love. What are some ways you use or may advise for young married Soldiers?

Response by SFC Stephen King made Feb 12 at 2017 8:53 AM

SFC Stephen King — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 08:53:01 -0500

A good thing that worked for me was remembering that things continued without me thus patterns had been set. I found it best to balance this in building our connection.

Response by SFC(P) John McLaughlin made Feb 12 at 2017 10:36 AM

SFC(P) John McLaughlin — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 10:36:16 -0500

After my last deployment with the Pennsylvania National Guard we did a 3 day yellow ribbon program. It was very informative about most things when we returned.

Response by CPT Jacob Swartout made Feb 12 at 2017 3:24 PM

CPT Jacob Swartout — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 15:24:16 -0500

I would ask the kids what they want to do when I returned from deployment. Foremost, the same activities and adventures we used to do never did change. My spouse had no issue with doing family trips on weekends and we were back in the swing of things within days. Only thing I had to do was to give in some with the new rules in the house for the kids. Kids grew older and a few rules changed some but not too much. Also, you have to remember that she has been tracking bills and other things round the house that may normally been done by yourself. Always good to see if she may have changed payment methods and if she has a tracking method for all payments before you start taking those home duties over again. If you had allotments, then of course, there wouldn't be an issue to begin with. Take it one day at time and you life should be back to the same prior to deployment. All of mine were good with the family.

Response by GySgt Melissa Gravila made Feb 12 at 2017 6:52 PM

GySgt Melissa Gravila — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 18:52:11 -0500

When I was still in, our daughter (she is our oldest) EXTREMELY independent, take charge, type A personality (hhhmmm wonder where she gets that from?), LOL anyways, whenever I would come back home, we would actually have a mini "change of command" ceremony. This way, she understood Momma Bear is back home and I'm assuming command. The next weekend, she got to decide what the family did for our family day- picnic, beach, etc only requirement it had to be something everybody would enjoy.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Feb 12 at 2017 10:23 PM

CSM Charles Hayden — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 22:23:46 -0500

MSG Private RallyPoint Member What a great idea!!!!!
Plan ahead for getting to know and fitting in with the family!!! You s/b commended for forward thinking!

Response by Jenn Moynihan made Feb 12 at 2017 11:10 PM

Jenn Moynihan — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 23:10:04 -0500

Date nights are always important. The Constitution Inn is at the Charlestown Navy Yard and I say "...if you have a night out on the town they have a great military discount..."

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 13 at 2017 6:07 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 06:07:42 -0500

Individual date nights with each of my kids, they get to pick the activity and it is just the two of us. Wife gets the priority on scheduling.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Feb 13 at 2017 10:06 AM

Cpl Justin Goolsby — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 10:06:51 -0500

The biggest thing is getting that routine going again. If you had a routine before deployment, try and return to that routine as soon as possible to ease the transitional period. For instance, I take out my trash every Monday night. If I come home and my wife is forced to take the trash out, 2 things can potentially occur. 1. You get complacent in the new routine that the wife established in your absence. 2. Wife gets resentful that she's not getting help around the house and arguments start taking place.

You want a sense of normalcy again and the spouse is going to want to get that weight off their shoulders. So the sooner you get the routine going, the better. Kids are somewhat easier to deal with because if they're young they're just happy to see you. If they're older, you may need to buy their love a little and have the grown-up talk with them.

With kids you've got birthdays, Christmas, baseball games, dance recitals and all the other things that go along with raising young ones. So aside from establishing the routine again, you may have to do some extra fun stuff to make up for the things you missed in their life. My kids are young, so I get points just watching a Disney movie with them on the weekend.