What are some of the things that make military parents different?

2013-12-29T15:26:07-05:00

Yes, we are more disciplined than our civilian peers, but what are some examples of specific things that you have noticed differentiate your parenting style from your civilian peers? (or your own military parents if you were raised in a military family - I wasn't)

My 4 and 6 year old nephews started a game of "can't catch me" in an open field by the town Christmas tree. We were running all out. Other kids started joining in. I began to notice adults watching...no, not watching, standing there mouths agape in stunned silence. My sister and her husband among them. I asked what seemed so weird and my sister said, "I've seen dads run that hard with kids, but never a mom; you're fast...and competitive. You were playing for real!" Is there another way to play?

Have you had any experiences where civilian parents didn't seem to understand something you do with your kids?

Response by SFC James Baber made Dec 29 at 2013 7:32 PM

2013-12-29T19:32:06-05:00

I think many military parents utilize the discipline that they are used to themselves from the military, my children have always had the knowledge and respect for doing the right thing and doing it with precision, something that I feel the last few decades have lost on with many children that have gotten used to the "me" mentality as many of my colleagues and friends refer to it as.

I was quite all out with both my sons when they started playing football, such as running with them lifting weights and taking hits from them and giving a few, I had some neighbors that thought I was crazy and even called the police a few times, but whenever they would show up, we would show them exactly what was being done and the officers would ask the neighbors if that was what happened and they agreed and the officers would tell them if you don't like it don't watch as there was nothing wrong nor child abuse involved, it was normal training and strength building and techniques for a contact sport.

That is just one of many I could share, but I do understand what you are stating and are coming from, the military mentality and normal civilian mindset is many times quite polar to one another.

Thanks you for sharing and posting, and have a happy new year to you and yours.

Response by MAJ Joseph Parker made Dec 30 at 2013 11:16 PM

2013-12-30T23:16:24-05:00

CPT Ann W: My father was career Navy and had 7 of us children. I was the oldest and the only one who went into the military, at age 17 into USMA. Our family had discipline. The oldest child was always responsible for the younger ones - no excuses. We addressed ALL adults with respect: Yes sir, no sir; yes ma'am, no ma'am. Our father taught us to take responsibility no matter what, and to stand up for people who were weaker or not as popular. (I can still hear him "Boy; you're strong and smart. Put it to good use or you'll be worthless and I'll take you out and make another just like you."). We were taught to be independent, but cooperative. Our frequent moves gave us a broad spectrum of life.

My wife and I did the same with our 2 girls. Often our friends, neighbors, and family could not understand why we had such a "structured" family environment and did not allow our children to call adults by the first name. Once on a Saturday visit to the White House our 2 angels (age 4 and 6) were extremely well behaved but naturally interested in President Reagan's Remington statues (cowboys and horses). It made the Congressional aide nervous, but the President's Chief of Staff (an admiral) knew good military kids when he saw them. So he played with the kids will we did our visit!

A few weeks later we arrived at our duty station at US Embassy in Africa. The Ambassador had a reception and party in our honor the night we arrived. We brought the 2 children, even though they were extremely tired from the 24+ hour trip. The DoS people thought we were crazy; surely such little ones would misbehave. Nope! "Pleased to meet you Mr. Ambassador, Sir. My name is Laura, and this is my sister." "No sir, we don't want to play. We are tired, but we are happy to be in Africa." "May we sit on this bench here?" An impressed Ambassador and his wife exchanged incredulous looks with the DCM and asked if they were like that all the time. My wife beamed!

Sorry, running on. All parents are proud! Military more-so.

Thank you CPT; for the chance to dote.

Response by CMC Robert Young made Dec 31 at 2013 10:22 AM

2013-12-31T10:22:30-05:00

Ma'am, I'm the product of a military family, and likewise now have a daughter who is in college. The thing that I have noticed is the level of decisiveness and the strength of leadership demonstrated. I didn't have any reservations about stepping into almost any situation and taking charge whether it was a game, school project, list of chores from my parents, etc. My daughter is the same way now. She doesn't hesitate to get into the middle of things; get things organized; make decisions, or encourage others to work/study/play harder. This strength of character is much more pronounced in military kids, and is certainly the result of the rigorous lifestyle we as parents endure.

I would follow that with how polite military kids are. I've been complemented many times for how respectful my daughter is and how well mannered she is. Again, that is a reflection of the life we live as military parents. Our culture requires a higher standard, and it shows in our kids if we are doing our part.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2013 1:43 PM

2013-12-31T13:43:49-05:00

We had this thing called discipline in my house. You did not address an adult by their first name. I was up at 0600 raising the flag and we were there at dusk to lower the flag(had a 20ft pole in the front yard). We were raised to respect the intangible things we have. Living here is a gift and my parents made sure we knew that.

Now, my in-laws don't seem to understand the requirements of this lifestyle and why I am so demanding of my children to be self sufficient and not rely on me or my wife to do every little thing for them. I teach my kids the same way my parents taught me. I require them to have respect for every little thing they are given.

Response by SPC Rachel Stubbs made Jan 2 at 2014 12:52 PM

2014-01-02T12:52:53-05:00

My father was a Navy vet though not in service when I was born. He as a vet always taught me the meaning behind why we do things that we do. The history behind the military and why they were important. He taught me to take pride in my country and to defend her. With my kids I am teaching them more of the technical things I learned in the military. With one of my two sons having a spinal defect that will preclude him from military service, I still want to instill a since of duty and honor into him that I was taught. Plus he is a pretty good squirrel sniper for being only 6 years old.

Response by SN Alan West made Jan 2 at 2014 1:02 PM

2014-01-02T13:02:15-05:00

I'm the child of a military family and one thing I noticed from my parents and myself as a stepfather is teaching children the meaning of sacrifice, not only sacrifice of material things but sacrifice to something greater than oneself.

The thing that concerns me about many parents I meet these days is that they seem more interested in being friends with their kids rather than being parents. We have teenagers and young adults that flock to our house because we as a family eat dinner together at the dinner table or that we have movie night in our house and everyone puts away the cell phone. We seem to be the abnormal ones because there are expectations of everyone who is under our roof, friend and family alike.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 11 at 2014 9:36 PM

2014-01-11T21:36:32-05:00

Well the one thing that goes unnoticed by many is how much a woman's sacrifices and how stressful it is when her husband goes TDY or rotates to another place. You can see their stress and kids feel that.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 6 at 2014 8:16 AM

2014-08-06T08:16:31-04:00

CPT Private RallyPoint Member I get this when I take corrective actions with my kids (7 yr old twins). I usually get the most looks when I make them repeat what I have just told them (back-brief) so that I know they understand. I just figured, it is easier than having to tell them again in 15 minutes.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Aug 6 at 2014 10:40 AM

2014-08-06T10:40:20-04:00

Wine is something you drink as adults, not an act (whine) you perform as a child.

Though I was the only one in the military, my wife has survived 2 deployments with kids so she was as much a part of it as I was. We teach our children to seek opportunity and to look at all the options. We teach our children that they have responsibilities and there are consequences for not owning up to them. We show them that there are things in life bigger than themselves - we volunteer for organizations and school whenever we can so hopefully our children will do the same someday. They know that their name followed by "front and center" usually means they are in the dog house.

Response by SSG Robin Rushlo made Aug 6 at 2014 11:14 AM

2014-08-06T11:14:54-04:00

ON TIME means 5 minutes before you need to be there. That was driven into my brain (via the other end). 8000 means 0755 and do not forget it. If I have an appointment at 0801 I will reschedule as I was late.

Sure wish more people believed in that. One place I use to live I would make 1500 appointment and the people would show up from 1515 till 1615 and feel they were on time.

WHat a waste.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Aug 6 at 2014 7:45 PM

2014-08-06T19:45:06-04:00

I don't know that we were any different but I think we were a much tighter social group since we shared a common occupation in the Military Housing I lived in. I think Children are more socially diverse and having lived overseas I think they are more culturally aware.

Response by PO1 G. Leslie /Stiltner made Aug 6 at 2014 8:16 PM

2014-08-06T20:16:27-04:00

We tend to volunteer for roles that others do not care to assume!! We hold our kids accountable!! What you hold them accountable its never their fault!! Yes we hold them accountable for their actions. When there is a Party at our house it isn't always a fun party it could be a working party!!! My kids have always had chores and have always worked for the things they got. Not sure where the saying Military Brat comes from because most Military kids are by far brats. They are the young people that come to the mall appropriately dressed with clothing that properly fits, and even though they are teenagers mom and or dad are usually wit them!! I can always spot a military family when they come to my store to shop. I could go on but I will stop here.